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Should I Wait And Propose again?

Hello Madam Eya. You are doing a great job! I have been a silent follower of your blog for about a month and I must tell you that though  a guy, I have learnt a lot. Iam in this great relationship with
my girlfriend of 11 months, she is everything I want in a woman. She makes me happy every time I stay around her. She is neat and a magnificent cook. She loves children and is very very caring.

I am 29 while she is 26.  On Sunday night  I proposed and to my greatest shock she declined saying that marriage is not yet in her agenda. I never saw this coming. We relate so well and are so in love with each other that I felt she will jump at my proposal. I have a good job, I am very ready to settle down, but after the rejection, I feel so wounded, I feel rejected and unloved. I am deeply hurt. What did I do wrong?

It's been two days and I still feel really down. I write to seek your opinion and that of other esteemed ladies on your blog. Should I ask her reasons for the rejection or just let things be? I do not want to ask her because I feel she is the one to call me for a talk and give some explanation. Should I believe her? She isn't yet ready for marriage?
I thought of giving it time and trying again but  not sure it's Ok to propose twice to the same lady.
I need advise on this issue. Can you please put this on your blog?
Manuel


Comments

  1. Why would a man propose twice to one lady? That's a shame.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous4/09/2013

    Ur not wat she is lookin for in a husband sorry manuel

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  3. Anonymous4/09/2013

    @Manuel, if you truly love her, wait, give it sometime before making another move. Be sure you won't meet another brick wall before launching again. I see nothing wrong with a second proposal darl, keep that men's ego aside and seek your happiness.

    ReplyDelete
  4. When you want something you go for it. Don't sit waiting for her to call you coz she's simply not ready as she said(reasons yet unknown). Call her and face to face in a calm environ ask her what her reasons are. Does she want to achieve a particular thing before she marries? Is there something she's seen in you that's discouraging her from taking the step? Let go of your ego and come out sincerely.
    I just want to believe that its likely to be she's seen something in you she doesn't want in a husband and don't know how to tell you so U need to try all you can to know Y. Your discussion should tell you truly whether there's hope or to withdraw,heal and move on.
    Good luck

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  5. ouch!!! she may have her reasons for not accepting the proposal. its left for you to have a heart to heart talk with her.on the other hand, its possible you don't fit into what she's looking out for in a man. But if that's the case, why will she stay put in the relationship and toying with your emotions?

    Anyway, give her some time and space and try again if you really love and want to wife her. if she refuses a second time, then move on. Good luck to you.

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  6. Anonymous4/09/2013

    Pls i advise u sit her down n talk2her2 knw wt her reasons re,it wud hlp determine if u shud propose2her again or not. God Hlp U in dis. Amennn,meanwhile madam Eya a gud job u re doin on dis platform. God bless U. Zoe's Mum

    ReplyDelete
  7. My brother ur case is a typical example of we found love in a hopeless place. While some ladies are complaining that their boyfriend of so many years is yet to propose,yours is placing u on call waiting. I jumped into this conclusion,putting into consideration her age.
    But on a second thought,so many factors might av prompted her decision.
    To some people 11months aint enough for her to actually tell if u're the right one for her,notwithstanding how close u've been
    She might be afraid of marriage and all its connotations,yep so many ladies are scared of going into marriage of recent,believe me if not for our society,so many ladies would av wished to be single parent.
    Then the third and disheartening factor is,maybe she had friendzoned u,dis is d part I find appaling among some young girls. Why would u be with a man even sleeping with the man,but deep within u,he's not ur type of husband.
    This is the reason why some guys don't take ladies serious. If I should use maself as an example,could recall when we came to collect our cert after University,I asked my gf then,whats the next step after here, she should give me a stipulated time to come propose to her if not she can moveon.
    To my utmost surprise,she answered thought we were together for the fun of it. I was so disppointed,howcan I waste such years just for fun,I LOVE FOR THE WORTH OF IT AND NOT THE FUN OF IT. If it were for fun,I wouldn't av been faithful to her. But I learnt a great lesson,this is one of the reasons why so many ladies date their husbands and marry their boyfriends.
    Finally my brother,give her sometime before another proposal and as u wait continue to love her and show her ur trueself including ur weaknesses,coz u never can tell her putting u on hold may be a blessing in disguise.


    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'll advice you talk to her first. But she might not give you a truthful answer. The truth is, most times,when a 26 yr old tells you she is not ready for marriage and rejects ur proposal, it means she does not want YOU cos nothing stopped her from accepting the proposal and pushing the wedding ceremony for when she is ready. Anyway, talk to her first and search urself before you do.

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  9. Anonymous4/09/2013

    My hubby ddnt necessarily propose the first tym he asked me to marry him, but I told him I wasnt ready for marriage. My reason bn that I just came out of a not so good rshp. And d oda guy was tukin marriage and I had told m parents abt it.
    I was not ready to quickly present a second guy to then lest they begin to wunda if unseriousness had caught up with me.
    I m not sure its U she is rejecting, she may have some fears abt marriage she has never shared with U.
    I nursed such fears loooooong ago bf Gods word totally changed my thinking.
    If she loves U a bit at least, she is mature enuf to tell U her mind.
    Are there fears about marriage?
    Is it about U?
    Does she want U to tk a long walk and stop wasting ur tym.
    I told my hubby what my xact reasons were back then, he persisted, abt 2mths later I summoned courage and tuked to my parents and d rest is history.

    ReplyDelete
  10. "just a friends story"

    He had this girl he loved so madly, does every darn thing to make her happy, goes even out of arms way to put a smile on her face. Someday, he decided to propose to her she agreed but changed afterwards, she so changed that even on his birthday she didn't even holla.

    He peaked up his love for her afterwards only to find out that she's in a serious romance with her supposed ex... He tried to wrestle her from him but she just won't love him anymore.

    So we tried to find out why she prefered her ex in spite of all his many and crazy undoing, her ex beats her, he doesn't; her ex is so stingy, he buy's erythin for her even the fone the ex calls her on, her ex is broke and he has a living, reality was... Being both from Anambra was the only reason she prefered her ex.

    My brother, call her to a round table, don't let ur emotion super cede ur reasoning, do not assume or try to form romeo, only when you hear her speak about her plans or she confesses somthin before you can conclude, do not monitor her. Simply dialogue with her and all will be solved, I sincerely understand how hard ur feeling would been.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/09/2013

      I was just waiting for ur comment...u always v such a sad expereince....kpele...now i understd u a lil beta
      #Nuffsaid
      Bye

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/09/2013

      Anon 12:16; don't be harsh to Ace, be kind.

      Delete
  11. I wonder how people are humble enough to share true stories, this is a good sign for the blog isn't it? really enjoyable.

    ReplyDelete
  12. mizOsa4/09/2013

    26yrs of age not ready 4 marriage in niaja datss serious. I think she has her reasons. U should sit her down, ask her and talk 2 her. So u get a good reason y she declined your proposal. Goodluck man

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. stephie4/09/2013

      26 is not old now? If 28 now, dats more questionable.

      Delete
  13. Pls don't wait for her to call u for a talk. I advice u to visit ha nd hv a hrt to hrt talk wt her nd also finds out her reasons for rejectin ur proposal.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hmmm. Wen a woman says No. Not lemme tink, nt later, nt maybe bt No. Anyways dnt jump in2 conclusions, dnt get emotional, jst shoot straight n talk 2 ha. If she says no again. Den com n propose 2 me #bestofluck#

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. After posting my comment and reading it,it brought tears to my eyes and so i deleted it. My guy talk to her friends if you know any,pally with the siblings, don't let your love be mouthed only and don't believe she doesn't want it. At such age my parents where always asking me don't you like men,what are you waiting for, come and start going ooo.. lol,thou still singer i don't plan on staying too long on its tent. if there is any one proving points with your babe give her your memo and campaign for her heart again! To be the president is not a day job likewise to win a woman is not by telling her marry me,tips on how to get her attention, rap with her sibblings,be welcome in her home,be a part of the family,make her feel you've got her 20yrs from now covered and woo her with lovely actions,in all be real,enjoy it and also make her productive for you,don't be in a hurry to ask her again and don't stop female friends from coming around too(friends i said ooo)don't hide ur weakness and above all if she shows seriousness always play this song for her "love me quick quick by Stella Damascus" and next time you plan on doing it,make it public. Goodluck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pls makin it public is nt a gud idea! Being rejectd is one tin, bein rejectd publicly is an entirely different ball game

      Delete
  17. She doesn't like u ennuf to marry u finitoooo!! I was 25 when ma boo proposed and marriage wasn't on ma agenda as well.. But heyyy I love him soo much to say no .. Not like I was @ where I wanted to be be4 I got married but in such a situation I just gats say yesssss! And no regrets !! So bros move on abeg, noffin like male ego on d side anythin like sm1 said... This one na human ego dt every1 shld av in such a situation, dnt call her anythin! If she cnt call to explain fashy n move on.. Just pray about it and God will direct u, cos u prolly ddnt seek Gods direction in d 1st place

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  18. Na wah ooo... some girls are refusing marriage proposals while others are praying that their guys have the common sense to propose. Dear, don't let this weigh you down. I feel you should talk to her and if she doesn't want to reason with you, move on. Look for a woman who can take you seriously and is ready to settle down.
    That's my advice...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. doesnt mean she isnt taking him seriously... so she should jump up and down cos he proposed? Some women know what they want out of life.. and she's one of such.. there's nothing wrong with taking sometime off to think properly and be sure.. so in the future, she'd never have to write to aunty Eya about her marriage having serious issues.

      Delete
  19. Anonymous4/09/2013

    Hey madame sting n abena watsup .....am missing u ladies here already *winks

    ReplyDelete
  20. If you beg for marriage, be sure to be frustrated out of it. There must be a mutual agreement between both parties and if in this case the lady says that she is not ready yet, then ask for her reasons. It is her reasons that will serve as a pointer to what she really wants. If she is not prepared, then you have no need being weighed down.

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  21. ****Mufasa Said4/10/2013

    D truth is she has probably sized and analysed u more than u her. I have also liked guys for their company and all but I bet I would av said No to their proposals. I av liked one for the fact that he was funny to talk to and twas all good as he always knew how to love me and the fact that he took me as d most important woman in his life made me feel like gold but I wld av still rejected his proposal (I just dint LIKE him enuff) May God forgve me 4 those days. This lady ur talkin about def has sometin she is not 50% sure about in u and she has prolly spoken 2 a friend about it. No woman hu truly loves a man will say NO to a proposal. She's not a small girl naw not like she doesn't kw wat she's doing.my dear sorry to say but u might just b her best buddy 4 now. Hope she realises wats best 4 her soon.
    I tink u shld still watch her 4 nw.

    ****Mufasa Said

    ReplyDelete
  22. Talk to her..the worse thing you can do to yourself is make assumptions. she must have a reason. Marriage isnt child's play and must be thought about thoroughly. my friend had her bf propose to her and she declined .. cos she dint see it coming and she wasnt ready for marriage.. but after like four months, when she'd thought it through, she accepted.. and they are married today.

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  23. I just read this story now and I'm compelled to respond, I hope u get to read it. I also said NO to my hubby the 1st time he proposed to me. The reason was I wanted to be very sure he was THE guy and also cos it wasn't so long I left my EX. I also had about 2 other guys whom I was friends with that wanted the same thing even though they had not proposed officially but they had made it known to me. I was friends with them all and we would chat for a long while, they would visit me and do all sorts to win my love and I was enjoying all the attention even tho I was praying about it and I was trying not to lose focus of what I really wanted and where I was going to. I wasn't sleeping with any of them (I was a virgin till after marriage)I felt they all wanted me cos I'm very beautiful at the same time a good girl with a good background. I needed to me sure they wanted me for the right reasons. My hubby was very persistent cos he knew wat he wanted and wouldn't bulge or back down no matter what i said or did.....and I did plenty. I told him no, told him off, told him he wasn't the one, did plenty shakara 4 him. we still laugh and tease about it all today. His persistence and humility paid off (not many guys wld do all he did), I don't regret any of it. We are a very happy couple today 5yrs down the line wiv 2 kids.(By God's grace tho)
    So if u believe in what u want, go all out 4 it, dont give up,persist, persistence breaks d barrier. Talk to her, to her friends,find out her genuine reasons, do everything possible and u can be sure to get what u want. I hope ure a good guy (like my hubby), not just that u've seen a good girl and want 2 settle down, cos many guys are not it at all, but they want a good take home to mama kinda gurl.

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  24. She is your wife, you have all the rights to propose her again and again. lol

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  25. this is not a comment am sorry for that but i want a suggestion from you people i like a girl i asked her for friends but she said I am not interested, am not single & said do not bother me please.. now please help me what can i do? i think that i have not any chance now to speak her again because she give me this kind of answer like..(do not bother me please)
    is there any girl..who tell me about her mind situation that what is in her mind so that she told me this and help me.. what can i do now? i just wanna speak with her in my entire life..

    ReplyDelete

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