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Is He Cheating: If He Is, How Do I find Out?

Hi Eya, great work you are doing here. U'v been able 2 make a family out of your bloggers. KUDOS.

    #WHEW#.....it was really difficult 4 me 2 make up my mind 2 ask these questions here because

I'm not one that likes 2 bring in third parties in2 my relationship,I rada iron it out wit whoever is involved, bt I had 2,I can't continue feeling lyk "superwoman".

     Ok. So,I have been seeing this great guy 4 like 8months n counting now,2 say that it's been a great relationship is an understatement. It's not lyk we don't hv misunderstandings but d gud tin is that we never let it cross over 2 d next day,neither do we involve third parties. We believe in settling it between ourselves because we're d ones directly involved. Most times our friends bring their issues 4 us 2 settle n we help them iron it out and they always ask if we never quarrel 4 dem 2 settle us 2,but what they don't know is that even when we are quarreling, we laugh n play in deir midst as if everything is ok but wen we go behind closed doors we continue 4rm where we stopped. (Ok, enough of d intro). 


So, I have been dating this guy 4 more dan 8months n I never cheated on him but he has(@least I know of one,don't know if it's more dan dat). I've never had any reason 2 suspect him cos he's always with me(he's out of job now,but will soon b on his feet again. I believe in him). 

I'm not a materialistic or money conscious babe, and if I say I'm pretty, I mean I'm pretty so I have lots of guys on my neck and he even knws it,he even complimented me once saying that it's difficult 2 find a young,pretty,honest,single lady these days that'll stand by her man thru thick n thin without cheating even wen she has rich dudes asking her out n that he was proud of me..... but I dont double date even doh he doesn't give me all d money in d world(he's a giver doh). 

I have stood by him all this time n Neva looked outside and I don't intend 2 unless he gives me a reason 2 n that'll be if I catch him cheating again. 

This guy is very conscious of his phone, he neva let's u touch it n I try not 2 (wat u don't know doesn't kill u)even doh d urge 2 do so is very strong but I know that if I do, yawa must burst cos I must see things.

Now, my problem is this,I started praying 2 God not 2 let me suffer 4 noting,I mean,let him b blind 2 oda gals wen he finally gets back on his feet,nt afta standing by him anoda chic 4rm no where will come n reap where she did not sow n since I started praying dis prayer,iv been having dreams of him cheating. 

D only dreams I ever hv of him are where I see him cheating (in fact, b4 I decided 2 send this mail, I just woke up 4rm one where I was with him in a room (I was sleeping on d bed) and he was expecting a babe so when she came, I was alert but still pretending 2 be asleep so I could see their every move.

They were sitting opposite me but they got up and went 2 my right where I couldn't see them clearly but I was able 2 turn my neck without them noticing, I saw him grab this babe n started kissing her profusely n even committing touchery, I had 2 wake up cos I felt it was a nightmare. This is just one of d dreams, I had several dreams of him cheating n wen I tell him what I see,he just laughs.

 I'm very confused o cos I know that d holy spirit is chief amoeba n it cant be showing these kind of dreams 4 nothing. My question now is apart 4rm checking his phone, what oda ways can I use 2 find out if he's cheating???
 I need 2 know cos I don't deserve 2 be cheated on.

 Sorry about d length of my mail but I just had 2 give details 4 a better understanding.
Anticipating your replies my fellow bloggers. Sori I won't write my name cos I'm a regular name here.


Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Comments

  1. Anonymous5/01/2013

    I feel its cos of wats on ur mind,n pple here will tell u no nid2check dey re sure he's cheating.lol,my dear u can't give ursef HBP bcos of a man,try 2remove ur mind.bt b4 u do,sit him down serious n tell him ur concerns,tell him if he confesses now u promise nt2hold it against him bt u nid2know d truth 2set ur mind free.anyoda way will b checking his 4nes,whic is wrong.

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  2. Babe,u better follow what the holyspirit is telling you. Do not ignore the dreams and then enter into marriage with this guy,and then later say" had I known" and begin to look for ways to fix what God had already shown you clearly before the marriage would be a problem.

    You've prayed that God show you,he's showing. Boyfriend doesn't allow you touch his phone(which I'm sure is full of things that will reinforce ur suspicion of him being a cheater),and youve already caught him cheating Once. The signs are all over the place physically and spiritually! What else do u want? Him to carry a placard?

    I believe in dreams,cus God uses it to talk to his children and to reveal situations.Please we single sisters need to be more sensitive to the promptings of the holy spirit,and be more alert to signs wen we are with a man,so we are not caught unawares or we find ourselves trapped in a hellish marriage.

    The bad Marriage stories are too much these days and its becoming alarming. Enough is Enough already. Do not ignore signs you already see and be looking for ways to catch him.ladies see this signs and ignore them and later on in marriage begin to endure all sorts and then make it seem like Men are monsters and marriage is bad bla bla but the signs were there from the beginning!

    Instead ask God to help u catch him since he's already showing you through dreams what he's capable of.

    Do not ignore the signs and become another sad marriage story please.

    A broken Relationship is better than a Broken Marriage.

    May God guide you.

    www.soulspasms.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/01/2013

      Madam na everybody una wan mke e end him relationship?na wa o.dats d only solution u guys always av here.if she ends it n den marry anoda person dat didn't cheat b4 wedding bt started cheating afta nko?yoruba will say oribebe kon se ogun ori fifo (cutting off of d head isn't a solution2headache).lil things dat can easily b resolved u pple will quickly say end it,like its easy.now u've closed ur eyes 2all d good things d girl said bout d guy.my dear poster am d 1st anon,pls sit him down n talk2him.if he truly loves u,even if he's cheating.he'll find a way 2shed dem off n den kip praying4him

      Delete
    2. Anon,I said my own opinion,why don't u say yours? Its what I believe can help her that I said. Instead of jumping on my comment and imposing yours over mine,why don't u say what u merrily have to say and move it along? Last time I checked everybody liked this blog cus of the mature responses.I don't respond to ppl's opinion no matter what I think about them,I just say mine and leave.
      I think u should do same to me too. If u don't like my opinion,say your own bit,and leave.

      And bonario,subbing me will not make ur opinion more valid than mine. I talk about the holyspirit because he's all I know and he's helped me. I can't give what I don't have,its advice that I know has helped me that I tell ppl. Topics that I'm not very well informed on or I simpy have no idea what I would do,I simply let those who know talk.

      Last I checked this blog allowed freedom of speech and ppl commended this blog for the maturity of comments.Let's keep it that way. Don't jump on my comments if u have a different opinion,or sub me. Say your piece,let me say mine.

      www.soulspasms.com

      Delete
    3. Oh dear, I have traveled this road and it was not easy. I dunno why people get irritated when they hear about the word of God and the Holy Spirit. Forgetting that Jesus Himself sent the Holy Spirit to us to be our everything the same way Jesus was everything to the disciples.

      Oh well, I'll blame the god of this world...

      Dear poster, I suggest you listen to to your heart of hearts and try and check his phone when you are so sure he wont catch you. Dats what I will do o..in fact, the more you hide it, the more I can't stay away from it.... Submission does not count when you are dating. You are only to submit to your HUSBAND.

      (I hope someone doesn't eat me raw for 'HUSBAND')....lool...

      Delete
    4. Ahdaisy. :)

      Ahdaisy U should visit my blog you know. and everybody else. You'll love it. Stories are funny and witty...and er..with elements of truth! Hehehe :D

      Soulspasms: Sharing Life's experiences through Literature. Pls visit and comment! Thanks all! :D :*

      www.soulspasms.com

      Delete
    5. @ Soulspasms...Done! :-)

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    6. No no way @Soulspasms,I was only refering to where the lady said she KNOWS HOLY SPIRIT IS THE CHIEF AMEBO. Trying to relegate ur opinion is the least I could think of.

      ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

      Delete
    7. @ Bonario, wow, do you know I dint get that part? It sounded so offensive to be true so I assumed it was some kinda typo. Now I get ur comment.

      Delete
    8. Anonymous5/02/2013

      Ahdaisy the '(I hope someone doesn't eat me raw for 'HUSBAND')....lool...' wasn't necessary, haba. No need for snide comments.
      You have 'atenumo'

      Delete
    9. Lol@ Anon...it's just a joke na.., we all have a take a chill pill. By now, such references should be something we can laugh off... No be so friends or siblings dey do?

      Delete
  3. Sorry Sister....

    Dreams most times come from the abundance of what you meddled with in your conscious and subconscious states.

    You have given us no absolute reason(s) to join you in doubting him...

    Like I also say, we Nigerians attach so much spirituality to every issue, if the white men were all Nigerians science won't exist.


    Take ur time and be yourself, don't even bother urself. Like I always say 95% of men cheat or had cheated on their spouse, wife of lover. Am not saying its a good deed but it's just an irony.

    Your Case is solved!
    GO, and sin no more...

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  4. Looolz the way people talk about the Holy spirit like he's a neighbour or a follower on twitter. Dear u dreamt about what has been in ur mind.
    U hold the solution to ur problem,seems u've not made up ur mind pertaining the relation. The earlier u makeup ur mind the better for u. And stop counting losses.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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  5. Anonymous5/01/2013

    Tnx 4 d replies so far guys. @ Ace Bentley,no he hasn't given me any gud reason 2 doubt him jst yet bt u knw its always gud 2 b prepared dan 2 b taken unawares,dat one can kill faster dan a bullet.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anon,I said my own opinion,why don't u say yours? Its what I believe can help her that I said. Instead of jumping on my comment and imposing yours over mine,why don't u say what u merrily have to say and move it along? Last time I checked everybody liked this blog cus of the mature responses.I don't respond to ppl's opinion no matter what I think about them,I just say mine and leave.
    I think u should do same to me too. If u don't like my opinion,say your own bit,and leave.

    And bonario,subbing me will not make ur opinion more valid than mine. I talk about the holyspirit because he's all I know and he's helped me. I can't give what I don't have,its advice that I know has helped me that I tell ppl. Topics that I'm not very well informed on or I simpy have no idea what I would do,I simply let those who know talk.

    Last I checked this blog allowed freedom of speech and ppl commended this blog for the maturity of comments.Let's keep it that way. Don't jump on my comments if u have a different opinion,or sub me. Say your piece,let me say mine.

    www.soulspasms.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lolz like seriously u think I will try to condescend ur opinion,for what na? As in this stuff so got to me coz dat was the least on my mind. I was actually refering to where she called the Holy Spirit Amebo and I did dat on a lighter note.

      ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

      Delete
  7. lol Bonario the holyspirit is our teacher and bestfriend, not just a neighbor. Experience is no longer the best teacher, the Holy Spirit is! That being said, my dear in a relationship, transparency and honesty is VERY key. you should sound it in his ears that you value honesty. The guy may be a good guy but i have a problem with him not allowing you to touch his phone. What exactly does he not want you to see? before any lady gets married, she deserves to know what she's getting herself into. You need to knw his reason and be sure its something you can handle. As for your dreams, they may either be as a result of your thoughts or it might be God giving you signs. Ask yourself if you have peace in your relationship. One sure way i know God's will in any situation is if i have peace of mind about that particular thing. Keep praying about it and dont ignore the signs :) goodluck.

    ReplyDelete
  8. @Ahdaisy, no inventor has credited his findings/ discovery to the holy spirit, not even Isaac Newton, Faraday or even Steve Jobs, except for the African/Ghananian Kekule that claimed to have seen the benzene ring in his dream.

    My Question, why do we get over board with spirituality ex precisely in Nigeria. All our problems must have a spiritual twist. Even the bible asked us to "work and pray"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank God, you said it yourself... Work and Pray. If there was nothing spiritual about all our problems, it would be ‘work and work'!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/01/2013

      lool @ Ace, u musnt think like the whiteman ooh..i keep saying y we are too spiritual in nigeria is that things happen n most of them are things we might notunderstand with the physical eye. the white man doesnt even see as much as we see in Africa so hence their own way of life! How many of their great grand fathers n ancestors kept idols the way our people kept or dont uno the 1st set of pple that landed in America were the puritans(they had their own wicked stuffs, but they were christian inclined),so when u come from a foundation that isnt as shaky, mayb u can try to play arnd n nt acknowledge God in all u do! but coming from some foundations we came frm, dnt even compare the white man! God made u black for a reason, so act according to the things arnd u n leave the white man alone.
      Ahdaisy thanks for the response..

      Delete
  9. Anonymous5/01/2013

    My dear follow ur heart o. Do ur fbi tinz. I prayed, I saw evidence, I forgave. I don marry, its not even up to 2yrs n I don cry taya...infact starting from 2wks b4 my trad, one month after trad..one babe after d other (all dis I discovered dis year). So follow ur heart my dear. Apart from d cheating he is a great guy, helps out @ home, comes home b4 seven, doesn't hangout on weekends. U knw urself, how great r ur intuitions, r ur dreams usually reliable?

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  10. Anonymous5/01/2013

    My dear follow ur heart o. Do ur fbi tinz. I prayed, I saw evidence, I forgave. I don marry, its not even up to 2yrs n I don cry taya...infact starting from 2wks b4 my trad, one month after trad..one babe after d other (all dis I discovered dis year). So follow ur heart my dear. Apart from d cheating he is a great guy, helps out @ home, comes home b4 seven, doesn't hangout on weekends. U knw urself, how great r ur intuitions, r ur dreams usually reliable?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Okay. Madam poster why bother your self with ideas on how to know when your man is cheating? And pls when you find out what will u do? Lol take a walk I suppose........Oya weldone
    Pls turn to FBI when you find what you want, Pls don't tell us he broke ur heart oooh, Bcos u broke it urself after getting what u always wanted. More seriously act like u are the only woman in the world and you ain't in a competition with no one. That way you are secured.
    Unto the next one

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  12. Infact am speechless. Your relationship is still on dating level yet you want to give yrself cardiac arrest. now all you dream about is him cheating on you, (another girl from no where will come and take over) i will advise you to swallow his phone and [dìck] so dat he will not have anything to cheat on you with. After standing by him, e be like say you follow am go farm. Mind you am not trying to be harsh here but it beat my heart to see /hear girls leaving like dis.

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  13. Anonymous5/01/2013

    My dear dreams doest not work sometime.it can be devil tricks.pray harder.ask for GOD intervation.

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  14. Johnson5/01/2013

    All you want to do now is catch the guy…? babe, na wa o! Assuming your man, truly, never cheated on you and you got married to him to discover one day that he cheated – what would you do? Ladies, is cheating on the topmost list of criteria you do not want in a potential husband? Where do you place the following: lying, mummy’s boy, stingy, occultic, woman beater, womanizer (different from a cheater), idol worshipper, lazy bones, over possessive, authoritative, spirit of anger and jealousy, etc.
    I have had friends that I know cheated on their fiancée but were changed men after marriage; while there are some that are ‘the boy is good’ kind of person and turned womanizer after marriage (maybe money enter hand and the guy’s confidence to approach women increased).
    Please, marry a man that loves and honor God. He might fail (fall) in some areas but would get better with time. The Holy Spirit will help him to deal with weaknesses in his life. When he does something wrong, Holy Ghost koboko will flog him and he will know better… Also ladies, check yourselves to ensure that what attracted the guy to you is enhanced – no leave yourself because you don become iyawo.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous5/01/2013

    Give urself a break. Date other guys, to movies, wherever, just to feel d break. Dat'll give u more esteem and make d guy appreciate u d more. I don't mean sleep with dem o, ur fidelity shld still count. U didn't say if ur guy has proposed to marry u, d more reason u shld date other guys,give urself fresh air. Carry boyfriends on ur shlder o so if d load becomes too heavy u can easily bend ur shlder to get d load off. He has not married u he's giving restrictn over phone where will 2 become 1.

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  16. Anonymous5/01/2013

    OmG! This sounds just like my story!! I actually had goosebumps reading this. The guy was very very protective of his phone, then I prayed and started having dreams as well. Needless to say, it was all true. I had dated him 4 about 8months too, but found out he had one babe in his office, another based in another state plus his university babe of almost 6years based in Lagos! To say I've been heartbroken is an understatement, but God has been helping me. My advice is, babe be alert! Don't play dumb. Don't ignore any obvious signs if u truly feel u don't deserve the ill-treatment. I wish u d best

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  17. Anonymous5/01/2013

    OmG! This sounds just like my story!! I actually had goosebumps reading this. The guy was very very protective of his phone, then I prayed and started having dreams as well. Needless to say, it was all true. I had dated him 4 about 8months too, but found out he had one babe in his office, another based in another state plus his university babe of almost 6years based in Lagos! To say I've been heartbroken is an understatement, but God has been helping me. My advice is, babe be alert! Don't play dumb. Don't ignore any obvious signs if u truly feel u don't deserve the ill-treatment. I wish u d best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Johnson5/01/2013

      How did you find out... that is what the poster wants to know? Did you dump this guy after finding out: cos you might be heartbroken and still with him...
      Poster, if you find out he's cheating - what would you do? How would this affect subsequent relationship(s)? U need not respond...
      If a guy holds strongly to his phone(s) - that's a RED flag! You might be amazed with what you'll find out... could be more than having another babe!

      Delete
  18. Dear poster I had to read this very well to really understand you. First of all you said he is a "great guy" and that the relationship has been "really great", which is even an understatement.

    I think what you should do, though I might be forced to believe these dreams are revelations, is to ask yourself "what will I do if this great guy is cheating", "What if he is cheating with many girls? What do I do?".

    Finding out how to catch him is not important. It's what you do with the info that is.

    Seat him down and ask him "honey why are you so protective of your phone"? In a nice way though. Tell him what you feel about his doing that and what you think. Make him realise that it will break your heart for him to be cheating and for you to suffer with him and for him to repay you in a "not-so-coo"" way. Tell him! And do pray for him since he is a great guy. But tell him! Talk to him since you guys are kinda good at communicating your issues already.

    No need to give yourself high bp. Tell him!

    Some men are so good at hiding things. But let him know what a lack of trust in the relationship will do to the relationship. Talk to him about trust and how his actions with his phone affect that trust.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous5/02/2013

    My dear, i used to be in your shoes. Including the phone issues and finding about his "fling".You are only months into the the relationship and he's already cheating on you?hhhmmm!!. Anyway, I started having dreams just like you, it got to a point i just felt maybe i was having the dreams 'cos i was worrying to much. Alas, i eventually got my heart broken, . He was a big time cheater, even pregnated someone else. (Yeah, i was stupidly in love). But thank God she, eventually met my loving husband , and got married. Listen to your heart, it maybe God's way of speaking to you, it may be his way of answering your prayers. A broken relationship is waaaay better than a broken marriage. Wish you all the best.

    ReplyDelete

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