Please Help Me

Hello every one,AUNTY eya and my new found blog family members,please am so sorry I do not want to add my name to this story,I hope you all understand,this may be a long story to you,but please a sister needs your help.

 It all started when I graduated and was

about going for my NYSC,I was dating my EX at the time,but things just started moving smoothly because he was having the feeling that I was going to leave him,indeed I was,this guy used to beat the hell out of me,at first our love was beautiful,too beautiful I will say,we were friends,lovers and all to each other,so love grow into jealousy for him,he wanted to make sure no guy tells me hello and I reply,it got to a point he even beat me up in the club,all his friends were there.

It wasn't his first time of hitting me tho,but not publicly,so that day,I finally made up my mind on leaving him,he came and begged,I accepted but I knew what I was going to do,cos I didn't want to be alone,so I waited till I found someone I liked,so when the time was right I told him I was leaving him,he begged and did all he could to make me stay,we were still friends,so this period of friendship,he will open the car door for me,do a lot of things that he sometimes did back then,but now he did it regularly,I just felt it was all because he wanted me to stay,cos I know if I don't leave him now,he will go back to his old ways.

  Finally, I started dating someone else, he was presently in Nigeria for a visit, I know this guy's family before now,but I and him never really saw each other cause he was never around,we went for the first date and it was nice,he told me he was travelling back soon and he wanted me to see him off to the airport in Lagos,I told him I will think about it,so few days later I just felt nothing bad can come out of this,I should just go for the fun of it,I called him to tell him I will follow him to Lagos,so he got two tickets,we got to a hotel,he tried to kiss me I refused,he was like he wants to marry me and all,he wasn't here for jokes,so I told him he shouldn't rush what he said he wanted for the rest of his life,so that day we ended up not making loving.


He travelled the next day while I took my flight back to my base,before he left,he begged me to come visit him abroad,I said there was no problem, I travelled out of the country to see my new bf,I call him that,because now we have been talking for months and we really grew fond of each other on phone,so I accepted to date him,he was nice,he took care of all my travelling issues,ticket,visa n all,we met,he was nice,funny,playful,omg very playful just like my EX was,so the very day I came into the country,he came with his friend to pick me from the airport,I was so happy to see him,he was too after talking for months on the phone,I got to his home,it was beautiful,he made jollof rice for me,I couldn't eat,so I went to have my bath,When I was done, I met him in the room,we got on a romantic mode and made love,immediately after the s**, behold there it was,he got on his heels and asked the question with a diamond ring.

I got confused,I didn't know what to say,so I told him I didn't know what to say,he was like,just say "yes" so I did,it was beautiful,he looked so happy,I was too,I called my sisters and they told me they already knew he was going to,they just had to keep it a secret,we were happy,he got me a lot of stuffs,I got stuffs for his family members too,after 3weeks I had to come back to Nigeria,we both felt bad at d airport,he had wanted me to stay,but there were things I had to go back to in Nigeria.

  I got to Nigeria and there was my eX,he was like, is it true a man took me abroad,I told him no,cos I didn't want him judging me,he(ex) beg me to come back to him,but I kept telling him no,finally he kept off.


  Few months later my bf lost his sister,he had to come to Nigeria,so after the burial,he was still around,things changed,sure he gave me a key to his house I can drive his car when I want,but I noticed something just couldn't stop,one was smoking that I hate so much,two was the fact that he has a lot of female contacts that he talks to a lot,for the smoking,every time he sees me coming,he throws it away,he beg me that he will stop,it's just a matter of time,for the female,among the list was his eX gfs,so I deleted all of them,he tells me not to look at his phone anymore,but when I get the chance I still do because he looks at mine,so because he notice I complain a lot about what I see on his phone,he started deleting all his chats.


Now we have issues with money,this guy spends a lot when with people,but to give me money to even make my hair na wahala,he tells me he doesn't have,I know he doesn't have and am still asking,the thing is that,don't ever talk about money,when I do,he starts shouting,then I just stop,he has been trying to travel back but there has been an issue,with God all will be well again,I pray.

  My bf likes to be happy,he likes fun,any thing fun goes,now I go over to his house in d mornings,he brings me home evenings like 4pm,he stays out till when ever,I didn't really care until some friends got tired of what he was doing and told me he was cheating.


I once saw a naked girl's pic on his phone,he told me it was his uncle that brought her over and they were drunk,he had to take the pic,it was a foolish story cos the shoot was at a close range and the lady positioned her self very well on d bed,I just let the case be,I kept hearing more stories,but am still calm because I do not believe in stories,I need prove,but I really don't know what to do at this point.

   How can I catch him,even when I do,do I break off the engagement and move on,will he not think it's because he is broke I want to leave him? even ATM,he hasn't been talking about marriage issues,we are suppose to have been married way back,then came the burial of his sister,so we had to shift it,but right now he isn't even talking about wedding that much anymore,he tells me,he is so broke he used most of his money for the burial,that hope we can do a small wedding when it is time,yet he isn't even planing the small wedding,lol...I know it is well tho.please help your sister in any way you can.

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Comments

  1. Anonymous5/04/2013

    Hmmmm dis is d1 yoruba pple will say'ole kenka' this 1hard.1stly was he very close 2his sista dat died?if yes,he cud be acting out cos of his loss,2ndly wat was he doing abroad 2av so much money n den get suddenly broke afta 1burial(burial dat shudnt even b a loud thing cos d dead is a young person).3rdly did u jus notice dese girls he's bin chatting with now?or right 4rm beginning cos me I knew my man had calls 4rm exgfs right 4rm d very 1st day we started talking bt thank God he has piped down.4thly u must NEVA EVA EVA go back 2dat ur ex dat use 2beat u.not eva,jus 4get d animal(yes,he's 1)n lastly sit down my dear n think of wat exactly u want 4rm ur life @dis particular point in time cos dis my dear wud help u decide a lot of things.u don seem like sum1 who is grounded right now

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fyn Ijebu Chic5/04/2013

    My sister! Forget wateva he or pple will say and LEAVE HIM! He obviously won't stop. Jeez! Are u a LEARNER? U dnt like ursef @ all, u left an abusive relationship witout giving ursef healing time. Are u desperado?abi bank don dey pay pple for #being in a relationship#?
    Leave d guy, give ursef tym to heal(real gud tym)and set a standard(nt TDH standard ooo bt godly attributes).
    Enuff said!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous5/04/2013

    To be honest I feel both of you are not honest to each other and thus may not be ready for marriage.
    Also because you didn't know each other very well before the proposal you may feel that he's changed. I think you are just getting to know him well.
    I would advise you to sit him down and have a long chat with him to iron out issues you may have with him. If after that you still want to be with him, then you guys should make a commitment to start the relationship on a clean slate. If you don't want to be with him, please break up and start life afresh.
    Lastly stop talking to the ex boyfriend who used to beat you up. The fact that you started the intro talking about him means you still habor some feelings for him.

    ReplyDelete
  4. R Ʊ sure Ʊ r not having 2nd thoughts cos ur new bf is broke???

    Also use dis time he is close by 2 know him well....and den decide.

    Erase ur ex from ur head..


    Also pray, pray and pls pray.

    ReplyDelete
  5. 1. Delete your ex (even from recycle bin) – he’s bad news.
    2. Your bf na womanizer… picture of a nude babe on his phone – but why????
    3. Visiting a guy abroad is not a wise move, esp. when the relationship was on a mere platonic level. Room for plenty s**.
    4. Diamond ring proposal… how romantic! However, does not guaranty marriage.
    5. He is “nice, funny, very playful” – are these the qualities you want in a husband? You need to set the right priorities… qualities listed are ‘ice on the cake’ attributes.
    6. An indication of what your ex does for a living would help in deciding what sort of advise to give.
    7. He spends for friends and not for you… seems like trying to impress other people. For you? There’s nothing to impress; bobo don taste the forbidden fruit, so no shaking!
    8. My dear, go get a job… there’s too much time wasted on your side on irrelevant stuffs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/04/2013

      Hahaha @ delete ur ex , even frm recycle bin!!! my dear, i cant handle an abuser(physical) that is the height for me.

      Delete
  6. Anonymous5/04/2013

    I once had a bf dats beats me n dat was my 1st time a guy has eva done dat 2me n information reaching me dat he did it 2 all his ex.my dear I leave d guy sharp sharp.as 4ur new guy hmmmmm I guess u guys did not really know each oda vri well.watch him 4a y b4 u decide 2 leave.d problem wit we gals we ar sumtimes scared of leaving our relationship thinking we will not meet sum1 better dats is fear of d unknow.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous5/04/2013

    @ Anonymous 8:32: re u a realist? D fact dat dey started b4 dis blog doesn't mean dey must be @ d top.for wat I kno, dis blog is topping d chart. I ve talk my own

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous5/04/2013

    Whatever. *Eyes Rolling*

    ReplyDelete
  9. Aunty poster, ur bf is fun, playful and bla bla bla doesn't make him a husband material. My advice 4 u is.(1) to delete all dis guys dat don't deserves u, delete dem frm ur system,flush der contacts frm ur fone,bbm etc,(including ur recent bf)
    (2) Look 4 a job so u can take care of urself
    (3) Pray to God, fast n pray and tell God to bless u with a good job, a god-fearing,humble,lovable husband dat will shower u and ur kids with lots of love,care and affection and a man dat will be ur & urs only. Enof said.
    NB: don't forget to pray to God 4 ur heart desires and also always pray 4 ur husband cos dey need it and it helps. Merci.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sometimes, some situations pple bring here can attempt to shut your brain down... Hmm!

    Grab your belly button sis. We can proffer advice but not just on the assumption that he cheats on you, you've pointed no concrete evidence about that. Give everything time, no man marries if he has no cash or sponsor(s) or do you want him to take a loan to marry you?

    Lastly, I should have asked you to pray like what most women will advice on any issue here but prayer is not like a TV and it's remote control. Unlike the remote, prayers need time and patience which you don't have.

    Anita Gass wrote a chapter in her hubby's (Bob Gass) book and a line stood remarkable... She wrote "if God answered all my prayers I would have married the wrong man" ponder on that.


    Nuff'Said
    Good Morning!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Aunty Eya, I posted my comment here and now I can't find it, help me post it back. Thk u.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Pls forget about your Ex and move on with your life, he was that good, you wouldn't have left in the first place.
    For your new found love, or fiance......the matter hard oooh, am still wondering why he change or his he having psychological effect from the loss of his sister? I think you have to give him time and watch him closely. Do the plus nd minus I.E seeing if you can cope with his smoking habit or not, and all other excesses.
    Compromise is a two way street, you can't have it all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *if he was that good*

      Delete
  13. Anonymous5/05/2013

    @ Poster. You don’t sound like a serious gal yourself… obviously you are jobless, else why would you visit in the morning and he drops you off in the evening? When u give in to a man completely before marriage, he has nothing to look forward to… You made a trip abroad, all expense paid – sure you had s** everyday while you were with him. Immediately you left, he losses every desire he had for you – I know bcos I’m a guy. Gals take some pride in yourselves and don’t be too cheap!
    I will advise you, like @Bj's point number 8, to get something to do rather than jump to another guy as it seems you are so interested in not leaving any vacuum.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gbamest!Just spoke my mind!Girl got deep complex issues &she doesn't even know what she wants in a life.
      She simply can't function without a man and is very dependent on them how else would u allow a man to beat u badly &not haul his ass in jail but rather entertain himin ur life?Imagine?!
      And please nobody should tell her to pray!Pray to who?God?who hates willful sinners like fornicators?
      U cannot mock God,for when u sow wit a view to the flesh,u reap ungodly things.
      Its not every prayer God listens to.
      And girrrll develop urself and grow up fast!

      Delete
  14. Poster, i frankly think you were carried away by the supposed affluence of your boyfriend.
    You did not give yourselves enough time to really get to know each other, before accepting marriage, that said, on the way forward, i think you both should use this opportunity of his been in the country to really get to know each other and if u really can't deal with the issues between the both of u, i say u shd take a walk.
    I beleive every one planing on marriage should have certain standard/expectation of a supposed spouse which coupled with prayers and seeking the face of God should guide one in accepting or turning down a marriage proposal.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous5/05/2013

    You are still friends with your ex?? This is serious!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous5/06/2013

    My dear U̶̲̥̅̊ have to leave the both...dey will not make G̲̣̣̣̥o̲̣̥O̲̣̣̥ƌ̲̣̣̣̥ huzzy for U̶̲̥̅̊

    ReplyDelete
  17. Halima5/06/2013

    Ur new bf sounds like our 9ja guys abroad doing 419 things.. Money haff end, true colour haff come out.. Wen dey start talking abt having problems of going bk 2 their so called base, d@ means dey're not even der legally! And wen its not legal and he can gladly afford all ur travelling expenses abroad , and spend money with double hand n all of a sudden is broke, it jst screams 419/yahooboiztins.
    Dear Poster, seriously ur new bf n ur ex don't NEED 2 have a place in your life.. U're a girl that likes comfort.. Work on urself, get a job and provide cool comfort.. Dis comfort u're seeking will be too hot 4 u.. Give urself Brain..

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous5/11/2013

    Halima, you are the only person who hit the nail on the head. The new bf is obviously into illegal activities.
    And Abena, you must be a saint on earth oh. The way you judge and condemn pple! Thank God we Don't have to enter heaven through you.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous3/16/2014

    How do these girls get this type of men?? Free all expense paid trips abroad?? diamond rings? wow..I work for every penny,every shoe and bag I have. I must be doing sthing wrong.. oh well! Ehhh you girls!!! Get a job and leave these stupid men ooo.

    ReplyDelete

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