Will He Make A Good Husband?

Dear Auntie Eya,
Good evening, how are you and your family?  Aunty please I need advise on how to read a man who will make a great husband. I have
waited all this while, refused to live wild, kept my virginity and prayed for a good man as a husband.
Right now, I'm not sure my fiance falls into my idea of a prospective great husband. 

We met in October last year, he proposed last week. He is a great guy, I love him and I am very sure he loves me too. He cares a lot about me and wants this marriage thing to happen fast because according to him, "he cannot wait to eat his apple."

What I get disturbed about is the fact that he doesn't really show much love and concern for my family. I don't think he likes it when I send gifts or money to my family. I am the eldest daughter and when my siblings borrow my things to use, he gets offended and gets even more offended when I use theirs. Last week, my younger sister came when he was in my house and took a pair of shoe to wear to a wedding, as soon as she picked it up, his face changed. Later he told me he doesn't like the way I share things with people, PEOPLE?

I hear that African husbands tend to tilt more towards their In-laws than to their own families and I don't see that in my fiance, it feels like he cares only about me. I am the first daughter, I have a great job, not a reckless spender,why shouldn't I give to my family? I do not want to start doing things behind his back, like give when he is not around, afterall it's my money. He has a great job too, but I do not ask for him to or collect from him to give my family.

I'm worried, After waiting this long, I'm 29 now. I don't want to marry the wrong man and live the remaining part of my life regretting. I need advise from your blog please. I couldn't sleep well last night, was wondering why a good guy like my fiance will not want me to give to my younger ones.

Can you please help me with a few signs that tells a lady her fiance will make a great husband. I am confused now. Should I start giving behind his back to avoid offending him?


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    1. The most important way I know the will of God in a situation is having an inner peace that cannot be shaken.
      It doesn't necessarily mean everything will be smooth-sailing, but as long as my heart is at rest, that's it for me.
      In ur situation, if ur heart is troubled check it. People generally exhibit their true colours in courtship no matter how hard they try to hide it, and we often ignore these signs to our own peril.
      Proceed with caution. Is this something u're willing to put up with?
      You didn't say if u had spoken to him about it. If u have, what was his response?
      I don't know where u heard that African men tilt more towards their inlaws. Maybe during the courtship phase when they're trying to gain favour, but after marriage? Hmmm...think again!

    2. Virtuosity I totally concur with your opinion.
      Absolute PEACE OF MIND. Believe me if he starts out like this, 3months into your marriage and none of your family members will be allowed into your home. I had a near experience like yours and it took sincere telling myself the truth by myself to get me out of what would've been a deadly marriage. Any man who doesn't allow U to freely/healthily associate with your family/friends before marriage will definitely cut U off totally from them after marriage.
      29 is not 19, I know but better to make the right choice than rush coz of age and live miserably. Believe me marriage is not what you want to enter with the hope he will change,Nay!
      I advice you SINCERELY/RESPONSIBLY discuss this matter with him and PRAYYYYYYYY,yes o pray that the Holy Spirit direct you to make the right choice.
      When I took my step off, my friend called me a fool for not sticking on till another man shows up/falling on nothing but I said I'd rather be single than marry into hell and just like a flash my own came.
      I wanted a man whose taller than me even when I wear my 4inches heels but my dearest wasn't yet I had total peace about every single reason I raised about him coz the most important thing which is his character and acceptance was intact.
      My long story = Dialogue, Pray and if U have no peace of mind you better end it. If he's your husband, he should accept you freely but if not,don't be surprised he's even blocking the right one from finding you and who knows if he's just there to know how it feels to dis-virgin a woman.
      Good luck Jaz

  2. Anonymous4/13/2013

    Let nothing separate you from ur family ooooo
    Esp, if they are good and dont give u bad advice.
    As the first child, if you leave them who will be for them, love them eh.
    If they start running from you, how would know what they are up to?

    Me, i dont have a job now so cant really give to my siblings but they understand that and pray for me sef. My hubby hasnt been one sso forthcoming with money, so i dont even ask him to give plus my parents are well-off. But even before it happens I have warned him that my family is a no-go area. It is hard for him to understand bc they arent so close in theirs. So my dear u need both ur husband and ur family in ur new life ie if u marry him.

  3. Evry1 has a diff idea of wht an ideal husb shld or shldnt b. I'm d eldest in ma family 2 n I n ma siblings r rily cloz so d sharin tin is inbuilt. N personally I won't tolerate any1 hu won't let me tak care of ma family. If I dnt tak ke of dem, hu wld? Anywys talk 2 him bout it n dnt b in a haste 2 wed him so he can eat his apple. Cos u won't enjoy bein a wife hu cnt giv any1 a stick of matches 4 fear of her husband. Now u r on ur own n wit ur own moni n personal tins, he is squeezin his face imagine wht it wld b lyk wen he is d 1 providin.

  4. Anonymous4/13/2013

    dear,i understnd ur of best chioces you have made is keeping urself.the other that cant make or mar u forever IS THE CHIOCE OF A LIFE PARTNER.please dont ignore this subtle signs...there are only signs of things to come.are you sure he would not keep your siblings/family mebers away after marrying mite feel old @ 29 but you are better off than an unhappy marriage.please tread with caution-how does he treat his own family?does he give to them?how is his relationship with them?probli ask him/observe(1.WATCH)if you go ahead with d marriage:you have agreed to this terms.
    2.dont be too impatient,seek GOD's face in prayer,tell him to reveal this man to you(you would be suprised what you would begin to see-if you have not done would save you a future of pain.give this relationship more time...because after having the apple what next?reality sets in.
    remember courtship is one tin,wedding CEREMONY is one tin...hmm marriage is another thing.before you say YES I DO?DO YOU?would you still say yes to all his actions,decisions,attitude-rem: then he would be your HEAD.

  5. Anonymous4/13/2013

    do you have an inner peace? this peace subsides every other worry, marry one with a good heart and every of his lapses and imperfections is in check! u need yr family more than anything, make him understand this. if he cant allow you to give, he will not also give even to you and giving is loving which is the only spice in marriage that makes it taste good!

  6. Anonymous4/13/2013

    No matter hw much a man luv me I won't marry him if he doesn't like my family....they mean d whole world 2 me n we've been tru a lot 2geda so not liking ma family is a MEGA turn-off 4 me. Jst b sure its somfin u can deal wif afta maariage n I've heard dat men who frown @ dia in-laws' closeness has tendensies of hitting dia wives and frm wot I've deducted frm ur story I can tell he's wif u bkos of ur 'apple' so jst b wise n ask God.

  7. Sorry, Am scared for you... I view this guy with some suspicion. I am a guy and I won't ever raise an eye brow over what he has an issue with and I don't think any guy should, women even collect from their hubby/fiance just to give to family you ain't taking from him and he's this raged what if it was his resources nko?

    First, you sound like you earn more than him and I pray that is not his motivation, plus the virgin thingy I just feel you are a price to him.

    I pray he's not just a lazy *ss who wants to use you to make a living for himself.

    He must also be a stingy person, that which may in turn determine how he treats you in future when the chips are down.

    Put him on a test...

    1) Always give when he's around, do it unconsciously and keep watching out for his demeanor.

    2) Give to his relatives, either his mom, brother or sister right in front of him and also carefully watchout for his demeanor.

    3) Show him exceptional love, either by words, gift, character, calls etc then watchout how much of this he can reciprocate first hand... If he can't reciprocate to an extent of which you have exhibited yours he's just a silver lining, he's NO silver.

    4) Lastly, Read the book "Life Partner" 165 Questions to ask by Past. Bimbo Odukoya, a great deal more will be settled here.

    Have a great day dear!

  8. All comments are spot on! In addition,pls,think and pray very well on this. Ur family is still important,even after marriage o. Do u know that some men curb their excesses when they think of what their in-laws will feel? If ur husband is showing signs of trying to cut u off ur family,it is worrisome o. I pray God leads u on this.

  9. The first issue i have with this guy is him saying "i cant wait to eat ur apple" ... Seriously??? That's like his number one reason for wanting to get married?After eating the apple wot next? He would go look for another apple to eat? ... Hmmmm please my dear, dont rush this . Marriage is serious! Atleast visiting this blog has taught me that! .. Talk to him about it, pray, find ur inner peace.... Give this relatnship time plz.. So u wud avoid coming to aunty Eya with a more serious problem in future. God's grace :)

  10. Anonymous4/13/2013

    Hmmm my dear run! My hubby takes care of my family even though I don't work outside d house!
    He is even sponsoring my younger sis education. If ur fiance loves u he would nt behave d way he does especially since he knows how much u love them,n u are earning ur own money sef!!
    If u don't like him in ur deepest mind, abeg shift! Don't care if u are 29 or 39!!!!

    1. Anonymous4/13/2013

      Am nt even married bt my fiance is so generous2my family n he would scold me if I av n don't give dem,na wa o,babe e 4betta u wait small more o!dis1 get as e b

  11. And the two shall become one...

    Ask yourself if this man become one with you? Or will he add you as an attachment to him after cutting off your relatives? One thing I hate more than a cheat is a stingy man. What do you hate most?

  12. Anonymous4/13/2013

    To me october is such a short period of tym to trust into a commitment lyk marriage. Are u sure he's not interested in d apple only? Ur case reminds me of a neighbour I once knew he flaunted d virginity of his wife in evry 1's face treated her lyk a god but aftre just a year into their marriage dey can't even ride in d same car. So my lady tk ur tym to knw his priority to u b4 plunging. Famiily will always b there wen d storms begin..

  13. Anonymous4/14/2013

    My dear, pls put a hold on dt marriage. This is not a good sign. Take time to pray and check if u'll hv that peace. If not, check out o! Marriage no be beans. I speak from experience.

  14. Anonymous4/16/2013

    A man that won't let you care for your family won't also care for you in the long run, its just a tip of the ice berg, more is yet to come if you marry him, he should see your family as his own and vice versa, seek God's face before you take a serious step, let ur marrigae be for keeps, from now that ur in coiurtship u should see signs of his generousity

  15. This is the first sign that you may end up being divorced.This man strikes me like someone that will be obsessed and there is the handwriting on the wall alreay.Please I beg you to stop this relationship as soon as possible.Your family especially when they are good will always be there when the hicups of marriage begins.God is opening your eyes to see what you're entering to because some other people may ignore this signs.If your husband truly loves you he will love your family.Please do not make this one mistake and I wish you give us a feedback on how you handled this situation

  16. Johnson4/18/2013

    I read through the contributions with keen interest - the message I get is that this guy is badnews. I will agree with the opinion that you need to thread with caution – a bad marriage is worst that your greatest nightmare! However, I will not be quick to align with others cos you need to go on a fact-finding mission. Some of us men had far more negatives before we got married – issues with pride, anger, jealousy, etc. Identifying a weakness is good, acknowledging it is better, and accepting (+ making effort) to deal with it is divine.
    1. Find out from your guy what issue(s) he has with you sharing things with ‘people’. You might be surprised with his response. This will definitely help to guide the other steps you need to take.
    2. Why do you want to marry this guy? Is it bcos he’s the only one coming and age seems to be running against you? Is he someone you can respect (be submissive to)? Be sincere with your response…
    Please prayerfully let God guide you in the final decision... He is most interested in good marriages!

  17. Anonymous4/20/2013

    Pls dear,try n be very prayerful concernin dis b4 making any lasting decision,no one know's wat 2morrow has 2 offer I lost my mum 3yrs back who was my only leaving parent,am a graduate bt I was afraid for my yonger ones who re still in d university if nt for my elder sister's husband who took it upon himself 2 take k of em thru school and is still taking k,he made me realize dat wen a man loves u he accepts dat which belongs 2 u witout questions,I know of a friend who can't send money 2 her mum in d village cos her husband makes it a very big issue n its her money nt he's cos she's workingn I believe she must ave seen d signs be4 marryin him bt she did'nt think it was important,so pray, think,n talk very seriously about it 2 him b4 makin any decisions,marriage is a life time thing n so re ur family