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The Growing Tears Of My Young Marriage

Aunty Eya, good evening. I hope family is doing very well. 
I do surf the internet and I read various Nigerian blogs, but I must tell you, that your blog is one of a kind and it really brings to the fore, the two main sensitive areas in every Nigerian family, which is relationships and food.


I really appreciate your platform and i have learnt a lot in the very short time that i have started visiting this blog on a frequent basis.
Please Aunty Eya, I really don't know what to put as the topic of 
this mail. i leave it to you,maybe when you are done reading it..you can give it an appropriate one.


I have been married to my

husband since 2010 and we are blessed with a boy who is almost 2years now, but he has a 10yr old girl out of wedlock.

We met during the course of work where he handles the company i worked for as one of his accounts. Gradually, things took a personal turn..and we both felt that this was it for us, not too long afterwards..we started the wedding plans.
I used to be a vivacious, happy go lucky girl with a bright personality and very open minded and open hearted. i really did not have many relationships..as my previous relationship was a 7 year old one but i ended it when the guy in question almost killed me with his obsession if not for God's grace and people's intervention. But i fell deeply in love with this guy making me so emotionally vulnerable..maybe that was my undoing.


Now before we got married.. there was the issue of where he stayed (ikorodu)which is so far off from my workplace which was on the island and driving from that end to my workplace everyday wil take its toll on me.. but its ok for him because he works on the mainland (ikorodu road) and he closes at 4.30. i raised this issue with him then..and he said since he had sold his car then that he ll drive up to ikorodu road and when he alights, i will drive to work from there.


We finally got married and i moved in.. it was when we started this arrangement that i first got a shocker. by the time i close at 5pm at ikoyi to rush through the traffic (and i am a smart and sharp driver), i ll get to his workplace between 6. -6.15pm, he ll be fuming, he ll be so angry that he was waiting..and i would try explaining about the traffic but all that would fall on deaf ears. if i dare get there at 6.20pm.. i know am in for it, as he will not speak to me throughout the day..and i ll be left crying my eyes out and begging until he relents. that was when i began to notice his high handedness.
Since then so many events have happened and i had to swallow a lot of insults all in the name of peace, even if all i did wrong was not answering his calls on time, maybe cos i wasnt where my phone was...i will kneel down and beg with tears streaming down my face..and he will proceed to lecture me as u would a teenager.  


He is so nasty and hard hearted that he will tell me it's not by force.. we have to stay together. Even if I throw a tantrum that I will leave if he doesn't want me anymore.. he will simply tell me, the door is opened and I never tried it again.

 I have reported him to his parents before and nothing came out of it as they treat him like some kind of demigod and they will find a way of blaming me for everything. I asked my mum to talk to him, he ended up disliking her. 

People outside don't know this as he will come across to you as very charming and eversmiling most especially to the ladies. But when it comes to me, he is an iron man. I have talked to him severally but he seems to think am saying rubbish. 

When I got pregnant.. I became more vulnerable ...to the things he says to me, telling me I should go and learn how to be a wife.. Then he will start comparing me to other women .I keep a clean house.. i cook..i try to do new dishes to which he never even acknowledge, i wil have to be the one fishing for comments to which he ll grudgingly respond to.i may not be beautiful but am very attractive with a good figure, in the sex area, infact,  he is the one that could never do more than a round at one time..and may take a couple of days to recover, but i never complained cos it was never about sex ,i am quite the fashionista, family and acquaintances even say am their inspiration so its not as if i dont dress well.infact i upgraded his style that he started getting compliments.

I will pick out his clothes and tie for the week..he never says thank u and i later stopped unless he specifically asked me to.i was so beat down that everyday i cried to work,  there was a senior colleague mine who was there as a shoulder for me and really tried to lift my spirits that things nearly went too far..that was how low i felt then. 

To cut the long story short, I had to leave work when the journey and the distance became stressful after I delivered and I had to be a stay at home mum.. now that am ready to go to work, none is forthcoming. And there is no capital to start a business .I have since begged him to let us move out of ikorodu so that it will be more encouraging and easier to go out and look for work..so I won't spend hours on the road to Lagos and only to rush back to pick my son from creche,especially when I no longer have a car, but he would not budge. He has some serious connection to get me a job but if i raise it up, it would be met with reluctance and excuses and hostility.. Now things have gotten to a stage where he just sees me as part of the things he comes home to.

I seem to have lost my respect and dignity and he finds it difficult to relate to me..and I am not vibrant anymore as my day now consists of cooking his meals , tending to my son and watching the world pass by. If I open the gate for him a minute too late.. I will have to explain why it took me so long and he could be angry about it for days, I can't call him at certain hours cos he says maybe am monitoring him.

 I questioned him about something I saw on his phone.. The next day he put a password on the phone now as if this is not enough because of issues with the landlady.. we'll have to leave the house we are now in a couple of months and he wants to build a small bungalow on a piece of land he has...that is further further inside, where there are no good schools for my son to go and his words were "when we get to the bridge, we' ll cross it". He intends to build it from the scratch with a #1million loan. I am scared that this will further put me into oblivion.. But he doesn't seem to care. It has to be his way.

Am just pouring my heart out as its bursting by the seams.. counselling did not help. It just beats how in over 3 years I have come from that vivacious spirited lady to...this.


But my advice to ladies that are single is that if you notice that your man is very high handed , overly principled and too proud to do some things for you, please think twice.
Once again thank you, Aunty Eye for the privilege. Kindly withhold my name if you do decide to post my mail. I apologize if the mail is too lengthy.
Regards...

Comments

  1. Anonymous4/06/2013

    Wow, my dear, U just described my husband and guess what we are now separated. The man is so so hard hearted and malicious as hell. People kept on telling me that perhaps I wasn't submissive enough, but I learnt that he gets this insane almost manic pleasure whenever he sees me down trodden, weak, 'submissive' and vulnerable making his abuse to be worse off than before. My emancipation came when I started working and earning a good salary. I found my voice again, fought back to regain my dignity and pride and he wasn't too happy about it. He told me to leave the house like he usually does and got the shock of his life when I didn't come crawling and begging as usual. He came to apologize which was a surprise cos I never taught that Mr high and Almighty could ever bring himself to ever do that. Needless to say, I forgave him and went back with the kids hoping for a better life until he did it again, this time telling me to leave while been 2 months pregnant and seizing the two older kids in the process while bragging to his friends I will come back crawling to him.
    Well, after crying my heart out, I stayed put, never went back, put to bed and gave birth to my lovely daughter. I went ahead to see a good lawyer and right now we are deciding custody of the kids. He is shocked once again but I've told myself that if I want dignity, respect, and my pride as a woman then I will have to fight for it. I would be lying if I say I don't miss my kids, I do hence the reason I met a lawyer but the truth is that I am most happy now that I am free from his abusive reign. I feel free and unless something otherwise happens, I have decided to live my life away from that man. I'm sorry for making this about me but I felt the need to share so that you can draw some inspiration from my story. Only you alone have the power to make yourself happy, DO IT.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/06/2013

      Ur story is an answer 2wat she needs 2do,shikena!d man has turned her2his foot mat!jus like dat story in d popular home video mr n mrs!smh,men sha!God pls don't let my man change,cos I can't take it.God knows I can't!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/06/2013

      Wow, just posted my story b4 I saw urs.
      God is ur strength and the part i like most is that she alone has the power to make herself happy. Supported

      Delete
  2. Anonymous4/06/2013

    I resisted replying, but couldnt. I have a somewhat similar situation. Infact, when i was about getting married all his friends kept saying what a cool guy he was. But when I got in, I found out he could be uncaring sometimes. For mine, deep inside he has that care and love but growing up in a family were women meant nothing, makes him treat me those times like i was nothing.

    Just like u, i turned from happy to moody, joyful to sad, young to old-looking, even almost became hypertensive.

    The key is being empowered and cohabiting with him irrespective of all actions. Ur most prized possession is ur job and it is quite a pity u gave it up. Having a job, will give u the opportunity to think about sth else other than how he treats u. opportunity to fend for urself without him, at least to some extent. So please go out and look for a job. VERY IMPORTANT.

    The next key is ignoring him for a while, for the better of it, that's his way of life and he may not even be contemplating changing it. So when he talks down at you, don't listen to him or better still excuse urself from the scene. Later when he least expects it, just calmly tell him that u r never whatever names he called. And even if u were that it is a result of how demeaning he talks to u.

    Also be on the look-out that he doesnt talk to the kids like that. It is never a good thing for the self-esteem of kids to talked down. Even while pregnant, i kept telling my husband that i can take some things but i will never allow rubbish when it comes to my children. Even if u wont love me wholly or wont show it, don't starve my kids of affection or anytg they need. And don't demean them.

    Surround urself with lovely friends and family, I'm sorry ur mom is in trouble for mediating. My family knows about mine, but i have strictly warned them to stay out of it. So they act lovingly around my husband and still shower me with all the care and support that i need. Infact my mom's fear is that if i dont stop thinking about it i might become hypertensive.

    And my hubby, these days he does care and when his innate xter comes, I just leave him and keep mute in the house. This can last for abt 2 days, then he will ask why my face is swollen..... It might not work but just an example. Right now, we are praying for peace, love and forgiving spirit in our family. So pray WITH him and let him hear u tell God ur intentions.

    Oh.... I'm back to being happy, I cant let sb ruin or run my life. If i die now they ll marry sm1 else (My own humour pls)

    Hope it works my dear. Sometimes we see things and fail to consider it while courting. A word for the single wise ladies.

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    Replies
    1. Hi dear lady,pls I beg u in God's name,do not listen to dis woman's advice.if u feel dat ur husband will never change,and u feel worthless and less dan u were b4 u met him,den pls and pls kindly leave dat marriage.do nt make d attempt of gettin pregnant agai.let me tell u dat if u choose to stay u will remain miserable except d man changes.don't manage him pls,u av a ryt to be happy.der r men out dere who wud make u deir queen,who wud put u b4 dem and listen to ur heart.don't manage sm1 who is only out to make u a shadow of urself.marriage myt be a thon of pride and elevated social standing,but my dear each person is fighting his own war.

      Ur marriage is still young and so r u,dis is d best time to go and make a new life for urself.u r in an abusive relationship and emotional abuse is d worse kind der is#my2cents

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/07/2013

      U got all wrong my dear..... I'm not managing my husband. But just like her, my marriage is quite young. Infact younger than hers. But i have learnt things in this short while. Things like men cannot be changed by FORCE. Infact changing them is quite harder than U think. Let me tell u a secret, it was when I acted off-handedly that my hubby senses started coming back a little. I dont know if u r married, but if u r, look deeeply at ur hubby and find one thing u dont like and try changing it.

      All i did was give her hope, bc we can be likened, or maybe mine isnt as serious as hers.

      But if u tell her there are men out there, which man is exactly 100% good. Cut any bullshit or lies out. Nobody. So if it can be salvaged, why not.

      MINE IS WORKING. But she alone has the power to make herself happy. And that is what i am doing, hopefully she can do it also.

      I am and have never been eager to get married or stay married (Infact, if i leave i dont think i will go into another union bc it doesnt make one whole), but pls marriage deserves work, time and godly people. So chill out on the many men, who know see am when she dey single.

      My 2cents.....
      But if it starts getting to ur brain and making u mentally imbalance, leave ooooo

      Delete
    3. Anonymous4/07/2013

      Oh, and please next time either on blog or real life, DO NOT ADDRESS ANYONE AS "THIS WOMAN". It is derogatory.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous5/01/2013

      This is great advise. I am in a similar situation and I have spent months contemplating what to do. I have decided to ensure I am empowered by finding a job. I have also decided to put further child bearing on hold until I stabilize. And I will continue to keep my spirits alive and well by being happy.

      Delete
  3. I should read it many times to ascertain it. When I read it first time I remembered the English serial the Syndicate. There is moment there when he gave money to his former wife who left him for someone and no gifts to his common wife who brought up his two sons of that first and all twenty years was with him. And only after bad diagnosis he proposed to her to marry! We, men, mostly and when there are much money in our pocket, becoming too stupid and bad

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous1/09/2014

      Good coming from a man:)

      Delete
  4. Wow!sometimes u think men marry their worst enemies as their wives.They kill u even when u are alive and leave u with a pale shadow of ur former self!
    I just don't get what kinda demon that posses them to treat another human in such a callous way not to talk of their wives!the mother of ur child!what kinda blood runs in ur viens?
    I'm just sad,sorry for u dear.This could happen to any smart woman out there.hmm
    All I'm gonna say which is important is: never ever neglect your prayer to Jehovah God,communication with Him is soo key!He might not give u instant solution but a certain calmness,peace and stability to deal with this.
    Wish u all the best.XoXo

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  5. Chei! Eyaaah...! Hm! While reading your stories, something in me just dropped. My God! I can't begin to imagine what some women go thru...it almost sounds like a movie but it's real. Sometimes we see people out there and be judging them. Why doesn't she smile? Why is she harsh? Why is she dressed like that? Why is her face like that? But we dnt know the stories of these people!

    My only advice to you ladies is that you enter into the word of God well. Sleep it, eat it, breathe it. Seek God's face more than ever. Only He can truly console and help you. I mean what can you tell a woman who has tried all she can but sees no result? Dnt fight with your husbands. It's no use. You'll only suffer more. As long as he doesn't beat you. Just humbly leave him to God. The devil shows his face where there is something good. So the fact that he is trying to steal your joy, shows that you are blessed.

    You are special to God. Even if it was only you on earth, He still would have sent Jesus to die for you. He paid a huge price for you so you are in no way worthless. Hold on to God's word and you'll surely come back with a testimony. Dnt beat urself up for making a mistake. It will be turned around for your good. God bless you. And I pray that all things work together for your good. In Jesus' Name, Amen!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous5/10/2013

      @ Ahdaisy Jayde are u advising she stays in this abusive relationship ?????. babe my advice for u is too leave the relationship if this continues. Thank God it's only a child you have for him. Which one is suffering and smiling.

      Delete
  6. Sorry dear some men are just baaaaaaddd!you need a job ASAP! B4 that make yourself happy b with friends and family who love u play with ur child and pray! I mean PRAY like you have never done b4.the hearts of kings are in the hands of God. God will intervain just belive it.

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  7. Anonymous4/06/2013

    Meeeeeen o! I have a friend who has a rich hubby and she no dey see kobo from this man. He gives money to people outside but not the wife. Even fuel for her car na wahahla cos she no get work. He once took the kids to the UK and didn't tell the wife. He locks his rm and buys food for the house wen he feels like. This woman is so beautiful and smart but she feels ugly and worthless cos of this yeye hubby of her's. Pls, get a job and prayers can chnage things so get to work

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/06/2013

      Men like dis ur frien's hubby re usually ritualists,am sorry 2say!dats d sign,he wud use her star n dey wud tell him nt 2spend 4her!call me superstitious bt dats d most likely reason!she betta set him up n dupe his story ass!LOL

      Delete
    2. ****Mufasa Said4/06/2013

      I agree! Plus she beta learn how to use her kids to extort money out of d COW!!

      ****Mufasa Said

      Delete
  8. Sad story and the comments are not any better...sigh!

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  9. ****Mufasa Said4/06/2013

    My dear, I'm sorry bout what ure going thru but u need to get a job fast. Secondly, find joy in ur child! Ur husband derives happiness in puttin u down and is apparently ignorant and indifferent to ur situation therefore when eva u notice dat pattern, pick up ur child and start playin wt him. It will shock u to kw how pained he will feel to kw dat his attitude doesn't bother u again.I pray God helps u here. Just keep prayin for and with him tho


    ****Mufasa Said

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  10. I don't know what is goingon in marriages of late,seems many people are marrying their enemies instead of best friends. Sometimes it makes marriage seem as if its a form of punishment,where the man goes to take his pound of flesh from a foe.
    Sometimes am forced to like assume maybe its only just happening to few people that visits Eya's blog or we get to hear the problem stories more here. But looking around me I feel more afraid,the marriages around me of recent are not quite different from the stories I do read here.
    Asides ma dad and his younger brother,who are my role models as it pertains marriage, my other uncles who who recently got married are nothing to lookup to when it comes to marriage.
    The way they relegate their wives to the background,the way they talk to their wives even in the presence of visitors,makes me wonder if they were blinfolded before they married their wives. Their wives always feel priviledged and a great honour to contribute in their husbands discussions. And above all they cheat too on their spouses.
    Aunty Ojay av introduced my sisters to ur blog,so that they'll make the right choice when the time comes. All that glitters aint gold atall.
    As for me I'll continue to pray for God's grace,even as am seeing it I beta stay on my ownooo!

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/07/2013

      Spot on! I blame most of it on the "I must marry syndrome" in Nigeria.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7/19/2013

      I'm so surprised no one has talked about prayer on this issue. My dear do you know God can make your husband who you want him to be. I had experiences like yours maybe not exactly like yours i've been beaten up many times even while pregnant but it is a different story. do you know he can make your marriage work out fine. You have to give yourself first to God and his work. But please go and get this book "The Power of a Praying Wife"

      Delete
  11. FaBuLOusItY4/07/2013

    aaah!!! abeg am scaed oo!!! and am getting married in a few months by Gods grace... na wa ooo!!! THE LORD ISUR STRENGTH AND UR JOY! neva expect to find total joy and completeness in a mere mortal nevaaa! dats d mindset am going into marriage with. All of my joy and happiness is in JEHOVAH! PRAISE JESUS!..

    Abeg,
    1. SEEK YE 1ST D KINGDOM OF GOD AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS AND ALL OTHER THINGS SHALL BE ADDED UNTO U.

    2. LOVE THE LORD WITH ALL UR HEART AND ALL UR SOUL AND ALL THINGS WOULD WOR TOGEDA FOR UR GOOD. AMEN!

    i no knw wetin i go talk again, cos at the en dof the day, its our destination at the after life that matters. life is SHORT NASTY AND BRUTISH! . No tym for tym,

    3. SEEK N WORSHIP GOD IN TRUTH AND IN SPIRIT

    4. GET A JOB ASAP

    5. AND HAVE FUN WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY

    6. GET A NEW HOBBY AND HAVE FUN , d guy sef no go fit comprehend..

    wish u all d best dear.

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  12. When we read this tinz, we must 1st acknowledge that the man is faulty 100%, but we must also try to see deep to understand what role the woman has also played to put them in the quagmire.

    I must admit, from my experience in dating (not married yet) I have dated someone who slapped me in public, I dated another who did same but not in public, and I realized women need iron hand... Cos I have a policy of never touchin/beating a woman, so I watched in both case.

    If you'll ask why I was slapped in the cases, the 1st one made salad and spoilt in a way that we couldn't eat it, while she was at the salad I adviced her but she won't heed, later in the day we went to a fast food to get salad and while eating the salad insyd the fast food I reminded her about the 1 she made, I told her to compare both and she looked me in the face and threw the slap and walked out... The day I chose to leave that relationship above all her many misdemeanor she cried her heart out begging but my mind was made.

    The 2nd I bought her a gift only for her to report the gift to my sister who inturn gave the gist to my mom, as an undergraduate then my family dint expect me to be giving freebies since I was dependent, sometin she understood, when I accosted her and told her that tellin ma sis about the gift was a "wicked act" she turned and slapped me!

    Now who would say women are saints?

    Cos that's the picture most women create when they share their stories....

    Av a blessed day great pple

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    1. Hmmm MY OGA AT THE TOP Ace.
      U've triedoo so u've collected two slaps already.
      Anyway I can't imagine a woman slapping me,I don't know what will happen sha.

      ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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    2. fine girl7/01/2013

      Hahaha Bonario, sorry oooo.. but I daresay u deserved it sha, at least in d 1st instance. You committed a Mortal sin. HOW CAN YOU compare a woman's food with another, and in public?? Your comment was unpardonable. You asked for it bro. Lesson 1: Never ever compare a woman's cooking with another, if you don't like it just tell her stylishly/nicely. Its just d same as a woman comparing a man's sexual performance/ability with another's, unforgivable.

      Delete
    3. happyMrs3/16/2014

      Hahaha.. sorry Ace but it was funny. I agree with fine girl. U made a huge mistake by comparing her salad again at d eatery. Haba. That said, I think u were just unlucky to date hot tempered girls, because I can say that 95% of naija girls will NEVER try it no matter d provocation. It's usually the other way round. To the issue of poster, it is very very common o. I think that our men are not just taught how to deal with or treat a woman, unlike our girls who get it drummed into their head from childhood, that u can't do this or that to a man o, u must respect him etc etc. Sometimes when u check it, their wicked behaviour to their wives is very strange because they still claim to love them so much...

      Delete
  13. Ur story is so touching! Haba! Some men are horrible abeg. Pls take ur mind off finding ur joy in anybody,least of all ds man. The Lord is ur joy. Thank God u have a child,focus on him pls. Also stop all this kneeling down begging him,unless u really know u did something bad;stop apologizing. It will be giving d sadistic side of him joy seeing u groveling at his feet. I know how hard it is to get a job in ds country,pele. Pls just continue to pray,don't be discouraged. God will give u a good job very soon and since dr is nothing He can't do; he can still change ur husband. The Lord will make u strong and give u grace to focus on him. I can't even imagine ur pain! Don't live in regrets about leaving d job u had,its all in d past,just be positive and by d grace of God,u'll find ur voice again. All d very best dear.

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  14. Sweetie I feel for you. Most comments here have one or two things to draw from.
    First I'll say Surrender your case to the Almighty God in prayer. Hatred towards him cannot change him,love alone can. Try as much as U can and buy "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian,it has helped me Greatly and I'll recommend her series to any married woman.
    Secondly re-evaluate yourself/behaviour whenever he's mad or starts acting out. How do U respond to his madness? Do U shout back at him? Do U break down and cry thereby making him see how vulnerable and pliable he can make you and then priding himself in your weakness? Or do U quietly stare at him while he rants and respectfully exiting the scene?
    Thirdly Get a Job. Yes,give it everything you can and get a job no matter how small.
    With that you can make good friends, mostly godly females please so you don't complicate issues for yourself and end up in worse behavior than him.
    Never lose faith and believe in God.  "For our light affliction, which is for the moment, worketh for us more and more exceedingly an eternal weight of glory"(ASV)
    So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever"(MSG)- 2Cor4:16-18. You are loved dearie

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  15. Anonymous4/07/2013

    Most times when one party tells a story,we must listen to the other party. Pls and pls whoever that said that *i must marry syndrome* should SHUT UP. What makes you think this people saw the signs on the wall,so many things must have affected the husbands behavior recently. I hate it when married women pour their hearts out and some single girls capitalise on that opportunity to make snide comments like *i must marry syndrome*,if you have no advise to give just keep quiet. My dear,pls my dear hand over your family and husband to God. God changes people and as he is working on him,also work on yourself. If I tell you my own story ,you will stay put in that marriage and realise that the WORD OF GOD WORKS. When a strong willed man is changed from evil to good,he becomes strong willed in being good. Keep confessing Gods word concerning your husband and keep telling yourself that your Joy comes from God. Also confess to God that he should grant BOTH of you the grace to forgive and forget.It is not late to confess what you want to see in your marriage. Aunty Eya,pls also confirm that this women pouring out their hearts about their marriages are actually MARRIED,so some scornful women won't capitalise on this to spread bad message about Marriage just to talk about *i must marry syndrome* thanks .GREATNESS.

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    1. Anonymous4/07/2013

      Take your insult to YOUR FADA!!!

      I have no issues with your disagreeing with my opinion, but won't accept an outright insult.

      Even with all the handwritings on the wall, naija babes no dey carry last. Many (not all o) will take the plunge first then complain later.

      Delete
    2. Why can't you just respect yourself here?

      Delete
  16. Anonymous4/07/2013

    i just want to say thank u to everyone for their encouragements. even now my husband has practically ignored me like i dont exist (except when its time for his food). he only speaks when spoken to. i just feel i must break the patten of crying after and begging for no wrong doing or things like not opening the gate the very minute he got there, not answering my phone on the first ring and things like that. i cannot fathom why he wld be sullen for days even after apologising profusely, yet knowing am all alone with no family nearby and i dont even have friends. so am looking inwardly and getting closer and praying hard to God to rmbr me in my hour of need. Thank u everyone and aunty eya. God bless u all.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/07/2013

      Yes dear, stop the crawling and begging.
      Just ignore him when he raps and go play with ur baby.
      Make urself happy

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/08/2013

      get something doing, if u cant get a job even if its as low as a primary or secondary school teacher (i said low cos uve worked at vi and that could be very low for you), go for a postgraduate programme, infact look for something to distract and engage your mind, get a bb if u dont have n chat up with old sch pals, old collegeaus etc. STOP SHOWING HIM HIS ACTIONS BOTHER YOU. while he "carries his face", chat up on ur fone n even pretend to laugh and have fun with it. he would stop on the long run bt stop letting his actions get to you and enjoy your marriage. also the position of prayer cannot be overemphasied. God bless you.

      Delete
    3. Sorry to say,but your hubby is a bully.May God grant you wisdom on how to sort these issue.Thank you for sharing.

      Delete
  17. My husband has such tendencies but not that bad. It went from a man who wanted me badly to marry him to a man who asks me to leave his house at the slightest provocation (which was very frequent) and I will cry and beg but oneday in presence of his friend I told him NEVER to ask me to leave cos I will and he knew that I meant it cos I had the will and my source of income. No matter what try not to lose yourself. Enjoy his good sides and protect you mind if you want to remain in the marriage but never stand for physical abuse! Never!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Please stop the incessant begging and tears. If you do wrong, humbly apologise and move on. Life is too short to allow someone frustrate you.

    Get something doing to occupy your time, chat up with old friends and colleagues; take care of your self physically and in other areas; let not your happiness be dependent on him.

    He knows your happiness and smile depend on him, that's why he's behaving like that.

    I've got a suggestion regarding opening the gate: please tell him to call you when he's 2/3 streets away when coming home so that you are close by to open the gate for him.

    When he's about getting to the house, he should press the horn(I hope you can recognise the horn of the car) so that you open the gate before he get there and he drives in without "being delayed". That's the method we use in our house. I pray he agrees to this. If he knows he doesn't like being delayed outside, then he should inform you ahead so you are prepared to "receive" him at the gate.

    It's just a pity that his parents can't even talk to him; I guess he's their saviour, so they wouldn't want to do anything to make him cut off the constant salary he given them.

    ReplyDelete
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  21. Anonymous7/10/2013

    got hold of yourself,get busy,get on your kneels,love yourself,remind yourself who you are,princess of the MOST HIGH GOD. you are precious and dear to GOD

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous3/22/2016

    So as per the comments from most people is that she should stay in the marriage??? and endure this treatment for no reason?? Be treated like a worker in the house strategizing how to open the gate?
    Poster..what do you feel? Do you want to stay in this? FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS and pray on getting a job and some financial independence! You have done your part by crying and begging. He is emotionally controlling you..Dont give in!!! Stand your ground. Get a job and leave such a an emotionally abusive person...Unless you love him so dearly and feel you cant survive without him..then you have to bear it and pray..other than that let god know your decision and act on it!

    ReplyDelete

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