He Has A Son, We Are Both AS, Should I Leave Or Stay?

Good day Aunty Eya,
Please I need your advise on some little issues which I believe you. And your followers can help me.
Am presently engaged to a guy, have known him for about

2yrs [just as friends] but we started dating in May last year and got engaged 6months later.

He has a 1 year old son from his ex, he dated this ex for about 8yrs, even after the birth of his son, he did introduction for her, they are separated now though,till now he hasn't given me a concrete reason,why they broke up.
I started dating him when they broke up so it had nothing to do with me.
When he fixed a date for our own introduction, his mum refused {she's based abroad} she called me on the phone and told me that it didn't make sense for us to do it yet...that she doesn't know how to tell her family members, because it was last year Feb that he had one introduction to his ex, and that his elder brother is not yet married..


Since when the introduction got postponed, his mom hasn't even called my family to apologize for it, she hasn't even called me to talk about, even when I call her she's always cold.
Am just tired of the relationship, I don't even love him deeply, I thot I could swallow my pride and let things work out between us,i feel that I got into it cos I wanted a man of my own,am 29.


We had a fight recently, and I told him to treat me like a girlfriend, @least buy me lil stuff,he said cos I don't come to his house to cook and clean for him and I want him to treat me like an angel,I don't like going to his house,his ex and kid used 2 stay here,I feel so ashamed whenever I go there and his  neighbors see me.


He just stopped making plans since the introduction got postponed, we were supposed 2 get a place and buy household stuff, he's not saying anything again.
....... Bottom line, he's AS and am also AS, this has been a HUGE burden for me, am just tired of the relationship.
Pls I need your advice what should I do?

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Comments

  1. my candid advice is that you should just end the relationship. at least you are not married yet and as it is you are not that into him so whats the point???? the fact that both of you are AS is enough to end the relationship because with all these controversy im sure you dont want to raise a sickle cell child. i know there's a way to determine the sex of a child and its quite expensive but why put yourself in that position when it can be avoided? its not worth it.

    this is my first comment on this blog *wide smile*

    ReplyDelete
  2. First point you made "I dont love him deeply" You already gave yourself something to worry about which means you are not 100% and if you want to be in a marriage of same Genotype the love has to be there ohhh my dear because its a battle in the first instance when you conceive the tests the processes can your love fight that battle?? can it stand if you one or more of your children come up with SS(Which these days with care and medication they now live better)which most people are still very Ignorant about??

    Why did he do introduction and want to another so very soon?? why would His family not respect yours to apologise? Why would he want you to do stuff for him before he showers you with gifts and love?

    Can you find answers to these Questions that are satisfactory??

    Dear poster being the same Genotype I believe is the least of worries here,There's no love and it seems like its going to be a struggle for you please seriously have a rethink 29 is not too old and who says you cant meet a man within a year and marry and have your kid by 30 where you will have peace of mind and not feel ashamed is better ohhh my sister all the best..

    http://aomosale.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete
  3. Johnson5/02/2013

    1. He did introduction… (did he paid dowry?)
    2. His mother did not consent to the relationship due to #1 above…
    3. You don’t love him…
    4. He’s AS, you are AS.
    Too many RED flags… This union is not meant to be! As Scar said, to Simba, in Lion King – run! run!!, run far-far away & never come back.
    29years? Let your heart not be troubled, God is able – trust Him…

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Johnson: not only red flags o, alarm bells are even ringing sef!!

      I'm just speechless at the things pple are willing to put up with b/4 they've even signed the dotted lines. Marriage is hard enough without bringing avoidable stress into it.

      My dear pls consider all the advice u've received and do what's best for u.

      Delete
  4. candid diva5/02/2013

    I'm trying very hard not 2 insult u. Wat are u stil doing wit him? U ve more dan enough reasons 2 zap. He no dey buy u tins,can't give u cogent reason why he broke off wit ex,mama no send u,he has a kid already,above all both of u are AS.
    See,u don't even want to ve a SS,trust me,its hell to raise dm. Abeg,don't bring a poor child in2 d world 2 suffer o. D guy no even send u.
    I got married @ 31,I have 2 kids. I met my husband @ 30. God will provide beta man for u.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fehintoluwa5/02/2013

    i think you already know what to do. It's faulty on different grounds. Age shouldn't make you lower standards.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Since u obviously dont love him deeply like u stated, u should end the relationship while u can and move on with ur life. There's really no need to contend with stuff u can avoid, save urself the unnecessary stress and let go so u can receive what God may really have in store for u. All the best!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous5/02/2013

    Hmmmmmm as I dey talk to You so delete his no , block him on twitter, delete him on BB, delete him on facebook, delete him from ur Head change ur locks Run Run pls , dis is disaster looking for where to happen, honey every tin is wrong, N u don't love dasssal. Oyinkan.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous5/02/2013

    Hmmmmmm as I dey talk to You so delete his no , block him on twitter, delete him on BB, delete him on facebook, delete him from ur Head change ur locks Run Run pls , dis is disaster looking for where to happen, honey every tin is wrong, N u don't love dasssal. Oyinkan.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous5/02/2013

    You don't love him deeply? Girl, that alone will not make u tolerate him and it will lead to unhappy marriage and eventually divorce. You must be patient and wait for ur man.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous5/02/2013

    yea he is acting up, but he wasn't like that before.I support what every one is saying but pls do not end the relationship unless u have sm1 else. A monkey dosen't leave her banana tree unless she has anoda. No one is a 100% every 1 has a time in a relationship when the boat starts to get rocky but it's understanding that matters. yea he has a kid so wat? before he proposed to u no one forced him maybe he just wants a lil bit of time. And as for the love True love is a working process. what matters is that he is mre crazi abt u than u are abt him cuz u also said he was the one that fixed the date for the intro am sure he knew what he was doing then.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/03/2013

      ha anon 1.50pm, this talk is somehow ooo, you support what everyone is saying but she shuld still not leave the guy only for the simple reason that she hanst gotten someone else, what if she continues and she gets pregnant thereby tying herself down, she didnt even say the man is crazy bout her,marriage is hard enough with true love and even supporting inlaws not to now talk of no love and no supporting in laws, wat if he proposed out of convenience.
      someone already said res ipsa loquitor- the fact speaks for itself, dear poster hold on to God and break off this one, its better to get married late and be happy than to rush in and regret, God is still in business oo, cast all your cares upon him and ask God to provide you with the man he has created for you..it would be sooner than you expect by the grace of God

      Delete
  11. On your mark, get set, goooooooooo!
    What are you still waiting for! this guy has waaaay too much baggage, you don't love him and from his behaviour, the feeling is mutual. He won't treat you like a queen unless you cook and clean and he is secretive if not you will have all the answers to the questions you have posed.

    There is a maxim in law that says 'you cannot build something on nothing and expect it to stand' if love is a tree and there is no love in this relationship, you won't reap the fruits.no tree, no fruit! Please, please, please, it is better to be single than to marry unto this kind of baggage, sickness and whatever.

    I give you until saturday to end that relationship! God blesses without adding any sorrow. May God bless you with the bone of your bones and the flesh of your flesh.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous5/02/2013

    Haba! Babe please you need help to walk out of the relationship? You have to many reasons to walkout please do as it is now his family doesn't want you, you dnt even knw y he broke up with his ex who knws what will happen between you two

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous5/02/2013

    Am moved to tears with all your comments....God bless u guys.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Debecee5/02/2013

    PLEASE TAKE A BOLD WALK OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP.FROM YOUR STORY YOU ARE ALREADY FED UP EVEN WITH THE FACT THAT HIM AND HIS FAMILY ARE NOT BEEN SERIOUS,AND THE MOST IMPORTANT IS YOUR GENOTYPE IS RISKY TO MARRY SUCH PERSON

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous5/02/2013

    MY Dear wat are u waiting 4,are u still dre?abeg dre is no road dre run run run run run,see snake coming out of d bush,dre is fire on d mountain run run run run run

    ReplyDelete
  16. *sigh*...please Leave. You have no business there. U have said u don't really love him,n it seems the guy doesn't really have feelings for you..

    Let me not even talk about both of u being AS. Really? You want to enter the marriage knowing that both of u are going to go through the problems associated with raising sickle cell children/child?
    pls don't bring any child to come and suffer o.

    Everything is just not right. Remember that "The blessing of the Lord Makes one rich,and he adds no sorrow to it".

    When God gives you a gift,it comes with peace of mind. This whole situation is just wrong. Leave.

    www.soulspasms.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aunty soulspasms plz try to update ur blog regularly. Just fell in love with it bt u need to make me come back fo more. Pls make it very busy n ud hv a lot of readership. U r a good writer. Keep it up

      Delete
    2. Awww inobi! Thank u so much! Lol u just made my day! Hahahaha!

      I post stories twice a week my love. And its a new blog... :) have u read all the stories? Pls try and be dropping comments o! Lol

      Will drop another story today. Watch out for it and tell ur friends! :)

      Delete
  17. Pls dear, dust your slippers and run as long as your leg can carry, am talking from what my friend is going through presently, she stood firm for love and married her fiance whom she knew was AS and as I write to you she us in deep regrets about the marriage, running from one hospital to another. Even the love she was professing is gone.
    Your case is even clear for you to see, your own man will come. Goodluck in your decision

    ReplyDelete
  18. from the statement 'i dont really love him' why will you marry a man you dont love? why will you want to go into a marriage that his mum has no respect for you? why did he call off the first relationship? too many question marks, please and please give yourself space to think and figure out what you want.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Pls leave before you block better guys from coming ur way...

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous5/02/2013

    Even if U love him, d burden of an SS child is enough to crash a happy home.
    U dont want to give birth to a child U d put thru agony forever, and worry each day of his or life, how many yrs more d child has to live.
    With this his current attirude and his mothers, I doubt U v enuf support for all this.
    Thank God d intro did not hold........Move on dear!
    Better will come.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous5/02/2013

    Babe, better zap now its early.. You don't love this guy you just wanted to marry him cos you feel age is no longer on ur side.. You both are AS, I don't think you know the emotional, psychological and financial implications of having sickle cell disease kids.. Watching your child suffer is not easy for any parent.. Please end the relationship and move ahead before he blocks better things from coming as adhaisy said.. Best of luck and please age is just a number don't be desperate before you end up settling for less and remain miserable or be a divorcee..mbok, a word is enough...

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous5/02/2013

    My dear, I tink u shld leave him oooo. As in sharp sharp. U've said u don't love him,meanin "if" u marry him u'll tolerate him in dat marriage. So tell me, what's d point? N secondly 4 him 2 buy u gifts, u must "work" 4 it??? Hmmm. Na real wa. Abeg I speak again waka waka fast. D anon who says u shldnt leave him until u find sum1, hav u heard wen u hold on2 sumtin, u cnt receive anytin cos ur hands r full. So let go, n d rite man will cum ur way. AA,cheerful giver n no baggage. Oma Baby.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous5/02/2013

    Babes u never still delete him number?!?! Wetin u dey wait for? Red flags

    ReplyDelete
  24. captain mary5/03/2013

    The only tin u av failed to realise is dat his mum halted ur marriage preparations bcos of the genotype ish. I also tink she made it deliberate not to apologise to ur parents , so.as to stir up a conflict btw both families so d marriage doesn't take place so u don't bring an innocent child into dis world to suffer due to ur ignorance, but u have failed to see the handwriting on the world my dear.later in d future, u wld have dis guy's mum to b tankful 4, pls jus take it in good faith n forget abt d relationship pls, other prospective bachelors will come.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous5/03/2013

    That AS wahala alone ehnnn,does not need compromise(thats d biggest red flag ooh)!! pls pity for ur unborn kids and run!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. MrsDee5/03/2013

    My dear poster,its better to run oo!!! Later we'll say love is blind,its not blind ooo we r d ones who see all the writings on the wall and decide to close our eyes to it. U don't even love dis guy to start with?? How do u intend to put up in marriage?? My dear,u don't manage a relationship oo. I tell my friend and whoever cares to listen that u don't manage a relationship, for whateva reason...if its not it,it can never be..when u succeeded in managing d rship what do u intend to do in marriage? U turn "general manager" be dat. Its not worth it..I once did dat I swore never to do it again,evn if I try dating u 4 a month and I feel its not what I want my dear,I dust my slippers/shoe and off I go.. Besides, d AS issue is enof to tell u to quit... I once dated a guy for a year plus,we both knew we were AS from d onset. We really did luv each oda no doubt,but at some point when I knew he was beginning to contemplate marriage I took to my heels,even as hard as it was... Can u imagine bringing a child to d world and living with d constant fear of losing him/her evry day of ur life..Now dat to me is SELFISH!!and trust me,u both will neva have d so called love or happiness u tot u had... Evry1 has advised u,its better to leave now,forget abt ur age..enjoy urself and bliv in God!! His blessings maketh rich and addeth no sorrow!!! #Nuff said "a word is enof 4 d wise"

    ReplyDelete
  27. The reason why his mother is not comfortable with the relationship is that she doesn't know how to tell you that you people are going to sicker and she is not ready to be buy blood and be running up and down , period.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous5/04/2013

    If u dnt love him deeply, his mum is stalling prob cos she is nt ur fan, he isn't evn serious again, mayb he is evn having 2nd tots. U r both AS, u r getting old dsnt mean d end of d world darling, a broken relatnshp is beta Dan a broken marriage. U dnt nid 2 get in2 sumtn u will regret 4 d rest of ur lyf. Call it off Swthrt, u dnt want to miss ur prince charming

    ReplyDelete
  29. Anonymous5/04/2013

    I'm a regular commenter here but would comment as an anonymous on dis issue cos it really touched me. I am not going to talk about all other issue you have raised, I would only talk about the genotype issue. DO NOT DARE venture into that marriage. I am SS, and I have anoda SS sibling, you do not want to know a quarter of what it entails. Putting pains and agony aside, the stigma your kids would get when growing up, how difficult it would be for them to find love...I can just go on and on! Your kids would NEVER forgive you bcos you are about to cause them pains intentionally, my own parents were not aware before they got married, their case is diff from yours, but we still have not forgiven them because after bringing us to this world to suffer what I know nothing abt, dey got divorced for selfish reasons, so wt's d point? Look! Even I will not forgive you if u marry dat guy! I'm typing with serious anger, you can't even imagine. Just incase u don't know, even if ur kids live over 21yrs, d pains NEVER go away, don't be deceived by new technology and new jargons ppl tell u...its not funny!

    ReplyDelete
  30. precious5/12/2013

    Thanks Anon 12:50 for ur candid comment. Dear Poster, two people in love have a hard time coping with child(ren) with sickle cell disease, talk-less of you who does not love ur fiancé deeply. Pls don't venture into this union. You might regret it. Too many red flags.

    ReplyDelete

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