I Need Sincere Advice

 My name is Christy and am 26yrs old, I'm based in Abuja with my parents. Graduated 2010 and also working now. My problem Is I have been in a r/shp since my University days with this guy named Victor, this is like d 8year into the r/shp.

 When we
left school, things fell apart in a way cos I really wanted us to define the r/shp before distance will set in since we were leaving school. 
But, he was making me feel as if am desperate, so I allowed him be. When we both passed out of School and went for service with BatchA, that's immediately. He served in the North and I in Kogi (Middle belt). 

During the service I wanted to go and see him but he refused instead we quarrelled and quarrelled over it and from there things started falling apart in a way. So, along the line I met another guy that is based in Abj, he asked me out but I was scared cos I really loved my 1st guy but was kinda skeptical cos I haven't seen him for years and to worsen things he refused me visiting. 

So,I gave in to this 2nd guy and we started dating. The fact about the whole thing is I don't ever double date but was scared that I had lost the 1st guy. So this 2nd guy turned out to be so so loving he took me to his parents and siblings in Abj  and it was wow love love love. He loves me so much, he respects my feelings a lot he can't just afford to see me cry.

My parents also love him too, though they also know d 1st guy . So, the main issue now is after I had given in to this 2nd guy the first one resurrected. 

Meanwhile he told me he never loved me all along that he just wants 2 love me now. All along in my r/shp with d 1st guy I was d pillar,I was doing everything possible to make him happy n love me. I'll go out of my way to do some things.

The major problem is this 2nd guy wants 2 marry me though he office just transferred him to Lagos which am heartbroken in a way cos he was everything to me(mybestfrnd). 

Now, d 1st is also talking about marriage. Don't know if it's true sha cos till now he is still @down North working. one of these troubled Boko Haram states. I don't know what 2 do right now. Please I need advise. Thanks so much aunty Eya
please don't publish my email but you can put my name .  God bless.

Comments

  1. Anonymous5/21/2013

    I think you should pray about it before you decide what to do. But for me, i ll stick to the guy who was there for me when i was down !

    ReplyDelete
  2. You don't know what to do? Are you sure you don't know what to do or you just think that you don't know what to do? Because from all you have said, I don't see any reason why you wouldn't know what to do.

    These two men are like words and opposites. One loves you, one is not really sure but 'wants to try to start loving you'. Caman!!! who says that??

    Are you trying to say that if the 1st guy that didn't love you before now tries to start treating you well, you'll leave this 2nd guy that really sounds like a good thing to you?

    Look, it's not even about whatever good thing the 1st guy wants to try to start doing now? So, for 8 years he couldn't it, it's now his eye have clear abi. Please don't fall for that jargon!

    And is there any problem with you moving to Lagos after marriage with the 2nd guy? Is there? I don't get that part. Or you will rather relocate to the Boko Haram state? (In fact the 1st guy is not meant to be in the question sef cos you two are not in a love relationship).

    Shine your eyes. It's about the future, not 'now'. Who do you think will be a good husband to you and make you happy and live life in peace as the years go by? The one that made your 8 years nothing or the other?

    Don't forget to pray for wisdom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. the best advice ever.kudos JaY

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/21/2013

      Seconded! How can u start loving someone after 8 years! You should be with the second guy.

      Delete
  3. O Geh! Go for de first one or else...reggae will sound in ya blues.
    Seriously, you shouldn't be thinking of the first one at all, you have just given reasons why you don't want him.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Young Awesome Mum5/21/2013

    Sincerely there isn't much to think about here. Be with the 2nd guy, but pray about it tho.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Priscillia5/21/2013

    Please it is better to marry the one who loves u more than you love him. I'll say u go for the second guy. I don't believe the first guy really loves as much as the second guy. Pray too so God can show u who u truly belong to.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have some questions,though somewhat related to this post.
    Why do women always love men that treat them bad more?
    Why do women love the "bad guys" more?
    And finally why is it that the bad guys endup with the good girls and the good girls with the bad guys?
    Anyway God knows I cannever fall in love again with a girl that loves me less than I do.
    Situations like this post always arise when the guy loves more.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/21/2013

      Aww bona don't let previous heartbreak close u off from real love.trust me it wudn'nt even matter who loves who more wen u find d right one!it just feels right and very genuine!no need for games!
      Fulani girl

      Delete
    2. SHALOM5/22/2013

      @ Bona, trust me on this, u dnt get to choose who to love, u dnt love sombody becos he or she loves you, you love the person becos u dnt know why. so u see, just 4get abt loving a girl that loves u more becos u may never find any when u have that in mind.

      Delete
  7. It seems you are still in love with the first guy cos it's such a no-brainer that the second guy is the man for you. Pls pray n make up ur mind fast before u break d second guy's heart. Cos u even said he is ur best friend so y r u even talkin about the first guy who dint love you all along?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mz Tee5/21/2013

    It's pretty obvious that women sometimes look where they aren't really wanted. Someone loves u completely yet u still have eyes for d one who's really doesn't or perhaps isn't sure what he feels for you. From your write up, u have made your decision. Stick wt it in prayer. Don't ever go where u aren't wanted! Cos u wd end up being a trespasser!!! Good luck to you or do I say bon voyage! :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous5/21/2013

    So u r waiting 4 me 2 tell u 2 go wit d 2nd guy abi? Madam pillar d 1st guy needs a baby sitter which u've been 2 him for years. Every woman deserves a man dat will love, cherish & want 2 see her as often as possible. If u still need help after dis then u r suffering from FIRST LOVE SYNDROME.
    Yucee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not first love syndrome but lack of self esteem!!!!!!!! In this time and age, u r still doing mumu for someone who no send you! Shior!!!!! Carry go na, and become a rag once he gets u back. D guy is probably unhappy that u have moved on which is common wt dz kind of razz guys. He's miffed that he didn't come back to meet a sad puppy waiting for her master to return and take it in. So he wants you right where he thinks u should be, under him and subdued! U can go there, since it's Ok wt you. Cos sometimes people prefer where they are treated badly or being at the mercy of others. So good luck to you hillie Billie love.

      Delete
    2. It's not first love syndrome but lack of self esteem!!!!!!!! In this time and age, u r still doing mumu for someone who no send you! Shior!!!!! Carry go na, and become a rag once he gets u back. D guy is probably unhappy that u have moved on which is common wt dz kind of razz guys. He's miffed that he didn't come back to meet a sad puppy waiting for her master to return and take it in. So he wants you right where he thinks u should be, under him and subdued! U can go there, since it's Ok wt you. Cos sometimes people prefer where they are treated badly or being at the mercy of others. So good luck to you hillie Billie love.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/21/2013

      Thumbs up!!!

      Delete
  10. Anonymous5/21/2013

    Go for d 2nd guy,its not about ao long but d quality n quantity of LOVE. Don't even luk back but face d future with prayer. Horlah

    ReplyDelete
  11. Please whts d Question? Cos u shldnt hv any..........

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous5/21/2013

    My dear , I go to where I'm celebrated and not where I'm tolerated.
    Baby Girl, stick to dat policy and u see things smile wit u.
    Luvlycat say so..

    ReplyDelete
  13. Babe, a very big drawback will be you giving in to the 1st guy, somehow, he'll decipher after all you left a good guy to have him back... The signal sent to him can be captured in one word "INDISPENSABLE"

    When you guy's get back won't you be tempted to talk about your 2nd guy, especially when he (the 1st guy) goes wrong.

    Lastly, I'll advice you to stick to ur new prince charming, if he relocates to lagos with time you guy's will always factor how ur meetings will be until wedding is sorted, infact that will be the real test of his love for you.


    Nuff'Said!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Personally I believe every good relationship should be based on Friendship, love and trust. To me it's usually a big advantage when the man loves u more than you love him so i guess the 2nd guy would be a better choice. Marraige will not change the 1st or 2nd guys character and attitude towards you, it will only amplify what already exists so choose wisely and go where you are celebrated!
    Best of luck.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Don't even think about it. Go for the second guy cos from what you have written, he seems to be more in tune with your feelings and needs as a woman. The first guy is an enemy of progress and you should not give him the room to staunt your growth and progress in life. forward ever and backward never. all the best dear.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dear poster this new guy loves you,he is ur best friend,plus he has taken you to his family and they love you! so wat else na biko! you want to consider someone who dint even allow you visit him for any cogent reason?? like everyone has said please stick with your new love and tell you ex to sod off! lol..I hate guys like that..

    Wish you the very best lets us know when wedding bells ring..xx

    http://aomosale.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  17. Cyndrella5/21/2013

    All the advice is on point by me.

    girl wise up

    ReplyDelete
  18. Johnson5/21/2013

    The SECOND guy is the man (but put God into the equation). My only challenge is that you do not sound courageous enough to let go of the 1st...
    By this posting, it seems you are already allowing the 1st guy to do touching after the break... You will do yourself a great harm if you give in to the 1st guy - a word is enough for the wise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/21/2013

      You've just spoken my mind!

      Delete
  19. Anonymous5/21/2013

    U KNOW XACTLY WAT TO DO.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes...she sure knows what she wants.
      God says 'I have set before u life and death, choose what u want'. He still went ahead as a loving Father to advice us saying 'Choose life so that it may be well with u'.
      My dear, if u know what marital joy and trauma is, then you'll sit tight and consider before even allowing your mind to roam to a human being that distanced himself from you for so long, and not allow a little portn of your heart to tilt to his direction for any reason.
      Wake up now! and follow love with this second guy (except what you say about him here is false) to spare God prayer n fasting for a husband in late 30's.
      Goodluck.

      Delete
  20. I hope the lady in question follows all the general consensus given.

    Why would you want to leave:
    Love for hate?
    Affection for disaffection?
    Peace for trouble?
    Joy for trauma?
    Certainty for uncertainty?
    Rest of mind for hardwork?
    Life of a queen for live of a slave?
    Dignity for worthless?
    Straight approval for meaningless pleading?
    Empathy for egocentric

    My dear: a stitch in time saves nine; make hay while the sun shines and as you lay your bed, so will you lie on it.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous5/21/2013

    Ressurected ke! Tell him to go back to d grave o, is his name Lazarus?? Mtchewwww.. Had a similar experience and babe, d guy is chilling o, far away from me of course.. Dont do dis to urself, stick to ur bestfriend.. Shikena!

    ReplyDelete
  22. meeeeeeeeeeee5/22/2013

    Oya go and marry the first one and come back after one year to ask us advice on how to cope with a man who does not love you. Better don't fall for this old trick, how come he suddenly finds you attractive after you have entered into another relationship?
    Let me tell u a short story, I know a guy who had been asking a girl out since our university days and continued in Law school, while in law school the guy decided to ask another girl out and started going out with her. When the first one saw this, she went back to the guy and said she just realized she's in love with him. The poor lovestruck guy quickly dumped the second one and started a relationship with the first girl.
    Fast forward like 5 years later, I met the first girl and had cause to exchange business cards and guess what? The new surname was nowhere near the guy's surname!
    Be wise as a serpent!

    ReplyDelete

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