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Help! What And How Do I Do This?


Dear Aunty Eya,

Good morning, i read ur blog every day but i made few comments cos some of the readers are bullies. i am have a very big problem and in need of advice/suggestions or opinions.

I am a 32 year old lady, engaged to be married in Nov. But
for this let me start from the beginning. 

I met my bf years back but he had no money but he loves me and i do too. After some time he went into 419 and i discouraged him and he stopped. Getting a job was difficult for him, so after my NYSC i moved to Lagos. I moved to his house unknown to my family(my biggest mistake). I got a job(not a fantastic one) with a salary close to 100k. we feed, cloth and rent. At most time the money will just be squeezed(u know what i mean).

One day, My boss took me to one of our branches for official assignment. That same day he told me his life story and how he has been married for years with no issue and how he doesnt want adoption. How his parents(though late now) were not happy with him and his wife and etc.He asked me out and begged me to marry him.

 I know he was serious cos when i was sick i went to hospital and he called the doctor to do all necessary test(unknown to me). Out of sympathy i started to date him after few months of that trip. We talk more on the phone cos none of the staffs were aware. I was also making extra money cos i ve weekly allowance that can help us(my bf and i) pay bills. He(my boss) doesnt disturb me for @*# cos he is always busy and tries not to make his wife suspect(a godly man).   
 
My bf has gotten a FGN job(little above 100k). Thank God for that. Now, i want the best way to end this relationship and still retain my job(but if i must loose the job someone here who can assist will be appreciated) cos we are saving for our wedding in Nov by God's Grace.Please no insult. i ve made a mistake. Ahdaisy Jayde, Bonario and other wonderful friends/family here i am looking to your suggestions and opinions

Dont post my email pls.
Thanks Aunty Eya.

Comments

  1. Johnson5/09/2013

    1. You committed fornication + adultery. Need to ask for God’s forgiveness. He will forgive if you are sincere and turn from the wicked ways. No sign of this, yet, in your post. This would help in subsequent steps that you need to take. You need to right every wrong of the past.
    2. You can talk to your oga’s conscience as you claim he is a ‘godly’ man. For example, if you are truly sorry for past mistakes, let him know that you consider your relationship with him as an error that needs to be corrected. You made a mistake and you’re leaving the past behind and need him to support you in this journey as you move into another phase in your life. Tell him that you’re getting married in November.
    What could possibly happen?
    (a)He tries to relieve you of your appointment – that is if he is capable (na im get the company?). With point #2 above, the possibility for this happening is low.
    (b)He wants to continue the secret relationship – most unlikely as it seems the 1st reason for this relationship was borne out of looking for a child.
    Wish you the best… I tell you, with JESUS you cannot go wrong. He is the One that is able to turn past mistakes into testimonies…

    ReplyDelete
  2. hmmm I don't know where to start but I'll have to start somewhere. I guess throwing some questions would be better.
    Don't you think you're being selfish?
    How would you feel,if you're the man that was meant to marry a lady and all of a sudden she decides to settle with her boss,with no fault of your's?
    I you sure your love for this your boyfriend is with sincerety of purpose?
    And av u tried putting yourself in the shoe of that your boss barren wife?
    Do you know that you're going to wrong three persons by your action(God,your boyfriend and your boss wife)
    Do you know any fury like that of a woman scorned?
    Are u ready for the drama that will ensue if u decide to go with your boss?
    Why didn't you tell him you're engaged with someone?
    Have you read stories why some people bath their ex with acid?
    My dear the fear of all this repercussions, is no way compared to that of loosing ones job.
    the earlier you tell your boss,u have no place with him as u're engaged and getting set for marriage the better for you. my dear as for the fear of loosing your job,life is not so fair you loose some you gain some. Approach him in the most polite way and make him see reasons with you.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/09/2013

      So far... BEST COMMENT YET.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/09/2013

      yea Bona Ɣøû can't really eat your cake and av u if para venture u re sack just as Bona has said Ɣøû loose some and gain some Ɣøû can't win all the time

      Delete
  3. Hi dear poster, I would like to get things clear here. B4 accepting ur boss as a date was he aware that u've a fiance already? Aside 4rm this, did he (Ur boss) define your relationship with him when he proposed? Pls i think this information will help bloggers to comment effectively to satisfy your anxiety.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. poster5/09/2013

      Dear Lucy, i was not engaged. we were just friends(bf and i)

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/09/2013

      Poster, if you think that after 'successfully calling it off' with your boss and he still allows you to retain your job, the two of you will automatically end whatever it was that you started with him out of pity, you are err, on a long thing.

      Even if you like, get married, have triplets, so long as you work there, your boss will forever pester you. You didn't respect his 'marriage' and not date him, but you think it's your own marriage he'll now respect while you still work there? And you think it's marriage that will automatically make you become faithful?


      Women sef, you are clearly scared of him that's why you came here for advice cos he probably didn't know you were not single. And you have been playing your boyfriend and this man as a player girl or something.

      If you are sincerely repentant and no more selfish, I don't know if you would need advice to take a right step for once o. You know what to do. Is it hard to tell your boss "I NO DO AGAIN"? Even better, saying it, deleting his number and quitting the job? Na wa

      Delete
  4. I really don't get it, why do you need this advice?

    Your boss Is married, he doesn't want you to come in between himself and his wife, he revere's her enuff to place you in a corner and yet you are scared of telling him you have to move on.

    Sincerity is not just a word, it's also of purpose. At 32 what really do you want for urself, have you been sincere enuff to ask urself that question?

    Mistakes are meant to be made and that's why the word exist, it's time to dust urself.

    Tell your boss about your bf and the marriage, be prepared for the 2 tinz involved. You get the sack or he's truly godly to have you stay!

    Nuff'Said!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I really don't get it, why do you need this advice?

    Your boss Is married, he doesn't want you to come in between himself and his wife, he revere's her enuff to place you in a corner and yet you are scared of telling him you have to move on.

    Sincerity is not just a word, it's also of purpose. At 32 what really do you want for urself, have you been sincere enuff to ask urself that question?

    Mistakes are meant to be made and that's why the word exist, it's time to dust urself.

    Tell your boss about your bf and the marriage, be prepared for the 2 tinz involved. You get the sack or he's truly godly to have you stay!


    Nuff'Said!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous5/09/2013

    I know you don't want bashing but I will bash you anyways. You are very selfish and you don't care for either your boss,your boyfriend or anyone,you are just DESPERATE to get married. There is no sincere love for anyone. Besides,that your boss is dubious not Godly(do you know what means at all). What happens if your Engaged boyfriend falls on hard times,you will date the next available Married Man with stories to tell. At 32,you should be praying very hard that when you marry that God will bless you with the fruit of the womb so you don't end up reaping what you sowed. I will advise you to leave both relationship and do some soul searching and ask if you truly love yourself or the boyfriend you cheated on. Thanks. MIRACLE

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous5/09/2013

    mtwwwwww.....silly post..u r not even repentant

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/09/2013

      i am pls. that is why i am here.

      Delete
  8. I'm sorry but I dnt even understand what she wants for the post. Is it how to end the relationship with ur bf? Or how to marry an already married 'godly' man? I sincerely dnt get!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/09/2013

      Yes, how to end the relationship with my boss. i dont want marry him. if i want to marry him i would ve done so long time and wont be here seeking for advice. thanks

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/09/2013

      32years old, and you don't know right from wrong?
      when you started, did you seek for advice?
      from your story, you don't sound repentant.
      this comment you made [big mistake] when you moved in with your boo, says it all!if you were not with him, you would have married your boss!
      you want to eat your cake and have it?
      you entered with your eyes opened,now asking how to get out?
      how would you feel, when you marry your boo and you cannot have a child,and he has an affair as you did?
      yes! karma is a bitch!
      don't think, if you repent, it won't come knocking!you deceive yourself!
      how do you stop it you ask?
      the same way you agreed to date him out of pity!
      say NO! To your oga at the top! dazs all!

      Delete
  9. Anonymous5/09/2013

    godly man......I m outta here. Did ur bf know of d relationship??

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous5/09/2013

    U call 100k small, do U know how many roam d streets jobless??

    ReplyDelete
  11. Can't get past your boss being a 'godly man'. What exactly does godly mean to you dear lady?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Lovelyn5/09/2013

    Dear Poster, I think you should go on 7 DAYS Fasting and Prayers, cry to God for Forgiveness for the sins you have committed.

    My advise:

    Talk to your boss that you have realized your mistakes and that what God has joined together, you don't want to put asunder.

    After talking to him, if you can not retain the job then forget about it and go and search for another job.

    Good Luck!


    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous5/09/2013

    I'm just gonna say one thing to u.
    As much as i want you to confess to God and ask for forgiveness, my dear, u also need to confess to ur bf and ask for forgiveness. If he can be able to forgive and take u bak, goodluck with ur wedding

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous5/09/2013

    mouth sealed! she already picked her advisers. let me read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, can we pls show some kindness and stop being judgemental. She needs help please fam.
      I don't think bashing is among the qualities of a good adviser. Let's be kind and May the almighty show us kindness too.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/09/2013

      kindness?
      did she show that to the poor wife looking for a child?
      because she is the one you know?
      as a wife, your sympathy should lie with the poor wife and not her!

      Delete
  15. Shayor!5/09/2013

    From all indications, I think u r not yet repentant cos u don't feel an ounce of guilt for wt u av done to ur bf or ur bosses wife. You are more concerned abt losing ur job...I don't think u love ur boyfriend. That said, but if u r truly repentant; 1: Confess to ur boyfrd
    2: Quit your job
    3:Confess to ur boss' wife
    4: if ur boyfrd forgives you, start ur marriage on a clean plate
    NB: All these shld be done b4 ur wedding. I doubt u can do all these tho so I'd give you anoda option; Speak to ur boss' conscience, he may let u stay, but trust me, it won't take time before u start sleeping with him again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Shayor, confess to Boss' wife??? Do you want to destroy that marriage???
      Some mistakes are better corrected silently abeg.

      Delete
  16. candid diva5/09/2013

    Its like u're very nice to have so much PITY 4 ur oga dt u started dating him!
    Dr is no need 4 long story madam,if u're really sorry,tell ur oga u want out of d affair,if he sacks u,so be it!
    And by d way,u don't know d meaning of godly.

    ReplyDelete
  17. My dear all u need to do is talk politely with ur boss,hence he's godly and doesn't want anytin to come between him and his wife,I believe he's gonna understand...Secondly pray and ask God for forgiveness,he surely will forgive a genuine repentant soul...thirdly always learn to be contended with wat u have,stop commiting obvious sin out of pity...goodluck

    ReplyDelete
  18. My dear all u need to do is talk politely with ur boss,hence u described him as been godly and doesn't want anytin to come between him and his wife,I believe he's gonna understand...Secondly pray and ask God for forgiveness,he surely will forgive a genuine repentant soul...thirdly always learn to be contended with wat u have,stop commiting obvious sin out of pity...goodluck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/09/2013

      Are u righteous?

      Delete
  19. I AM THE POSTER5/09/2013

    Thank you all for the bashing and insults. i know u all are clean and righteous. People make mistakes cos no one is perfect. i was only asking how to talk to my boss. i ve stopped sleeping with him long time ago(years back).

    And to u LOVELYN, thanks so much. God Bless u. i can see one cannot get a good advice again. Aunty Eya thank u too.
    If i am not repentant, why am i here? i hate when people ask for advice and gets insults in return.

    THANK YOU ALL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/09/2013

      Just send him an sms or mail "I am sorry sir but I can't continue with this relationship. I can't keep up anymore. My conscience pricks me. I feel terrible for the pain I cause your wife. I have a man that loves me and I'm putting myself in your wife's shoes and I know I'll be mad if another girl does this to me and as a 'godly' man, you know this is a sin. I wish to keep my job but if it is a problem, I hereby tender my resignation. My mind is made up, so there is nothing for us to discuss about this".

      That's what repentance means. Making a U-turn.

      Delete
    2. i am the poster5/09/2013

      Thank u so much. God Bless u real good. That's exactly what i will do.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous5/09/2013

      if you have stopped sleeping with him years back,why are you here?
      what do you want us to tell you?
      i don't get it!
      if you were able to stop sleeping with him, then why can't you stop the affair completely?
      no! you are not repentant, you want sympathetic talk!

      and eya, stop your righteous attitude, would you be happy if you hear someone slept with your husband and comes here asking for forgiveness or what she should do?this is how you pretend to care, but your words would betray you later! don't worry, when her husband start sleeping outside, she would have you as a confidant in future.

      Delete
    4. Yes poster. That's exactly Ɯα†̥‎​ u should do. Then forgive urself, become born again, start your life on a clean slate. God forgives :)

      Delete
    5. How would you be asking for advice on how to speak to a man you stopped sleeping with more than a year ago?
      If you’re repentant, you definitely have an attitude problem! So sorry for the young man getting married to you… well, he has also been eating the forbidden fruit for so long (years) without paying the bride price. All of you need to get born again and make the necessary restitution as a matter of urgency.
      Aunty Eya – abeg no fall our hand. We need to maintain the integrity of this blog… we are co-labourers!

      Delete
  20. - Pls don't insult my God...
    - No Godly man will commit adulatery for any reason.
    - So u felt pity for him & slept wit him abi it is time 4 him 2 feel pity 4u & let u be.

    - If u continue working 4 him, u'll surely sleep wit him again out of pity even if u re married.

    My sista advice urself, obviously ur only fear is loosing ur job abi not ur husband 2b.

    So it is left 4u 2 choose bwt getting married and d peanut u get 4rm a man dat pays u after sleeping wit u.

    ReplyDelete
  21. U xpect us 2 applaud u or a standing ovation. If u want 2 quit pls quit and stop deceiving urself.
    Remember u can NEVER eat ur cake and still ve it. Dortiye say so

    ReplyDelete
  22. Abimbola OYIN5/09/2013

    Dear poster,nobody is out here to make you feel bad or sad,its a normal human reaction to exhibit emotions such as outrage at this kinda situations. My candid advise to you is to take your time,search deep within you and sieve through your soul,ask yourself if you love your guy deep enough to tell him the truth and whatever happens afterwards you are willing and ready to accept. You may actually need to leave that job cos sooner than later you would actually fall back into your boss arms. I wish you well and pray you make the right decisions

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous5/09/2013

    U messed up a fellow woman's marriage by sleeping wit her husby intentionally and not dat u don't knw that ur boss is married; a marriage that d woman might ve suffered to build witout a child yet, and u frm nowhere messed it up for her without her knowing. And u think urs will always b clean witout blemish? Noooooo, the bible says whatever u sow u will reap, it may not b nøw , but one day; somebody somwhere might b fondling wit ur marriage, xcept God's grace intervene.
    The truth is end the relationship, go down on ur knees, ask God to forgive u, after dat if u truly luv ur fiance, confess to him and ask for his forgiveness; though hard, but it will save u so many things in d nearest future. This world is a very small place, think abt dis; u sealing it frm ur fiance, marrying him and after sm yrs this ur boss happens to b ur hubby's pal tru any facet of life and u meet them suddenly dinning and winning 2gether. HOW COMFORTABLE WILL U B? Nobody knws 2morrow! And my candid advice is dis, end that selfish relationship,and quit d job cos u retaining it is like asking the devil to leave ur home while the main door is wide open, so if u re doing it shut evry door dat can open dat relationship again.
    Finally, don't b afraid of staying @ home wen u might ve lost d job, remember ur fiance did and u were d hustler; nøw I can see evrytin turning around*singing* Let him b d hustler for nw while u enjoy ur stay @home
    #*Luvlycat#*

    ReplyDelete
  24. Shayor!5/09/2013

    I don't know exactly wt u want us 2 say 2 u but u'd definitely not get a pat on d back for dis. So far, I avnt seen or read any insultive comment. Its either u want 2 heed 2 advice or not. You also need 2 deal with your attitude as well.. You have a lot 2 work on. And pls note, contrary to wt u think, we arte not rigtheous and we make mistakes as well...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous5/27/2014

    Well, what goes around, comes around. What a man or woman sows, so shall she reaps. It is so painful to think that a lady of marriageable age who is believing God for a lovely should succumb to any form of attraction to gain financial benefit. Please ask for forgiveness. To ladies out there - BEWARE of married men; its a no go area period! What GOD ALMIGHTY has joined together, let no woman/girl/lady put asunder.

    ReplyDelete

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