BB Issues With My Husband

Aunty Eya,
How are you, family and work? Sure all is well.
I would have really loved you to post this mail but I won't want that cos some response I read from other readers are not so encouraging so I would want this to be between us.


Aunty, how do I make Hubby not go thru my phone. We've had issues in

the past and he has destroyed 2 of my BB's and now I was given another one @ work, he keeps going thru my phone when am asleep and starts making noice once he sees any msg from pple he knows or he doesn't.

He doesn't want me to have anything to do with his siblings, nieces and nephews and these pple are so nice to me and my kids, they always quarrel but it doesn't have anything to do with me so it shouldn't affect me.


He reads meanings to every 'HI' message he sees and threatens to let hell loose if he sees such again, e.g msgs from clients on updates about work and all.
All of these keep breaking my heart especially the fact that he doesn't want me to speak with his siblings.
Please I need your advice asap.
Regards,
Tayo.


EYA:
 Hi Tayo, this mail is one that requires expert advice which I can't give. I may tell you to stop using BB completely to make him happy but is that the kind of advice you want? Will that help? This requires many heads thinking and comparing their own experiences. I won't post your name or ID unless you permit me to. No one will get a clue. It is like talking to an empty space. 

I do advise people and end it there without posting on the blog but when I see a mail that requires thoughts from different heads, I know, and advise that it be published. You'll have your privacy, and for bad comments I assure you that I'll delete as soon as I see them. Bad commenters shouldn't make anyone shy away from seeking help OK. There are still so many mails coming in asking to be posted but I can't post all.

Think about it again and if you insist I shouldn't post, then I won't.
Have a lovely day.

TAYO:
Thanks for the swift response, if you can assure of the rude comments being deleted. It's fine then, but please don't forget to hide the I.D.
Thanks.

Comments

  1. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Must say dis is quite disheartening, hv u tried talking to him,abt issues he has with u talking wit his siblings. Do u hv a lot of friends on BBM,if u do I wld advice u cut dem down! R u d type dat spend so much time on phone, dis might be putting him off. Try spending more time with him,jst d two of u,reassure him of ur love. Wenever he is going tru ur phone,jst tease him abt it,don't act like u r guilty or smtin. Also try to explain to him dat his actions are affecting ur relationship,n above all pray about this!! I pray things get beta with u guys. Want to be your own boss click http://Cash4Visits.com/ref.php?refId=201332

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/30/2013

      U mentioned a valid point!@poster,most men can't stand bb addicts,dis irritates my man 2know end!we av had heated arguments jus bcos he's talkin n I'm pinging.or he sees me pinging n driving.d latest 1now is blogs,he says he's angry I'm addicted 2blogs.dese things worry men.lol find out wat he's worried about n fix it.

      Delete
    2. Y is he going through your phone after you sleep and not while you are awake? That's some kind of complex issues there. Maybe you should about applications to lock those areas he is keen about, lock your phone in ur drawer before sleeping or keep it in your office and keep it official, whatever you need to do to maje peace reign, cos him going to the extent of destroying your phones sounds very serious. This is not the case of you spend more time on your  than giving him attention. What's his reason for not wanting you to communicate with his relatives? Find out y and reason it out. You might have to resolve to calling them and they calling back and not chatting. My hubby and my FIL don't want me relating with my MIL and my SIL when I spent time with them, I knew y. They didnt want me influenced plus dem getting info to gossip about my hubby.I relate with them but I know my limit.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Wow pls try talking 2ur husband on a day he is in a happy mood!try2find out exactly y he doesn't want dem near u.my baby is extremely jealous too n he checks my bb bt he neva sees nythin amiss *wink* u sef b clearing chats n msgs.2save ursef headache.lol.plus if he insists u shud not talk2his relations den kindly explain dis2dem in a diplomatic way or jus try2withdraw.bcos ur oga must av his reasons,mayb dey didn't even like u 4rm beginning n he fought jus2marry u.now dat dey know u re his eyes,dey might wanna b famzing cos dey nid favours 4rm him.or betta still inform an elderly person in deir family 2call dem n settle d fight!dats if u re really bothered.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous5/30/2013

    I've been in this sort of relationship before and my candid advice is it is only God that can help him,deliver him.it's an issue of trust and no amount of reassuring or loving from you will sort out the situation TRuSt Me.these are inferiority complex tendencies he has acquired over a period of time and it cannot be fixed unless God Himself changes him.so my advice to you is: you know what irritates him on your phone:DELETE It.you receive a text,read and delete,phone call: listen and delete.when he sees there is no longer something to read he will stop.he will still go there once in a while but after some time he will stop.Don't give him a reason to go through your phone.always always delete.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Password your BB and let him know the reason you did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Queen Bee5/31/2013

      As soon as she passwords,he will get more suspicious and think she's actually hiding something.
      Just be very strict with giving out ur no and pins to friends,colleagues etc esp those that can become a nuisance and make him more suspicious.
      Then about his family,since he doesn't want u to relate with them,stay away not like u will act like u are quarelling with them but be on ur husband's side,dats what he expects from u well until they sort out there differences.

      Delete
    2. Queen Bee5/31/2013

      As soon as she passwords,he will get more suspicious and think she's actually hiding something.
      Just be very strict with giving out ur no and pins to friends,colleagues etc esp those that can become a nuisance and make him more suspicious.
      Then about his family,since he doesn't want u to relate with them,stay away not like u will act like u are quarelling with them but be on ur husband's side,dats what he expects from u well until they sort out there differences.

      Delete
  5. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Many mails to post but u still found time to post my boyfriend doesn't say I love u by sister may God deliver u from lying

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/30/2013

      Madam anon stop drinking panadol for sisters headache haba let peace reign mbok

      Delete
  6. Anonymous5/30/2013

    This blog Ȋs seriously becoming dry. I've loved it from the first day I stumbled on it. Aunty eya why do you post just one or two mails a day?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Download 'chat lock' from Blackberry app world. You can use it to lock your BBM, SMS and any other app you want to block.
    When he can't access them, he go tire.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think that locking your phone will only make matters worse. You don't have anything to hide but he doesn't believe you and keeps looking through your phone so please don't lock/change your password cause he'll think his suspicions are true.
    Apart from the fights between his siblings and him, is there any other reason why he doesn't want you to communicate with them? Try to ask him this when he's in a great mood. Feed him, satisfy him and gently ask what the problem is. Also explain to him that you have to be in touch with them because you're the wife and you might be blamed for his attitude towards them.
    Then about the other messages, like some people said already try not to spend too much time with your phone while you're together. That might be a reason why he's suspicious.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous5/30/2013

    If u knw ur husy reads ur msgs, simple. Lock d gaddem fone.gbam#

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Put ur bb on automatic delete chat history.
    Since u knw he can be irrational make sure u delete all "deletetable".
    After a while he wld calm down.
    I hpe he allows u touch he's own phne cos its usually d very guilty that always suspect.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous5/30/2013

    My hubby used to do this.
    So I got fed-up nd at nite while in bed I wld be like: baby ve d phone and do ur usual inspection.
    When u finish help me charge it and I wld b so sweet while saying it.
    I wld den turn nd go to bed.
    After a while he got tired.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice tactic jare. Best 2 tAk d bull by d horn. Poster pls also delete.

      Delete
  12. Anonymous5/30/2013

    Its very simple. Either u read and delete or u password ur phone.

    ReplyDelete
  13. kendra5/30/2013

    Please do not password your phone,it will only make him believe his suspicions are true and that would make him break ur fone the more..

    stop chatting with his sisters if that will bring peace,distant ur self from them but dont over do it,just check in on them once in a while and when they ask why u not chatting with them like before,just give them a believable lie. meanwhile ask ur hubby why he doesnt want u communicating with them.

    Dont delete ur convos o,when he goes thru ur fone and doesnt see ur convos,he will know u deleted them and that u have something to hide.. why would u even delete them if u are not cheating on him? or if you are not doing shady things behind him? he should know when its a work mail unless u not saying somthing

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous5/31/2013

    I hate such men that behave like spoiled brats, deprived of their favourite toy by a hrtless bully. Ur hubby shld go sort out his problem n let U be. This is clearly trust issues on his part, unless otherwise U give him any reason 2 suspect U. Ur hubby shld grow up pls, he should take care of whateva Problem he has wit his Pple n nt draw U into it. What is he? A child? What does he take U for? His robot? Damn! He should respect ur Privacy joor... Arhghhhh... I'm so freakingly annoyed. I can't imagine my wife making fuse over what doesn't exist, dat 'll only make me give it to her. She go Cry taya. No mind ur hubby joor, relate wit his pple, bt delete the chat n call histories after that, U fit leave small chats foram make he take am cook soup. I hope U also sweep thru his phone contents, e should be a 50-50 thing o, babe no carry last n fall my hand. Whateva he does wit ur gadget, do it wit his. The secret of any successful r/ship or Marriage is TRUST! Ur hubby clearly lacks that n he should go get some. And U, be a gud girl.

    VALENTINE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well said Val,I don't even have the time to go thru his phone cos what am I suspecting him of? My hands are clean and I don't have reasons to cheat. Am contempted with what I have and earn. I have two kids for him and we are all fine. Basically, he needs to sort himself with his family and grow up some more. I can only pray to God cos its so heart breaking to live with some1 with serious anger problem and the unfortunate thing is there's no where in Nigeria he can go for therapy that's if he will. Thanks a lot my Brother. God bless ur home too.

      Delete
  15. If u know u don't have anything to hide, don't delete ur messages cos it will make him more suspicious also reduce time spent on BB and ur chat with people. if they ping and u and u know u don't really have anything to say to them just ignore the ping except there is an important message to pass across.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous5/31/2013

    @Anon 6:40...Dis blog is not becoming dry at all.so u want her to be posting like ten mails a day!Pls evryone here has one or two things we do apart from blogging.I check it wen am in d office which is not supposed to be.Two or three is enough for a day for those that have oda things doing,food recepies will also be added too.while twenty will be for dose who dont't work at all and also have light 24/7 to charge their lappy or mobile fones.Gud job Eya!!!!

    ADEYANJU

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks everyone for the advice(s), firstly, I am not cheating on him cos I don't have any reason to, I have sticked to this marriage despite all sorts, we've got 2 kids together, male n female, I work and I head my dept. So pls am contempted.
    The issue to me is inferiority complex cos he does it females as well, he doesn't want me to have friends, he wants me to cut communication with my friends, no relationship with married neighbours, feels skeptical if I have to go for family functions. My family gets so mad that I don't even rem to call them. The list is so long and how do I start. He gets uncomfortable if am getting close to anyone irrespective of the persons pedigree.
    Like I said earlier, its just prayers so he can even discover and help himself out of this attitude and as for the phone, am thinking of speaking to my immediate boss abt dropping bb and stick to my desktop cos of the issues am having with my hubby, though it will sound embarrassing but I need to have my peace. Am so sad, very sad and helpless.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Trust issues and inferiority complex is all i see here

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dr.Wess.B5/31/2013

    Technology is stealing our lives gradually...we dont even know it.Do you love your husband?Do you love your home?Look at your kids...look around you,take a breath and think deeply.Every wise woman,buildeth her house,but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands...Prov14:1.Another translation says,"With wisdom,a woman builds her home, and with foolishness of her hands she tears it down"...A good caring man is like a Lion...he is very territorial,Jealous and protective.He is a Boss and he wants you to be conscious of the fact that he is the boss all the time,and you should love him for that.I understand your husband perfectly well...he is protecting you na d protecting his family,you his kids...and perhaps he has a past he id dealing with from his biological family.H e may have unresolved issues(physical or spiritual)that his family melted on him during his forming years...before he met you.Maybe he was ostracized,humiliated,mocked,abused...you dont know,he just dosent want you to talk with them cos he knows them more than you do...l suggest you obey him.HAVE NOTHING AGAINST THEM BUT OBEY YOUR HUSBAND.Go through prayers,talk to God about the matter of peace between him and his folks,then gradully when he sees your total submission and obedience,he will open up to you someday soon.Reason he is flipping and acting angry,going through your phone is that you give him reasons to do that.I hate people who are always on the phone,its very irritating.I am sure if you are with these people physically you wont spend much time as you spend with them on BB cos physically you know when to say...l gotta go,catch you latter...duty calls,excuse me l gotta work...l will get back to you latter,but on the phone....there i no break,why...is its a BB...and a BB is very addicting piece of shit.Choose between the BB and your MAN.Once you are back from work,turn it off till 4am.Separate Office number from personal number,so when you get office texts...it will be clear its coming from office...Office things,and your personal texts.leave it open.Make your husband know you respect,fear and at the same time love him.Show him you love h im more than WORK,BB,FRIENDS,THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD...except of course you dont.Men are essentially Children living with very rigid egos which could b e over blown most time women are just little girls living inside grown bodies that has learned..who wants everything.Do some damage control.You cant get a pity party to help you win your husband back if you loose him,so adjust.Value what you got,understand his rules,obey them openly...you will be shocked suddenly he will let you be.Sister there is no smoke without fire.Love him completely and you will open him.Finally,break that addiction with BB,its not only sick...its pathetic.I wish you the best in your sweet home sister and no m atter how angry you get stay calm,or put a stone inside your mouth and never open it until he calms down.No matter how fierce and big a Dragon is,you can TAME IT.Start with your self...tongue,habits,desires...priorities...before you know it,he will be tamed.read...Prov15:1
    Godbless you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Dr, am not sure sure you read my issue well, am sorry to let you know am not a bb addict especially when I get home, I have too many things to do @ home after work that I don't even rem to charge, he goes to the phone when am asleep. He wakes me up after reading and starts ranting @ every hello he sees. I know better than doing things that annoys him, I even put my phone on silence when I get home cos he even makes me uncomfortable receiving my calls with his grinning. I rather miss the call and return it the next day when am alone or can talk. I love him of course that's y I could stay to have 2 kids. Yes he had personal issues with his sibblings both physical and emotional but what happened to the spirit of forgiveness. He's better than many of them cos he's the last and they can't believe he could go this far which is just the beginning for him. I understand the situation with his sibblings but it shouldn't affect me and my kids. I know my bounds and know what is right and I believe in FAMILY.
      Thanks for your advice though, am grateful

      Delete
    2. Mrs Anon4/03/2014

      Dr Wess.. pls go back and read her posts s l o w l y....haba, u are making TOO many assumptions.

      Delete
  20. Dr.Wess.B6/01/2013

    It takes understanding and pryer to pull this though...he is going through something deeper,just be thee for him.Another hat trick,when you get back,take the phones and hand over to him...and always answer him in a cool manner or keep quiet wile he rants.It may be a test you are going through...pray for grace to cross it.
    Tell the workers not to call you at home.H e kind of feels your work is becoming your husband and not him.Open up a gmail account if you don't have one,let the forward all updates to your email.Seriously, stop taking your work home.4pm or 5pm,work is over,make that our policy,discuss that your office.Your husband feels hot COMPETITION for your attention from both real and imaginary men.Give it to him all of it,let him bask in it like a toddler.you can make it Work if you want.Perhaps you earn more than him...or just too good.le him know he is your real boss,not the one at the office(I understand you both)...Use wisdom.One thing you need to know too is that he enemy of a man Can be members of his own house hold.Help him and pray with him...he will come through.God bless you.l will stop here....

    ReplyDelete

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