Shouldn't He Rent A Place For My Mother-In-Law?

Aunty Eya, I've been trying to send the message to your mailbox but it seems something is wrong with the Network or my phone. I'm heavy can't go to a cyber cafe to resend the message. I'm hallyshally I don't comment always.

 I got married last year Dec. And we are staying in my Father-in-laws house with my mother-in-law there with us. My husband works outside Ibadan and always comes home every month end. Now this is where I need help. Last weekend
I GOT INFO THAT MY FATHER-INLAW HAS SOLD THE HOUSE WE ARE LIVING IN, that the purchaser gave everybody including the tenants one month to vacate. I started looking for a house and found a two bedroom flat yesterday but my husband insists that my mother-in-law will follow us. Should I stand against it? I need advise please.

I need urgent advice, won't my husband think I'm selfish? but inside me I'm not happy. I can't just stand one mother inlaw to start controling my house. Should I advice him to rent another apartment for her? Pls WC family, pls advice me. NOTE: Presently she stays downstairs while we stay upsrairs which gives me opportunity to have a little privacy. Should I allow my mother in law follow us to the two bedroom flat? Should I advise him against it?

Comments

  1. Duchess5/24/2013

    Please don't allow her to come and live with you oo. Tell your hubby to rent a place for her, even if it has to be in the same neighbourhood. But please, let's all try as much as possible to always avoid story that touches the heart.

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  2. Anonymous5/24/2013

    He shud rent a place for her Ooº°˚ but u have to be wise how u put that across to him. Hope he is nt a difficult person. Just pray b4 u approach him wit the topic

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  3. Anonymous5/24/2013

    What will you do if it was your own mother.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/24/2013

      10 like!!!! U shld have sorted all this out before marriage when u knew u wld be living with his parents.

      Delete
    2. Good question @ 8:15pm anonymous....

      Delete
  4. Johnson5/24/2013

    Your marriage is too young to have a third party staying with you… At this stage in your marriage, you should be with your hubby. I don’t understand this ‘he works outside Ibadan and comes home at month end’. Except your umbilical cord is tied to Ibadan, I would advise you move to where your husband is to avoid stories that touch! Then your mother in-law can stay in the rented apartment… and you can then be alone with your man and start to make plans for your own home.
    Other information that would help here:
    1. Are there no other siblings that mama can stay with?
    2. Is mama physical (medically) okay – possible hubby is looking at you taking care of her.
    3. Who does her cooking at the moment….
    If necessary tell your husband to get help for mama… this will be seen as act of kindness, while you’re actually saving your home.

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  5. Anonymous5/24/2013

    Nice question @anonymous 8:51pm

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  6. Anonymous5/24/2013

    can he HONESTLY AFFORD to rent two apartments at ONCE ?

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  7. Anonymous5/24/2013

    But she allowed you stay in her husband's house,I mean ur mum inlaw,babe am not saying she should stay,but wat will u do if she was u mum like someone said already,how about her husband if I may ask,is he alive? ...if he is,she can stay wit her husband na.

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  8. Why can't you stay with ur husband? Is he not working in nigeria? Must you stay in ibadan? Instead of him coming @ the end of month, you can save urselves the stress. What about ur father inlaw that sold the house? What provision did he make for his wife? Please your marriage is still young. Pray for God's guidance in ur endeavours.

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    Replies
    1. mrs anon4/05/2014

      That is d question I wanted to ask. Where is the father in law staying after selling the house??? Is mil not supposed to stay with her husband rather than following newly wed couple to their small house? Haba. My sister it is dicey cos men and their mothers... hmm. U need to pray seriously for God to solve it for u, and tread softly.. Don't use fight or u will lose, if u must speak, use soft words when hubby is in a happy mood e.g. after sex** good luck

      Delete
  9. Anonymous5/24/2013

    Oh plz yall should stop all these 'wat if she was ur mum' BS! They are supposed to be living together as husband and wife (2 in 1), not with the extended family(ies).
    Moving to where ur hubby works is a good idea but your mother in law living with you is a no-no. Over familiarity...

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/24/2013

      See comment above and stop ranting! She agreed to be living with her in laws and circumstance has changed, wats wrong with her adjusting??? Pity young pple these days prophesy love love and ignore d nitty gritty and important talks that shld b made before marriage. Obviously the husband cannt afford to rent two apartments at once, and I guess the husband needs some time to put himself together before hus wife cn come live wit him

      Delete
    2. I agree with Anon 9:28.

      Unfortunately, it is not her mother and she is the one who is always around so I dnt see why she must agree. She does not need stress at all. Like the poster said, she was living in the same compound but in different houses. Now both of them in the same house is way different so let's stop all this, 'what if it is her mother'. Since it is not, she has a right to demand privacy. All of us talking will not live with her so let's not advise her to do something that wil make her miserable.

      Its always easy to talk when we are not the ones involved. I can imagine she had been dreaming of when she would have her own house, and be the 'madam' of the house. Now you want her to share that role. Every married woman's dream is to be the main woman of the house. It's a natural feeling and I dnt see why she shud be crucified by it. Plus, the already not-so-enough romance between her and her hub will be further reduced...

      Delete
  10. Anonymous5/24/2013

    I tink der is dispute betw my father in law and mother in law dat was y he intentionaly sold d house bought anoda one bt neva want to take my mother in law along. I tried tonight to discuss dis issue wit my husband through watzapp believe me my husband was angry and called me different name even he told me it seems am hiding my tru colour frm him since all dis while. I av to call and begged him cos he was seriously angry wit me. I cant move to his working place bcos of d nature of his job and my hubby is d only son while d rest ar female married wit children. Am soooo confused dont knw wat to do

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/24/2013

      Oh well, he is right. ur showin ur true colors nw. was never a prob before wen u were living wit mama, now she needs help u want to deny her d opportunity. There goes ur answer dear, manage and make d most out of it. If ur working, shldnt b much of a problem too. U will see less of her. Get it goin and go out there!!!!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/25/2013

      Y can't she stay in her daughters house?

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/26/2013

      my dear,if u can afford d rent pls u guys should get her another place bt den again,u have 2 know how 2 talk 2 ur husband about it.

      Delete
  11. Anonymous5/24/2013

    My dear,this is not a over d fone or whatsapp discussion. It's a face to face fin. So he wil really understand you and also c d expression on ur face to know dt u don't mean any harm or hate his mum. Really all these issues should Hv been soughted out even b4 u got married,I can't live in same compound wiv my in-law not to nw talk of same flat.I sincerely fink u should discuss it wiv him when u c. And choose the best time for it.

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  12. Anonymous5/25/2013

    The mother-in-law must be trouble for her husband to sell off the property and refused to take her along to his new property, where have we ever heard a good relationship between a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law,especially,when he is the only son? living in the family house was a mistake in the first place, better to have rented a room and stayed alone,sorry you cannot escape this, your husband would choose his mother over you if push comes to shove,and you need her when you put to bed,learn to carry your cross, and live with it.

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  13. Ask ur hubby, will dat arrangement be permanent or is he currently making plans for u to come over 2 where he is. Is ur mother in law fit? Azin is she healthy and can cater 4 herself? That is wat u will consider b4 taking any decisions.
    IMO, ur hubby's family sounds like a disfunctional one cos I can't imagine, not even one sister can take over since ur dad in law is not currently in his right mind. I think dats wat daughters r there for: takin care of mum. Wateva u do, this woman is nw all alone in this world, dnt be d one to severe the final tie

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/25/2013

      Bikini lady. So how do you feel after sending your bikini pics to Linda Ikeji?

      Delete
    2. You mean? not sending bikini pictures suddenly makes you better than her?????

      Delete
    3. Thanks for caring dear, I hv nvr been better. Those pix were taken on a film set for the new Ebonylive Tv, dunno if u hv heard of dem. It was a free publicity stunt to advertise myself and my upcoming actress status. I currently hv about 3 audition dates in my schedule tnx to the producers dat contacted me. I'm gna pretend I dint read d sacarsm in ur tone.

      Delete
  14. Enough has been said, truly dis is wat u shud have discussed wit him b4 getting married, and i advise dat u get busy in yr little way so dat u will be seeing less of each other.

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  15. Anonymous5/25/2013

    Let one of her daughters take her in abeg. U ppl talking rubbish here will not take in ur mothers in law oo. Mcheew, if she can't live with her hubby then she shud def live with her daughters, what's thge fuss about biko?

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/25/2013

      Yes, we that r talking rubbish make proper arrangement before marriage and don't go about living upstairs in our in laws house!!! Wash ur mouth with soap!

      Delete
  16. Cyndrella5/25/2013

    Dear poster this is wat i will call a test of love.u shouldn't have agreed to marry into your g-ma house in the fisrt place,she has been harbouring u and ur husband for years without any complaint.

    Just to help shelter her now u are looking for a colabo to deny her a shelter.i no it might not be easy for you but you should not see her as a pain in ur ass instead u see her as a helper,because she will definately help u take care of ur children.

    I put it to u that u do not love your husband and his family enough because at this point u should be able to comfort mama, instead of putting her tru stress and even ursef.

    As a xtian how do u show love to humanity or if u are not do you believe in love giving to others, if yes how do u now show that u love the creation of God or how do u appreciate the love of God in your family.

    What if u are to house 5-6-10 people that are homeless,would you complain that why u.if u do how do u expect God to be concern in what ever troubles u,if u refuse to give love to others which is the essence of our being here in the physical world.

    You dont have any reason to deny mama a shelter,know that u are grand mother in the making and u dont know the future.

    Why should giving love freely be an issue to a child of God,do u no what God is going tru to make sure u are alife?Should God complain too like u are doing right now.

    Your husband is right,if she was your mother would u not find a way to talk to ur husband wt a lot of sweet love words just to make him accept ur plight?

    please my dear u are even lucky to have a mother in-law,take care of ur mother-inlaw and u will have a free ticket to ur husband un-ending love.

    please accept mama, she may afterall not need ur house when she settles wt baba,and the impression u create now will linger forever in thier heart.

    i know u will lack the freedom u need in ur marriage but please be wise,try and tolerate others because wt all ur short comings God tolerates u,cater for u, shelter u,gives u life,cloth u,protects u etc.

    Kindly serve God tru this channel opened to u because if u look around u will see that even this world is not comfortable to live in as againt ur 2 b-room.So y the headache.


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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/25/2013

      Like! Well done

      Delete
    2. 1000 likes! Well said.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/28/2013

      1 million likes. The fruits of the spirit will see you through. If iam correct you said you are heavy? She's goin 2tak care of your child while you have some time 2rest. Life is so short, you don't know how long she's gonna be around 4. Jt have a good lasting impression

      Delete
    4. mrs anon4/05/2014

      People are just talking cos the don't know the details.. do you know the kind of person she is before the father in law will refuse to live with her?? Poster u need to pray seriously, before u open ur mouth, unfortunately u have and ur hubby is already angry with u. dont talk again cos am sure hubby has taken his decision. Just Pls pray pray pray cos this can cause a fundamental problem in ur marriage. (From experience.)

      Delete
  17. Anonymous5/25/2013

    lets be realistic here.there can only be one madame n believe me,it wont be you.i feel for her but sentiments aside,ur marriage is too young 4 a third party.im talking from experience...

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  18. Cyndrella5/25/2013

    it depends on the way she sees all these things,is she seeing her mother inlaw as a rival,oh come of it.

    No one is depriving her of her being the madam but my point is dat she should not see her mother in-law as a rival.She should be a wife,a mother and a friend she has been to the family.

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  19. Anonymous5/25/2013

    Don't know what to say o, I don't have a mother inlaw. but I wish I had one, she will be staying with me and helping with the kids o, because am a very busy person oh and my mum is very busy too! The stress right now in handling my kids is very tough! I really wished I had a mother inlaw. Be wise in your decision oh, you will be a mother inlaw someday. And I'm sure it's the place where you can have complete authority, that u'll be confortable to stay.

    Patsy. Pearls creation

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  20. BEKEES5/25/2013

    Pple asking her to allow her mother-law to stay wit her,am sure u pple are not married.There is not no way ur mother inlaw will stay wit you that trouble will not arise, trust women.Even if the mother inlaw is bebebe(deaf and dumb). For me is a no for me.She has daughters and her husband is still much alive.Ur Hussy shld be more concern abt settle his parent instead of rent an apartment for her.And if she's dat nice her daughters will be fight theirselves on who she will stay with.Dear poster be Wise!

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/25/2013

      Thumbs up Bekees! U spoke ma mind explicitly!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/26/2013

      1000000 likes,best comment!

      Delete
  21. All this talk Wȋ̊ℓℓ not change anything. The mistake has already been done from beginning 'living in the same compound before now'. Besides, her hussy has already made his stance known. Her best bet is to accept her in her new home, and pray 'seriously' it Wȋ̊ℓℓ only be temporary.

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  22. Cyndrella5/25/2013

    @ bekees,i am happily married wt children.i believe wen marrital issues crop up on this matter she will remenber my advice.

    if u are married and the case is urs as vise versal would u rather be an enemy to ur husband family?

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  23. Anonymous5/25/2013

    Pls don't allow her follow u 2 ur new place! Talking frm experience Ooº°˚ ˚°ºoo

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  24. BEKEES5/25/2013

    @Cyndrella am a wife and a mother so I knw want am saying.When it comes to issue of marriage you jst hve to be wise.No be to put Ant for fire d problem oo nah to remove am na there wahala dey oooo .

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  25. Anonymous5/25/2013

    Relating wit inlaws frm a distance is far better, sweeter, yummier, lovinglier...oh I can jst go on & on!
    Let mama's daughters take her in & ur hubby provide d money for her upkeep etc
    I am talking frm experience oh!

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  26. Anonymous5/26/2013

    My dear just pray cos u tlkn wit hubby won't help am goin tru same pblm wit u I even suggst my mum come he said no he wnt be cmfrtabl he wnts to spnd time wit his mum n all dat so I qtly prayed to God. For his will to be done

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  27. I guess this situation is a bit dicey cos in the first place your mother in-law housed you for a while and you did not indicate in your post if you had any difficulty living with her then or if she was giving you any hassles at all. If your mother in law is not giving you any problems i really think you should reciprocate the same good gesture to her and you might be surprised how things work out. Do you have children, how does your mother in-law treat them? What are your challenges about living with her?

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  28. I don't think a mother inlaw shld cme live with u,cos trust me,you can't control them whn they decide to start a hit..evn if u had lived with her b4 dt cnt be enuf reason because you would watch ur steps arnd her bt she won't cos as always it's her sons or daughters house or via versa.

    ReplyDelete

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