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I Need Help With More Love After Hitting

Good evening Aunty Eya,
I never thought what is happening to me is bad until I started reading your blog. I am in an abusive relationship. I love my fiance so much and I know he loves me too. He is short tempered and so am I. I realized that my love for him increases every time he hits me. I don't enjoy the
beatings, I break down and cry after that but the way he regrets his actions and comes back begging and ready to do anything possible to make me happy. Once he starts pleading, I just melt and can't even say no.

Whenever there is an argument, I know that I also talk too much but does that mean he should hit me? We are getting married in September, my family doesn't know he hits me and I will be the last person to tell them because my Dad will just bulldoze me out of this relationship. I can't live without him. 

I spend most of my weekends with him and arguments over how the wedding should be is what leads to fights. He wants to be involved in everything, even my dress, isn't he supposed to wait and see it for the first time when I march towards him in church? I've told him he cannot see my dress but he insists that he wants to see and have an opinion because he thinks I may try to bring fashion into a wedding dress and end up wearing a too revealing dress on that day, Imagine. I keep asking how is that his business and that's how the arguments begin.

Where I need help the most is in the area of loving him more after a fight. Is that alright? Is something wrong with me? I hear people advise women to flee abusive relationships but here am I falling more in love every time I am abused. What can I do please? I need help. Help me post and give me advise too, please Aunty. 
Thank you.

Comments

  1. YOU just entered one chance. You need deliverance darling.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/16/2013

      Listen my friend, leave that man! Is argument over wedding that he is beating you for what will happen when you marry then. Marriage that argument arises every day sef. Run o!run well well. I am begging you in the name of your parents that will live the rest of your marital life regretting crying and dying inside. He will finish you before honeymoon is over. Don't go thinking you will stop him by keeping quiet too. It will not work! He will provoke you till you fall in his trap and you will be rewarded with a large plate of ass whooping! RUN!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/16/2013

      Have u not read the advice that was given to the. Previous posters on d same issue on this blog? I can't even stand a man that raises his voice how much more beat. I am abt to warn my bf for raising his voice at me so my dear take courage n not just warn or threaten him but run. Run b4 u die like others that claimed love n were beaten to death

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/16/2013

      While u r still claiming love remember people have been beaten to death in their marriages. Except u want to be d next Jesus Christ dat died for love u can still go ahead wit d marriage. I don't knw wat u r thinking staying wit a man that beats u.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous5/16/2013

    The man that will hit me is not yet born. I will so deal with his sorry ass...........

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/16/2013

      Hahaha, my dear hitting for me is the end of the road ooh, u can cheat all u want but pls dnt eva conceive the idea of hitting me. I was in a rship where if we had a fight the guy would verbally abuse me, using swear words and all. I hated that ooh and due to all of those i always tell myself i never wanted to involve myself with any man that would use curse words on me
      * I feel am too decent for that * :)

      Delete
  3. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Run as far as your legs can take you because he's not going to stop.

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  4. Anonymous5/16/2013

    I feel your pain dear, y don't u jst threathen to end the relationship wen next he hits you and see if dat will change anything.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/16/2013

      And when she marries him nko? Rme

      Delete
  5. Yvonne5/16/2013

    Run, and never look back. Na from clap dance dey start. Who knows what it will gravitate into when you start living together?

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  6. miss j5/16/2013

    I really dnt want to preach bt dnt let him kill u one day all in d name of Love...I'm sure uve bin reading abt domestic violence n hw sum women died.a word is enuf for d wise,as fab said u need deliverance

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear, do you think he'll apologise after hitting you,when you both get married,don't you think he's apologising coz u're yet to sign the dotted line.
    Try threatening him with quitting the relationship next time he does that.
    Btw why next time,there shouldn't be a next time. Coz it might result to something more serious.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/17/2013

      Bonario...u r jst a blog wrapper.must u b involved in all d blogspots in dis country...smh...u go lyke gossip wella ooo.

      Delete
  8. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Honey if u marry him, be ready for more beating. My mum said dat ws how she ws ensnared into a 15year marriage wit my dat who beat all through, I grew up in an abusive home. Prior 2 d time they where courtin he used 2 beat her n dat ws hw is continued until she had d courage 2 leave. Thank God nw she is happy n alive 4 us.

    If u still want 2 marry him just get ready cos a man who stoop 2 beat a lady he claims he loves wld neva stop n wld see u as a punchin bag. Fast forward ur life and think abt it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. my dear pls and pls run very far...


    Please share your miracle stories on this blog
    www.miraclestoriesng.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous5/16/2013

    you on ur own part try to tame your tongue.you dont alwayz have to rant back at an angry man. there are always better ways to settle issues in a calmer mood.its very bad for a man to raise hand on a woman he claims to luv ,but there is room for change if you as the lady try to mend your wayz..its not an impossible task.but if after trying he still beats u just once then FLEE..
    before we think of quitting we must first check ourselves to see if we've done d best we could to make things better.
    im not in support of ur fiance in any way,but u pointed out that "you are both hot tempered" that cant work. you as a lady have to step down nd be cool headed.#two wrongs dont.....#
    lady B

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  11. I've read over and over and even heard from confessed celebrities who once had this issue that Complex problem is behind it all. How can you love a man that hits you - how do you explain that? It means something is wrong somewhere inside you. As much as the guy has a challenge, you really need to deal with YOU first. Ask yourself truly if whatever you gain from him is worth the pain/humiliation.
    Am sure it didn't start today, Did you stick-on coz you were afraid of leaving him and not meeting another guy? Coz he has a way with words?
    Truth is, the day you get married to this guy in this state the tempo of the beating will increase, he might even graduate to smashing and sorry will become a stranger to his lips coz he knows you ain't going anywhere(you are hooked).
    You are scared of telling mom&dad but believe me after marriage he can even beat you before your parents and friends, will they easily advise you to leave your marriage maybe after just 6months? No.
    If you truly love him and he does too and you both MUST get married, he should seek help. Anger management is somewhat equivalent to getting someone off cocaine- it's a deadly illness. He should accept to seek help if he refuses then he's enjoying the boxing bag called your body.
    Personally I don't see the type of love that'll keep a woman in an abusive relationship. Forget how good he is in bed(after wedding you'll know that sex isn't as hyped). Involve your head not just your heart in your love affair.
    God Be With You

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Johnson5/16/2013

      I like this - Dank u wel!
      I am amazed on how erroneously the word LOVE is being used on this blog... all this funny feelings people have for each other are equated to be love - make God help us o.
      Unfortunately as @Fab said you don "...entered one chance". What can be done? Jump out of the fast-moving car (one chance) to save your life... you will have bruises, but it's better than being used for sacrifice.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/17/2013

      Debbi Your comment makes a lot of sense. Poster seek spiritual help, pray and fast to be free from bondage.

      Delete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. I think you should leave when you still have the chance because after the wedding it might just be too late to do so

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  14. kendra5/16/2013

    first,i would tell you that been in an abusive relationship is not healthy at all.. its not even good. but before i tell you to leave your fiance,i would like to talk to you about something u stated...

    You said you both are short tempered and u tend to talk so much,have u tried talking less,and see what the reaction would be... the only time domestic violence is very bad is when the man is such a drunk(like him coming back so drunk and beating the hell outta his wife)or when the wife doesnt talk at all and he still finds reasons to beat u.... but aside this 2 reasons,u can actually work on it and u would have a peaceful marriage...

    men dont like women who challenge them but that shouldnt stop u from saying whats in your mind,u can do it in a very calm way and not be rude... have u tried holding your temper when he is angry? and unleashing urs when hes in a good mood? you have to learn and study him from now to september, see what happens when u dont talk back at him or what happens when u both are not angry at the same time... if you try all these and he still hits u,please leave so we dont hear stories that touch the heart...

    but do not leave immediately,try doing the things i said and i hope it works out well for u... my friend was in a similar situation but when she learnt to control her mouth and do what is right,she and her man has been happy with any record of violence for the past 3yrs..... it can work for u too unless u are the kinda woman who doesnt like been submissive to a man or who likes been un top of every situation

    good luck

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  15. Licious5/16/2013

    Hhmm!!!
    From the time i knew my left from my right, i understood that its totally WRONG and UNACCEPTABLE for a man to raise his hand on a woman(not even in jest).
    Hence Dearest poster you may be in danger of losing yourself in this relationship and in the eventuality of marriage lose your life! Please LEAVE!!!! LEAVE!!!!! And LEAVE!!!!
    Tell someone and do not die in silence, a blow to any delicate part of the human anatomy leads to instant death!!!
    Once a man starts almost,always its a continous process they seldom stop no matter how much they beg....
    Please GET OUT of this now!!

    I pray NEVER to have that 'evil spirit' come upon my man....
    But so help me God that man isnt born that'll do such....
    He would never repeat it again till he hits 6ft under!!!

    'Licious says so!!

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  16. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Ma dear I av d same problem but ma own case is am a very quiet person but wen I talk dere s Alwayz trouble especially wen we aving Issues, he made me realise ma own fault n we re working on it together n making conscious effort to stop it, he sald as a woman I should b able to tame a lion, infact d last time he slapped me I left our house (cos we re cuRrently living together) n did not return till d next Day, he almost lost his mind, now wen am angry I just say lord pls av mercy N I try not to talk too much N am seeing changes, pls watch ur tongue n tinz u say wen u re angry, u can even give him d silent treatment, meanwile he must be willing to work on himself. It s well N goodluck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And u are one to talk?!how do women voluntarily carry themselves and co habit with men who haven't done things right by God and ur family?
      Don't u know u have slashed ur worth by soo many pieces?why oo why?and u praying to which God?when u deliberately &willfully doing what God hates?haba!
      Yes we are imperfect and prone to sin but don't carry yourself to sin and continue in it!
      The Bible shows that God has feelings and that our conduct matters to him greatly.

      And TO THE POSTER: like seriously?!!!!u are a nut case &the two of u deserve each other!u probally are the type who gets kicks out of being pummeled!wait till u are killed and u would see whether that douche bag u call a fiancé would not find a very willing and available bed warmer in the twinkle of an eye. IDIOT!*phew* I'm soo mad with ur warped mind.

      Delete
  17. As much as i don't condone or support a man hitting a woman, i have to tell you dear poster that you contribute to the hitting.

    Both of you are short tempered and from your post, you seem to have a sharp tongue which most men do not like. Why don't you tame your tongue and control your temper? why don't you romance his ego and feed it with constructive silence and diplomatic confrontation? you don't have to rub shoulders or talk back @ him while he is shouting cos it will only make issues worse hence hitting you again.

    For your own good, tame your tongue and control your temper cos you are a lady. there are better ways to resolve an issue. i have a hot tempered dad but whenever he flares up and my mom ignores him, he will just give up but when she tries to react or shout back, the whole thing blows out of proportion and everyone around get really uncomfortable.

    on the other hand, if you think you can't control your temper and your tongue, it's best you walk away cos like some others persons have already said, the beatings will aggravate after the wedding. You guys should go for anger management classes if you really love each other. Love conquers all, innit?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/16/2013

      Yes Nekky is right.
      What is d guarantee that you won't put up this same attitude with another man when you leave this one? Or even cause a gentle guy you may eventually hook up with pain/hurt. U said your argument is sometimes about your wedding arrangement; you must be a very stubborn lady not to allow a man who wants to marry you decide together with you what outfit you'll wear on your wedding. This is how most foolish ladies spoil their marital joy from day 1. Who else are you dressing for if not him, for instance, you must not wear tube if he says he prefers a gown with sleeves. Decide to obey him now (and may be the beating would stop), or face the wrath of his anger which will continually be let loosed on you like on a stubborn goat.
      Get wisdom, get understanding...

      Delete
  18. It is better and easier to break an engagement than it is to end a marriage...my candid advice RUN as far and fast as ur legs can carry you. The beatings will get worse when he marries you. If u love him so much and u must marry him by fire by force, then I’ll suggest you shift your wedding to a later date say next year, and you both have to work on managing your anger. If there is a change then u can go ahead and marry him, if the beating continues then end it COMPLETELY and DO NOT look back. I think you allowed this to go on for too long. I always say what you won’t accept in marriage pls do not accept while u are courting....May the lord guide you in making right decision dear.

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  19. Everyone is telling you to go, madam STAY!!! Like wth missy ? I'm shocked that you need solution to love your animal but not even how to leave him ? C'mon !!! Stay ok , if you plan to die before you have kids or worse case you die after you have kids pls stay. You know you are in an abusive relationship and yet you don't want to leave ? Are you ashamed ? Or you are pressured to get married so you rather stay with the beast ? . In all seriousness talk to your family about this and GET OUT!!
    That Is their pattern, he beats you, you cry then he comes back begging , crying, sometimes he may threaten you that he will commit suicide.. N you take him back then he beats you and the cycle begins again. Cherish your life.

    ReplyDelete
  20. It's too late for me to advice you,

    How do I tell you to back off now, or you need me to prescribe a drug that'll stop him from beating you?


    Plz go and enjoy the beating!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Babe run 4 ur life. My bf used 2 beat me when we were dating. Love blinded me till we got married. 2 months in2 d marriage he used hot slaps 2 design my face when we argued. When i was 6 months pregnant, he beat me in front of our visitor. When d guy tried 2 intervene he sent him out, locked d door & beat me till he was exhausted. His hands were swollen d next day from hitting me. I dont need 2 tell wat i looked like. I ran away when he went 2 work & was admitted in d hospital for days. Oh, i 4got 2 tell u dat i was bleeding from my nose & mouth. D 2 families got involved & settled d matter after much pleading from him, saying he didnt know wat came over him. I moved back 2 d house & my baby is 4months old now. Truth is i cant 4get dat night d whole thing happen & i cant help feeling it will happen again. Its only a matter of time. By d way am a very quiet person, so i dont believe not talking back at him will solve ur problem cos he will look 4 another reason 2 hit u. Do wat u can 4 urself while u can.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/16/2013

      Jeeeez, may God touch him and remove that spirit from his life forever!

      Delete
  22. My dear Poster, I will speak to you from personal experience. I've been married for 15 years to an an abusive man. When we were courting my husband was so romantic, loved to hold my hands in public and hover around me the way a mother hen does with its chicks. I still remember the very first time he hit me over a trivial issue, because he wanted to go somewhere and I hid his bag, cos I wanted him to stay with me. After searching for his bag, he brought out a belt and beat me so hard. I couldn't believe it. I was in shock and cried, guess what? He broke down and cried with me and begged for forgiveness. I was so naïve didn't tell my parents. Went ahead and got married. The beatings rolled in, I was always at fault, always the one who made him beat me. I left thrice, we had multiple counselling, my mother insisted I had to stay, that he'll change. Anyway fast forward to 15 years later, he hasn't changed, but after stitching my face, knee, broken finger,and other scars and teeth marks on my breast, I changed. I now live with him as a cotenant, we live in different flats though connected. We don't communicate the way spouses do. I don't argue with him as much as is possible.
    My dear RUN as fast as your legs can carry you and don't look back. Tell your parents what's happening. My greatest regret was that I didn't have the guts to call of my wedding. A word is enough for the wise.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/16/2013

      My God will strengthen u and console u Dearie!
      He alone will heal ur broken heart IJN...Amen

      Only God go deliver women from d hand of all dis evil men o! Imagine?!?!
      The chikoo

      Delete
  23. Anonymous5/16/2013

    My dear poster,
    PLEASE and PLEASE i beg you in the name of God, please re-evaluate this thing you think is love now that you still have the chance. I have once posted my story on this site and just sat back reading different people's comments on my life. PLEASE take heed to what the majority of people are saying! i mean we all can NOT be wrong.
    LEAVE this man alone and stay single till you find someone else. Dont go ahead with this marriage just because u "think" he loves you. Trust me, once he marries you, he will hit you so bad and he will never ever apologise for it because then he owns you and sees you as a tool.
    Woman you are beautiful and smart, you are a queen and deserve the best. dont be fooled or let yourself think this is love because it is not. a man who loves you will never hit regardless of what it is. You will regret it and wish you had known better when you find yourself in your loveless marriage and this family that you dont want to tell WILL SEE ALL THE SCARS ON YOUR PRETTY FACE. so what you are hiding from them now, they will know.
    I have a newly married girl in my office who comes to work with scars, black eye, swollen lips weekly. imagine that, this marriage is barely 2 months. is this what you want for yourself???
    Also try to work on your sharp tongue and your temper but that in itself does not give any man a reason to hit you

    BE WISE BABE

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  24. From what I know about people who have been in abusive relationships that lead to marriage,

    1. It only gets worse.
    2. The wife is always to blame.
    3. He gets used to it that even when the wife changes, he still continues.
    4. He finally destroys your already low self-esteem.
    5. If your children find out, they become affected psychologically. Even to the extent of hating you for taking it.
    6. Your sons might become wife beaters and ur daughters accept being battered as normal.
    7. When you eventually voice out in marriage, people blame you for keeping quiet all along.

    My dear,
    1. You do not owe him submission till you get married.
    2. You have a choice now, but in marriage, it becomes disobedience and lack of submission.
    3. Trust me, you only love him more because
    a. You want to get married.
    b. Even if you spend time with a goat, you will fall in love with it.
    c. Add sex to the equation, in fact, you wnt be able to live without that goat. (Gross example but you get my point)
    4. You can never meet someone better cos you do not want to leave the person you're with. You also dnt believe you can get someone better so leaving seems like no option for you. And with that mindset even when you do leave, you will only attract another of his kind.

    I suggest you,
    1. Go to God and ask Him for His purpose for giving you life.
    2. Ask your self if he is the kind of man you DESERVE. If yes, then by all means stay.
    3. Work on your temper and attitude but never see it as a reason to be abused. I have seen men whose wives are 'animals', yet, they dare not lay a finger. All they do is walk away or get a mistress. Personally, I prefer you cheat on me than beat me.
    4. Work on your self esteem. Look your self in the mirror and ask “who and what am I?"

    Always remember, marriage is like prison where no one had the right to interfere in what goes on with the inmates in a particular cell. Who would you love to spend the rest of life in that cell in? An abusive man?

    Personally, I see it as a possession. The fact that he comes to beg does mean that the evil spirit has gone. My opinion sha.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/16/2013

      Ahdaisy God bless u for breaking it down for her like dat.After reading all these comments and u still want to go ahead and marry him pls dnt post a story here about having an abusive husband tomoro, is dat d kind of home u want to raise ur kids?#smh .Omo

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/17/2013

      Ahdaisy, Wonderful comment, u come across as very intelligent. Poster a word is enough for the wise. Be brave and call off this wedding.

      Delete
  25. Anonymous5/16/2013

    .first,please don't stay and allow him beat u,you no kid of his. secondly,stop using ur mouth when he is using his fist, stop talking use ur fist and any object (pestle) to scare him away,thirdly please av a police as ur friend the next time he beats you just visit the police and make them lock him up. And finally if its difficult you breaking up with him am sure after a week in jail and you bail him out ,he will help u in that department. (Breaking up with him)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous5/16/2013

    The things ladies pass through in relationships.. I was so in love with a guy once, d first time he slapped me I took it that it was my fault, my dear d 2nd time it happend, he dint just slap me but he dislocated my elbow joint, gave me a black eye(I'm very light complexioned) and burst my lip. This hpnd 2mnths to our wedding.. Wedding gowns and all in place, bridal train dresses were ready etc.. Nobody told me to RUN for my life and call off the wedding. When my brothers and dad saw what he did to me, it was war.. After beating the devil out of him dey had him locked up.. All I'm saying my dear is RUN while you can o.. It won't get better...

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous5/16/2013

    My dear pls run for ur life o.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Run faster than Usain Bolt.A man should never hits woman.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Love him more after the beatings? In ur mind now u think he loves u dats y he is beating u shey?let me tell u he has a problem dats y he beats u and u have a problem 4 staying and reciving it and a bigger problem if u go ahead and marry dis dude pls listen to wot evryone here is telling u pls we all can't b wrong k pls leave him I beg u.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Anonymous5/16/2013

    He is a beast and cannot live with a human being. Babe, which mumu wedding? Yeye dey smell oo. Abeg, forget wedding for now and PLEASE, you are not in love, its the sex after the beating that is deceiving you! Abi shame no dey catch u? Na wa o. Don't even blame yourself cos it is not your fault and it can never be!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Leave now dat u still ve d chance to


    Danie

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous5/16/2013

    I can boldly tell u. HE WOULD NEVER CHANGE.
    I pity you.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous5/17/2013

    My dear,have been there,at first it has a slap,he beg and it was fine,then more slaps,the first time it happened with the way he begged I never thought it will ever happen again and u know what,it doesn't just happen again,he becomes worse than the first time,he starts seeing u as a fellow man he can fight with and beat,then he calls him self a winner,the way I ran,I have never ran B4 like that,but with help cos I didn't know it was wrong for a man to hit a woman,so the people I talked to told me to leave him,no matter how bad your mouth is,no man has the right to beat a woman,we are weak,but always treat a man with respect,a man that loves you will never tink of even making u cry with words not to talk to being physical with you,there is always someone for everyone,don't thing the woman beater is yours,they say a wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever made,you should really choose wisely who u want your inmate to be,by the time you are married,trust me,it will not be about love anymore,he will grow worse.foget love oh my sister.
    I never tot I would find a better man when I was with my EX,but I did and you will too,don't think about what people will say when u end the wedding preparations,just save your self first,pls I beg you,I remember a song by eve,it's old but still loving it,titled "love is blind" at the end of the song,the man killed her friend and eve had to go and kill him,every time the man beats her frd she try to talk her out of the relationship,finally her frd died,am sure some will kill for you if he kills u one day,so my dear,save ur loved ones from going into prison and end it all now.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Anonymous5/17/2013

    You have read all the wise counsels above, take it and liberate yourself from abuse. My lil sis just called off her wedding a few months to d D day bc the guy got abusive too.
    Abuse is a big no, don't accept it, it can lead to serious injury in the future and you may die or kill someone. It is more than dangerous to your well being. The worst thing you can do is to hide such things from your parents who loved you first before anybody loved you in this world. Do not take the love of a parent for granted, they love yiu unconditionally. As for the love of the stranger who beats you because you have a contrary opinion, thst one is not love at. Get urself out but tell ur folks why.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anonymous5/21/2013

    Babe, run for your life. Except you have a death wish, in which case you can die through another means than at the hand of a man who claims to love you. As for your affinity for being hit, I suggest you and you thug lurver channel all that anger to your sex life and invest in kinky sex, outside that, my dear RUN. Y'all are just a bunch of crazies.

    ReplyDelete

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