Is It Proper To Tell Her?

Hello Eya, 
I am a big WC fan who  needs help from fellow blog readers. Recently I am having different thoughts about my very good friend. We have been friends for about five years now. There is nothing about me she doesn't know. When I have misunderstandings with my babe, she is the one I run toactually....... I can't put her name here cos I don't know if she reads your blog but she is my confidant and a very good one at that.

Twice she has settled our fights with my girlfriend. 
On her part, she is very
open to me. She comes to me for every advice on how to relate with her boyfriend and honestly  trusts my judgements. In the last five years of our friendship, she has dated two guys while I have dated 3 babes. Her relationships didn't work out just like mine. I will be thirty four in August while she is in her late twenties. Honestly,when people see us together they think we are dating but it's not true. Most people don't believe that we do not sleep together. 

For all the years we have been close and friends, it never occurred to me that she could be more than just a friend. In the last two months I have been thinking of settling down. I have a girlfriend who she knows, They relate well too. But with the benefit of hindsight, my relationship with her won't end in marriage because already I am seeing characteristics I won't want in my wife. 

Twice she slapped me and that is a no no for me. I am too gentlemanly for rough and wayward lifestyles. I have never raised my hand at her but when we have a little argument, she is very fast to slap my face. I can't marry a woman who beats me because I will never hit her.

When I started thinking of marriage, the only thought in my mind is Nadia ( Permit me call her that). It baffles me that all this while we have been friends, it never occurred to me that we could be more than friends. 

We have slept in the same house before. She visited, it rained so hard I couldn't take her home and she had to crash at my place. Nothing happened, we gisted, got tired and she threw one pillow at me to go sleep in the guest room cos she didn't like my unkempt guest room. In the morning, she left.

When I got the news of my appointment, we were together in my car and out of excitement, I unconsciously kissed her before realizing myself. After that short kiss, nothing happened again. We never talked about it and it just went away.

I want my friend to be the one I'll spend the rest of my life with but do not know how to go about letting her know. It's hard for me. I never had a friend like her and will never ever want to destroy this friendship we share. I confided in a male friend and was told this could be the end of our friendship. I was advised against making any move that may jeopardize our friendship.

I resorted to bringing the matter here because I always read sound and intelligent advice on WC. Can you please publish it on your blog, I need advise. Kindly do me a favour by deleting my email address.
Thank you fellow readers, Please help a confused guy, I need your  advice.

Comments

  1. Barbie5/18/2013

    Ewoooooo, see how man wan take im hand destroy him correct friendship.
    I think you should just go look for a wife elsewhere and leave your friend alone, biko.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/18/2013

      I had a male besties @ a time, he had Long term relationship(9yrs) but d girl was very unfaithful,bad-mannered and took d dude's affection and faithfulness to her for granted(She was his first and only GF @ d time)....

      Well,I am d 2nd woman he'll date and will be getting married @ d end of dis year.. And We are still best of friends and best of lovers...

      Remember God only wants d best for you,Pray about her,if She's d woman for you,don't force it..it will occur naturally.

      Lush.

      Delete
  2. Hello poster, it is true they say one should marry his or her best friend but I also often hear that some people are destined to be friends and not couple. Whatever your belief is; pray about this situation and ask God to reveal to you if your best friend is fit as a wife for you. As for your bruce lee girl firend, abeg end that relationship. If she slaps you now , in marriage she will pour you hot ogbono soup. Another thing you can do is jokingly ask your bestfriend if she has ever thought of the possibility of both of you settling as man ans wife.
    I pray you find answers.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous5/18/2013

    I understand how you feel but since both of you are mature, there's nothing bad in you letting her know how you feel about her, the approach is what you should fathom out. So that she doesn't feel disappointed. Don't worry, let her know and add that if she's not interested, your friendship continues. All the best!

    ReplyDelete
  4. What was her reaction when you kissed her? Did she look unhappy and disappointed?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. POSTER5/18/2013

      She smiled very briefly but didn't say a word.

      Delete
    2. If she smiled briefly and wasnt so angry, better go for it.
      Why? It's easier to regret things not done than things done.

      Either 2 things will happen
      1. She will say NO. You will ask her to think carefully again abt it. If it's still no, apologize ask that things go back to normal. It will take time but it ll return to normalcy.

      2. She will say YES and both of U will be the happiest u hv ever known. Friends, make the best marriages bc communication gap isnt a problem.

      I know firsthand bc b4 we got married, I and my husband were just friends and infact I dated pple he knew. But 2day even amidst our lil quarrels, I just yab him or otherwise and we continue life.

      So check every other thing that might be important like faith etc, if they are okay, please discuss it (just like u hv explained to us - that no1 else makes u complete xpt her) and then ask her.

      Oh, it might change tgs a bit, esp if she says Yes, the shyness ll begin, bt soon everything ll smoothen out.
      Good luck

      Delete
  5. Anonymous5/18/2013

    I really feel for you, pls don't hesitate 2 tell her, she mite be feeling the same way too. Drs no harm in trying!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Frances5/18/2013

    For all you know, your friend may be having those feelings for you too. I have a great friend who confides a lot in me. I started developing feelings for him but am keeping them to myself.

    Hoping he too feels something for me. There is nothing I can do about it but I've told myself that the day he tries to show any kind of affection eh, I will kill him with love.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous5/18/2013

    If she's not in any relationship u can tell her abt ur feelings ull b suprised dat she also has d same feelings for you.she evn responded to ur kiss witout complaining,abeg dis babe has feelings for u too.abeg xpress ursef by telln her if she disagrees no wahala just continue wit ur normal friendship it won't change anything.wish u luck

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous5/18/2013

    Pls dont die in silence bcos there's no harm in trying. After all her current bf has not proposed 2 her. Find a way 2 tell her how u feel. Dis feeling cld be mutual. Let her know u want her as ur wife not just a girlfriend so she wont think dis is abt sex. Wat u r looking 4 in sokoto cld be right there in ur sokoto-trouser.
    Yucee.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous5/18/2013

    I can relate to dis cos I've been in dis kinda situation nd somtimes I still regret why I never him how I felt about him(he was actually feeling the same way I felt) so I tink you shld just let her know hw u feel,dere's no harm in tryin..

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous5/18/2013

    *never told him

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hmmm. This is dicey o. It happened to me too. He was my best friend, but at the point he let me know, I didn't feel that way about him. Needless to say, we aren't friends now. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, cos I don't think DH would have found our closeness funny. You know what? You only live once. Tell her everything. You might be surprised. But you need to end your present relationship first, she will take you more seriously then. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Fyn Ijebu Chic5/18/2013

    Sincerely I think u shd let her knw bt make sure u end ur relationship with Hulk Hogan first.
    U myt as well be surprise. My fiance and I were gud friends for 4yrs and for those 4yrs I loved him bt he never said anytin and being d type of person I am, I cud tell him. The day he asked me out was d bestest day in my life.
    U can start with this introduction: ' Nadia, I want you to tell you something that myt change the course of our friendship. Bt wateva ur response will be, I will like us to continue being friends cos I hold u in high esteem and cherish our friendship'
    #dnt forget to thank me later
    #am out!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fyn Ijebu Chic5/18/2013

      *cud nt tell him*

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/18/2013

      You've said it all.
      ...pj

      Delete
  13. Tell her your feelings. Plan it well and go over how you'll tell her about it. The worst that can happen is that she'll say she's not interested but it doesnt mean your friendship will end. Is it better for you not to have tried and always wonder or for you to try and even if it doesn't work at least you'll know you tried?
    Personally, I've seen very good friendships lead to marriage because most times the two friends know each other so well and are so comfortable with each other. If you don't marry your friend who else will you marry?
    You kissed her and she didn't resist even though you both didn't talk about it. That to me is a good sign.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Before I forget, end your relationship with the other girl first and you may have to wait a while before letting her know your feelings.

      Delete
  14. Hmmmm, I can relate to your story. I remember crying so much on his wedding day. I was his adviser and helped with all the planning. I stood by himm when he was dumped by the first girl but never could bring myself to tell him I loved him.

    He met his present wife, told me about their meeting, later we planned the wedding.
    I have never cried that much in my life. God help you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't imagine how heart-broken u must have felt :-(
      Hope u've found happiness.

      Delete
  15. Galaxy babe5/18/2013

    Come here poster, are you a learner? You are looking at your darling wife and being timid. Wait until someone sweeps her away, then you regret all your life.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous5/18/2013

    The embarrassment I felt when I revealed my feelings to my great friend and he said we should just continue to be friends. we r still friends anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I need help too. Mine is a married woman. We became friends and rcently I'm beginning to miss her more than I miss my babe. I can talk with her the whole day without getting tired.

    What is weird about this feeling is the fact that we've never met. We only chat, and my chat sessions with her are fun. Nothing dirty, just chatting like friends would but I always wish we just continue non stop. What can I do? Should I block her?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mz Tee5/18/2013

      U berra leave her alone! D grass always looks greener on d other side. She's a no no! Oga fleeeeee!

      Delete
    2. Mz Tee5/18/2013

      U berra leave her alone! D grass always looks greener on d other side. She's a no no! Oga fleeeeee!

      Delete
    3. No, don't block her eh, keep chatting#PunIntended.
      Of course, don't just block her. If it's facebook, un-friend and block, if it's whatsapp, block and delete her number, if it's bbm, delete and block. Shikena.
      You already know all these things have only one outcome. Better act fast now before it is too late and painful for her marriage and your relationship.

      Delete
  18. sexyeyes5/18/2013

    Dear poster
    Pls let your intensions be made known 2 ur bestie. Wat if she hs been liking u secretly wwithout letting u know? Biko tell her and mak sure you approach her nicely. Most times its alwz very good 2 marry your friend. U kissed her and she smiled if she didn't lik it she wuld hv cleaned her mouth immediately mak ur spit 2 dry 4 her lip lol. Jst let her know how you feel about her dats all.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I think u should break up with ur gf as others have said. Take the bull by the horns, take ur friend on a date and tell her how u feel.

    U didn't say if she's currently in a relationship, and if she is, how it's faring.

    If she isn't, make ur move, sharpish!

    Bear in mind however, if she does reject ur offer, ur friendship may never be the same again.

    I still think though that it's better to make a move and risk being knocked back than to live ur life never knowing what might have been.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous5/18/2013

    Aunty eya check your mails pls. I seriously need advice.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous5/18/2013

    It will be very rude of you to just block her without letting her know first.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous5/18/2013

    Me too, please check your mails.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Chioma5/18/2013

    Dear poster pls b ready 4 d 3rd slap wen u tell ur hijacker gf dat its over....hehehehehehe rubish geh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/18/2013

      Hahahahahaha @ be ready 4 d 3rd slap. Jst pray she doesn slap u again

      Delete
  24. Anonymous5/18/2013

    Sorry2steal ur post but I think u had enuff advice already,lol.guys av bin confused,I don't min2cause any brouhaha bout lesbianism here but I need2b sure of wat I plan2do 2day.my fiance n I hardly hide nythin 4rm eachoda,recently he got a girl pregnant n she had d baby.he didn't av d courage2tell me @1st bt every1 around him forced him bcos dey knew I didn't deserved2marry him without knowing wats in store.anyway he told me n it wasn't funny2say d least I cried I felt hurt n betrayed.I ended it severally but he remained steadfast in trying2convince me he's genuinely sorry.so I let d matter go,can't 4get but I 4gave him n we are bck 2geda,now d issue is I feel guilty cos ders a huge secret in my past too dat I avent told him.about say 6yrs ago I was introduced 2lesbiansm,have slept with bout 6girls in all.I did it den bcos I think I was bored of men n out of curiousity n wen u start,OMG it blows ur mind away n u cud b hooked4a while.but sumhow I started withdrawing 4rm it,I simply felt y wud I b engaging in sumthin am nt proud of,sumthin dat made me ashamed d moment I climax.so when I met him,he took my mind of it completely.he satisfies me too much 4my mind2even waunder der.d issue now in d 2yrs we've bin dating we've had talks bout lesbians(he's liberal bout it)but av neva had d courage2tell him.infact he knows an ex gf of mine(she's now jus a platonic friend)but he doesn't know we eva had sex.dunno if I shud jus kip dis 2myself till eternity or I shud tell him cause its d right thing2do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sexyeyes5/18/2013

      My dear are you a learner? You 4gave him does dat mean he will 4give u?How u want mak he tak dey look u sef? Abeg confess you sins 2 God and beg 4 4givness den close d chapter. Must 2 tell a guy about all ur past????? Its past 4get it , He met d new you and not the old you.You hv changed so move on with ur boo . Biko if you tell him is he God? Does he hav the power 2 4give you?
      My dear dont act as a learner Ooº°˚.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/18/2013

      BESTEST COMMENT by sexyeyes!

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/18/2013

      On point sexyeyes!

      Delete
    4. Anonymous5/18/2013

      Thnks sexyeyes,u re right!its God I offended.I don't want him2eva c me as a lesbian(sorry2lesbians o)it was jus a thing of heavy shame4me.*sighofrelief* @anon 2.50 no1 can tell him cos I was highly secretive,no family member or close friend of mine knew.I cudnt bring mysef2tell my best friend.n I cut off 4rm all but 1of d girls,who am 100% sre won't tell.

      Delete
  25. Anonymous5/18/2013

    My dear, tell him o. Its better he hears it from you than hearing it from someone else. If he really loves you he will still stay around.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Blessings......
    hmmmmm, I have some concerns that everyone seem to be glossed over here in favor of you communicating what may possibly be something more than friendship. You do not sound sure and that in itself is a flag to hold your tongue until you are 100% sure. Those concerns you echoed in terms her propensity for violence is right on, you have good instincts, do not ignore them.
    You are right to take issue with her hitting you, that can lead down a very nasty path one with you feeling diminished and emasculated as a man feeling that will seriously impact your self-esteem and self-worth no one person is worth that and your sense of self (self-worth) is simply not a good trade off for the potentiality of something. I will say that is enough of a red flag to keep those feelings to yourself and set some boundaries in this relationship/friendship.

    Second concern is, you implied your feelings “maybe” more than friendship because you are looking to settle and she seem to come up in your mind. I challenge you to really examine that because your first concern, a very legitimate one, one that can color your world black and gray needs some serious focus. It may not be that what you feel is more rather there are some traits/characteristics of this friendship/relationship that you enjoy that you would love to have in your marriage relationship and that is one of camaraderie, trust, honesty, openness and acceptance. I dare say those things can be built with another. In fact I will say that these elements are the blue print for you seeking a wife and it does not necessarily translate to it being her as that wife.

    I would suggest taking a step back and really examining your feelings and not be swayed by the comfortableness you feel with this friend. Go back to that gut instinct that is talking to you, that one outlining the characteristics of what you desire in a wife. Do not under any circumstances ignore the red flags you have seen and experience, to do that is to dishonor yourself, a mistake that has the real likelihood to be a problem down the road. All too often we ignore our warnings signals when we encounter, experience things with others in preference of what we feel could be great to our own detriment. The "potential" of something can never be measured with the reality of something, so be careful. Your heart and head must be in alignment, do not choose to be unevenly yoked. The biggest mistake you can make is fall in love with this woman's potential (the possibility of who she could be if things work out in just the right way, in the right time for the right reason and circumstance) and push aside your God given instincts. Remember love, trust, honesty, openness, and great communication can be built with another and it is not exclusive to just this one person. Do not fall for the conveniences of familiarity and blind yourself to the reality, violence is no joke and should never be taken lightly; it all starts with a slap and escalates quickly to something hideously more.

    peace.....
    Take it to the blessed Father, ask for guidance, as for truth (and be willing to listen to it & own it) in a way that is understandable and comprehensible to/for you and remember in all things honor the voice he has given you in way of instincts and gut knowing.

    People have opinions but you are the only one that will have to live with your decisions/choices.

    peace.
    https://twitter.com/rhapsodyphoenix
    http://pinterest.com/rhapsodyphoenix/
    https://www.facebook.com/RhapsodyPhoenix
    http://www.shelfari.com/rhapsodyphoenix
    https://plus.google.com/101099217204323189067
    http://s599.photobucket.com/profile/rhapsodeez

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Blessings Eya;
      I came back searching for your counsel to this writer however there seems to be none or perhaps you did it privately?

      I would hope the later is the reason I have not seen your input here in terms of your suggestion/advice to the writer. Its great that we all weigh in as a forum to lend some clarity however it is your counsel the person is seeking yet strangely it is missing? Perhaps you have answered privately?

      Delete
    3. Hi Rhapsody, thanks for coming back. In my reply to him, I advised that he treads carefully. I told him there is nothing wrong with telling her but also that he should be ready for a yes or no and should know that their relationship will not remain the same after that. They will either become lovers and grow closer or become more distant because she doesn't feel that way for him.

      Delete
  27. Please follow the advice of others and let us know how far. Wish you the very best and make you get the desires.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dear poster, y don't u pray over it first, do a 3days fastin n prayer and ask God to give u a sign or show u if ur bestie is meant for you. Since u guys communicate well den I think its good. Wish u guys d best. Pls give us feedback oo.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Dear poster, y don't u pray over it, do a 3days fasting and prayer and ask God to direct ur part, to show u or give u a sign to know if she (ur bestie)is yours. Goodluck, pls let's know wat happens next.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Dear anon 1:55pm, dis is what u guys should ve discussed wen u just met, u shud ve talked about ur past. If u had talked about it, it wud ve helped a lot. My dear tell him about ur past now b4 he finds out outside which will bcom a disaster. If he urs, he will surely forgive u n be wit u. Goodluck.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous5/19/2013

    Dear Poster, My advise is that you honestly pray about it and when you feel right about it, both of you should have a serious matured conversation about how you feel about each other and be as honest as you can. Do not pressure her at all, if she says shes not sure, let her go and pray about it too and if its a No, then let her be, if you can continue as friends, continue and if God has ordained it for both of you to be, nothing will stop it. If truly she is your real friend, no matter how you confess your feelings to her, she would not see you less of a friend. I also had a male best friend too but now we are getting married next year BGG. So poster, give it a try and open up to her! As for your current girl, please speak to her about the attitude and move on with your life, even if it is not with your bestfriend. God Bless

    ReplyDelete
  32. Give it a try...sometimes, your spouse could be dangling right before you and you wouldn't know. It's obvious you've started having feelings about her. Just tell her about it and wait and watch.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Feel free to email us with comments, suggestions, recipe ideas, or pretty much anything!
Contact Email: cuulme@gmail.com

Most comments are by other blog readers. Always seek Professional Help First.
“As an Amazon Associate I earn a little commission when you shop from links placed on this blog.”

SHARE THIS POST

RELATED

SHOP HERE

BLOG VIEWS