My Mother-In-Law Is Too Close

Hello Aunty Eya,
 I have a little problem that needs advice. It's my mother in law. Whenever she comes around which is often, she doesn't give me time with my husband. When he is seated on the couch, she rushes to sit beside him. When he is alone in the bedroom she goes for a meeting.

I try to be nice and caring but she never appreciates my efforts. When I am
busy cos the work doubles with her visits. I cooking in the kitchen, she rushes to meet my husband and starts talking in low tones. Every time I suddenly enter the room, she stops talking and just puts her head down in a manner that suggests I am disturbing her conversation. 

Once I walk out, she starts talking again. I pretend like it doesn't worry me but it does. Hubby tells me everything when she is not there but is there no way I can make her stop this attitude? My marriage is only 2 years old. Please I need experience advice.
Please o, don't post my name or ID.

Comments

  1. Marriage is a battle hon, if it's not one thing, it's the other. As long as well you and hub are both on the same page and ur MIL does not live with you, then relax. Or does ur hubby's attitude towards you change when she is around? Does he behave strangely to you? Has he ever been in a situation where he had to choose between you and her and he chose her?

    If not, then let sleeping dogs dream...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. GBAMEST# the dog don sleep Tey Tey.

      Delete
  2. chelsea5/30/2013

    This story has been posted on Lib naa,Aunty pls post real stories abeg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I started reading LIB since 2010 and haven't missed even one post. That shd tell you am a LIB addict. Where did you see this post there that me, I didn't see. Give us the date and topic for confirmation you Aunty Eya hater.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Pls I beg u in Gods name let peace reign

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    3. Johnson5/30/2013

      @Chelsea, some of us don't visit blogs and it won't be bad if someone sends his/her challenges to multiple blogs for advice. Abi dem dey pay to publish stories. On the other hand, I have come to appreciate that there are different persons with similar issues, and you'll be amazed that someone would presents an issue that looks exactly as yours!

      Delete
    4. Get a grip Chelsea. what do you stand to gain by this petty attitude? *rme*

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    5. @nekky get a grip on what?u people are causing problem for Eya on this blog so what she has seen it before couldn't u ve overlooked it msewwwww smh for u

      Delete
  3. Johnson5/30/2013

    Your body language would sell you out… you need to show more acceptance rather than pretend... How? Fill the space between your hubby and mama once in a while. Be the one to chat with mama – show interest in her well-being, ask after some key family members; tell her you would want to learn (& eat) some of those meals your husband enjoys - let her do the cooking. Get her busy in the house. After all, she’s only with you for a short time and bros is not failing in his night duties – abi mama dey sleep for una room?. No give yourself BP for nothing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said. Get her busy and chat with her

      Delete
  4. Hello,
    Regardless of the fact that we marry our lover, friend, companion e.t.c Someone loved him first, that's God, then second, his mum...or dad.
    Put yourself in your MIL shoes. You married a husband but that doesn't make him less of her son.
    Women should try not to be possessive all the time. Many women still hold on to their kids till they are all grown and free to live their lives. Someday you'll understand, your child or children will mean everything to you.
    My advice is; give them the chance to spend quality time together and train yourself to giving them space during her visits. I bet this is how she has always been even before you married hubby. Don't brew a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law hate between the both of you, you may never be able to mend the fence anymore or bear the vice that will be thrown your way by his brothers and sisters when she starts to dislike you or consider you a threat to her relationship with her son.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous5/30/2013

    @ jayne and Nekky why starting unnecessary war now naaaaa? Chelesa said it has been posted on LIB all of d sudden she is now a hater?? Eya army pls know when to fight. As of the poster, my dear jst pray to God to give you wisdom to handle the situation. Mothers have dis special bond with dere sons, my mum does that too and my brother is not even married yet but when my brother is arund she is always with him and if we enter where they are she will stop talking and even ask us to excuse dem and that's my younger brother ooo. So whenever she is not arund enjoy your husband to the fullest, dnt worry to much b4 u die young ooo bcos if u die now he will only mourn u for 1 month and move on.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Poster why are you giving yourself some unnecessary headache? Why do you think you have to stop an elderly woman from doing something/change her attitude just because you don't like it?

    Everyone acts like this. Even you. If you're discussing something with someone else and you feel it doesn't concern another person that walks in, what do you do? Lowers your voice or stop talking, then continue when the person is out of sight? Abi? If it's that you want to be part of every discussion, then get closer to your MIL. Draw her closer to you. Call her phone, gist with her etc.

    You said your hub tells you everything when she's not there. You are even lucky. So why are you now giving yourself headache again? You sef, don't you do that? Is it everything that you discuss with your husband in your MIL's presence?
    If you do that, then why can't she do that too?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mrs Anon4/03/2014

      Not true.. not everyone does that. The mil is being childish, and has not fully accepted her as a daughter. All the same, poster, take the advice uve been given here, you draw closer to her, call her to come and cook, play with her, check for her welfare, dont keep your distance,and see if she won't drop some of her attitude once she sees that you are not a threat to her having her sons love at all. Shebi couch? Allow her to sit with him all she wishes, after all when she goes he will even hold u and sleep sef. As long as she's not interfering in your lives and meddling or trying to control your home I don't see much problem. That is the only time I won't tolerate if I'm in your shoes. Also tell your hubby how u feel about it, together u can use some tricks to 'get' her... eg: My hubby will buy provisions for his mum but he will send me to give her, and he will say; when u go tell her; "don't tell your son that I gave u oh, just keep quiet so that he will still give u another one.." In her mind she thinks the plan is bw 2 of you not knowing dat her son is aware. I make her know that am always fighting for her rights so that now, she doesn't even ask her gra gra son according to her, she will rather ask me cos she knows I will make sure she gets it. Pray for wisdom to treat her as ur mum and with love you will win. It is only when she tries to overstep her boundary that you should politely stand your ground, and even then it's better if your husband is the one to do so.

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  7. Anonymous5/30/2013

    My dear sister, take your MIL as your mother and always have good thought about her and Love her. My MIL has been with me for over two years now.

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  8. Poster, stop giving yourself unnecessary headache. Whether you like it or not, there are some things she wouldn't feel comfortable saying to her son in your presence.

    I'm assuming they have been like this before you came in so just go with the flow. You are even lucky he tells you everything mama says. Unlike some men who won't say anything whether you ask them or not.

    I've decided not to bother myself in the matters of in laws when I get there. When any of them is around, I won't really be in their midst like that. There might be some things they wouldn't want to say when I'm around. Infact they would be the one begging for my presence because I will make myself scarce.

    Don't worry yourself jare; just continue to enjoy your marriage and husband.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Poster, I think you should relax and not stress about it. I know it might make you feel a bit uncomfortable but on the other hand I don't think its a big issue.
    They are obviously close so try to give them some time together. When its 3 of you together, try to always bring your MIL into the conversation so she doesn't feel left out.
    I'm sure that she'll gradually include you in their talks and even if not, don't sweat it. Just play your own part and a good daughter in law and you'll be fine.
    All the very best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *as a good daughter in law

      Delete
  10. Aunty Eya just my suggestion how about you reduce the number of stories you post for now and concentrate on food post at least before this whole thing dies down..And btw if you are going to delete comments delete all the hate comments not just the ones targeted at "u&some people" I mean there is someone who dropped a truckload of curses on a particular post that should have been off since i think but what do i know its ur blog afterall..

    Much thanks to JaY,Chigurl,sister and all the Anons that commented and Visited my blog yesterday much love to the WC fam..xx

    http://aomosale.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous5/30/2013

    I posted on dis blog 4d first tym_I NEED ADVICE AND HELP ON MAY FIRST,2013,all bcos i was carried away with the positive and matured comments from all and sundry,but I don't like the way some people are now commenting negatively on the blog.Whether the stories here are true or false,I still learn one thing or the other to the extent that am now addicted to it.please,lets return to the gud old tyms and i pray God will continue to uphold Eya and her family IJN-AMEN!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Eya needs to reduce the number of stories been published here. A lot of times i check for food updates and sadly what i see are stories(usually not pleasant). Perhaps you may publish stories maybe 2ce a week,but other posts should be about food or atleast pleasant stories about marriage,rlshp etc.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/30/2013

      If you give her pleasant stories to post, she won't refuse to post them you know. You can help at that. These are not just stories. Real life people are seeking solutions to their problems. Also this is wives town hall connection not food town hall connection.

      Delete
  13. Anonymous5/30/2013

    wives connection
    Women matters, Parenting tips, Relationship, Inspiration, Gossip, Fashion, Entertainment, Nigerian Cooking Tips and Nigerian Food Recipes.just incase u missed it wives connection is nt just abt food.if all d post ws abt food una go complain. Bt its nt ur fault its human nature. Send her recipes nd cooking tips so dat she can post it.

    ReplyDelete

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