I Live In My Wife's Apartment And Drive Her Car

Hello Eya,
I am an ardent reader of your blog and today I have a little thing bothering me, and would look to know how/what women think concerning some things. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 5 years. All these years we live in her house and drive her car. It is a cause for
worry because I never thought it will take this long to get a job. I lived in the south but relocated to join my wife in Abuja after our wedding. The plan was to try and get a job after our honeymoon but it's been five years. I never thought all my life that I'd be so dependent on a woman. So I feel really bad. 

She never tries to make me feel like it's her house, neither does she use the car when I need it but. Inside me I don't feel like a man anymore. It feels like my wife is now the breadwinner and head of our house. We are still TTC and I keep thinking if a baby comes , is it my wife that will start providing for herself, me and a new baby without any input from me? I got a job once but the pay was very discouraging and that job never gave me time to go look for another. I had to quit.

When I look at my wife these days, although she is not complaining, I feel that spark is no longer there. It seems to me like she is tired and when I ask if there is any problem, she says "no problem" I am a bit bothered and as a reader of this very informative blog, would really like to know how women feel about a husband living off his wife. Kindly share this with your blog readers please.
Thank you.

Comments

  1. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Oga try harder, you need a job ASAP. Truth is women hate to give their money to us.

    ReplyDelete
  2. my dear, i pray u get a job as fast as possible. cos she might not be complaining now, but who knows. anyway, thank God for d good wife u have.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmmm. Brotherly, you are really in a tight situation. Yes, there are women who are very supportive of their men. But if as a man, as time goes on you show little or no effort to take up the responsibility of providing for your family or assisting her at providing, she will get tired with time and will definitely complain.

    First of all, what kind of a job are you looking for? Are you only looking for jobs in Abuja? There is this pride and joy that comes with owning your own thing even as a woman, talk less of a man. The pride and joy that comes with that cannot be explained on this blog alone.

    My advice to you is to do everything within your power to get a job, any job at all, so long as you can pick up and pay the bills and get stuffs for yourself and your wife. Forget about whether it will give you the time to find another job. Just take the job first!

    Meanwhile, in the mean time, try and help out a lot with things around the house. Because your wife might not like it if you get to seat all day in the house and she has to work and still come back and fix little things in the house which you could have done.

    Also, you should consider starting an business. What are your interests? If the job doesn't come, CREATE ONE. But first, PRAY! Talk to God about it all. Let Him provide you with what you need (A job/source of income).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great advice... @Jay! Thumbs

      Delete
    2. Thanks Ace :)

      Delete
    3. EOD jay you nailed it. He shld get a job Asap and stop driving her car! What if a child comes? and pls help out in the house. pls try and earn a living.

      Delete
  4. Anonymous5/16/2013

    No matter how u try to make it sound. Poster take it from me you re a gold+digger and I guess ur wife is begining to see you for who u really are.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/16/2013

      Isn't this too harsh? The poster said he feels bad about his situation and u're making him feel worse and worthless. If u haven't got anything to say please zip it.

      Dear poster, ur wife might not complain but I'm sure she's unhappy with the way things are. Why don't u raise some money from her and start a business?

      Delete
    2. I was expecting you to post him a job link or ur mail so you can directly help him get 1....

      AhDaisy offered a business idea sometime past and almost every1 here was asking for help. Can't you do such than call an already sad, confused and beleaguered man names...

      Wait a minute, if he dint share his story will you say all this tinz to him?

      Plz, let ur age commensurate with ur comment, spice ur words with some wisdom.

      Delete
  5. kendra5/16/2013

    so my question is why did you relocate to be with your wife? why didn't she relocate to be with u? didn't u have a job? was she the one that paid for ur wedding? cos i haven't heard where a guy relocates to be with a woman

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/16/2013

      Pls read d story well bfr putting blames.................he said he has no job.get ur self a pair of microscope biko

      Delete
    2. kendra5/17/2013

      Where did uu see me putting blames? What I meant was didn't he have a job where he was staying before relocating? Try getting urself new miscrope too and understanding abilities

      Delete
  6. Anonymous5/16/2013

    You must intensify your job search and make do with the little you get becos it leads to bigger ones or start a business, no matter how small it is. Do not be idle! Because the day your wife will burst, you will think its a stranger.

    Women likes to be supported any day anytime.

    Ihotu

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Naija mentality, must a woman always be the one to relocate? For once let a man do it too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/16/2013

      NO, the man is the head puleez.

      Delete
  8. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Wat a lazy man. Wat happened to the term HUSTLING?? A real man will put his head into d tiniest of holes just to take care of his fam. A real man will try to find out wat other men around him are doing and start from somewr. I have neva heard of a man who seats at home hoping that a well-packaged job will land on his doorstep. While you are waiting for a good job, a REAL man will run around and find a way out.
    My question is, wat if ur wife wasn't working or had a house, what wud you have done? Wudnt you have fought hard to provide for her? You are just relaxed bcos u are lucky enuff to marry an angel. You don't have money and yet you went ahead and got married? Don't you have any form of pride? Didn't you have savings b4 marriage or did you spend it all on your wedding.
    I'm sorry but I find it strange that a REAL MAN will sit at home without hustling for money. I just can't get my head around it. Oga you better think abt your wasted 5yrs this night and get off your ass by morning, sniff around and know wat ur fellow men are doing. Be a MAN.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/16/2013

      *standing ovation*
      Best comment.

      Delete
    2. Yayayayayayayyayayayaa....... Noisy arrant nonsense!

      A "Real Man" na legend stout him be...
      If you know what it takes to be a man you won't say all this well listed crap.

      It's ppl like you that'll push a man to kidnapping or robbery cos ur thinking is not rational enuff to understand not just Nigeria but the world has changed.

      Even europe, america and asia can attest to the new world order of getting a job.

      Spain, portugal, cyprus, greece are well publicized economic crashes, naija economic crash don dey exist since 1914. Jobs are not just there, even wen you get some na war to save 10'k.

      If you are oppportuned enjoy it and don't play God. Even men with good jobs wake up 1 morning to a sack letter and end up depending their wife's shop business not even salary job.

      Have you seen the recent protest by diamond bank staff's, pple who have jobs like they don't have. UBA, FCMB, Stanbic and co have bin sacking like crayyyy.

      Abeg, make I no vex for you oooo
      Free the guy.

      Nuff'said...
      Mtchewwwwww

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/16/2013

      Ace, body dey pain you bcos it seems u are in this guys's situation or have been. You talk abt bank workers that were laid off, at least they had a job. This poster hasn't had one for 5yrs, and you are looking for excuses on his behalf.
      Abeg this guy is just lazy becos he has a source of income through his wife, if not he will buckle up.
      Ace sorry, ur comment makes no sense. The Anon took the words out of my mouth. I rather push a man to take risks thand to sit at home useless.

      Delete
    4. Ace my brother just like my friend Udeme,I'll always remember u coz ur comment stood out like 1759.
      If this man had come here to ask the type of car that he wants to buy for his wife,will he recieve all these insults.
      Was it not here that a man came complaining that after struggling hard to buy gufts for the wife,she doesn't appreciate it and some even adviced him to give her an open check to shop for what ever she needs.
      From this man's comment,its pains him alot that he doesn't conteibute his own quota in the affairs of the family,and he's very anxious to get a job and assume hisresponsibilities.
      Chei God punish poverty. If he had come here claiming he's inlove with a lady and the lady wants him to propose and get married to her notwithstanding his financial status,am sure many people that insulted him here would av adviced he gets married to her,that with time things will be fine.
      Some men were rich before they got married and after that became poor,while some were poor before they got married and after that became rich.
      My brother the Lord will be ur strenght,u need to put more effort, she can even lend u some amount to startup something. Atleast to keep yourself busy. Now u've seen that the quote "what a man can do,a woman can do better should av ended with just kidding.

      ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

      Delete
    5. @my broda bona.... You talk well!

      Keep flying high!

      Delete
    6. Anonymous5/17/2013

      Indtead of u 2 grown men to give this man advice that he can use to be encouraged to get off his ass, you are writing novels justifying his act. He might as well get pregnant and give birth while he's waiting 4 the president 2 get him a job.
      And to the people that are saying be nice to this man, how will niceness get him to realise his wrong doings? Let him be cautioned in wateva way. Everyone is entittled to an opinion abi?

      Delete
  9. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Bros get a job and fast,by the time another man start showing your wife what a real man can do,brother u go hear am oh,she might even want to end the marriage and u will lose,so pls get a job fast,I know it's not easy,but with God,every thing will be fine,your wife is a very good woman,it's hard to find such.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous5/16/2013

    U wife will soon burst......this is so wrong!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. jeanette5/16/2013

      GBAM and seconded!!!

      Delete
  11. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Ask urself dis question. Wat will u say 2 ur sister's husband who has been jobless and feeding/living on ur sister's little earning? Wateva u will say to him pls poster say 2 urself.

    ReplyDelete
  12. it's too late to continue looking for a Governmet job. Get a loan and start a business fast. Even pure water business is better than an idle mind.
    Hope she doesn't hand her salary over to you at the end of the month o cos me I no trust men and their crave for control.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. About the best advice/comment!

      Delete
  13. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Its obvious your wife has been so patient wit you all this while and if she can't tell u d truth I believe anonymous commenters will do g8t justice to ur case.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Imagine all these women here o, complaining bitterly as if women don't stay at home while men sweat it out and still spend everything on them.

    #NuffSaid

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ken, well, truth is in the natural God-given order of things, the man should provide for his home. The wife's income should only be the contribution of a virtuous woman, not her duty or responsibility.

      Oga poster, pls look for a job. Maybe the stress of carrying herself and fending for a grown man is the reason you are still ttc. Never underestimate stress and TTC.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/16/2013

      pls wat is TTC?

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/16/2013

      TTC-Trying To Concieve

      Delete
  15. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Your problem may just be that you are lookingfor a job that will set you higher than your wife. Why not start from somewhere first even if i'ts being a cleaner or drycleaner. Half bread is better than buns.

    ReplyDelete
  16. felicia5/16/2013

    Mr Poster! Mr Poster!! Mr Poster!!! How many times I call you?

    Do u kno wat FIVE YEARS leaving in a woman's purse means? It is 365 days multiplied by 5 which is 1825.

    Let's assume she spends $10 (Dollar) on u per day which is 1825days multiplied by $10 (Dollar)= $18250 approximately N2,901,750.

    We've not added cash 4 desel, cloths, rent etc

    Neither ve we added d money she spends for her personal up-keep like hair, cloths etc.

    Mr. Poster pls wakeup, u re so comfortable wit ur woman paying ur bills. Be a man. Gosh

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous5/16/2013

    LOOLz

    ReplyDelete
  18. Amanda5/16/2013

    Oga poster send me your contact through Aunty Eya, I need a housekeeper ASAp. That is if you truly need a job.
    Be my housekeeper I pay you.

    DISCLAIMER: I'm still single though but will respect your status. See ya later.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Amanda, do you remember what happened to the children that laffed at Elisha?

      Plz remember!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/17/2013

      Amanda,I av neva posted on this blog but ur comment made me pause. Don't u ever in ur life,look down on a man except u r helping dem up.God judges I hope u kno and for this statement u av made I advise u get down on ur knees and say ur sorry else sooner dan u kno,u myt be in a worse situation dan this guy.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/17/2013

      Wat makes u ppl think Amanda is not serious about the job? So all housekeeppers are now wat? Lowlives? Isn't it a decent job for a man that hasn't had one for F-I-V-E years. Anon 4.47 you are very dramatic. Which one is get on your knees and pray? Rme

      Delete
    4. amanda may be serious, i know a gate man that is paid 50k in apo legislative quarters, and a driver that is paid 60k. amanda if u are serious send anty eya a message, the poster may just do the job for one or two months, get enough money to start a trade.

      Delete
  19. Mr Poster, don't mind all of them, if you get you do, If you no get... Free make you dey lounge!

    Today's naija, P****y open doors faster than any hard working man!

    Since we all agree that "WHAT A MAN CAN DO A WOMAN CAN DO BETTER" so why the noisy crusade?


    Nuff'Said!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/16/2013

      Words of a confirmed LAZY MAN. I'm dissappointed.

      Delete
    2. ****Mufasa Said5/18/2013

      How dare u Ace?

      The worst comment so far

      ****Mufasa Said

      Delete
  20. First time commenting, I am a woman whose husband has been dependent on her for 2yrs. I am seriously irritated and think he is a lazy fellow, I'm sure your wife feels the same way.Poster get your butt moving and get a job,start a business.







    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/17/2013

      Madam adviser why dont you advise ur own husband.
      Nonsense

      Delete
  21. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Pls ladies enough of this bashing....some of u here might be the bread winner in ur home yet u come here and throw abusive words @ pple. We all read Moniques post about the qualities of a good adviser. Why do we take pride in making people feel bad when they come here with a heavy heart. U don't know what pple go through, pls don't make a bad situation worse by ur vile comments.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Mr poster pls n pls thank God for d wife u hv, handful of women can't do what she is doing, and pls pls pls when d money n good job comes don't forget her. All the stress she is going thru mayb d reason of d TTC. Don't stay home, go out n hustle, union bank, daimond n 1st bank are recruiting, go online look for jobs, add fasting n prayer u will get it. Pls take time out to thank ur wife for her understanding n tell her u will double efforts okay, speak to her frm d heart, she will appreciate it, don't let her feel unappreciated pls.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Deborah... God will bless ur life with heavenly chocolates! Hehehehe, well said!

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  23. Anonymous5/16/2013

    Felicia thank you. Y una dey beg d lazy man. Oga Lazy abeg stay house when ur wife boss go start screw her den give her money she go use feed hungry lazy man (husband) that time u go kno. Nonsense, she go feed u, cloth u, house u, fuel car for u, pay dstv, fuel generator and u go cum sleep wit her join all na free. Bros abeg u be wicked man. Tufiakwa I jump am pass

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous5/16/2013

    No sleeping 2nite, 2nite, 2nite.
    No sleeping 2nite, 2nite, 2nite.
    Everytime I come around,
    Everytime I come around,
    This blog is driving me crazy
    All Anonymous going crazy.
    90percent Anons re so on point 2nite. Kissess 2u all

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Mr. Poster, tomorrow is so heavy with surprises. What if ur wife loses her job, whr will u both run to? Lemme share a piece of my story. My Uncle waited upon d govt 4 a job but bcos he ws much aware of his responsibilities, he quickly opened a provision store. I'm telling of a well learned man. Meanwhile, all d while he ws waitin on d govt, they were yet to gt deir first child. Dey waited 4 11 yrs. Barely six months afta he opened the store, his wife gt a sack letter 4rm her bank..it ws rily a sad moment, yet, dey were blessed with a son almost @ d same period. So my dear, wat if...? Wat if..? Only lazy people say a certain amount of salary is too smal. Big things start little. Remember?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hello Poster, its good to know u r in search of a job but 5 years is a long time. I want to believe your wife loves you so dearly and that's why she's been running the house for this long. It won't be a bad idea for her to assist with money to start a business,or you get a loan for an SME. Above all let your wife understand how much you appreciate her effort. In my case I earn way more than my hubby and I take care of the bigger expenses like rent but he has always made sure baby's school fees come from him. The only time it gets to me that am actually the one running expenses in the house is when he doesn't show appreciation(wether we like it or not we want to be appreciated for what we do, even God responds to thanksgiving). Let her see the effort u r putting into being the breadwinner and be more appreciative but that doesn't mean you should now take back seat and allow her make every decision because she provides. I pray God open doors for you like am praying he opens bigger doors for my hubby.

    ReplyDelete
  27. @AhDaisy, I love the balance you put to ur comment... Very well said and I corroborate.

    @all anonymouses... I ready for una... This man asked for advice he dint ask for ur criticism, he realized all this tinz you all are saying b4 he came here for help, the other day many of you criticized AhDaisy but here you all are doing what you claim she's does.

    I will still say it, life is not mathematics, it's not all you ever wanted and dreamt of that you have today, if you really got what you all wanted you won't be living wherever you are today or married to who you are married to today.

    This man even stated that he got a job b4 and all that made him leave. I'm not saying he should not work cos Is wife is workin.... What I'm saying is help him, advice him, console him to help himself but never condemn him, except you are his GOD.

    If you think you are in abuja and in a position to help him, plz do... Don't condemn so GOD won't collect what you call todays joy from you.

    Remember there's no status or job that doesn't come to an end, God is the giver of all good tinz.


    Nuff'Said!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous5/17/2013

    To be sıncere u r a vry lazy nd useless man,ahhh some pple no get shame oo,luk at ur self nd tel urself am useless for u to stay under woman,u dnt hv any excuse.am nt ınsultın u am tellın u d fact.abeg plz wake up frmm sleep.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Aunty Eya, Walahi e ti ko eran mo ero... Where do you get people on this your blog?? Advise this young man don't criticize him. i can picture his personality this man is not lazy but he lack the zeal and spack to be a self starter. Some of you would soon experience what this guy is experiencing in your marriage. Have you heard what Psychologist called '' mid life crisess''???? I experienced mine after 7 years of working in bank, i was asked to go last year 6 months after i married my wife. Before i got a new Job my wife placed me on a salary of 60k a month till i got a new Job. I was able to get something quick because God is on my side and i have the experience needed from Banking. Please dont let us crucify this man let encourage him to get back the zeal, self confidence and spark he lost.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is one comment that caught my attention. What a wife! Not many women would do what she did. I salute her!

      @poster, I hope something happens for u soon. It can't be an easy situation to be in.

      www.virtuosity19.blogspot.com

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/17/2013

      But your redundancy didn't last for 5yrs. That is the main point here.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/17/2013

      I pray non of these anonymous husbands go through this. A lot of women claiming anonymous do not have jobs and know how hard it is to find one and here they are judging a man who has come out with his concerns. May God not allow us see difficulties, then you'd know how it feels to be judged when in such situation.

      Mr Poster, keep looking for a job, you can start a small business with your wife's assistance or pick up a small job, don't look at the pay, so far it is enough to pay for your transportation, feeding and gives you a little change at the end of the month, because staying at home all day can be depressing.
      I you can drive you can become a chauffeur. I know driving jobs are almost always available and their pay is about 40k or more depending on who you are working with.
      I pray God blesses you with a job soon and gives your wife the grace to not give up or get fed up, because it is not easy.
      God bless.
      ...pj

      Delete
  30. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Can women ever learn to stop talking too much? Parrots inana.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Wc women oyaooo clap for yaselves. I am not the poster but your comments have gingered me well. No more dependance on my wife henceforth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/17/2013

      You be correct man jare. Oya go find work outside, leave TV Man U and Arsenal alone first.

      Delete
  32. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Ogaoo, with this enjoyment blog eh, I don't need no comedy CDs anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Hope mr poster will see my comment bcos am goin2actually assist him with business n job ideas.yes d truth is u've messed up.esp if u have a qualification n its an ok 1.u c abj isn't sumwhere u can wake up 2mrw n get a job without sum form of 'leg'.1stly I wud like u 2go 2ur wife afta work,go hug her n tell her how much u love n appreciate her.tell her she's ur all n thank her4 wat she's put up with,I sincerely hope u don't cheat on her bcos yes I know men in ur situation dat still go ahead 2treat d woman bad.afta u've thanked her,tell her 2wanna start a business.business ideas u can do dat I like4men includes car wash,dry cleaning shop,barbing salon,a gym, b a disturbutor 4 1 product(cocacola,guiness,nigerian brewries,indomie,uac,n so on),pls it shud b a business dat wud bring in money daily.n wen u start earning start picking up small small bills,don't strain d business so it doesn't pack up quick n den u go bck2square 1.ur wife might hate u more afta wasting her cash,lol.n while u re @dis u can apply 4jobs,av u tried buying form 4d navy,army,airforce or tried paramilitary jobs like customs,immigration,road safety,civil defense(my oga@d top pple),prisons n so on?my dear even police force,u might b d change dey nid.lol ANYTHING legal 2put food on d table is worth trying.n den move closer2d church,join a service grp,netwrk in church,tell d pastor wat u goin tru.who knows who God will use2butter ur bread.pls pls n pls I understand d anger of dese anonymouses,dey simply feel its nt possible dat u've looked 4job seriously n not gotten.quitting d last 1 u got was d mistake u made bet it is well,God bless n kip ur home4u(as I hope he'll do mine wen I eventually marry,lol)but u must get out of dat house n do sumthing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/17/2013

      *meanwhile my country pple,am d poster dat wans2slim down4my weddin.I bought qualitea's green tea,hope its a good brand.I saw so much I was confused n I had already paid 4 it b4 find twinning's green tea sumwhere else.am sre deir might b better,even lipton has gren tea.phew,btwn am thinking can I use slimming herbal tea too?n yes am doing ahdaisy's style.taking lil carbs n more protein n plenty fruits.guess I wud cut off 4rm d carb soon.

      Delete
    2. @anon 6:17 very well put together advise.

      Delete
    3. lol... Qualitea is ok. But I love Twinnings. Something about their packaging and efizzy makes other teas look fake... hehehe. Their range of teas taste wonderful. Try other flavours just to make your tea taking experience more enjoyable. sometimes green tea alone can be very boring.

      all the best.

      Delete
  34. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Some of those bashing and ranting are housewives I bet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/17/2013

      NOT ME.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/17/2013

      Not me either. I'm single as single can be.

      Delete
  35. @ d all d Anons bashing d poster I've been quiet & wondering. Dis man asked for advice, he is tired of depending on his wife dat is why he is seeking help from WC family & all u Anons could do is shower abusive words on him. WHY?

    Sir I'll advice u start up a business like sum bloggers ve stated. Pls start it no matter how small, develop passion 4 whatever business u'll venture in2.
    On a 2nd tot, if d state u reside is nt a gud place 4 d business or to get a job due to d high competitive market, I'll advice u pls & pls move out 4rm dat comfort zone.sometimes our DESTINY IS NOT WHERE WE THINK IT IS.

    Just a suggestion. Gud morning all

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/17/2013

      Move out? Let no man put asunder pls sister Timi.

      Delete
  36. Sincerely dis man needs sum1 to encourage and advice him,u cud see how remorseful his statement is,I don't knw y people derive pleasure in condemning others,are u better off than him?
    Pls sir try as much as u can to always appreciate ur wife,2ndly if gettin a job isn't working for u,u cud start a biz even if its printing of recharge cards,opening a provision store,distributing of drinks to shops and even pure water.Nothing is too small to start wit. Don't b too proud to start sumtin small. Just start sumtin prayerfully and see how God wil enlarge ur coast and change ur story.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Pls poster,I hope you are really appreciative of you wonderful,one in a million wife. Wow! 5yrs!
    You need to start earning an income,no matter how small o. My brother who lives in this same Abuja was searching for job for a year without luck. He decided to find something doing on his own. You know Abuja has a lot of medium sized stores,supermarkets,pharmacies and the likes? He goes dressed well and tells them he wishes to supply bottled water,eggs or small chops to them,depending on which they want. That's what he did solely for 2yrs before he got a govt job. He bought a car and rented his own small apartment.
    I know it might not be ur dream to do something seemingly petty,but pls you need to make an effort. I think if you tell your wife ur intention of starting something small,she'll help out with small capital.
    Pls don't allow your wife burst out o. She's probably just bottling in her frustrations. You won't like it.
    All the best!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Poster, I think you got a little too comfortable with the fact that your wife has a job... Many of us are guilty of getting comfortable one way or the other.

    Let me tell you a little story. My father lost his job in the early eighties shortly before I was born, my mum advised him then to get a new job but he felt the offers he received then were below him, so he refused.. Fast forward, I'm almost thirty, married and my father has never worked since then. Its been one failed business after another. Meanwhile, his colleagues at that time who got the available jobs and started from scratch are doing so well for themselves now. The only saving grace is that he has 3 houses, my parents live in one, and its the rent from both that he's been using to keep body and soul together all these years. My parents should have split up so many times, but my mother chose to stay and make it work somehow. I can say that my mum sent me to school, didn't spare anything for me to get a great education. It was loans upon loans on a meagre teacher's salary.

    Moral of the story?
    1. Its normal to go through a phase such as this. When it seems nothing is working for you
    2. Don't relax cause you have a supportive wife. Not every woman has patience like your wife or my mother. Have you ever heard the phrase 'When a woman's fed up, there's nothing you can do about it' Don't let your wife make her mind up that its over, don't push her to that point cause there's no recovering from that.
    3. The situation put untold strains on my parents relationship which they're still trying to work through, even in their sixties! I beg you, don't do that to your family. Its a terrible atmosphere to raise a child.
    4. Please please think of business ideas, try to get a loan, maybe from a Microfinance bank through your wife, figure out a good business plan and stick to it. Pay your wife back though!
    5. Do little things like having dinner ready for her when she's back from work, drop her at work and pick her up too, tell her EVERYDAY that you love her so much and you'll never let her down. Don't let her build her resentment towards you.
    6. Ever thought of working online? You can start a blog or something once you have a business idea you want to follow up. Open a facebook, twitter account for your business... That way you can still be home but make money.

    Please don't make the same mistakes my father did.

    All the very best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. Our stories are so similar. Are you my sister?

      Same here, wealthy dad when I was not even yet born, trained other peoples kids, but the bank went under, then he did look for jobs probably befitting of his status (weren't forthcoming), then mum had to train us all with her 'meagre teacher salary' and lots of loans here and then.

      It strained their relationship for like forever. I used to pity my mum too cos the burden was just too much on her.

      I used to wish dad would just do anything at all. Just anything. So long as we wouldn't have to always be saying "Mummy I want this, mummy I want that".

      Delete
    2. Jay, wow. growing up, it felt like I was the only one with these issues.
      We just have to be thankful that our mothers chose to persevere. Not all women have the strength or patience to do that o

      Delete
    3. Yes o MrsB, Thank God for giving us the kind of strong women we had as mothers o. The burden they bore is not one that anyone would wish for at all.
      You are so correct, very few Nigerian women can persevere and bear all of that for years. It's something some women go through that others who don't know do not actually know of.
      Such women are just too strong, beyond normal.

      Delete
  39. Cyndrella5/17/2013

    @ poster and everyone who understands the man's plight,i will say thank you.Mr poster one thing i need u to no is dat u are not alone in this situation,countless numbers of ppl around the world have one way or the other find themselves in this kind of predicament or even worse.

    Your wife have been a very good woman to you,pls this is not the time for you to think that she is seeing you as a failure,failure is when u have given up all hope.Rather u have a heart to heart talk with her and make her understand that u appreciate all her love.

    You have done well by coming out to disclose what is killing you inside atleast u will be a little relieved.What u are facing is not a problem,its only a challenge and challenges in life is faceless,some have theirs as childlessness,some as bad habbit, some as no husband or no wife,some divorce upon divorce,some ill health,some bad manners,some outright poverty,some unable to secure a job,some keep loosing their loved ones,some talk without brain.e.t.c.

    But in all these does it means that God hates us, the answer is NO.Its just life and Law of Karmar at play.My brother God will not take u there Gbam as u expected but will take u through it until u get dia.All the experiences needed to stand firm in life will be gotten through the years of ur waiting.e.g you will learn Humility in the process,tolerance,patience,love,creativity,you will let go of anger,lust,vanity,attachment,greed while you will come to the realisation that nothing is permanent in life.Then you will tread with care when you deal with others and appreciate God more in ur life.

    Thank God that it is happening in the morning of ur life,It will not be like this in the day and night of your life.Just put love in all u do,assist ur wife more often at home and encourage her as a husband and always make her fill like a woman.

    You may try some of these things other ppl have suggested above,i understand that as a man you have pride, but please try out some,if u were to be a lady i would ve suggested that you try a creche,it is very cheap to start with in ur house.If u have a washing machine at home u can try going to offices to introduce ur sef as a washer man while u do the clothe collection and wash for pay while u inform them of ur job search too.u can do a supply business just get to offices ask of what u could bring for supplies den u go.From dia things might work out.

    Finally,be creative in your thinking and think out what u can confortably do
    that will earn u some cash(business)while you still nose around for a well paid job.Be patient with ur wife and love her more.

    Best of luck.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Wow! Nice advice. Mr poster hope U̶̲̥̅̊ saw dis. No Dull o!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Lazy poster

    ReplyDelete
  42. @ Mr poster, God is not finished with you yet, I strongly believe that you will follow the constructive criticism and advice.
    Pls don't be discouraged, continue the search for a good job, appreciate your wife more and let her know that tough times don't last. If you are learned, search for job online, if you are not consider starting a business, no matter how small, we all started small, am a testimony to it.
    I know how your Ego as a man would have dropped but there is always light @ the end of the tunnel. I must commend your wife again for the good job she is doing, Pls don't take advantage of it, Hustle is the name.
    Have you talked to God about it yet?

    ReplyDelete
  43. @ Mr poster, God is not finished with you yet, I strongly believe that you will follow the constructive criticism and advice.
    Pls don't be discouraged, continue the search for a good job, appreciate your wife more and let her know that tough times don't last. If you are learned, search for job online, if you are not consider starting a business, no matter how small, we all started small, am a testimony to it.
    I know how your Ego as a man would have dropped but there is always light @ the end of the tunnel. I must commend your wife again for the good job she is doing, Pls don't take advantage of it, Hustle is the name.
    Have you talked to God about it yet?

    ReplyDelete
  44. Another moral of the story,
    1.Mothers and Fathers, not only a girl child needs to be trained up to be a virtuous woman, supportive, obedient and all in her husbands house and how to treat in-laws. Men too needs to be brought up to know how to be a real man, hustle and fend for the family, hustle in all circumstances so as to be the bread winner always. In my own case, my hubby got very comfortable in his unemployed condition and only me working until I lost my Job too. God saved him, he got a Job 3 months after I lost mine. (if u get uncomfortable, you will discover your talent) And that very month he got a Job I got pregnant. (Need I say the emotional stress of ttc especially when other women gather in the office to discuss about their babies, hubby and then me and how I don't have mine yet? One of them actually approached me to ask if I was aborting my pregnancies?)
    2. Its not only office work that is work that brings food on the Table. As you send your children to school, make them Learn a trade during their holidays. (Furniture making, Interiors, Printing, etc) whatever their passion might be. even while in school or office or out of job they can easily make more money. Y? u might ask, cos the economy now is very bad. Av seen bus drivers in my area building mansions before a banker can even think of buying a Land.
    3. Its not by force you stay in Abuja, or in the city. Lots of my friends have moved to places like Osun, Akure, etc where cost of living is low and they are living there now like big men instead of living in Mararaba. I was ready to quit my Job and then move to Ondo with my husband and start life afresh with my savings.

    Dear Poster, its all up to you and God. You just got to do something and I believe when you set your mind on it, God will help you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Salvador... You said it well, it is those that have true experience that can speak well of this matter like you did.

      All the unmarried young girls are busy using anonymous to say silly tinz I pray the God they'r serving is their uncle so he can write them a life-line cheque they'll spend till they die.

      Delete
  45. Anonymous5/17/2013

    Bonario u dey enter dis blog too nna men good to see you how your wife linda ikeji (calabar girl say so )ps bona you must win award oo you and blog lord I can't keep up oo lol

    ReplyDelete
  46. Haba bros... 5yrs? If you're a graduate, i'll expect that you are already into your PHD program by now. Are you prepared for a possible job that might come your way? Smith Wigglesworth said, “Never get ready; always live ready.” Success is the outcome of when opportunity meets with preparation; and the best cure for lack of preparedness is to never allow idle moments in your life.
    You got a job b4 and quit: that does not show seriousness. You deserve to be bashed!
    You're driving your wife's car... you no fit do kabu-kabu or airport taxi?
    Teacher work don finish for Abj - even if it's private teaching!
    You had the time to be browsing WC?
    Even though you asked for advice from the ladies; as a fellow man, I'll say wake up!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Anonymous5/17/2013

    I am shocked at some Wives comment. How about some husbands whose sole responsibility is taking care of their housewives and yet they suck it all in...I know it is their natuaral responsibility but even at that. The Poster is ashamed of what he is going through already so please let us not make it worse. @Poster, you have a very good wife and you have to start appreciating that because its obvious not everyone is going to tolerate that even for a year. Secondly,I understand what lack of a job can do to a mans ego,it can make you to start misbehaving outside or even to your wife because you want to prove that you are still a Man and if she complains,you will use the *is it because I don't have a job* stuff on her. Thirdly,Don't spend all your time playing video games and hanging out with friends,make yourself useful at home by keeping the house tidy and cooking sometimes. Fourthly...Get something doing,stop waiting for that perfect Job. I know you know your worth or because of how much your wife is paid,you want to get a job that pays almost up to what you want....pls dear,is time for you to start something no matter how small and be responsible and steadfast in it. You can ask your wife to lend you some money to start a small scale buisness,let her not gift it to you but let her lend it to you so it will make you to be responsible and hardworking enough to pay her back and because of that you want to dissapoint her. Look around,look for a need somewhere and start filling those need with a buisness. The way Nigeria has a lot of problem that's the there are solutions available.Then before you start all this,don't forget the power of prayer and faith because it contributes to prosperity(Not just financial prosperity but in every areas of your life including trying to conceive). Be confident,start small and you will end up big. GLADDENED HEART

    ReplyDelete
  48. Anonymous5/17/2013

    I have never commented on this blog but I think I have to say one or two things. Everybody condemning the poster has a point becos even the Bible says faith without work is dead, so you see? I worked in a water factory for 18 months becos I was frustrated and tired of depending on my fiance and parents, Mr poster I ​A̶̲̥̅м̤̣̲̣̥̈̇ a womAn and just got married recently. You need to find sometin to do even if it is selling purewater. God will surely locate you for good, and lastly women can be very flexible.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Anonymous5/19/2013

    If u were his wife trust me u won't be here talkn crap.do u knw the strain ure puttn on that woman??? Is 5years beans??? 5whole years....Good Lord.maaaan even if its cement u would get out of the house to carry it,anythn to suprise ur wife by fuelling the car or putting a meal on the table before she gets bk.what's wrong wiv u?I got a beta job while I was out doing an extremely disgraceful one,but I damned shame cus I knew I had to put food on the table...u need to get ur arse up,sincerely I'm disgusted..do u knw how many men hurl chicken poop on farms even wiv their degrees,work dirty jobs,do anythn to compliment their wife's effort.noone is askn u to go steal,but there r things u can do to @least help out.and all of u sayn he shud ask his wife for money to start a business,u must be joking...do smn on ur own for petes sake.get off ur arse and make that woman proud.

    ReplyDelete

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