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Is My Marriage Dying Slowly?

Hi Eya,
I don't know how to say this without sounding offensive and vulgar to you and other readers. I will try my best here. In case you see anything offensive about what I am going to say, please edit it out before you post o. I'm too scared of those who derive pleasure in cussing, may they not find this mail please.

I am prompted to write you because of the stories I read on the blog. Recently, someone wrote that she and husband get to meet every other day. She is not the first, there
was once you posted a story of a wife who said that she and husband enjoy sex everyday except during her periods when they have to pause till leaking is over. Reading those, left me kinda worried, No matter how hard I try not to compare, I still find myself inwardly comparing my marriage to those ones.

 I never knew it's possible for a couple to make love like every other day and still not get tired of the whole chore.

From when my husband and I got married till now which is 5 years, we have had a sex life that I felt was very rich before I discovered your blog. Hubby's business is very tedious, I am very busy, such that sometimes when I come back and attend to kids and family, I find myself falling asleep uncontrollably in the sitting room. Most nights, moving to the bedroom is difficult because of fatigue. All I want to do is lie down stretch and sleep off. I don't know if it is our busy lives or something is wrong??? 

We make love like once a week, that is like too much sef because most times in a whole month it's just 2 or 3 (GREAT) times. At those times and days, most nights I want more but hubby just cannot go more than once. The moment it goes flabby, bringing him back to life that same day is impossible. Even with a head, it is difficult and I stopped trying, so once he comes, we have to wait for  another day. The highest we have ever gone, I think is twice in a whole week, I am worried about this. Is it a kind of challenge we have been ignoring? Is there something wrong with us? Not that one partner wants but the other one is not giving, NO. We both are like that. 

Learning here that couples make love everyday is making me worried about us. Dear fellow readers, kindly help a sister, do you think we need to see a Doctor? Am I alone or are there couples like us who do not go the daily way? I need your advise please.

Comments

  1. Anonymous5/09/2013

    Haba,I don't think ur marriage is falling apart abeg.depends on u both,u've said it.u av busy schedules,not like 1person is suffering.anyway talk2him bout it sha n hear wat he has2say

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/09/2013

      Trying going 1 year!!!! Without Sex then u will know

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/09/2013

      *try

      Delete
  2. Anonymous5/09/2013

    No your marriage is not dying slowly.

    In my own opinion, i think you need to strengthen your communication line with your husband,it is necessary to talk about your sex life and style with your husband what he enjoys most, how and why he likes certain styles and possibly too you can discuss times to go for it and how best to manage stress. we all have different ways of relieving stress, find yours and apply it so it doenst make sex a boring thing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous5/09/2013

    Hmmm first Ur marriage Is not fallin apart not like u used to do it n stopd now, as for me I av very high Libido N ma husband is equally creative N adventurous in d bedroom, despite all his skills most of d time he does not ask for it but d good tin is once u touch his nipple even if he s sleeping Jr responds N I just ride N get pleasure as many time as I want , sometime we won't get down for a week not cmon shaa but it happens, u can seek help , there re diets N supplements that can boost his performance. Good luck. Oyin.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So u nor fit say something about the post first b4 u leave ur spam behind?

      Delete
  5. Chichi5/09/2013

    Everyday, every other day sounds like some sort of medication (lol). I have been married for over 10years and I would say we go like 3x a week and more frequently immediately after re-union due to long absence (hubby travelled for >1week).
    Would we like to do it more often? I think the koko (main thing) is the quality of love making and not the number of times. The timing is also important – if you do one quick one before going out in the morning, there’s the likelihood of a repeat show at night (that is 2x in a day).
    The busier and more hectic your days are, the less likely you would want to have sex. However, this can also be managed by freshening up and getting into some nice sexy night wears. Hope you sleep in the same bed and that your bed is not too big that you could sleep all through the night without making some body contact.

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. Well said Chichi, as long as both party understand each other, as long as you both have the busy schedule it's rationale not to compare or assume things ain't right.

    Everybody's circumstance of marriage is different, if you think by comparison or by self adjustment you need more sex time try to either talk to hubby about you both creating a healthy sex timetable putting into scheme your busy schedules.

    Also you can introduce what I'll call the "sex ambience". Light up your lives with in house erotica's, get the sexy lingeries or the darn sexy night gowns on, just spark it up, when there's no spark sex becomes an obligation.

    There's a lot on the net to help you out on that quest of bringing in some spark... Whatever it takes, don't let your marriage seem like a routine! Remember sex is a good form of exercise, I call it Sexercise!


    Nuff'Said!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Cyndrella5/09/2013

    To me ur marriage is ok,because of ur tight schedule it is inevitable,mine is even worse with our shedules. but am ok with it because we both understand and wen ever we have the opportunity, we have a very quality sex.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't see your marriage failing, however if you are bothered about it, talk to your hubby and try to see if he is comfortable with the rate @ which you both are going. Besides no be quantity na quality, we dey dey do am now and then, body dey Peper me and as an African woman na, I no fit complain.
    More seriously, just make sure u both are cool with it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous5/09/2013

    Nne sex no b food naw, I musnt b an everyday tin.so I tink u hv to put ur mind together nd knw ur marriage is nt dying.wht matters is hw u nd hubby feels b4 nd after d sex even if its once in a mntg

    ReplyDelete
  11. Your marriage isn't falling apart, you n ur hubby need to go on a vacation! A break from your busy lives.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous5/09/2013

    Lucky you.hubby and I have sex once in four months,I av complained and complained am tired

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/09/2013

      Stop complaining... seek for help b4 u go commit the 'unpardonable' sin...

      Delete
  13. My dear, I dnt see what the worry is about since you are both willing but your body is reluctant die to stress. Like Ij said, take a vacation, or you can schedule time for sex and make sure you both put your mind into it. As long as you both love each other, no sweat. Forget other people's marriages. Ask them how long they have been married and what their schedule is like. Sme people have sex all the time cos it's make up sex....meaning they also fight all the time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/09/2013

      True talk... I love the fight with hubby (at times) cos I know it will be settled with some really good s**!

      Delete
  14. Anonymous5/09/2013

    Most men, need to recover after ejaculation. Nne nothing abnormal. If U want more, just seduce ur hubby! Shikena!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous5/09/2013

    You better focus on your marriage and forget what some people write which sometimes is embellishment of the story. Don't ever compare your marriage to another one cos all marriages are different. Some people derive their pleasure from sex, others from music,books,travels, companionship etc. As long as there is no complain from either party, abeg carry on.-dessy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally agree with you.

      Delete
  16. Anonymous5/09/2013

    You marriage is very ok! Stop comparing!
    Don't mind the lies many wives come here to say!By now, you should know women!
    2 hardworking couple cannot find the time making love everyday!#fact#

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous5/09/2013

    Schedule time for sex? Haba Aidasy! In this day and time. I believe sex should be spontaneous. U don't have to wait till a particular time or else it becomes boring. U can have sex anywhere,anytime, in the bath, carseat, lunchbreak time(visit hubby in office) etc.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I don't think u marriage Is falling apart. For those that have sex everyday mayb their job is not stressful, they have lots of time or a super high libido.
    For me good quality sex that'll keep me going 4 a few days is good but when u have young kids as well and d little time u want to make use of to spend quality alone time is when d kids wake up n find their way to ur room n want to spend d night in ur bed.
    If u n ur hubby don't work weekends then that'll b a good time after a good night sleep early hours of d morning. Moreover u two are not complaining n it didn't bother u until u read people have sex everyday or every other day then d comparison started.

    ReplyDelete
  19. felicia5/09/2013

    I hope ur husband is not getting his satisfaction elsewhere. Men can be funny. When a man doesn't bother about sex my sista fear o. Men naturally like sex (80%) or even more. Let's hope one little wild chick is not helping u wit ur duties. I kno of a family dat d wife feels her husband is not a sex freak cos he doesn't disturb her 4 sex for months. Whereas d husband is a sex freaker. My dear poster pls wether or not he wants it PLEASE GIVE IT 2 HIM & DONT ALWYS WAIT 4 HIM 2 MAKE D FIRST MOVE. Goodluck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/09/2013

      Felicia pls dnt scare the woman.
      All men are different. Her hubby may actually have a low sex drive and be under stress.

      Delete
    2. felicia5/09/2013

      Ok o. Madam no vex o. I just said it as I felt it.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/09/2013

      MAdam Felicia,u knw a woman who said dhussy isnt a sex freak.................u also knw a man who arranges threesome fr d wife...hum...d tinz wey only u knw dey fear me...u must b master fr aproko.i dey hail oo

      Delete
    4. felicia5/09/2013

      Hahahahahaahahah @ Anon 9.02. U must a loyal fan of my humble self cos I can see u re alwys updating urself wit my comment. Anyways, I'm glad I'm being noticed. Thx.

      Delete
  20. candid diva5/09/2013

    @felicia,so u tink a wife giving her husband hard sex will guarantee fidelity in marriage? A man dt does not fear God go do mistress finish,den do wifey without taking a bath inbetween sef! Don't be a learner. Iinvest some quality time in praying dt God shd put his fear in ur husband's life,instead of tiring out urself sleeping wit him 2 keep him 4m wandering.
    Dts d only tin dt can keep ur man faithful. Sex is important in marriage ,but pple have different levels of sex drive. Once a week 4 a busy couple is ok.
    No slight intended o.
    @poster,stop comparing ur marriage 2 others'! Most stories u hear na wash!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. felicia5/10/2013

      @ Candid Diva: I neva said "hard sex" havin sex frequently may not stop him but it will help. I think I'll agree wit u on d fear of God statement. Anyways, I was only tryin 2 help d lady not 2 scare he. Gud morning All

      Delete
  21. Anonymous5/09/2013

    Pls don't bother yourself. Every marriage is different, but if it bothers you, have a talk with ur hubby and see how and where you need to make adjustments.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous5/10/2013

    madam,do u know that God is interested in your sex life as a married woman,he instituted sex in marriage so he has the blue print. I used to think that kind of talk is too unholy for him now i know better, and if u want more per time,just talk to him about it.i tell u it works,iv tried it over and over in my marriage.we should learn to talk to God about any thing that bothers us in our marriage,sex issues inclusive,yes

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous5/10/2013

    Am married 12yrs and sex once a wk has bin ok for us. We spend time just talking and gigling. What that has done for us is more than sex. We look forward to going home after work cos once d kids are in bed wE have our time, if Sex happen all well and good but the communication is priceless. Sandy

    ReplyDelete

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