Am I Asking For Too Much?

Dear Aunty Eya,

I want to say a big thank you for this blog that has become a family to many,including me. I'm sure you're familiar with this e-mail addy but please don't post my name o..*covers face*

I have an issue I want you and other bloggers to  kindly advice me as you would ur sister.

Am currently in

a relationship,and it's about 8months now and presently we're doing just fine. We had serious issues when we were about 2months into the relationship about him giving me attention and all due to the fact that he suffered heartbreak from his last relationship b4 me,he told me he didn't give his Ex attention for abt 3months into it and when he start showing her love,she was already gone,I mean having other affairs until he found out that she was actually a runs girl b4 they  met buh she probably wanted to settle with him. 

I'm sorry this story is gonna be a  lengthy one  cos I want y'all to have a very good understanding before advising.

They broke up abt 6months b4 we met sha.

Now my story.

my boyfriend and I were match-made by my friend and I must say he's a wonderful man,he's God-fearing,industrious,friendly and I am so fine with him except for the fact that he shares the kitchen with me+plus "I don't care"way of keeping the house until pushed.

My problem is that we've been dating for 8monthnow and he doesn't even know where I live. we both stay in the same city and almost closeby not so far,he only knows my friend that match-made us and maybe 1 other one(I don't have much friends)he has  spoken with my mum like twice via phone during the festive season to say hello. I have also met couple of his friends and cousins,his brothers don't stay in the same city with us except for one and for all the time we've been together have not seen him come around,they only talk on phone,and his dad too,his mum is late.

We have discussed this and infact it was after we did that invited me to his office and some other functions afterwards where I met with most of his friends.

Things has changed now and I know he loves me so much and atleast there's a level of commitment and it's obvious he feels responsible to me.

His friend gave me a hint last weekend that he's gonna propose to me this month. But am not comfortable with the way things are going,I love him dearly buh am scared he might not welcome my family cos I feel if he will,by now he should long to meet them. his answer is always there's time for everything.bam so worried.

Please help a sister. love y' all
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Comments

  1. Anonymous5/03/2013

    Just wait n watch how thigns play themselfs out.don't worry abt 2mao cos it will take care of itself. He loves u to me that all tat matters

    ReplyDelete
  2. According to Steve Harvey in "Act like a lady, think like a man" book :), when a man loves you, he will announce you as his woman. That, he has done. He has spoken to your mum already. So, why the fear?

    Introduce him to your siblings and friends via phone o, bbm group chat o, skype calls etcetera. Invite him to family outings and to your friends parties no matter how small the function is. If there's none, create one "sharperly" :). Throw a "thank God it's May" party and invite him, your family and his friends too :)

    Well, I don't think you have any reason to be worried, to be honest.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Johnson5/03/2013

    Should a man propose to a lady without meeting her family…? Maybe for oyibo man country - but for us, it not a very good move. A man that wants to marry will be interested in knowing where/how his 'bride' lives, including having some contact with the people that are close to her.
    It is, however, possible that your guy already knows more than you think through your friend that did the match-making... The good thing is that he responds, positively, to your prompting – e.g. his inviting you to his office and functions to meet friends after discussion. So, get him to meet with your people informally… some men just have to be led (and prompted)!
    Don’t get yourself worked-up… his friend telling you that he’s going to propose is a good pointer as it shows he’s excited about you…

    ReplyDelete
  4. Just talk these things over with him, simple!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous5/03/2013

    8 months relationship **if I read correctly** and you are already acting desperate for marriage. My dear poster, I think you should relax and let the relationship flow. I bet you when you pu sh these things guys tend to run away. You said it was a matched relationship: you guys need lots of time to understand each other etc.Marriage aint no playing ground.Gud luck to ya

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon 7.24:I don't see how she's being desperate for marriage. It's the guy who wants to propose soon and the poster is only concerned that he hasn't met her family. Please tell me how she's desperate?

      Delete
  6. Anonymous5/03/2013

    Pls what does sharing the kitchen have to do with the main story? Had to read that part twice. Poster over to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. POSTER5/03/2013

      He's a great cook and loves to do it.

      Delete
    2. Shouldn't u be happy? *sigh* ordiegwu. Some ladies stay praying for a man dt can help out in d kitchen. U have that on a platter and ure complaining? Anywayz different strokes I guess.

      Delete
  7. POSTER5/03/2013

    Thanks everyone for your advice,@ anon 7:24pm,I'm not desperate but imagine u working in a coy,placed on 6months probation and @ 8months u don't know ur stand how wud u feel?not comfortable I guess,am not desperate and to think dat am in my early 20's,I just think it shows some kind of respect or something.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous5/03/2013

    U got it wrong dear@ 6months work probation; marriage / relationship aint no business/career/employment contract. Its more than that,its a life long commitment.give it time n pray to let Gods will be done and not your will......anon 7:24

    ReplyDelete
  9. poster5/03/2013

    U're right tho,thanks dear God bless ur home

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous5/03/2013

    Hmmmm,,,,,,,lucky gurl,I dnt even kno my bf's family,friends & even colleagues........& we've bin 2geda for 3 yrs.I kno I dnt ve a boyfriend in him,just prayin 2 God 4 my own husband 2 locate me.So jus tak tins easy& count urself lucky.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/04/2013

      Hi Anon, you've listed all the features of a side chic and the sad part is it seems you know it.

      Why have you decided to stay all this while? I will advise you to leave, develop yourself before you go into another relationship. You're a beautiful and strong woman and deserve to be shown off as Queen to your man's "people". Don't allow him kill your self esteem

      Delete
  11. kendra5/03/2013

    U don't have a reason to be afraid.. My friends hubby didn't meet her parent or had any communication whatsoever with her family,until after engagement when he decided to go for introduction and all and he's very good with her siblings now cos he's the one training all of them and helping the family out

    My point been,just take it one day at a time,he has spoken to ur mum on the phone so chill,don't push hard before things will go soar.. Wait,if he proposes,he will be the one wanting to see them and u said he suffered hrt brk before he met u,so don't give him stress

    Pray,he might turn out to be the best buddy to ur family

    Now ,I don't see any problem at all.. Pls what's wrong with him sharing the kitchen with u? My hubby shares kitchen with me and me love it cos he can cook and it saves me the stress of cooking all the time plus he can do all the brk fast in bed thingy so chill.. And mine even stays in the kitchen with me while cooking making it fun as we gist thru so I don't see why u complaining o

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/04/2013

      I'm sorry, I think that is risky most especially for a woman. In Pastor Bimbo's book, she gave an example of a lady who like your friend's husband met the man's mother for the first time on the wedding day and the moment she saw her, she knew her marriage was doomed and it was doomed indeed . The family is the cloth your spouse is cut from and it's important that you know each other's familybefore making commitments. Matter of fact, he should even seek permission from your parents before asking your hand in marriage. That's the most honourable thing to do

      Delete
  12. charlene5/04/2013

    My hubby proposed in less than 3 mnths after we met bfr he even met any of my family members n believe me,av bn enjoying a very very blissful union for over 3 years now. He is so into my family now that sometimes I get a bit jealous so cool down,some guys r like that. Don't act desperate at all its a heavy turn off for guys n even 4 me as a lady hw much more. Asking wr ur rltshp is headed always will send dat msg of desperation n don't put ur mind in d proposal so u don't hv heart attack if 4 any reason it doesn't come. On d kitchen issue,I think urs is a case of "stop it, I like it". U truthfully love wat he does in d kitchen so leave dat side. Wen una 2 marry,u go knw say cooking n thinking of wat to cook every second no be beans. Ur lucky he's a good cook.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous5/04/2013

    My dear,there is no standard rule in a relationship. Some people know each other for 20yrs and got married(some worked and some didn't work), some know each other for months (Some worked and some didn't work). Everything isn't black and white,there are other shades. And why is it that when a girl discusses Marriage,it means she is desperate but when a Man does...its cool. Yes is the Man that marries the woman but still the woman that consents to it by saying Yes. A woman has as much right to know things about the boyfriend just as the Man does. She hasn't done anything wrong. I would be watchful of a man who is not interested in my family but I will keep quiet and watch him tho,if after introduction and he is still that way,then I will make my conclusion.

    ReplyDelete
  14. POSTER5/04/2013

    Thanks everyone,u've been very helpful,am so happy I have a family in you all,thanks aunty eya for the post too.God bless you all.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Buy a spanner, use it for your family...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous5/04/2013

    Thanx anon 11:08,Eya's blog is turnin 2 a family house,noted ur advice & wil definitely go by it.tnx once more

    ReplyDelete

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