My Husband Does Not Call, Am I Thinking Too Much?

God bless you aunty Eya .I’m regular reader of your blog n I admire u a lot n also d bloggers .they ve such a great wisdom n I wish to benefit from those wisdom… I recently got married ..my hubby is d last in
their family….my hubby travelled two months after our wedding … Plus I like to know if it’s right to keep teaching him how to communicate with a wife ..we ping quite alright but is dat enough? 

@least one should expect that a hubby should call his home to know sup Abi? I stay alone n d boredom is wow, …although I work but d most annoying part is dat his family does nt evn call to know hw I’m doing n I can’t stay wit my family cos its easier for me to go to the office from my house.

 .. Even as I’m typing dis, my hubby hasn’t called nor ping and I am alwys pingin 1st n each timeI complain! yes I do, cos I think its not fair, cos I always say he alwys call me or keep in touch regularly…yestdy I pingd to know how he was doing, no reply , I called  but e nor pick but later he calld n said baby sorry I slept off n I will ping u wen I’m up.. 

Pls I’m really confused.. I need some excellent advice as to how to approach ds issue cos my job is suffering ..am I thinkin too much or making matters or issues where there’s none? 

Pls don’t publish my Email or name .Thank you and God bless.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

76 thoughts on “My Husband Does Not Call, Am I Thinking Too Much?”

  1. R u sure he isnt married ova there or staying wt a woman…probably t get his papers
    hw well do u knw him bfr u got married?
    Was he lyk dt during courtship or jst changed after weddn?
    I suspect u might nt v knwn ds guy,it was an arranged marriage.
    INVESTIGATE!

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  2. Was he calling more before you got married? If not, then maybe you are over thinking it.

    If yes, is he new in the country he traveled to? Or was he there before? If no, then maybe the stress of settling down and finding his feet is weighing down on him.

    Most times I dnt call my hub like I shud but that's bcos he always calls. So maybe you shouldn't call him like for two days and see his reaction.

    Your marriage is still young. Dnt be quick to bring suspicion in. Just be a little more patient with him.

    All the best.

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  3. Hmmm! Pls how long has he bin away? Has he bin leaving der n only came down 4 d wedding? Do u ve his full address ova der? If u do pls find out frm peeps u know in dat location if he is married or has a live in. Danie

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  4. U didn't tell us any background. But this is wat I think based on assumption.
    You are of age to get married.
    Your husband is nearing 40yrs old.
    He needs a wife in nigeria bcos he has been living abroad for a long time and has a child/children with a white woman.
    These children will neva come to naija so he needed a woman here in naija to have kids.
    You two probably wr introduced by family over the fone and he had no choice but to marry you immediately he came back.
    You probably didn't court for more than 2 months.
    So now the wedding is done and dusted, he has to return to his base and continue hustling while he keeps in touch and promises to come and visit you..
    Ok. Here is how I think this will play out.
    He will promise you that he will arrange visa for you to come and visit and probably give birth abroad.
    Which will never happen. He will promise to come back and visit you next month and next month runs into one year and den two years and you still don't get pregnant.
    I know these things bcos my sister is a victim..
    These diaspora guys will come and marry a wife arrangee styl within one month. And seeing as the girl is desparate, she will agree and then the wait begins.
    My dear, you have entered it and all you have to do is be patient for a very long time.
    Sorry.
    Nneka okorie

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  5. Nawa o! I hv a friend wey don enter am oo. Another wey dey into am and 2 years later she is preg, ans suffering it alone. Sorry babes, look before u leap

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  6. Wow,dear poster pls confirm if ur story is similar 2dis 1 nneka's sister went tru.I pray urs is different o

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  7. Must u write that ur husband always calls…u like 2 always paint a picture of a perfect marriage…well d poster dsnt need to hear dt piece of info, u av done well with d rest *rme* NB: I'm not dt anonymous dt's only on ur throat..I'm a quiet onlooker, just av 2 comment 2day…ahan!

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  8. A friend married a guy frm abroad like dat n today her life is miserable…elaborate wedding, popular musician n guest list ws superb, he promised to tk her abroad aft everything.d guy travelled alone within one mnth aft wedding n dis is d second year nw n he still hasn't shown up. She got pregnant within dat one mnth n today she has a son, he stupid guy put al his family in d same hus wit d girl n asked her to stop working cus his family advised dat dey wan to monitor her. Dis is a girl dat ws doin sooo we'll as a spinster(car, posh house n a gud job)…but dis guy jst ruin everything! My fiance of 2yrs n I r planning to get married by nov but he wants to travel aft our wedding(me I no gree…its either we travel together atleast I can be doin my master's OR he comes back n marry me aft his sojourn abroad dats if am stil available ooooo) I luv him plenty but dat kind of emotional trauma is a No-No 4me…

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  9. All these anonymous it is obvious now that you guys just like trouble. Did you not see where she said she herself doesn't call? If it is perfect, how come she doesn't call? Always neat picking people's comments. It has been said several times, drop your comment and leave other people alone @ Poster, try and ask him what his reasons are, then do some detective work yourself. Anything is possible.

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  10. Ahdaisy seems to be taking this her role of mother Theresa of Calculta too serious. Her self righteousness is too much jare. Is not always about you and "my husband always calls me wasn't necessary".

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  11. Piston and anon. Why take it so personal,how do u expect her to give a good advice without using herself
    or another person as an example. Without a real situation example to butress your advice,it sometimes seems a
    mirage.
    Nawao some people are so bitter they can prepare ONUGBU soup without leaf.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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  12. Bona, I feel d example was off cos d reason she gave for not calling as she should is cos her hub already calls her always. So its not related 2 d poster and might even make the poster sadder, that while she does the calling, someone else's hub does d calling. I hope she takes the correction sha.

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  13. Meme did u see where she adviced her not to call the husband often,to see how he reacts.
    Maybe my own divergent perception of Ahdaisy's comment is from my phone.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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  14. Bona…dt example was off…! I'm not in support of anonymouses bashing Ahdaisy but some tins are not called for. This may make d poster feel bad(we don't know d kinda of person she is). Anyway sha! Let's accept Ahdaisy for who she is! Wetin concern me..

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  15. Your own divergent perception of d comment is not from ur phone but from ur mind…I'm usually not against Ahdaisy but dis wasn't called for..#myopinion# pls Ahdaisy don't come back and write epistle for me, I'm not bashing u, I just wrote wt I feel…guess I av d right to!

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  16. Yeah Bona. Whyl I don't support the manner they lashed at her, I tink its d example she gave dey r saying was not necessary. D example and d advice of not calling are nt rily related. I agree wt d advice 100 percent, but its not cos she doesn't call, he calls. Its cos he calls, she doesn't call. Besides u can't compare 2 diff men dat earn 2 diff digits. Like Ada stated, d posters hub myt b trying to gain his feet. Her overall advice was good. But d example can make d poster feel bad sha. So dt example was wan kain. Make u sef reason am na

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  17. Odikwa egwu here oo. Ihe n'eme!
    To the poster pls answer Nneka's questions truthfully and I'm sure u'd find the advice u r asking for from ur answers. It is well.

    Ella

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  18. Hm…e neva end? Ok. Make una no vex o. I'm sorry for making you guys feel bad. Pls dnt sin on my account.

    For those who dnt undertand my point, I was only saying that maybe her husband doent call cos she is always calling. I was only trying to see things from her husband's point of view. It wasnt my intention to paint a perfect picture.

    I identified with her husband that way cos my hub has com8plained of the same thing and dat was the reason I gave.

    Bonario saw things differently cos he is a guy and will not be happy if he is the only one doing the calling. No matter how much he earns. So make una no vex.

    @ Bona, lol @ Onugbu soup. Funny enough when I reread my comment, I was thinking they'll bash me and say it's cos I am an ashawo that I dnt call my husband. Lol. So dat I am painting a perfect picture is a compliment. Heheehe…

    For those who say I make evri post about me. It's weird cos I drop ONE comment like every other personn but you guys bash me by replying with a hundred comments. So who is derailing the post? If one person replies and expresses ur sentiments, why comment again? Sometimes the same person comes over and over with differnet names…so that what?

    Pls live and let live. Every thing go end for this world o…when we reach heaven every body go answer im name. Peace..I'm out!

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  19. Tnx guys!but my story is no where close to Nneka's . My hubby n I re young n so is our marriage. We dated n its nt arrangee tnz .in respect of Ahda's advice, I see nothing wrong in wat she said n I love her advice.I don't think it painted wat most comments re claiming.. All d same thnk u all..Gloria ..

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  20. Like Ada said, if ur marriage is young and ur hubby is new there, then he is trying to find his feet. U need not worry to make out a time/day to discuss with him and tell him ur fears.

    Ella

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  21. This ahdaisy sef,u are beginning to get on ppls nerves here O! must u always give example of ur self in every post? People ask for advice and u'll start comparing ur self to them and how perfect ur own be.

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  22. Dnt mind them, me i get sensitive a lot and when iread it, i felt no harm intended!! buh pple can be hateful or divert frm a topic, thats just nt right sha @y'all!! mayb , u guys dnt want her to comment again on d blog.

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  23. Gloria it's really worrisome that you have a long distance marriage and your hubby seems to not be bothered about keeping up with you. Let me ask, what is the nature of his job? Is it something that keeps him really busy? I don't think "trying to get his feet" is a valid excuse cos even students on scholarships abroad make calls for hours to their friends let alone a hubby.

    Are there plans for you to join him? Or is it that you will have to be the only one here for a long while? Don't just complain to him about the lack of him not calling. Make him realise that it's affecting the marriage as there is lack of communication. And that if it has to be a LDM for as long as it is going to be, then he better steps up his 'keeping in touch' game.

    Then take Ahda's advice, don't ping or call him for a while and see if he does the calling and pinging. If he does, great. Still do small shakara sha. If he doesn't, well, pick your phone and tell him 'he no try sha'. All the best.

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  24. Please people stop beefing ahdaisy wen eva she talks,there was absolutely nothing wrong with what she said,if she doesn't use herself as an example who then will she use?If it has worked for her,she shud b able to prescribe it for others too. Any sensible person wud clearly understand d advice she gave. Moreova while drink panadol for anoda man's headache,d poster in concern agrees with ahdaisy and doesn't see anytin wrong also. All dese beefing and quarrelsomeness is so unnecessary pls stop hating…

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  25. There's what is called an after
    marriage relapse, from my married
    friends, cousins, brothers and
    associates I've realize there's this
    feeling of "am I right to have married
    now owing to all I have in view" it's
    somewhat psychological and
    sometimes the feeling that ur
    freedom to act and live expediently
    becomes eroded makes us men think
    like this.

    Your onus, make sure you don't end
    the calls, keep more tabs on him and don't act like it's absolutely his prerogative to keep up.

    Also forget the old lie that living abroad is the fastest way to success, there's absolutely no country in the
    world today that you find it easy, even the US. With ur green card or citizenship na still war. If our government fix common issues like electricity and road most of our peeps there would be back home.

    Also NOTE: Marriage mending and
    patching up is a woman's work, years
    of fairy tale love is over as soon as
    you get married!

    Lastly, always say what you want
    never assume he understands it all, except na superman you marry.

    Nuff'Said

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  26. First time commenting…..
    Adashy comment bout her husband calling was highly unnecessary ……I literally rolled my eyes. She just rubbed pepper in the posters wound.
    Aside that her comment was in point .

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  27. Ahdaisy I'm sorry to say this but I think you always make the posters feel worse..Most times after you have dished out your advice you always end it by comparing them with your marriage..No body is asking you about your marriage or about your husband but they are seeking solutions and comfortThis is not the 1st time you are doing this,you've done so in some previous posts too
    Honestly speaking Its not by force to comment and If you must please try to stop comparing..

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  28. why re you guys beefing Adiay, pls allow her to be.@ poster i quite understand hw u feel. all you need to do is to talk with your hubby. My hubby has been outside the country for a year studying based on our agreement and if ve just bn married for 2yrs, there were times he wld be so busy to keep in touch or very rich, i do the calling then because i work too and he explains whatever the problem might be, but he makes it a point of duty we skype every night. Let him know you are not happy the way he dosent keep in touch and make him tell his pple to do that on his behalf since he is not close by. His pple shld show u love and concern, by checking on you via phone ones in a while.
    Dnt let pple put sand in garri by discouraging you, if its based on your agreement that he should go outside for sometimes for studies, business and whatsoever. talk to him heart to heart and always put him in prayers. Yomi

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  29. Aunty Eya I enjoy dis blog bt d rate @ wc ppl attack demselves here now is somtin else,dis blog used to be a peaceful n lovly blog were every1 is like family bt now am seeing diff tins,dey leave advice dt is asked by a poster n be attacking one ando.
    NB:all d attack on Aday is not necessary,she is trying to advice if u don't like her advice jumb it n go to d nxt one,pls let peace regin in dis blog once again.

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  30. na wa o. u people's jealousy level is very unhealthy! tufiakwa. Ahdaisy was only telling d lady what works for her and adviced her to try it. you guys wud jst find a way to hinge on wot she didnt say. not nice. *in Keri's voice* jealousy is the ugliest trait , NEVER do it.

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  31. I think the posters problem was that they are not able to communicate well as married couples. The husband doesn't call regularly and their main means of communication is pinging(instead of calls, which the poster prefers).
    So it's not about whether the poster calls too much, cos she even cited an instance where she pinged the husband but he didn't even call or pong back till later.
    So I think the example abt your husband calling you all the time was off beat. Yea we all know you have the perfect marriage, you've already told us!

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  32. hmmn, dis ur abroad thin sha…In the Us, there are fields that r more sort after than others so depending on u as an individual and yes no country is easy to survive in but some are easier than others, America is a land of opportuinity if only u make good use of ursef and the opportuinity it presents u.

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  33. this is not your 1st time comnmenting. fucking liar and hater. u're d same person commenting everywhere. if u carry on like this, hating someone u dnt know, u will die young o

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  34. Am a regular here but I don't comment @ all, I only learn. Madam Ahdaisy..please stop talking about your family,if you want to advice,GIVEit..your husband is this, your kids are that, your mom said this and you end up making the person that needs advice feel like unholy or even bad.I have friends that behave like you.your marriage might not even be what you come out here to say.

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  35. same old anonymous roaming around replying Adhaisy nd Bona…. who u wan form .first time commenting for?? get a grip of urself before jealousy nd badbele erodes ur skin.. dont u rest?

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  36. i tire oh, i thot people shld be advising d poster.Instead dey are attacking dem selves.Everybody is entitled to his or her opinion!Gaskia!

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  37. Na wa oh,make d lady no talk again?u married folks leave her alone and advise d poster,if u read through,the poster isn't even angry!y una dey drink panadol 4 anoda man headache? Ahdaisy is good @ wat she does,quit hating.

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  38. whaooooo! We women should please always listen to our inner mind(holy spirit) well before we take that bold step of marrying a far away man. To God be the glory great things He has done for me. I didnt fix my wedding date until I had my visa and he bought the ticket afterwards. We left naija together few days after my wedding. I think if you have to marry someone abroad, please and please, be sure he has his citizenship and make sure you communicate well with him, know his work schedule, skype well(day and night) and pray well. All these will give you an insight of what you will be expecting. @ dear poster, alot of patience is needed. Be a little close to his family members too, may be you will get an info from one of them. God will see you through ok.

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  39. Dear Poster,
    You need 2 know and understand d nature of job your husband does. Also tell him dat his people should atleast call you and show they care instead of them jst leaving you like dat. You can also tell your hubby dat every 10pm u guys must skype.Choose a time dat would be Convenient for you both to skype. Tell him you also want 2 wake up and see his messages on ur fone. Jst mak your request known to him cus he might not evn know you are not comfortable with all he is doing.
    Present all dis well 2 him am sure he wuld reason with you. Thanks

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  40. *if you have to marry someone abroad, be sure of his citizenship. Pls and pls, dont agree with a man that you know he's a citizen in the country to marry and leave you in nigeria to join him later if you know he can afford both of you leaving after your wedding. The info of the types of visa to apply for is on the internet.If the guy isnt a citizen yet, it's a different ball game entirely.

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  41. How do you people know it's the same annonymous attacking her by the way? una chop winsh? Isn't it possible that it is different people who dont like the girl opposing her? Now that i think of it, it might even be Ahdaisy defending herself under different anons and random names.

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  42. @Urch girl abi wetin sef, 9ja's ist lady is still a learner where you are WALAHI.
    *rolling to the toilet*

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  43. Aon6;32PM, your main problem is joblessness, must you follow Ahdaisy with Akara talks to this post? Are u blind? Is this an akara post? Childishness by an adult.

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  44. The poster didn't answer Ahdaisy's question about if this was something he used to do before they got married. And I've discovered that most people wait for Ahdaisy to comment so they pick something to bash! But why? Let's us stop bashing others and help the posters. Back to the poster, if your husband was the calling calling type before,then it might be settling issues. You can stylishly find out how he's settling down. As for the In-laws well if they don't call u sef call them! This life is short don't shortened it more with worries jare.

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  45. Dear poster,from what I can see,you already have some great advise from people here.
    I'll just talk about your complaint about your in-laws. I once felt hurt from a similar experience. Me I even had an accident and was bed ridden for a while,during dt period,dy hardly called to ask how I was doing and my hubby wasn't even around den. I know it can hurt,but I got over dt feeling of being hurt by realising that I only ve business with my hubby and not dm abeg.
    Just work on developing a better communication habit with ur husband and leave those ones,they probably are not doing it to spite you. They shouldn't be ur worry.
    Cheers!

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  46. All u HATERS stop hating. Thank God d poster commented dt she didn't feel bad abt ada's comments so wats u ppls headache, okay I knw nau u ppl re jst suffern 4rm complex issues nd jst jealous cos ada is pretty nd I guess most of the fools dt bash ada under annonymous re single nd pathetic and becos ur minds re already biased dats y u read useless meanin 2 ada's comments. And pls ada kip up ur gud work u re a very beautifl,intelligent and a no nonsense woman more greese 2 ur elbow. As 4 d hater's as kip hatn until ur hearts turn black. @ poster sorry 4 d digression jst pick d wise advise given by beautifl commenters. Am out * MITCHELLE*

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  47. All u HATERS stop hating. Thank God d poster commented dt she didn't feel bad abt ada's comments so wats u ppls headache, okay I knw nau u ppl re jst suffern 4rm complex issues nd jst jealous cos ada is pretty nd I guess most of the fools dt bash ada under annonymous re single nd pathetic and becos ur minds re already biased dats y u read useless meanin 2 ada's comments. And pls ada kip up ur gud work u re a very beautifl,intelligent and a no nonsense woman more greese 2 ur elbow. As 4 d hater's as kip hatn until ur hearts turn black. @ poster sorry 4 d digression jst pick d wise advise given by beautifl commenters. Am out * MITCHELLE*

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  48. Am a regular reader of this blog but I don't comment.ahdaisy stop comparing your marriage with others to make them feel bad ok.you can advice but you always make them feel bad like e.g your husband is this,your kids are that,ur family is this and that.I have pple that behave like you ok, your marriage might not even be what you come out here to tell us.give the advice and stop comparing ok.#am out#

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  49. Plz al u haters shud leav ada alone.dis is my first time 2comment nd am doin dis bcoz i alwayz lik 2read ada's comment….joyz…

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  50. May that Anonymuos that goes under different names to attack Ahdaisy go and seek help. If her family is perfect,kneel down in your spare time to pray for that grace upon yourself because the road you are threading is a pathway to destruction. How I wish your eyes will open to see what you are doing to yourself? To carry so much dislike for someone you don't even know or even if you know her…so what. Pls let go of that hatred so good things will come to you. As for poster…Maybe you should just tell him that you want more communication from him. With Men,sometimes subtle signs don't work,mixed signals don't work,Come out and tell him that you need more communication from him and state your reasons. Goodnight all. GLADDENED HEART

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  51. Chai! Ahdaisy,uv got a lot of fans u are hot oooo!@haters its seems her comments is ur new channel so stay tuned if u are that jobless n petty..I had to go through her comment again haba ahn ahn!u guys shud take it easy na!ders absolutely nothing wrong wit wat she said.make una pack well joor *rme* ~Lindiway~

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  52. I think it is time for anonymous comments to b blocked. Or mayb make it such that things can be seen by everyone but u have to log in to comment, and if u log in and misbehave, u can be blocked.

    AB.

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  53. I think it is time for anonymous comments to b blocked. Or mayb make it such that things can be seen by everyone but u have to log in to comment, and if u log in and misbehave, u can be blocked.

    AB.

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  54. Anonymouses, you guys won't see comparison on choice here oh! If it is ah daisy now you all would start taking it personal.

    Mtscheeew!

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  55. God bless u annonymous,some people can like to say things they re not sure of.i admit living abroad is not easy likewise living in any country in the world, but when u hv ur papers and u hustle u will see d reward,especially in d us where d medical field is highly sort after,abi wat do u hv to say about a nurse that earns btw $21 and $30 bucks per hr,do d maths for smone who works 8/12 hr shift.

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  56. Ada dont mind them joor. U are just 2 much. wonderful woman n wonderful advice. U must be a good wife. keep it up n forget haters. Its simply jealousy. Pls dont stop commenting wen d need be. U can neva please anyone. So do ur tin n enjoy ur self. Cheers.

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  57. hi everyone, i'm new and am beginning to enjoy myself with all the stories.
    i think u should take things easy. like the others have asked, was he like that before u married him? if he was then u have a lot of work to do. talk to him nicely and iron out the issue on how u guys need to communicate frequently for ur relationship to work. don't be quick to suspect anything.
    as for Ahdaisy, kip it up my dear, lucky u. and as for d rest of d bad belle people, u can't give what u don't have. flaunt it girlfriend, e no easy.

    daf

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  58. Na she say make una marriage no sweet like her own, why not pray for urs to be better than hers and stop hating. pls leave ada alone abeg.

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