I Can't Do This Anymore

I think I'm going to land in a depression centre very soon. Am sorry am writing in jumbles but killing myself has never been more tempting.
 
I don't have peace. All I get is hostility everyday. I took the job and despite my employer's  flexibility

.. She encourages me to be the best I can be..i can't concentrate. It's like my husband is just determined to kill my spirit. I can't do anything good. He makes me feel am his enemy. I get no positivity. He doesn't talk to me..he just treats me like an albatross on his neck. everyday has become a day of misery ..

I just continue to live on cos of my son. I refuse to beg for nothing anymore cos I want to hang on to the little self worth i have left. God.. My family warned me..not to marry him.i did not listen. I blew everybody off and married him. Now am suffering the consequences. I can go back and i see nothing in front.

Everyday is black. I don't know if there is anything I can ever do right. I blame myself.God..just kill me now and be done with it.
......
To understand this post and the sender, you need to read her first post, Second post and Third post first, Then you can proceed to advise with wisdom and empathy.
What would YOU do?

Comments

  1. Hello Odunayo, this is very deep one and even though I won't pretend to fully understand what you are going through., I have this to say to you: you are fearfully and wonderfully made., none can make you feel depressed., unhappy., inferior without your consent and cooperation.. As for your husband, hand his life and heart over to God. Hang in there and keep. cheerful outlook., trusting God for the best. If He has brought you to it., He will see you through it..
    Cheers.

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  2. Please look within you for strength and look unto God for direction and grace to pull through.. nobody.,not even your husband has the right to make you feel suicidal.. Think of your son and determine within you not to allow this to happen to you. God be with you and help you through this..

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  3. Be strong dear. No matter what you are passing through, just have it in mind that God loves you, one day things are going to turn around for good. Just remain on your knees and you will testify soon.

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  4. Queen Bee5/31/2013

    For u to opt for death,its better to opt out of that marriage,even if it's to be separated for a while,u can stay in ur pastor's house while u keep praying for God's mercy on ur marriage.
    stay alive cos no human being is worth dying for esp now that u have a child that looks to u for protection.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/31/2013

      U just spoke my mind

      Delete
  5. Hold on odunayo,
    you are a strong woman, don't give in to despair,
    choose to be happy,
    you have a lovely son, parents, siblings, friends etc
    and of course you have us here on WC blog. There is still so much to live for.
    Darkest part of the night is closest to dawn, God loves u and will not give u more than what u can bear.
    I love u#hugs tightly mumbling it is well#

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  6. Anonymous5/31/2013

    i have been following your story and really i do realize this is very heavy on u , but lemme tell how i feel i feel you should leave this marriage. it's obvious this man doesn't send you any more and he isn't interested in making things work. his ego is just out of control Babe you need to move on. You don't need a man to make you feel happy and thank God it's only a child you have for him . You need to be happy dnt let him take that from you

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  7. Hello Odunayo,

    How are you today? How are you feeling right now as you read this comment? It is well with you. Always tell yourself that.

    God will not kill you. He loves you too much. You can't kill what you love. He is very interested in your situation. But you must do one thing and just one thing. He said "Trust in me with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding". Prov 3:5

    "In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path" Prov 3:6

    Do you think you can do that? Please do. I really need you to do that. TRUST God. Pray to Him. Don't worry your head. He'll make straight your path. Just trust Him.

    Stop with the blame game. That is so in the past. If you keep looking back at your past you wouldn't have time to face your present and plan for your future. So, just stop saying "I was like this, my family warned me etc". You only keep thinking yourself into depression. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't help matters.

    God said "which one among you can solve a problem by worrying?", you cannot. You need to know that Jesus suffered so much! You deserve His peace. You deserve to be happy.

    I've gone through all the posts again and all I can say to you is PATIENCE, TRUST GOD and TRY GOD. Just keep calm. Go about your job, trust God (for wherever it is He wants to lead you to, not where you want Him to lead you to).

    Make friends, seek out ways to be happy. Don't depend on your husband for your happiness and joy. Concentrate on your job. You can do whatever you tell yourself you can. If you tell yourself that you can't do your job well and be happy because of the home front, then you can't.

    Stop allowing your husband's actions get to you. You are damaging yourself and he on the other hand is not being damaged. Start looking out for your own self. Start making your own peace and happiness. In the midst of his terrible actions, create merriment. Don't you see the way Ahdaisy tries to still create humour here when people try to bring her down? Start doing that. Don't let him or whatever he does get to you. All the best!

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    Replies
    1. Lol@ the way I try to create humour. It's a way of guarding ones heart. It's a force-field thaf repels negativity from getting to you. It actually works especially in marriages. There are times my hub has been so angry with me, I just keep quiet and when he is dne, I stand like a 'nigga' and start 'toasting' him. You know all those funny names guys give girls? I call him names like 'Asa mpete, Baby oku, Nwokeoma, the only airtime in my phone...lol. At first, he'll be looking at me as if I've gone mad, and then he later starts laughing. It reduces the initial anger. I do this even when he is wrong, then he starts feeling guilty. When he starts feeling guilty, I start behaving like someone they're maltreating...lol! It works.

      We women, especially the young ones shud learn to calm down for our men. Yes, the entertainment industry and the western world teaches us not to take nonsense but erm...how many of them have good marriages?

      But I dnt support abuse of any kind. In this poster's case, she really needs to know exactly what her husband has in mind. Did he marry her for the sake of it, or is there any grudge he is holding against her? I strongly believe what he is doing to her is just the spill over of the real issues...

      Delete
    2. Adaaaaa! Babe na you biko! You've just given me free marriage tips you know.

      I love this: "Yes, the entertainment
      industry and the western world
      teaches us not to take nonsense
      but erm...how many of them have
      good marriages?" Exactly!

      Delete
    3. Mummy Amanda5/31/2013

      Lol @d only airtym in my fone.
      me too.
      I don learn anoda
      ds marriage tip is really superb.
      D only platuim in my laptop

      Delete

    4. LOOL @ "like a Nigga". It's really a serious marriage tip o. Correct! I like.

      Another method is to start doing 'sucking baby face' and acting like a toddler that is disturbing the life out of his/her parent, this time, your spouse or just mimicking the person (this one works wonders on most people, lol). The frustration of the disturbance will make him reconcile by force. I'm famous for doing this one to most of my friends. Lol

      Delete
  8. Anonymous5/31/2013

    My dear, the people on this blog cant do much for you. for the fact that we re imperfect beings, don't expect a perfect answer from this forum. My advice for you is to go on your knees to God. tell him to forgive you and also to forgive your husband, pray to him to change you. believe me you ll always feel a lot happier and lighter when ever you ve talked to God in prayer. You didnt marry your husband out of mistake. Maybe God wants to bring you closer to him with your travails. pls am not talking trash, am speaking from experience. mine was even worse cos our problems started just 3 weeks after the wedding. like you, i was tempted to leave. but as God ll have it, i met a woman of God who encouraged me to get closer to God. the bottom line is this, for you to change your husband, you need first to change yourself. you can also read this book. the power of a praying wife by Stormie Omartian

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  9. Anonymous5/31/2013

    Is this the ikorodu lady?pls don't make anybody make you feel less of urself,don't you think you should give him some space like moving home to parents so as to know what he really want.my sister marriage is not a do or die affair,for you to talk about killing urself,I think you should go see a counsellor.you can inbox this guy on Facebook JEROME onipede he is a marriage counsellor . I wish You God' favour.Boston lady

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  10. Hmmm. Its terrible dt u r goin tru dis, bt u r nt alone n u wld pul tru it. Wen it seems lyk d world is against u, success is ur best defence. Jst let anyone brk u. Dnt let any1 mak u miserable. Dnt giv any1 d ryt 2 put u down. U r a mother n u mst b strong 4 ursef n ur son against all odds. Y wld a man hu pledged 2 b by u b d one 2 mak u dis depressed? U hv don nuffin wrong n u deserv 2 b happy. Go 2 God 4 strenght n succour. U mst pik ursef up frm ur state n encourage ursef. I dnt lyk d way u r soundin. U hv 2 wake up. U can cry if u wnt 2. Talk 2 God n let Him b d only one 2 si ur tears. Dis wld only mak u a stronger pers. N I'm certain dt takin dt job is d best tin u hv done. Ur husband is nt God he's only a man. He knws wht he's doin n he knw its wrong. Dnt let him brk u. D Lord is ur strenght n ur shield. I'll pray 4 u. U mst pull tru

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  11. Anonymous5/31/2013

    Hi Odunayo, please don't listen to anyone that tells you to still be patient cos when there's a mental breakdown, none will be there for your child.
    LEAVE HIM for now if you can. FREE YOURSELF FROM THIS SLAVERY FOR ONCE. his attitude should tell you whether to consider him again later or not.

    DISCUSS WITH YOUR MOM AND PICK A FEW THINGS OUT NOW BUT DO NOT LEAVE YOUR JOB AT ALL.
    Continued stay in that house may earn you a sack as a result of unproducrivity at work. Please leave THIS WEEKEND.

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  12. Wow! My dear, sincerely, i think that now you need to get closer to God than ever. Don't be moved by all dat is going on around you, but submerge urself in Him. Give no room for depression at all. No matter how you feel, just know for sure that God totally and completely loves you. He can't kill you ooo! He's not even started with you. Seek Him more now and pray for your hubby more †han ever (the hearts of kings is in God's hands) God can turn and change him. Do you know that wen you pray for someone, you tend to love that person? The more you pray for your hubby this period, the more you will begin to love him no matter wat and you will stop with the regrets.

    As you seek God and pray for your hubby, God will do a new thing in your marriage. He will change everything and give you happiness and peace again....there's nothing He cannot do. Remind Him always that your hubby is His son, so He (God) knows him (your hubby) more †han you do, therefore He knows how best to handle him and change Him.

    Trust God. Trust Him and He will never disappoint you ok?

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  13. *BB sad face* it is well Odunayo. It is obvious ur hubby has turned himself to a mini God and because u went againt his will to take the job he has become very bitter and is bent on frustrating u and making u feel less of a human. Do not let it bother u. Behave as if u don't have a husband, ignore him and occupy ur time with things that make u happy. Above all, trust in God completely and pray cos he's the only one that can bring peace and happiness into ur home. Whatever u do pls do not quit ur job cos that's what he wants but do not give him that pleasure.

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  14. Duchess5/31/2013

    Aunty Oduns, Jesus Christ said i should tell you this 'MY CHILD, YOU WORRY TOO MUCH, I'VE GOT THIS'... Challenge Him with His words... It is well

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  15. My dear, I am not saying I dnt support you or take ur side of the story. I really feel ur pain but I'll really like to hear ur husband's side of the story so I can get the whole picture. I dnt understand why a man will choose one woman out of the the millions of women in the world, marry her, and then treat her like crap. I dnt get and I also know he has no excuse.

    Pls and pls, stay strong. I advise at this time it might make sense to bring in a third part. Normally I dnt support it, but ur case has gotten to that level. It wud be really pathetic if you fall into a bad depression and not have anyone to help you since ur folks advised you against him. But whatever you do, dnt leave the house o..except he beats you. I have seen that men are now using that one as an excuse to bring in another woman.

    That's also y I wud like to hear his own side. He might have someone else. Did he marry you cos u got preg? Dnt be offended, I just want to know what his deal is.

    In all, I'll always tell you to enter the word of God. Strip urself of all you knew before, see ur mind as an empty space and just fill it with God's word. Also pray. Fast if you can but pray and confess positively. Only God can console you, turn ur situation around and change ur man. We'll always be here for you to talk to or just vent! Let it all out hon. God is with you...!

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  16. Odunayo dear,I've been following your story keenly and I've also been praying for you about this situation you're in.
    Pls my dear,I've gone through deep depression at a point in my life and that's why I feel I can boldly tell you that, 'this too shall pass'! I remember sending a text very similar to this ur own to my elder brother and I remember him telling me I'll still smile. I felt it wasn't possible o! I didn't see how things could ever get better. And when I felt I could take it no more,I still had an accident and was bed ridden for 6months! You can imagine d level of my low.
    The reason for my story is to tell you that,the only succour I had came from God! I decided that if he didn't kill me dt morning;he should get me out of the mess my life was. I was reading the bible like crazy and Joyce Meyer's books and messages kept me sane.
    Pls Odunayo,cry all you like to God,it will get to a point where He'll dry those tears! Today my experience is history. I just can't go into core details here.
    Pls,if you feel it will help,seperate for a while from this man. Be around your family,dy'll make you feel better! While you're seperated,just hold on to God. Talk to him like He's your best friend,not necessarily in Jesus' name prayers,just talk to him like you're gisting with ur paddy.
    He'll help heal your heart! He did it for me o. Today,I'm happy,I'm always with a smile cos God has turned my sorrows to great joy!
    Know that you're in my prayers. Sorry for my long talk. Hugs!

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  17. Till death do u part abi? U want to die and give him d chance to get married to another beautiful lady dat will come and turn ur lovely son into her houseboy! My dear let me tell u life is hard but not all the time things will change very soon so untill then please stay alive 4 ur son and 4 urself! Stay alive just to make him misrable*BB evil face* be strong! God will c u through listen to gospel music to up lift ur spirit,play with ur son read d bible(psalms)it is well!

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  18. Odunayo,

    After I read your last mail, I sensed joy and happiness at your starting work again. So I was hoping you would still be basking in the euphoria till I saw this mail.

    The 1st thing that came to my mind is: change of environment. That place you call a home isn't doing you any good at all. It's like you live in 2 separate worlds: one at home and the other at the office.

    When you're at work, you try to regain your former self back but on getting home, it is lost; even the thought of going home sends shivers down your spine.

    It hadn't reached this level in your previous mails because you were out of work but once you became employed, his attitude change immediately.

    Don't give up! You are too precious in the sight of GOD, your family and loved ones to give in to suicidal thoughts.

    So many have been there and got out; yours won't be different. Stay with your family, a friend or a relative; please stop the regrets. It has happened; how to regain your lost dignity, worth and self esteem is the issue at hand. Once they are restored, all other negatives won't hold water.

    Can you do this for me? Look at yourself in the mirror everyday when you wake up and tell yourself: "Odunayo, you are beautiful; you are smart. You are highly sought after; the world is waiting for you." Keep saying positive things as they come to your mind even if they sound crazy to you, just say them! Even if you don't believe, just keep saying those words.

    Spoken words are so powerful; how I wish everyone knows the potent of what they utter from their mouth. Lives can be made or marred through spoken words.

    Like I said, have a temporary change of abode; give yourself a treat, hang out with family and friends, go shopping, go to the cinema and so on. You were born for a purpose and you must fulfil that purpose no matter what!

    Please don't give up; we all have our crosses to carry but we refuse to give in! Have a deep conversation with your creator when everywhere is calm and quiet(preferably at night). Imagine yourself in front of him; pour out your heart. Cry if you want to but let him know you need his urgent intervention in your life and marriage.

    I see a turning around happening in your life sooner than you think. This too shall pass. You are not a FAILURE! You are a SUCCESS!

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  19. Sister Be wise. Give him a shocker by picking your few items in his absence and leaving a note for him or just drop the keys and vanish when he is not around. Monitor his movements and flee when he least expects.

    Switch off so he doesn't reach you. Relax and you'll see him pretend like it doesn't bug him but after some days or two weeks he will sweat in his pants and reflect over his attitude. He is already taking you for granted, therefore your presence there will never give him the chance to think and reflect.

    Subtly start arranging some things without making suspicious o. GOOOOOOOOOOO

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    Replies
    1. Talking to you from my personal experience. Instead of quitting your job, leave him for a while and that job will enable you manage for the few days he will want to prove "I don't care"

      Delete
    2. Mrs D, good one. I'm sorry but I have to disagree with what you said about leaving a note. I prefer she didn't.

      Let him come and meet their absence. If possible, I prefer she stays with someone he doesn't know.

      Delete
    3. @ Mrs D and Rubynnia: What if dat is exactly wat he wants? What if he is frustrating her so she can leave d house? What if he has anoda woman/family?

      How then will she come back in, if this is d case?

      @ Odunayo, pls be wise in ur actions. Pray fervently... no matter how bad a marriage is, God can work wonders.

      Just give him a break, attend to other aspects of ur life but stay put provided he doesn't hit u. (Women are desperate oh, lukn for whose husband dey'll tk over so becareful).

      Delete
  20. Anonymous5/31/2013

    Hello Odunayo, please do not give the devil a chance to steal your Joy. Remember the enemy is prowling around like a wounded lion looking for who to devour. He comes to steal, kill and to destroy. Pray without ceasing, you need to embrace God like never before. Always prophesy to yourself in the morning "the Joy of the Lord is my strength" nothing will take away my Joy. Pray for peace in your life and your home. Meditate on the word of God day and night, it is only there you will find the answers you need. Pour out your heart to God in prayers. "And I will do whatever you ask me for in my name" (Jn14:13) "Ask and you will receive, so that your happiness may be complete"(Jn 16:24) " May God, the source of all hope, fill you with all Joy and Peace by means of your faith in him, so that your hope will continue to grow by the power of the Holy Spirit. Amen

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  21. i'm short of words as it is. I've been moody ever since i read this story.

    I've said a word of prayer and by God i'll keep praying for you as long as i remember to do till God answers.

    I'll go with the comments that suggest you take a break from the home front for a while. while you are on the break, find ways to make yourself happy and pray like you have never prayed before. 'he never sleeps nor slumbers, he never tires of hearing our prayers'. Pls hold on and remain steadfast and strong for your son. God will surely see you through this, never doubt it for a minute.

    It gonna be ok in the end, if its not ok then its not the end. God can NEVER give you a burden you can't bear cos he loves us so much. we are the apples of his eyes created in his image and likeness. the devil can only try but he will never succeed. *hugs*

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  22. Anonymous5/31/2013

    Have you spoken to your Mim?

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  23. My dear at this point you just have to involve someone you know you hubby respects and talk to he/she (be it his parents, your parents, friends, pastor or relation) make the move only after of course talking/cry to God your creator.

    There is something wrong somewhere, your marriage has a great future that is why the devil is trying so hard to destroy it.Command satan to leave your marriage, plead the blood of JESUS constantly upon your marriage, anoint your house chase the enemy out.(am assuming you are a christian)ask the HOLY SPIRIT to reveal the problem and solution to you and He will but dear you have to clear all the business in your head and your mind.

    we all have that low point in our life but the grace of God sees us through.

    It is well wit you and your marriage.

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    Replies
    1. Sama, this is culled from her 1st mail:

      "I have reported him to his parents
      before and nothing came out of it as they treat him like some kind of demigod and they will find a way of blaming me for everything. I asked my mum to talk to him, he ended up disliking her."

      Can you see that involving his parents or hers is sort of out of it?

      Delete
  24. Shayor!5/31/2013

    with tears in my eyes,i can only offer u my prayers, may God give you strenght and peace. i dont even know wt advice to give. it is well with you, Odun

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous5/31/2013

    Odunayo,You need not to blame yourself for choosing him as your husband.Cleave to Jesus,He knows what you are passing through and He want you to solely rely on Him for solution,strength and happiness.Ask for His mercy and help because i strongly believe that He's a faithful and merciful father and He will forgive your errors,show you mercy and give you happiness in your marriage.My advice is for you to continue with the job,prayerfully remain in that marriage,absolutely rely on God and see the KING OF KINGS in action.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes o. She shouldn't blame herself for marrying him. There is no need for regrets,God has a purpose for everything that happens to us.
      God is forever faithful!

      Delete
  26. Odunayo dearie, pls don't allow anything/anybody to make you think of taking your life. Don't also wallow in regrets. Even if you believe your marriage is a mistake, God can still turn it to a miracle. Leave your house for a while to get ur sanity back, and also try and see a counselor,you need someone to physically talk to. Go to your mum's place for a while pls, she doesn't deserve you feeling this way. Let her take care of you, you need a lot of TLC rigt now. We are praying for you.

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  27. Please Odunayo don't take ur own life, suicide is a sin in the sight of God and I don't think you want to suffer here on earth and hell.
    Think of your son and remember that if u die ur hubby will re-marry and most likely ur son will have a step mother that might not treat him good.
    For your sanity and the state of mind you are in right now it is a good idea to leave home for a bit however do u think your hubby will miss u? Will this not be an opportunity to completely get rid of u as it sounds like he is managing you at d moment. Taking a break from your home can either make or break your marriage and from the kind of man you have described from ur 3 posts it seems he can't be bothered.

    Please pray like you have never prayed b4. Observe a 3day fasting and prayer for your marriage and ur hubby. Tell God the areas you want him to heal and for direction.
    At the end of your fast and prayers wake ur hubby anytime between 12 and 2am, tell him you can't sleep and you want to discuss something important with him. When he is alert go on ur knees and cry your heart out, explain to him exactly how u feel. Tell him ur suicidal thoughts, ask if u've offended him he shld tell u what u've done and he shld please 4give you. Remind him of the early days of ur relationship and how u were inseperable, ask him if he feels he has made a mistake by marrying you, tell him you can't handle the way you are being treated. Then let him speak and listen to what he has to say. His response should determine ur actions. If he is remorseful then observe things for a month to 6weeks then decide if you still want a break or not.
    Lastly Odunayo please search yourself. Your husband response after the midnight talk should tell you if there are areas u need to work on as a wife and mother.

    I know you have put up with a lot and exhausted all options but God will give u direction after d 3days fasting and prayers. Please let us kno how you get on. God bless

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/31/2013

      good one lizzy, poster, God is faithful... pray n talk to ur man. make this work!

      Delete
  28. Anonymous5/31/2013

    At this point my dear sister,you need to just take a mini vacation at your parents house,even if it's just a week.. Pray ,pray my dear and don't even talk about suicide,let such thoughts not come into your mind at all! You want to do 3 -0 abi? Think about your son first and most important of all put God before your husband. Look to God as your source of joy not your husband. I notice that when people sense they have some sort of power of your emotions,they tend to treat you like crap the more.

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  29. Anonymous5/31/2013

    PLS MA SIS DNT TURN SUCIDAL COS OF ANY1, U AV A SON,FAMILY N WE ALL HERE WHO CARES N LOVES U.BUH B ASSURED DT ANYTIN DT WUD B A SUCCESS ALWAZ CMS WT OBSTACLES FRM d' PIT OF HELL. U WUD LAUGH AT LAST N PUT d' DEVIL22 SHAME. WE LOVE U, BUH GOD LOVES U MORE. MASON'S MUM

    ReplyDelete
  30. Anonymous5/31/2013

    Go to Stella dimoko' blog and read about what oda women are passing thro. Its so sad and I will tell u one tin, u are perfect in God's eyes. DV is terrible, weda physical, emotional or syco. It kills slowly and any man who has started it most likely will not stop. I pray u get thro this alive IJN

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  31. @Rubynnia yea i saw that before I wrote I'm of the opinion that if she can get her parent and her hubby's parent at the same time under one roof for a meeting maybe her hubby will understand the enormity of his behaviour and the great trauma he is causing her whole being. At her present state it is good she involves people that have her best interest at heart

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    Replies
    1. Sama, I agree with you but I think this will only work if she leaves him for now to get her youthful self back.

      Delete
  32. Licious5/31/2013

    Hi Sis,
    I know where you're coming from and i see where you are but in all these,THIS isnt where you're going!!!!
    This person , the one who wrote this today isnt the person i know and isnt YOU!!!

    Of all your sisters you've been the most vivacious and least understood! Upbeat,bubbly, soo friendly, updated, stylish, classy, etc Yes, we October babies are like that!! Yay!!!
    You and i have had the most fun in our time and saying we'r uptown girls is the greatest understatement of the Millenium!!!!
    BABE: You RRRRROOOOOCCCCKKKKK!!!!!
    I look in the mirror with you standing right there infront of me and i see a FIGHTER, a woman STRONGER than the storms life has thrown her way, I see the inner strength of a LIONESS, a will to LIVE against all odds!!
    You always take the lead, ideas pop when others are still thinking, you know how to 'work' it when minds have shut down, you love life and YOU LIVE it to the fullest!
    I dont know any DARE DEVIL like you!!!
    You have a heart of GOLD thinking about others and how to make things better for everyone, you 'speak' it when others are skirting around it, you take the bull by the horn when it seems as though a particular issue would be handled otherwise...

    Physically you're HAWWWWTTT!!! MAmAçItA!!!
    Those hips dont lie and pretty(inside out) doesnt begin to explain who God created!!!
    You're soOOoooOOo much fun to be with, when we were all at home or anytime we all meet at Mum's, we sure have great times, our very own Style Icon,i always remember spills of laugther, singing and even dancing like we were going to be paid LOoooOOOooLL!!!

    I know who i know and this is the you i know and the YOU that you are!!!

    Whatever it is you're feeling right now.....
    Remember, no one has the right to bring you down except you let them and this is no exception!!! Taking the Job was the best thing you did for yourself in the last 2years!! And now you're going to do more 'cause you're no longer alone you have SugarPuddle with you now and in all you do you must put him first. At 22months, that child is the greatest gift you could ever have!!! You were chosen to be his mother and mother you WILL be to him!!!

    Listen to me: Heaven would not fall if you move on, we both know this man aint worth a nano second of your time!!! You have done your very best. But its over now!!! No MORE .... I beg you.... NO MORE!!! I cant stand you suffering like this , it breaks my soul to the core!!! And no one can get you out of this situation except you do it YOURSELF!! Now you have a JOB and this is the time to get the heck outta there!!!
    You know this is what you HAVE to do and im sick and tired of waiting for you to get-up and DDOOO IT!!!
    LEAVE,LEAVE,LEAVE,LEAVE!!!!

    Thank you for all the comments!!
    I'd like to say here that she introduced me to this wonderful family and ive learnt a whole lot from you all.
    However, as much as it sounds like a nolly or hollywood movie...its even a worse picture than she paints here.... Hubby is (and i say this with utmost clarity and no bias) a man with a mission from hell!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. This is really sad. Seems it's worse than she paints it here as you said.

      I guess she's scared to leave and she's torn between leaving and staying/harming herself.

      I don't really have the mind to tell her to leave as I don't really have a clear picture. But it seems from all you've said she feels like she needs to leave but is scared to leave. I guess it would be very right to ask her why she is scared of leaving. Very vital question. The answer will lead to so many suggestions.

      I recall people telling her or was it someone else in previous posts to leave for sometime and watch the man's reaction. But that isn't a true test. You all recall the late banker, Titi. She once left, the man pleaded, family was against it but she decided to return and the rest is history. She's no more.

      I just believe she should trust God for wisdom. All round wisdom. Cos even if she leaves, she still needs wisdom when other things follow. Let's say he comes back and acts all good, only with the intent of returning back to his evil ways. She needs wisdom and all of the help that no man but God can give.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/31/2013

      My dear,afta reading ur comment I cudnt help bt shed a tear!its funny wen I hear pple say Nigerians don't commit suicide.d amount of issues we av is enuff2depress 1.I remember wen motunrayo commited suicide (God rest her soul)she was jus 25yrs,on d surface she had everything goin4her,money,a car,good job n all.and so wen she starting telling pple she's depressed she wants 2commit suicide it sounded funny.nobody truly took her seriously till she hung herself!madam odun,I beg u.early 2mrw pack a few things n go far,u nid ur sanity back(yes I said it) depression is a mental illiness.unfortunately its taken lightly in Nigeria,abroad u wud av gotten 1 or 2psychologist 2help u regain ur self.right 4rm ur 1st post,I sensed sumthin terribly wrong.y wud 1change drastically cos of marriage,u can't party,u can't go out,u can't b a happy person.my dear dat sounds like bondage!my man knows how he met me,he fell in luv with happy me.so he shud work 2wards mking me remain happy.wo 4now,think of u n ur baby alone.4get dat man

      Delete
    3. Awwwww @Licious' comments almost made me cry at what this lady I mean the poster can be going through my GOD! Pls Ma'am listen to all the advice and at least take a break Life has no duplicate look @Monalisa Chinda today although we are not sure what happened in her marriage but that gurl is glowing! Freedom has given peace and happiness which radiates please do the best for yourself and your son.And yes please listen to some music and call someone on the phone when those suicidal thoughts come just pray over the phone with the person or listen to christain songs like "I almost let go" by kurt carr and he's able bu deitrick Haddon they are powerful songs hopefully they help you through this time and it will surely pass..

      We look forward to your testimony Bless xx

      Delete
  33. Odun, I want to introduce u to someone that loves u dearly,.His name is Jesus Christ. I can imagine what u are going thru bcos I have a relation that was into this kind of relationship abi na marriage sef. U have to b alive to see ur change come.
    Sometimes I feel emotional torture is worse than physical beating. It drains ur being, ur self worth n esteem.
    No body can make u feel worthless or low unless u encourage them, so I will suggest u begin to love yourself first. Have a change of environment to cool ur head. The truth is if u commit suicide u will loose all n he might gain all. If u do u will go to hell but if after u've died he repents, he well go to heaven, so why will u give him the pleasure of making u miss heaven. I wish I was close to u. Nevermind u have a family here that loves n cares for u. Don't let the devil rejoice over u. Let the peace from God b upon u n may the Holy Spirit speak to u 9t.
    Amen

    ReplyDelete
  34. May d Holy Spirit speak to u 2 9t.
    My heart bleeds for u. My kids n I just prayed for u now. It is well with u

    ReplyDelete
  35. go and clear your head for a while ie take a break and keep praying. just dont be sucidal. stay healthy

    ReplyDelete
  36. Licious5/31/2013

    @ Jay: Thanks.
    I think i have an answer to that question!

    Its not simple nor easy to GET-OUT, WALK-AWAY and DO NOT LOOK back!! The 'finality' of that decision may be the crux of the fear!! The uncertainty that lays ahead....

    My WC family, I can assure you that if she leaves for a few days ,weeks or even a month...... It makes no difference to him, he's wacko like that!! He'll NEVER be nice to her or be remorseful!! Heck, the guy isnt on speaking terms with her mum for pete's sakes and he's comfortable for almost a YEAR!!

    Look Sis, i dont know howelse or whatelse to say but one thing is for sure ..... Im not giving up on you!!! Just like with the Job issue... This one too we, i repeat WE must stand our ground!!!


    I beg you WC family...... Do not stop encouraging here and remembering her in your prayers...we must pull together to help on of our very own!!! I beg you all and i implore you!!

    Im wrting here on purpose 'cause, we'll both come back with positive feedback to this WC family!!! This is just the begining!!

    Like ive always told you: I love you to pieces and i DO NOT give a flying doughnut!!!! FAMILY is FAMILY!!!! And sometimes water gets thicker than blood!!!
    (if its not so, it couldnt be walked on!!!!)

    ReplyDelete
  37. Johnson5/31/2013

    And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do (Gen 11:6).
    WC family, I believe there’s a consensus that we need God’s intervention in this situation. Will you join me in prayer tonight? “Father turn Odunayo’s situation around for good. We take authority over every contrary spirit working over the life of her husband, in Jesus name.” Father put a smile on the face of your daughter and let Your name be glorified in this situation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/31/2013

      AMEN!!! In tears* Horlah

      Delete
  38. Thank u everyone for ur thots n prayers.@ licious..i know who u r cos u r the only fam member i introduced to this blog ; i love u too ..u r more than a sister can hope for.
    I told aunt eya to put down d post cos i dont wanna sound like i want a pity party ..but when my head wanted to burst this morning afta yet another putting down btw him and his parents..i didnt know when i wrote this in.
    We had already seperated twice ..the second time like three months..but each time i wld run back to him when it looks like he wants me back..and then the cycle will begin again.
    but nevertheless..there is so much unsaid..but i thank everyone.i feel a bit calm now n i ll continue to remind God.
    Thank u.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aunty Odun, you are strong, you are victorious, you are a conqueror, you are success... please hold on tight and remember that 'this too shall pass'. God is your strength and in him you'll soar high. Your son will become father of all nation just like Abraham and he ll make you proud. God's glory will shine through you and your enemies will view you a force to be reckoned with. You are blessed in Jesus' name. Go and smile away your pains and sorrow. It is well with you and your household. I pray that God teaches you what path to take.

      Delete
    2. That 'running back' to him is where a lot of the problem lies. You have done this "I can't do this anymore" before, you know. Your 'running back' to him is what gives him the conscience to tell you that the door is open cos he knows even if you leave, you will still come back without him having to change. He feels you aren't strong. But from the posts and Licious' comments, you are like the girl next door; Smart, pretty and all. Take what is yours back.

      He wants you back; fine but not fine. He wants you back as a what? To keep abusing you? That's what matters. Not just the 'wanting'. I think you made mistakes in running back just because he wanted you back. This is really not fair on you. I really feel for you.

      Please Odun, look out for yourself. Don't sell your happiness and freedom to one who doesn't deserve to rip you off it.

      Just remember that no one can take away your happiness without your permission. You have permitted him, that's why it is so. Take what is yours back.

      Try and get close to God and let Him fight for you. Let Him help you in your weaknesses. Those weaknesses you possess that have a bearing on this situation, entrust all to Him.

      Delete
  39. So sad to read this! I thought things had sorted themselves out!

    Pls put away evry thought of suicide. It solves nothing and only creates problems u don't even want to think about.

    I know what depression feels like, when it seems there's no hope and u're left in despair. The truth is that this too shall pass.

    Thank God u have a job to take ur mind off things. Think off ur son, even if u think u're not worth the effort anymore, think of ur son. Think of something beyond urself.

    It's hard to pray at times like this, but be assured that's the only thing that will pull u thru.

    Involve ur pastor and the prayer team of ur church, wake up at night and cry out to God. Midnight prayers are very effective, but do this quietly so as not to incur ur husband's wrath. Speak the word at all times. Speak in tongues if u're able to. Ask the Holy Spirit to pin point to u what the focus of ur prayers shd be. I'm saying all this with the assumption that u're a Christian. Even if u're not u can still seek prayer support from a true servant of God.

    I would not advice u to leave ur home except in a case of actual physical abuse. It could count against u. Do not give room to the devil.

    My heart goes out to u and I say it is well with you!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Mrs Odun after reading ur mail I had tot of what to write all thru d day, but after reading lilucios comment I can't help but hand over everything to God, let God take control, pls as johnson said let's all take time tmr n pray for her, let heaven hear all our cry and let Mrs odun story change. Pls ma let God heal u bcos I know mental scars n worse than physical scars. It is well

    ReplyDelete
  41. Pls let's all pray for her as johnson said! Dat is all we can do, take out time tmr to pray for Mrs odun. It is well

    ReplyDelete
  42. For sake of brevity, I'll just say it simple,

    Dear sis, life is short and death is sure!
    Get a grip on the things that matter to you "YOUR LIFE"

    The irony of marriages is that nothing gets perfect with time, like fine wine time makes it more sour.

    They say love is blind but marriage is an eye opener!

    Just be patient all will be sorted! I believe...


    One love!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Anonymous5/31/2013

    First and foremost. If you have not given your life to Jesus and accepted him as your Lord and saviour , pls do. Get a good daily devotional(I use joyce meyer) and study Gods word daily. Grow in your relationship with him and keep looving your husband.

    Secondly if you can get an elderly christian woman as a praying partner. It will be helpful. You can also get these books *power of a praying wife and power of a praying woman. Pray for your home. Invite the Holy spirit and hand your husband over to God. Remember, only His creator can fix him.

    Communicate with him. Ask the Holy spirit to put words of wisdom into your mouth.

    Please and please don't think of killing yourself. Be happy for your health and that of your son. Take an online course if need be. Develop yourself physically and spiritually. My brother wasin the psychiatric hosp from serious case of depression for 5months, if not for God that answered our prayers.

    It is well with you. All that concerns you shall move upward and forward

    ReplyDelete
  44. Dear Odun, sorry you are going through hard times with your hubby. Your situation sounds really pathetic. I read through your previous stories and I start visualizing the whole scenario. I hope he's not adding beating up to all these. I would like to ask a few questions though. You said in your 1st post that he has a 10yrs old child with another woman. Where is the child and what about the child's mother? Sorry am asking, am just trying to check all angles to see why your husband's feelings towards you have changed cos believe me.....it is indeed strange. I don't subscribe to you walking out on your marriage but if physical abuse is involved please I beg you to leave. Hold on to your Job and be diligent in it, do not succumb to depression and despair cos it is not worth it. Pray without ceasing and cover your body soul and spirit with the blood of Jesus day and night. Put on daily the whole armour of God. Its only the violent ones that taketh the Kingdom of God by force. Pray for God to touch your husband. It is well with you my dear. In all you do, do not leave your Job.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Good day Odunayo...I'm really sori 4 all ur goin tru..u really don't deserve it.I'm stil single and can't rily offer much in terms of marital advice bt I can say dis: ure bringin up ur son in a vry negative environmnt. U might think he's too little to comprehend bt ure wrong.its now d kind of man he's goin to be starts takin form. Wouldn't u want a bubbly kid rathr dan one who's always lookin sullen?
    Pls don't even think about killn urself. U'll only grant d devil victory. Who will den bring up ur son? Ur sadistc husband????? Ahhhh! Abeg ooo! I'm sure u stil hav ur bubbly frnds, surround urself and ur son wit positive energy&pple. Take a break frm ur husband, go sumwhr else and surround urself wit family and frnds. Do things dat used to make u hapi. Seek ur parent's advice and councelin and above all,go on ur hands and knees and pray to God. There's no situation he can't turn around!

    Also plssssss stop crying and begging hubby evrytym he gets angry at u for vry silly and minor things like openin d gate a couple of seconds late etc! Dat alone makes him believe he's d minigod he thinks he is.

    Above all, pls be hapi. We have just one life to live. Make d best use of urs. I'll put u in my prayers.

    Ur next post will be one of testimonies!

    ReplyDelete
  46. @beecee salvador..the child is wit his parents. i was told the mum had gone to marry someone n dont make contact..later i discovered the mother do contact the child and comes to visit. it was more than a year into our marriage when during one of his talk downs that he revealed to me that he has another child elsewhere.a 7 yr old boy and days ago..that one s mother brought the child to see my hubby s parents.this was also revealed yesterday. i never knew he had a 2nd child somewhere at all

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lobatan. Seems there are lots more revelations in stock for you from your hubby Odun. Adura lo ku o.

      Delete
    2. Dear Odunayo, in as much as I do not subscribe to Divorce, you might have to leave your hubby. You know Y? Do you think the other women that have kids for him will just sit down and let you enjoy their supposedly supposed to be husband? No, even if they did not go extra mile, there are times that curses follow people around, they don't need to be placed under a spell. You don't even know what does ladies went through with him before things went sour and sore in their relationship with him. (Boya won ti sepe le lori beyen) Plus, its very glaring that your hubby is not a
      God fearing fellow. You know you came after this 2 women plus God knows who else he's involved with right now.
      Well sha, its high time you swallow your pride and pick up the bits and pieces of your life. Live for God, your son and yourself. Its a good thing you have a job now. Its time to move on my dear. Forget what people will say, what your ex will think (Yes, cos Ʊ mentioned him in your first story) and do the right thing for your Son's sake. This same thing happened to my sister, the guy had 3 kids before she came along, she too had a kid for him, the guy started treating her the way your hubby is treating you, when she eventually got a job, he added beating to her emotional suffering to the extent he went to her place of work to beat her up. It was terrible. But today she's married to a very loving husband sometimes I even wish my husband can be like hers. Above all, ask God for direction and don't forget the whole armour of God daily cos the battle is more of spiritual than physical. Remain blessed.

      Delete
    3. Aha! I knew it! There was something fishy about his whole attitude. Dnt worry dear, you will overcome. God will not give you more than you can handle... Be strong!

      Delete
  47. Wonders shall never cease!!! Makes one wonder watelse he has in his closet!

    ReplyDelete
  48. Anonymous6/01/2013

    Odun! What is wrong with you? You know the solution to your problems... Two children outside wedlock? You probably want to be the jackie chan in his life abi? The woman that stayed still the end... Is that the title you want? Have you not heard that there are demons in human flesh? Ur hubby might just be one! Go away and take care of your son, and when he is 7, you can bring him to visit the boys parent as well... You think you're smart enouf to handle his flaws abi! You're just going to die slowly and your son will suffer!

    I have two kids my dear, and initially, I tot our stories are similar, but they are not!
    My marriage is not enjoyable at all, and sometimes I just feel so miserable! My hubby is a good man, but we ve lots of differences. We didn't court for long, although I saw these flaws in him, and I told myself I could change him... Seriously no body can change anybody especially in marriage! All you can do is torelate each other of which I've learnt over the years.. Babe! Your case is different, your hubby keep giving you suprise new of kids he has outside! And he isn't treating you right at all... That's HELL on earth! Pls move on with your life, and take care of your so, before you become the sacrificial lamb.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Anonymous6/01/2013

    Odun! What is wrong with you? You know the solution to your problems... Two children outside wedlock? You probably want to be the jackie chan in his life abi? The woman that stayed still the end... Is that the title you want? Have you not heard that there are demons in human flesh? Ur hubby might just be one! Go away and take care of your son, and when he is 7, you can bring him to visit the boys parent as well... You think you're smart enouf to handle his flaws abi! You're just going to die slowly and your son will suffer!

    I have two kids my dear, and initially, I tot our stories are similar, but they are not!
    My marriage is not enjoyable at all, and sometimes I just feel so miserable! My hubby is a good man, but we ve lots of differences. We didn't court for long, although I saw these flaws in him, and I told myself I could change him... Seriously no body can change anybody especially in marriage! All you can do is torelate each other of which I've learnt over the years.. Babe! Your case is different, your hubby keep giving you suprise new of kids he has outside! And he isn't treating you right at all... That's HELL on earth! Pls move on with your life, and take care of your so, before you become the sacrificial lamb.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Odun, After i read your post last night, I was speechless and was down. After watching something funny and singing praises to lift my mood I went to bed and my dream revolved around your problem. I'm going to tell you the same thing I said in my dream " your time on earth is NOT up, you have yet to accomplish all God planned for you, you still have a long time here to achieve all that God has planned for your life".
    Don't even think about suicide. your son needs you and like everyone has said, let God guide you through all of this, take all limits off of God. And please continue with your job.

    ReplyDelete
  51. thank u so much everyone..i am speechless..ur words are full of love n wisdom. every comment here has me tearing up. i ll never forget the empathy i am shown here. it has renewed my hope again. thanks again...words fail me...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aunty Odun, Ija dopin ogun si tan, olugbala jagunmolu orin ayo le o mako Halleluyah!!!!!!

      Delete
    2. Banke, I join you in singing too:
      Ija do pin, ogun si tan; Olugbala jagun molu; orin ayo la o ma ko
      Halleluyah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Delete
  52. Its well IJN! I think hes seeing a lady or even impregnated her somewhere and i will suggest you stay since hes not abusing you physically yet(otherwise RUN) but ignore him and stop being emotional or suicidal. All these make him happier and more in control. Be happy again, face your son and be more active in church. No 2nd pregnancy yet oooo! It will end in praise dear!

    ReplyDelete
  53. WC family needs to visit this your husband for a town hall meeting! Before then let's keep praying for her

    ReplyDelete
  54. Anonymous6/01/2013

    Hmmmmmm! Seriously odun dear, the good lord will see u tru. Am not married yet but I feel ur pains. Just like everyone has said, stay strong for ur son and get more closer to ur God, remember he is the author and finisher of ur life. You are just acting a script from his book but one thing am assuring u is; no mata how it goes, it must end well. I will be praying for u sis. All the best
    Pinky

    ReplyDelete
  55. am sorry am just saying these things but when beecee salvador started it..i am beginning to see a pattern i was too emotional to look at.i had always thot i was the one that needed to adjust well and be the kind of wife he wanted me to be..and that i wasnt getting it right..that maybe thats why he s always angry at me.
    when i met him..he had lost a wife. who was 8 months pregnant at the time. he told me she had malaria and died cos of complication of malaria with pregnancy. he told me at dat time then that he had a daughter outside wedlock already. one yr after marriage..he told me he has a son somewhere. now with all the trauma he put me thru then emotional including one beating. i am wondering what exactly the late wife went thru cos they were married for 3 yrs or so. though he said he enjoyed the marriage and he used to tell me that i cant hold a candle to her..the thing that statement did to my self esteem!..now i think ..he enjoyed the marriage..at what cost? the lady is dead..was everything ok for her? did she face trauma? the first child outside wedlock, i later learnt they actually stayed together to make it learnt but could not stay together cos they were always fighting. the lady left. the second one .. i dont even know anything else on dat one.
    Now i see a pattern.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never advocate divorce but Nne, pack ur bags and run! What?! No wonder ur friend said it is worse than you painted it. It is so much worse!! Pls, leave him immediately. Just stay away for a while. But still pray for him. Does he go to church? I mean, is he born-again? If not, then that's where his problem started from...

      Delete
    2. You know what to do Odun, you need to disappear from his life. Don't leave ur kid with him Oº°˚˚˚°º‎​, Ï beg you. He is not your man, has never been. God will provide yours for you. Someone who will honour, respect and adore you. Cheers.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous6/02/2013

      Odun i love you...... From a sister that feels your pain. I just wanted to show you love x

      Delete
  56. Bostonlady6/01/2013

    Sister pls pack your load and run,somethings are not jst met to be,please I don't want you to become his next victim some people are not just worth it.pls for the sake of your son,people will definitely talk but your safety and sanity is more important because this your husband something is really wrong with him.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Anonymous6/01/2013

    My dear odun, please don't end up like Titi the ex banker. Flee why you can. Titi had every chance to run away, but she stayed back- praying and wishing for a change I guess! Now she's 6ft down! I'm very sure you never prayed about this man before you married him.. Why do u think you can bring God into it now? You have to retrace ur step my dear,
    My opinion is get out of that marriage, have a refreshing time with God, please keep your job, and get involve in the things of God, and the holy spirit will give you direction. But please, leave that house immediately!
    You are the 4th woman in his life dear, and he is still not a changed person... Please give way for the next person to try abeg!
    GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE... Leave with your son please, unannouced!

    ReplyDelete
  58. Anonymous6/02/2013

    Odun, your husband does not care about anyone else but himself. He has not been talking with your Mum for one year, your own Mum?? After your latest update about all his past women, I suggest you leave him and never go back.

    Knowing the society we live in in Nigeria, you are worried about what people will say, that you cannot keep your marriage, that you should go back to your husband's house and all whatnot but people WILL only say these when you try to hide who he is or cover up what you went through in that marriage. When someone asks you about him, be the first to tell the person that you are no longer married to him, that he is a devil in disguise. Infact by speaking out on the way he is, you will be saving other vunerable women from falling into his trap.

    And for those that still want to gossip about it, let them talk now, kpatakpata people will talk about it for 1 month and move on to the next gist in town. As a human being, you will feel it but it's normal, it will pass. And when it passes, you will come out stronger, alright?

    Also talking about it will help you heal faster and stop you from going back to him like you usually do. Afterall, you wouldn't want to go back to him after you have told people that he is a devil, would you?

    Honestly when I read the post where you wanted advice on whether to take your job or not, I felt you should take the job because his mistreatment of you might have been because you were not helping him out financially. You know, most men are too proud to ask their wives to help them out in that area so he started mistreating you in the hope that you will get frustrated, take the cue and look for a job. So your latest post came as a rude shock to me! You've done everything possible my dear and he can never be happy: you've worked, no way! Stayed at home: no way! Started another job, no way!

    Looking at the circumstances under which you got your job: applied late, got the offer without an interview, your employer accepting your terms etc, I strongly believe that your guardian angels got you that job to arm you with a means of livelihood in readiness for a separation from your husband. So please take that route.

    I believe that one should try to save his/her marriage before running away and you have tried! Not every marriage can ba salvaged. If you lose your life in the process, he will still use you to scorn another woman that falls into his trap, telling her that she cannot hold a candle to you because I believe he is born to send women to their early graves or at least turn them into a shadow of themselves.

    Please leave! I wish I can call you and speak with you now because text alone can never convey the message clearly because it lacks tone. But I am happy that you have a strong and loving friend/sister in Licious (Thanks girl!) to take care of you! All you need to do now is to banish all those thoughts that you can make that marriage work and run for your life. Change your numbers and block all contacts with him.

    I pray that what is holding him from being happy will eventually leave him but I think he needs time on his own to sort himself out.

    If you leave, people will talk, if you don't leave and die in the process, people will talk more!

    All the best! Sending you hugs sweetheart!

    ReplyDelete
  59. @anonymous:3.09pm... thank you for taking the time to read my posts and comment. even though they are just words..i cld feel a flow from your comments..i cant explain but something leaped to me from your words and i felt the impulse to write n let u know. thank u..my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Anonymous6/02/2013

    Odun, I hope you're not in that house anymore! Please dearie, we need an update of how you're fairing.
    Happiness is a choice darling, and you deserve to be happy... Choose wisely girl.
    GET OUT OF THAT PIT HOLE! Plssssss

    I love you.
    Patsy

    ReplyDelete
  61. Anonymous6/02/2013

    Odun, I hope you're not in that house anymore! Please dearie, we need an update of how you're fairing.
    Happiness is a choice darling, and you deserve to be happy... Choose wisely girl.
    GET OUT OF THAT PIT HOLE! Plssssss

    I love you.
    Patsy

    ReplyDelete
  62. hello my WC fam; thank you,thank you..for everything. you may not know, but you have saved a life by reaching out when i cried out..when i felt it was much better to go than to stay in this world, when i was looking around the house to see the fastest and easiest way to end it. i kept seeing my son s face, thus my hesitation.
    hubby and i had a talk yester morn; i tried again to point out all what this is doing to me. he said he would change what needs to be changed in his attitude to me, that old habits die hard. we have gone thru this route many times where we ll seem to iron things out and before u know it , his ways will start to play out again.
    But this time, knowing what i know now (thanks to you guys) that i need to own my life and stand up for my own happiness. i will continue to pray for God s intervention and guidance. i will still do everything possible to stay on track with this marriage.. BUT..if he goes back to what he promised he ll leave behind,THAT WILL BE IT. i have bared my soul to him yesterday..but if he decides to trample on me again. i will not let him take my sanity. licious' comments got to me and i have realised that it is indeed reflecting to people who know me before that i am a shadow of my old self. but like jay said..i need to take what is mine back.
    Thank u so much and i ll let you how am faring. God bless you and your homes. i love u guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6/07/2013

      Hello Odun,

      I read all your letters four days ago n i closed this page but your story didn't leave me so, here i am again. This time to see this your respose and your brave decision. I really feel your strength and how much deep your love is for you child. I really appreciate that despite all the advices (which i would have given if i had commented the very first day i read your story - to leave and flee)you decided to stay and give it one more chance! it shows a lot and have shown me that you are a very strong woman.

      My advice to you is that you deserve to be happy and despite that i know all odds are against that for you right now, i know you have the strength to get that back also. Please make yourself happy, even if it means pretending to be happy for the sake of it, pretend to your husband that you're happy and make it seem like he's not the cause of it and if he tries to get that away from you, be happier, be happier and be happier. Expect anything from him to make you sad and just make sure that you wear that smile on your face all the time. Go for anything that used to lift your spirit and welcome it back into your life, music, worship, friends.....anything.

      It might look awkward initially but i bet you it will become a part of you after sometime and it will be left to your hubby to either become a part of your happiness or your happiness will haunt him like a weapon from you.

      I pray and pray that your marriage will work out but if in the end you decide to walk away, let him know that you bowed out happily. Let him know that he cannot take away your happiness and joy. You have really fought a battle and you shall win!

      Lots of hugs dear....
      Bunmi.

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  63. we love you too. God loves you more. Goodluck and God's grace

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  64. That's the spirit Odun! It's wonderful to read this positive and can do comment from you. You'll laugh last!

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  65. Exactly Odun. Hmm. Him saying that "Bad habits die hard" is just a flimsy excuse for why he won't change if he doesn't. Why would someone want to frustrate another woman that he's meant to love and protect to the extent where she's thinking of taking her life? Just sad...

    God loves you. Jesus died that you may have LIFE in ABUNDANCE. Don't ever forget that, okay? We love you too. You too shall overcome. His grace is sufficient for you; always remember this. Always tell yourself that you are stronger than all that is happening and that you are stronger than you think you are.

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  66. Thank God for you Odun.
    At first I didn't comment cause I just had no idea what to say, then I read through the comments and realised that people had said it all.
    I'm sure most people have been praying for you as I have been.
    Glad to see the update from you, you'll overcome all this by God's grace.

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  67. @bunmi..thank u so much for ur support. u guys have been awesome. may God bless u ..my fam.

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