Ultimatum To Choose Between Him And My Family

Aunty good morning, I don't know where to start but I guess I would start from somewhere. I would also like my identity to remain hidden.

   I'm in my 2os' and I have been dating

this wonderful guy for the past year and a half.He's been my bestfriend,partner,confidant...I could go on.He's ready for an introduction but my problem is that my family, especially my mum is against the relationship without any solid reason.

I love this guy to death and I know he would make a great husband and father.This guy has even gone to the extent of involving me in his business and would not make any decision without my consent.He has even gone as far as putting me in charge of his funds as he does not spend a dime without my knowledge. 

   I have been given an ultimatum to choose between HIM that I love So much or my FAMILY that I have known all my life.And also in my previous relationship which my mum loved,I was physically abused by the guy.
  Please advice me on what to do!

EYA: Hi,
How are you? I need you to give a little more detail, so readers won't feel your story is fake.  The story looks like a summary or something. It looks like you wrote in a hurry. Please relax and write, explain in a way that people will really understand, if not they won't know what to advise.

SENDER: Okay..
Well, this guy in question came out of the university with a third class due to financial problems.My mum calls him a failure because of this and feels I deserve better.She also tells me that she heard he smokes but I know for a fact that he does not.She also says he's too short.He has never disrespected me or my family.He even sees my family as his'.He has met my mum and some other members of my family and so have I

 EYA:   Alright dear, when you say put you in charge of his business, is it like you are a co- manager? You didn't tell us much about yourself. You only said that you are in your 20s are you  working, doing business or still schooling? How old is he? How long has he been in the business? 
Sorry about all my questions, just to serve as guidelines to how you could have written your mail. Answering the questions will add more content to your mail and people won't have to start asking these questions when I post your story. OK?

SENDER:  Reason I'm trying to censor what I'm saying is that (** I took this part off...
I'm still in the university in my final year and I'm the first child of my family.He is 7years older than me.We are Co managers in the business and he has been in the business for 3yrs and it's been very successful
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

EYA: Does your Mum know that you were physically abused by the former guy?


  1. Anonymous5/09/2013

    My advice is dat u take marriage out of the picture(for now) and talk to ur mum calmly. Don't u hav a father? If u do den perhaps u talk to him, he might see reasons with u

  2. Anonymous5/09/2013

    Well...I told her about it after I ended the realationship

  3. Johnson5/09/2013

    Who is giving the ultimatum? If it’s him; then he is probably not matured enough or he has other plans… It is not advisable to go into marriage without the consent of both parents, so do all you can to get mummy’s consent. U wan tell me say d guy like you more than ya mama? Mothers, especially have an instinct that is uncommon … they sense danger way ahead. Do not move forward without her blessing, could be very dangerous.
    Get external support from family and friends of the family. Don’t let this whole saga affect your academics so that mummy can be proud of you (unlike ya 3rd class guy – lol). Don’t mind me, 3rd class does not mean you would not be successful… but abeg no make 3rd class o!

  4. My dear don't loose hope,your condition is even more simple than it looks.
    It seemed somewhat a precarious situation,coz u're still in the University,thats what gave room for such domineering role. I will give u my advice,this I'll do without any intent of relegating the postion ur a mother occupies in ones life,but no one has the monopoly of knowledge and so she being ur mother doesn't mean all her decisions as it pertains to u are right.
    With that in view,the reasons your mother gave are lacking in rationality and are not weighty atall.
    Doubt the capability of a woman who called another woman's son too short and a failure coz he made 3rd class,to give a "TAKE HOME" advice.
    How does first class equal first class husband?
    How does Tall man equals lovely husband?
    She opposed your relationship because of these baseless points,but ironicall she supported the one that always struck u.what a pity.
    See what you're going to do my dear,just do as if u've forgotten about the relationship,just pretend and try not to raise the issue often.
    Even when u decide to talk to her pertaining the issue,do that through a close relative who has ur interest at heart.
    Just take time to finish your education atleast,let this period give u an ample opportunity to learn more about this your boyfriend.
    Tell him to be patient with you,and don't give your mother the chance to impose anyone on u,let the phrase "till am done with my education" be ur excuse.
    Do everyother thing u do with your boyfriend on a lowkey.
    U didn't say anything abouy your dad but,if he shares your mothers view sane should apply to him.
    By the time you're done with school, her domineering attitude must have reduced and u'll be unequivocal when trying to convince them/her.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

  5. How come does ur mom know so much about this guy, was is that she went to research on him or you simply divulged too much information to her?

    You're still in school, don't you think you should round up 1st before the marriage tingy rush? A chinese proverb goes thus "Marriage is like a Castle at siege, those inside the castle want to run out & those outside want to run in"

    Be calm & be patient!
    From experience, I've realized when it comes to marriage parents are always right as far its not a tribal sentiment.
    Pastor Bimbo gave several examples in her book "Life Partner"

    An african proverb will say "what an elder see's while sitting a child won't while standing"

    Lastly, Anita Gass wrote in the book -forgetting ur past- "if God had answered all my prayers I would av married the wrong man" ponder about this.


    1. Anonymous5/09/2013

      Sometimes our parents make up excuses not because they hate the guy but because they know the child they gave birth to...what she can take and what she can't take(they don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you that whatever they are seeing and the reason it won't work might come from you later),so they end up heaping blames on the other party. Anyway your case might be different but pls get your moms consent. Thanks

  6. Anonymous5/09/2013

    I saw your profile, you name Joy Ojay, is same with ladyguide. Are you related or the same person?
    To the poster: Face your studies, and get a job before marriage!
    As the first born, you have to set a good example for your younger ones.
    What elders can see why sitting down,a child cannot see,even when they climb the mountain!

  7. Anonymous5/09/2013

    Nice 1 bonario,I agree wit u

  8. Is the business legal? Is this guy from ur tribe? What's his background like?

    U know ur mum better than any one and I'm sure u believe she wants the best for u.

    Sit down with her in private and humbly ask what her doubts are. If there are no major issues and it's simply a matter of ur education and probably ur age then u can agree on a compromise.

    However if there are more serious issues u'll know how to go about addressing them.


  9. chubby ELLA5/09/2013

    Pls dnt take my questions too personal,I'm tryin 2 weigh 4rm all angles cos iv hrd some stories lyk dis b4. Nw,wat kind of person was ur ex(d one dat hits u),y did ur mum prefer him 2 ur current bf? Was he a spender,did he used 2 spoil ur mum or siblings wit material tins? I ask dese questions cos if he was,probably ur mum tinks u shud b wit him cos of d way he spends n she wudnt want u 2 suffer(no mother does)also 2 tink dat u r d 1st,she feels u shud b wit sm1 dat can take care of her n ur younger ones.sometin tells me he is cos guys lyk dat who spend always end up being abusers,dey always feel deir money can get u bk no mata wat dey do 2 u. Nw 2 ur current bf,if he's nt a crazy spender,ur mum wil neva lyk him compared 2 ur ex n I'm nt saying he shud buy ur mum over wit money bt I also hope he's nt stingy cos he shud knw dat u r d 1st n ur family look up 2 u,@least he shud try.
    My advice 2 u is dis,b tru wit skul,get a gud job,(stil hold on 2 ur bf if u r very convinced dat he's d 1)assist ur family,make ur mum see reasons dat ur hapiness matters n u r hapi wit him. All u need is tym n also prayers n evtin will fall in place soon.

  10. Anonymous5/09/2013

    I go with bonario.

  11. Anonymous5/09/2013

    Pls Aunty Eya, i'm sorry 4 digressing bt d truth is dt i really nd ur help. D problem is dt i'm a 19 yrs old virgin bt I'm really facing financial challenges. Some weeks ago, i met a guy who promised to take care of me(money wise and all) bt he said i wud have to take care of him in bed too. My mum (my dad is late)has always warnd against sex before marriage bt as studnt, i'm always beggin nd borrowing from other students. Now, here is someone who is ready to give me anytin i ask for bt i dnt wnt to lose it(my virginity)before marriage. Pls wt do i do.

    1. DO NOT! I repeat DO NOT give in to that guy! Continue to beg and mayb borrow bt don't sell ur pride n dignity for small change. Go on your knees and tell God all that you are going through and all that u need him to do for you he won't abandon you and cut all ties you have with this man. What if after giving hin your virginity he doesn't give you the money he promised? Will you beat him? Can you become a virgin again? Don't do something you will regret. Just stay steadfast and hold on.

    2. Anonymous5/09/2013

      I pray u finally lose it to sm1 dat will cherish it.I kept mine,till after school I was even working.when I got married,my husband was initially very happy about it,later he used it to insult me,he says things like I'm I the only virgin in the world?he also cheats like hell.I feel very silly for giving it to him.after all d shakara I did.my husband dosent know the value.

    3. Anonymous5/10/2013

      my dear, keep ur virginity, sleeping with a guy in exchange for money is prostitution. u cud go into small biz like selling recharge cards in d hostel, i did that n it yielded cash, cut ur coat according to ur cloth, learn the act of management instead of begging. @anon 7.23, pls ur case needs prayers, God still answers prayers. pray!

  12. Anonymous5/09/2013

    My dear pls don't lose ur self bcos of money, u will regret it later. start a little bis in sch.it helps alot

  13. Anonymous5/10/2013


    I have really learnt that parents always have an innate sense when it comes to life partner. But this only happens when u r totally free and open with them abt ur intended hidden and open xter. Also if they are from bias arising from money, status etc.

    So if u take the above into consideration it will give u a better clue of how to make ur mom ur best friend and get her consent. But u must really consider the misgivings she has. Most times they turn out true.

    Again, u have all the time in world. Slow down a bit.


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