Is It Wise To Tell Him All?

Hi Eya and fellow blog readers,
I have been keeping this to myself until I read Tope's comment where he advised the woman never to let a man know she is Financially Independent.

I just got a job, I'm expecting my first salary after  years of joblessness and lack. My husband earns
a very fat pay but since I got this job, I noticed a drastic change in his attitude. When anything is needed at home, he is reluctant to release the money. He is so laid back with spending like he expects me to begin to foot the bills. 

I am yet to collect my first salary and he is acting this way. What happens when I start earning and doing well. If he starts this way, there's the possibility I won't be able to have a little savings for myself.

I am the lady that advised once on this blog explaining how I had to change my lifestyle, cut my hair and all that to be able to cope with a stingy rich husband, now my kids re in school and luckily I got a job, don't I deserve to upgrade my image a Lil bit and take care of some dire needs before hubby starts singing in my ears how "this month is tight, salary is all going on Tax and wharreva?"

Now, why I'm sending this is to ask working wives and other women and even men in the house if it's wise to tell a husband the truth about one's paycheck. I intend to show him my slip when the time comes, to let him know what I earn but  thinking now, he may use that opportunity to see  me spend every dime and remain his Lil beggar before the month ends. 
I am seriously contemplating telling him that I earn half of what I actually earn to enable me save that half for myself too. What do you guys think? Should I tell and watch him make me spend everything in the house? Aunty Eya pls hide my ID. I need sincere advise please.

Comments

  1. Anonymous5/27/2013

    No it isn't wise to tell all. Only very few African men will know that you earn well and will not chuuk their eye inside that you money.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My dear wisdom is what u need since he has started acting this way just because u ve gotten a job lil wonder what he will do wen he knows d actual figure u are earning. My advise don't tell him d actual amount and as for running the house,do the ones u can and biko save money for urself and ur children n do take Care of urself in terms of looks and otherwise. Be happy.

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  3. He is already giving u signs o,its better u keep mute about it n rather save d money for urself n d kids.

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  4. Don't tell him d real figure o mama na,do divide by two other wise u will ave nothing to fall back on at d end of the day. Use ur head if not u will be d one footing all d bills at home.

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  5. Anonymous5/27/2013

    well i think that's the best thing you shud do. 'lie to him about how much your salary is

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mummy Amanda5/27/2013

      What of if he insists on seeing ur pay roll?...wnt dt mak him trust u less?#jstaskn#

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/27/2013

      I made a fake payroll slip for my hubby at a business centre.

      Delete
  6. Claire5/27/2013

    I understand your plight, living with a stingy man isn't easy but before you go ahead with your " not telling him my actual salary" remember that the soup you are cooking will some day bubble out of the pot! If you are ready for the consequences, fire on but if u aren't then let him know. He will definitely see your pay slip someday and the truth would be known. What would be your reasons for lying? Because men of today expect their wives to contribute their own quota into the upbringing of the home, I live in uk where the house rent is shared 50-50! Husband buys groceries this week, wife buys next week! Husband pays junior's fees, wife pays Ada's fees! Sending money home has to be in agreement with each spouse. Hehehehehehe! I just love our parents era!not this our generation at all. God help us oh.

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  7. Anonymous5/27/2013

    U need seat ur husband down and u both decide on what n what responsibility to take up.
    It won't make sense u be earning somthing n not contribute to ur home.
    The husband still takes d bigger chunck of d responsibilties while d wife auguments.
    So have a head to head chat with hubby n u both iron out d responsibilities to take up. That way there'll be peace n love.And trust me,ur husband would have mor respect for u.
    The moment u start hiding how much u earn n all that, u b creating room for secrecy. Even u sef, ur mind won't b at rest. There's nothing as peaceful as havin a free mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BEST COMMENT OF THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Delete
    2. I clearly remember the poster's comment on a certain post where she stated how she gave up lots of things and even cut her hair just to make ends meet cos her hubby wasn't supportive enough. her comment was touching and pathetic.
      If you read that comment, you won't advise her to tell her hubby the exact amount. Her hubby is most likely going to make her spend all her salary.

      Dear Poster, please for what it's worth, don't tell him the exact amount you earn. You can deduct 30-100k depending on what you actually earn and keep it to yourself.
      With what you went through to get to where you are now, you don't even need to spend a dime from your money cos you gave up a lot for your family.
      Both of you should talk about how responsibilities should be shared and who gets what but in doing that, let him know that you are not earning much. He should take the lion share sef after all he's the man!!!!

      Delete
  8. Anonymous5/27/2013

    Please don't tell him o. My boss was advising me that she made the mistake of telling her husband how much she earns. Now the husband started to limit his own spending cos he knew his wife could take care of some things.
    She also said its important to let a man take care and be in charge of everything financially, cos if he knows how much you earn he will start calculating every dime he gives you

    ReplyDelete
  9. kendra5/27/2013

    Please dont tell him what u really earn unless you are ready to foot all the bills in the house. anyone asking u to tell him what u earn with the signs hes already showing should please take back seat.... A stingy man would always be stingy,u have done so much sacrifice,I remember ur comments on how u had to cut back everything and stayed jobless cos of the kids,now they are all grown and in sch so is time for u to take care of ur self and upgrade.

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  10. Anonymous5/27/2013

    I really admire ur courage to cut down on a lot of things to make ur marriage work. God has indeed rewarded u with this job. This is a very tricky situation. If u are into business it's not that difficult to hide what u earn cos ur earnings are not regular monthly. In this case, u have a fixed monthly income and u can't hide ur true earning for long. Someday hubby will find out. Why don't u discuss with him how much u are willinging to contribute to the upkeep of the home. Say for instance he gives u 50K monthly, u might tell him to reduce it to 30 and u add the 20K. U can also tell him u are doing monthly contribution with a group of pple and u won't get ur money till the end of the year. That way he will take his eyes of ur money.

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  11. Anonymous5/27/2013

    My dear poster don't even try telling him o

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  12. I will advice that you don't get too wise over night cos it will later hurt you. Thank God you have a job now. Do you know that this job is also a blessing to him? He has been footing all the family bills, trying his best all alone all these years.

    That his big fat salary you talk about, have you sat down with him to look at the expenditure? try and you'll see that at the end of the month, he may not have anything left for himself. The cost of living is so high these days that his salary may have been going into taking care of his family. He may not even have any savings. Even if he has, it's for the good of the family.

    He is not a daft. If you try to deceive, your attitude will betray you. Your new standard of life will betray you. One careless mistake will give you away.
    Whether you sacrificed your hair and all to survive, at least he didn't abandon the kids school fees, feeding and accommodation. Now is the time to forget about what you went thru and to thank God for changing your story. If you didn't go thru those hard times, who knows, maybe you wouldn't have pushed ypourself to the level where you got that job. Even suffering can be a blessing in disguise. Remember what Joseph told his brothers when he became Governor and they came looking for food.

    While you try to upgrade your image, try also to upgrade the family as a whole. They are all you've got right now. Be wise, but do not try to deceive.

    Sit down with him. Appreciate him for all those years he took care of the family without complaining (Not that you didn't contribute o, afterall you sacrificed to stay home and look after the kids). Tell him that now you got a job and would like to know where you can be of help. Listen attentively and be wise, try not to take "feeding the family" because to me, feeding a family is more expenive than all the fees we pay in the very good schools. Feeding will be too much for you. If he asks you to assist in an area that will drain you, explain to him why that is too much. He is not a monster.

    If it means telling him to save the allowance he has been giving you since you now have a job, he will appreciate it.
    Just let him feel the difference, let him feel your financial presence, let him know that his burden has been reduced. If now that you earn some money, he still feels nothing has changed, you hide your money and he sees you spending on outrageously expensive items for yourself, he won't be happy and when he starts applying his own over sabi, you won't enjoy your marriage.

    Try to assist him in a way that is convenient for you. Like I said earlier, Let him feel your financial presence make him happy too that you got this job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You may not need to tell him about the extra's and pay raises. When you get a raise and other little monies from the office, I don't think it's necessary to tell him. #That'sMeSha.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/27/2013

      Eya that's a Godly and wise counsel and i totally agree with you,that is my opinion too.if u start lying now,u will not know wen the truth will slip out one day and wen that happens believe me he ll never trust you again

      Delete
    3. i was actually thinking of advising the poster not no tell until i read aunty Eya's comment. this is the best advice you will get on this matter.

      I believe after talking to your husband and off course appreciating him for everything he has done so far, he would respect you and appreciate any assistance you give.
      One luv

      Delete
    4. A virtous woman who can find? Anty Eya my respect for u has really gone up! Kudos, dear poster I remember ur post on how u cut ur hair n all, I thank God dat he has given u a break thru! Pls if u reduce ur salary won't dat be lying? Be true to urself, he dat has been keeping u will continue to provide. When he finds out u hv been lying how do u think he will react. Pls apply wisdom n God will direct all ur action! Congrats on d new job

      Delete
  13. Anonymous5/27/2013

    After all said here, you know your hubby better than the people on this blog and should know how he will react/feel, should he find out that you haven't been completely honest with him.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous5/27/2013

    My sister earns little above 150 evri month n her hubby still gives her moni 4d up keep of d house,herself n her kids.@d poster I just feel ur hubby is stingy,he knows u hav not bin working n he did not really help out now u hav a job he might just leave evritin 4u.I don't really know how 2advice u cos I'm not yet married but 1 tin I will say take care of urself n if by dat not telling him how much u earn so be it.but just follow ur heart.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous5/27/2013

    The first job I ever got, I told my hubby the truth and Oh My, he made sure I spent everything before the end of the month. I couldn't save a dime for myself. I lost that job.

    Now I got a new job, I quickly took my paycheck to a busness centre where another one was produced with different figures. I showed the fake one to him. Whio says he will ever see the real one? except no be me. Why do I have my room? Isn't it to let me have my privacy? We sleep in his room yes but all my stuff are in my room o. I cannot be stupid for the second time. Now I have some savings for myself and am happier cos what he thinks I earn is not what I actually earn. Be Wise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous12/29/2013

      My dear am also in d same shoes as you. My hubby wants to see my payslip. He fights me and ask me to write down everything I buy with dates, even bread and airtime. Is nt funny o. When we have misunderstandings he does nt give me trnsport money. Can u imagine! My own salary. I even have to take permission to buy clothes. So I sat down one day and told myself love is nt stupid. I divided my salary to 2 nd did a fake payslip. Still he's still stressing me. I guess he wants to kill me. Lately have been told I have high blood and am just 32 with 4kids.

      Delete
  16. Johnson5/27/2013

    Do not lie to your husband – 2 wrongs do not make a right… It is not worth the effort and headache to conceal the truth!
    It will be good idea to save (20%) of your earning via ‘osusu’… If he’s INTERESTED, let him know your TAKE-HOME pay after osusu contribution – present the full picture. By the way, do you know how much he earns?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous5/27/2013

    @ poster jst remember dat GOD is already giving u sign

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous5/27/2013

    Dear Poster, just be wise in whatever you decide to do. I had a friend that used to take all her salary to give the husband. The man actually used to decide on what they use her salary for in the house. She was unable to give him a child 2 years after they got married and the guy actually sent her out of the house. They are separated now and all her investments have gone down the drain.(I'm not saying your case will be like this). Just be wise, but please don't go the route of fake payslips.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous5/27/2013

    My dear,I suppose u know what he earns, he probably told you. So why will you not tell him urs. All the same I try to understand ur stand, there is nothing a peaceful dialogue will not settle. Prayerfully approach him on the subject, and u'll be surprise with the outcome.God's grace

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I bet no,No man will actually tell you what he earns, my dear are you a leaner! huh my sis,i know i only experienced that married fantasy for 2 yrs but if anything i write here is wrong then don't listen to me. When your man knows what you earn he makes sure
      1. You don't ask for money at all
      2. Take care of the bills when you come across them
      3. Don't mention kitchen needs,for crying out loud you are a woman
      4. Those other women that make their hairs and buy cosmetics and also shop for their children are they better than you
      5. What if am not there won't you do all this
      6. You should know other responsibilities fall under my care although i'll see what i can do.
      Well this is how stingy men think. So my dear all u need to do is don't let him even know how much you earn cos he already knows you earn something and knows for your caliber you're worth something tangible to carter for the house. I told my family how much i earn and from the day of my alert i get raped of my pay with them not minding its not even enough. If all don't fail to ask for money because we women need money all the time. Please save up cos your family is not the only one you have remember the ones outside your four corner walls.... Good luck

      Delete
  20. Anonymous5/27/2013

    My dear u r already seeing signs. Just be nice enough to contribute something to d up keep of the house then keep some for ur svings no matter wat.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous5/27/2013

    My dear, information management can be a wise decision. If you are earning say 100k, tell him you are earning 70k and make your contributions to the home from there. There are so many cases of stingy men in the society. From your story, you have suffered enough, be wise and take good care of yourself.

    No one is telling you not to carry some financial weight around your home, but if you are going to do so, do so wisely. Carry the weight from the adjusted figure you've given him.

    If he's the meticulous type that needs proof of your salary via your payslip, arrange for him, if not, just let him know by word of mouth. But, if he has access to your account details and statement, then............. it will be a long story.

    In short, if its something you can get away it, take advantage of it.

    ReplyDelete
  22. first of all,has he asked you yet?pls keep mute if he doesnt ask.

    2ndly,if your fears is about spending all that you earn,join co-operative in your organization and save money and/or look for an insurance company that you will save money out of your salary.

    My sister my friend,upgrade yourself but do it wisely.Spend and save as if you will lose your job tomorrow.

    To all.........we may earn fat/slim salaries but at the end of the year ask yourself what you have achieved so far (investment.

    my candid advice

    ReplyDelete
  23. Me self be wan tell am make she no talk, but after reading aunty Eya's comment i changed my mind.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous5/27/2013

    Biko no talk o...i told my hubby wat I earn and now every little thing he expects me to take care of it. Mind u, I do more things in the house than him and he earns double my salary. Plz try and save for rainy days.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I remain gallant5/27/2013

    Madam, wisdom is highly needed here o, u wear the shoes,.so u shld know how it pinches o. With the way men behave dis days, madam shine ur eyes o.am not married o, immediately I got a job, I went to my bank to start a life-savings account, a certain percentage of my salary is being deducted automatically on a monthly basis, and I can't touch it until after 2yrs or I leave it until weneva I need it, so dat even wen I marry, I know I av a secret savings sumwia o, I no de for story story wit any man o, I have seen and heard things that pple endure in dia marriages.pls save.

    ReplyDelete
  26. my own case is that,am working now but my husband feel very reluctant to even give me money to cook food,why becos am working, and he has no job,but something he do some kind of business but when he has the money he will not even tell me, but he is expecting me to tell him what i earn. but some years ago i have been telling him what i earn but now that i have seen his habit i decide to hide some of my earning.

    ReplyDelete
  27. its so sad that many women here all talk about saving money for you and the kids. Its as if you are preparing for the inevitable. While it is understandable that not all of us are in happy homes, such an attitude of “him vs us”(wife and kids) is detrimental to the smooth running of a functional home. The reason why he is acting like that is because there is already tension in the home although it might not have spilled into the open yet. There is a lack of communication between them. All he wants to know is that the bills should be split so every one knows their responsibility. Although he can foot it all, it makes him respect her more that she is contributing. She is the same as him anyway as she started describing his wage as "fat" meaning you have the money so pay for it. Not very advisable especially in this age of the modern woman.. He deserves to save more than her as he will always be the go to guy anyway in most situations. So if she had been saying to him before she got the job that "when I start working I will help you out with the bills" then he will not be acting that way. But it seems that the lady in question wants to live by the age old african lady feminist quote "what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine" I wonder how she would treat him if the shoe was on the other foot. Yess I am a man. lol

    ReplyDelete

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