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Should I Leave With My Pregnancy Or Stay?

Brenda:  Aunty Eya, please how can I get ur contact?  I would have loved publishing ma story but there are so many people that will get to know that's why I decided against it. Please am more than in a dilemma and need help before I commit suicide.
Sent

from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Eya: Hello Brenda,
Good morning, you can send me a mail, if you don't want, I won't publish your mail. I only publish when the sender grants permission.
You can call me on 08055270129, but I have to tell you sometimes I forget that phone in my bag a whole day and only get to see missed calls. I'd prefer you send me a mail. No one will get to see it.  Whichever way you want it depends on you.
Do not forget " all things work together for the good of them that love God.
Happy New Week!

Brenda: Thanks so much, really do appreciate. Don't know where to start but first of all am a young lady,22year old and I work. I grew up without my biological mum and finally along d line was told she's dead which was early dis year. 

For the first time in my life I travelled down to my hometown and that's when or how I discovered I have families and I don't know any one of them. Hearing the story of how I was gotten and the rest of my siblings which I don't know upsets me and most times wish God should have put me in a better family. 

Everybody is watching and waiting to see if I will be like my late mom, the idea of being like her and ending up a failure scares me to death and that's what led me into dating this married man. He is the Director of the Car Company where I work. I actually just wanted to date him for the fun of it and also make money from him but along the line I fell in love with him.

 {Mind you I was raped 2010 and cos of that I hated guys and didn't wnt to ve anything to do with them} well I guess its the condition I found myself that made me have a rethink. My aunt, I was living with started misbehaving and all they said was due to d fact that she lost her job and also cos she didn't have a child of her own, so I had to send her to the village cos I was getting scared with her attitude.

 I use to stay with a friend so while dating this married man. He is young, 35 and a Muslim already has 2kids and a wife also. Things used to be quite rosy even before I fell so hard for him and along the line my girlfriend I stayed with started complaining of my staying out with him and that made him to get me an apartment of recent. 

In doing that I discovered he is still in contact with his ex who used to work where I work presently. I could remember a day she used his fone to send me insultive msgs and when I called up to confirm he denied that there's any girl with him. aparently cos she deleted the msgs immediately and even the ones I sent him. Each day I see those msgs I curse the day I started having sex with him, I curse myself and wish myself to stop but I can't pull out. 

He loves the girl so much, though I learnt she uses charms but I really don't care. Now my problem is am pregnant for him again and for some time now his attitude has really changed and that's when he got me the apartment, he doesn't call, txt or even take me out like before, dis days I beg to see him, the recent holiday we had I was supposed to spend it with him and he told me they had a job to do frm there he's taking his kids out which I said okay but only for me to hear he lodge with the other girl in the hotel. pple know us as couple cos am always on my ring. 

That ring was gotten so I know I have someone and don't cheat cos he won't even hear of it. I can't do anything without him knowing cos he will be told, I can't date anybody cos am scared of who will see or who knows him. He shows me off to his family as his woman but now I juz don't know anymore. 

Am scared of what pple will say, my education still there and what I want to be in future but also scared of bringing a child outta wedlock to the world and also the father not even caring. Looking @ everything seems to me like I will end up like my mom and am scare

I won't mind marrying him to be a second wife but what pple are saying is pushing me back and even when I try to get an opinon of what he wants he is juz totally off and it doesn't use to be like this. His wife is older than him and I feel he's scared of telling her or getting a second wife cos he knows what she can do not to say she's violent but he's juz so scared. 

I could remember using a different line to chat up with him and pretending to be a friend of mine and his responses when I mentioned married to me and he said if I were his wife would I juz take it like that?. 

Anyway let me let u know how much I earn{25k and the house he got me is 600k for 2years} I find it hard to save, currently I don't have up to 10k in my accnt. He also got a house for the other girl and sponsors her to skool also and presently she's to go to dubai and study. 

That scared me off when I heard about it but I don't know what to do. He doesn't give me money @ all, but the other girl he spends on her maybe cos she lives in the guest House with him and each time he says I should come I don't cos I don't want to be like the girl. 

Some say he has a plan other says no. Am to write jamb and to tell u the truth I have been pushed , shoved and used. I don't know what to do anymore. 

My story is quite long and hope u bear with me. I just had to tell you everything so you know how best to advise me. Thanks so much, really do appreciate and have a lovely Monday. 

Am in a hotel where he left me to go to work and I don't even have fare to go back home. I know you might say am stupid
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Eya: Have you told him about the pregnancy?

Brenda:I have but he isn't saying anything yet. Says if I have to keep it will be in secrecy
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Eya:Sorry about my questions dear. Can I ask how old is the pregnancy?

Brenda3weeks. If we enter into dis new week, it will be a month cos I didn't know I was pregnant since I was still seeing my period
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Eya: Brenda, I don't know, but, It feels like you may suffer my dear. Leaving it a private means he cannot even take you as a second wife. When the pregnancy is advanced, you may not even see him again. Then no one will even want to date you. Life as a single parent can be very stressful and depressing when one does not have a good source of income. I don't know what to say right now, I think you need advise from other women and men  too.

BrendaOk, no problem. Thanks. Though what he said is that he wanted it to be in secrecy cos he doesn't want his wife to know. 
Pls I need Advise. 


Comments

  1. Anonymous4/22/2013

    God has given us the will power to choose between good and evil.
    When we sin, we know in our hearts that this is wrong in d sight of God and man,yet we go ahead.
    Ur asking for advice via this post is not neccessary; like our advices will change ur heart or somthing?.
    If really in ur heart u want to do the right thing, u'd go do it witout having to ask for advice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I couldn't even read ths story to the end, I just can't stand gals that give excuses, @ 22 I was fresh out of nysc in abj with just enough to pay my rent , I got a job n worked hard, am proud to say up until today no man has eva paid my rent, pls what's ur excuse?I did not know my family members also, U come to a group with married women to tell them u going out with a married man, seek advice and support else where, eya pls screen ur stories.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/27/2013

      why should she screen her stories, everyone has issues and no one is perfect. stop acting like ure so good, abeg!

      Delete
  2. Anonymous4/22/2013

    Wow. I don't know what to say. My heart goes out to you. When a man is cheating outside his wife,he is just not cheating with You but with You and numerous girls. When you become his second wife,he will still CHEAT on you like he is already doing. Do you think he will ever stop? Now you understand what it means to wears the wife's shoe. He will tell the other chick how violent you are. You can do better dear pls. Have some self esteem. MIRACLE

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous4/22/2013

    Begining to get tired of reading these kinda posts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/22/2013

      Same thing I was just thinking..

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/22/2013

      I didn't even read halfway,I just can't,am sorry bt I can't deal!

      Delete
    3. Anonymous4/22/2013

      Me too. Following the blog guidelines, respecting myself, holding my tongue, closing this window and... I'm out!

      Delete
  4. Anonymous4/22/2013

    My candid advice to u my dear,its a sin but u just have to do away with the preg,dust your slippers well and run from the man.infact start job hunting because that man will deffinitely give u tough time at work,so when he starts u will quit the job and leave. Stay off married men.I dnt av any intentions of judging u o but ole ni e. There are single guys out there that will be ready to take you and love u for who you are but u preferred the married ones,now you are lamenting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/22/2013

      babanla ole ni babe yi o! Na God catch you so....cos if you dont want to go the way of your mother you wont venture into dating a married man with lots of side chics. Keep the pregnancy dear while you suffer and smile...mscheew!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/22/2013

      I couldn't even comprehend the grammar sef plus there was no cohesion. This story na waya! Neeways I won't say m holier tho cus I kno whn I was a lot younger n in the world I dated a couple of married men cus no single guy was available bt it got to a point where I had to tell myself that I'd rather b single than date one married man. Mind u I dated them fo love not fo money n I kept to my resolution until God sent the best thing that has happened to me as my hubby today.
      I kno that the world we live in today is worse oFf than it used to b 6 to 7 yrs ago. Most pple have lost will power cus every other person is doing it so it seems ok. @ 22 u shd hv been interested in schl than getting a job. I finished university when I was ur age. The deed has been done so I'd advise u go on ur knees n pray to God to guide you on ur next step. God forbid me advise u on an abortion. Seek God's face n let him lead u frm there. May u find peace in his presence. Amen

      Delete
  5. Anonymous4/22/2013

    Another "interesting" mail.
    Brenda you have made so many wrong choices already. Deciding to date the married man was your first wrong choice. You are scared of not ending up like your mum. But what are the steps you are making to ensure you don't end up like that.
    But first of all, do you know Jesus? He is the only one that calm your storms away. Just ask Him to come into your life, forgive you of your sins. He will accept you just the way you are and bring you peace.

    You have a bright future. But that future will be bleak if you keep on doing whatever it is you are doing with this man. It's easier said than done. Yes, but God can help you.

    I won't advice you to terminate your baby. Every child is a gift. It might be rough at the start, but if you trust God, you will pull through. Obama didn't grow up with his dad? But is he great today? What if his mom had terminated him? Wasn't life hard initially for his mom?

    Think of your life. Forget this man, forget his girlfriend, respect yourself and carry your head high. No doubt this man has "seen you finish". Stop fighting for what is not yours. There's a man out there who'll love you and even with your pregnancy.

    It's not true that no one will love you because you are pregnant. There's nothing God cannot do. I know a man that loved a girl inside out even when a married man got her pregnant and he took care of the pregnancy like it was is his.

    Try and start afresh. Forgive yourself, leave the man and come back to God. What does it manner if you gain the man back and lose your soul. All you need is God.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/22/2013

      *matter - Jay

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/22/2013

      Stop wasting ur time. She knows wat is right.

      Delete
  6. Anonymous4/22/2013

    This lil girl is so selfish. Jezzzzz u are jealous he is with another, did u think f his wife n kids wen u were flunting urslf around him?Common let's call a spade a spade. U dnt want him 2 cheat on u, but u were aware he ws married wen u made him cheat on his wife. U are nt serious. Mtchheeewwww.Dis is just d beginning of ur confusion. I am a young and pretty girl and I get advances 4m so many men,evn my dads frnds I hv never1 day tried 2 go out with dem. U are der giving excuse 4 ur foolishness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/22/2013

      hey you, if you read the post well i guess ur hunky brain would ve told you she didnt know he had another girlfriend. so pls if you got nothing to give shut ur trap. besides rather than making one feel less important why not give ur candid opinion or if it hurts u so bad why not move to the nxt page

      Delete
    2. She didnt knw he had an another girlfriend? She also didnt knw he had a wife? Are u an ode?

      Delete
    3. Anonymous4/22/2013

      This anonymous is just a foolish person! I cldt resist commenting. I tried restraining mysef but ur comment got me! Oniranu! Aunty Eya, ur blog is irritating me now, I'm sorry. I can't, mba! Enjoy !!!!!!

      Delete
  7. u fell in love with a married man,r u a fool? The maltreatment hasn't started yet my dear. I am sure the prayers of the wife has been heard, ndiala. If u keep dat child,oyo is ur case, u want to reap where u didn't sow. U don't want to end up like ur mum and u went to date a. Married man, goldigger dats wat u r.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/22/2013

      jacy or wat you call yourself, with all the curses ur venting unfortunately ur causing yourself more headeache. you call her a gold digger? do you even know what a gold digger is? i bet you dont so dont judge.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/22/2013

      I bet most of d ladies dat go about commenting on dis blog are those dating married men all over the town. Den u come here acting like saints, raining insults on people who need help mitscheeewwww. Fear God my dear sistas. Dis lady needs help, the deed has already been down, if u cnt offer a cool advice den bounce along.

      Delete
  8. Anonymous4/22/2013

    Common guys someone is in a dilemma, we shouldn't throw insultive word at people because of what they are going through now, we were not all saints before getting married a little kind word wouldn't be so much to ask some people aren't that lucky in life so situation makes us do things we normally would not want to do not that am in support of what she did but please people let not make the situation worse than it is already for her. first time to comment on this blog tanx

    ReplyDelete
  9. candid diva4/22/2013

    I tire for u girls o! Ok,from ur story now,which advice do u want,before dy'll start calling somebody judge? I like ur honesty sha,its obvious u feel d other girl is ur real problem. D truth is,she is not!
    That man is a typical womanizer and a liar. See,his wife is not violent,when this men wants 2 sleep wit ur type,dy paint dr wives as evil witches,blah,blah. What he wanted was to be sleeping with u. And like Funke said in d other post,most men don't want 2nd wife wahala. Now u're trying 2 complicate his life,so he is withdrawing 4m u.
    So if u don't want to abort,be ready to bear all dt will come 4m ds. Start hustling lik mad,I feel he may totaly abandon u later in ur pregnancy. Most likely,he'll suggest abortion b4 4 mths. On dt,d decision is urs. He does not want to marry u,shikena!
    Pele o!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I noticed u mentioned he is a Muslim? That means he can marry you if he wanted to so this whole secrecy story nah "wash". My dear ur on a looooooongggg tin! It seems what u have feared the most all ur life has befallen and its all ur own doing cos u had a choice to do right or wrong and u chose d latter. "As we make our bed so we lay in it". There is good and bad in everyone, so look inside you and decide! best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Pls my opinion, Brenda its against God's word, but the earlier the better, Biko terminate d pregnancy. Bcos u are so in a fix and u need to get your life back.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is so out of order. You are feeling bad that he is cheating on u with when you should be feeling bad for dating and getting preggy for a married man. If u feel like this how do u want his wife 2 feel? You have no remorse for ur actions at all. just like his ex he'll dump u and move to d next chic. You even want to b 2nd wife, you really don't have any respect for urself and plz don't blame your late mum or dkind of family you are from. Sorry to sound mean but u really deserve how u are being treated.

    ReplyDelete
  13. D man in qtn is a muslim so he can take up to 4wives. Bt he obviously doesn't wnt u. R u a muslim also? Dis is d dilema we hv 2 avoid. Luv no dey shack reach lyk dat o. Since u were gearin ursef 2 b amaria num 2, u shld hv made sure he ws keen d preg jst complicates issues

    ReplyDelete
  14. please lets try and be nice and show understanding....if nothing else i picked up something from her mail. she said "she might commit succide" what part of commiting suicide do u ladies not understand? she is in a dilema and if u cant give useful advice then dont make her feel like the worse sinner on earth. afterall, we are all sinners, we only live by his mercy.
    Young lady, like most of the ladies have said u will suffer through this pregnancy and it is obvious he is already trying to avoid u. u have a choice:
    1) Abort the pregnancy, get another job and move out of the apartment
    2) stay there, continue with him have the baby but u will suffer cos i see him abandoning u soon.

    the choice is ur, make a wise decision, u're only 22.....all the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. U re on point my dear. D earlier u get rid of d pregnancy d beta 4 u. Its not as if I support d&c but in this situation I think its d only option.

      U re just 22yrs nd still hv a long way to go. Make a wise decision my dear cos d man will not be there when the going gets too tough.

      Delete
  15. Anonymous4/22/2013

    Pls don't commit suicide.There is still time to do the right things with your life. This story is what every married man tells a girl to sleep with her.I once met this Married Man who described his wife so bad. He said the woman is violent,insults him and keeps whiping up sympathy until I realised the man is WICKED. When he gisted me how he had sex with a girl with HIV and luckily escaped being HIV positive ...I realised a whole lot of women are suffering in their marriages. This man was married and was busy sleeping and escaped contracting HIV but did it stop him...No way...he wanted to date me and even had two other girlfriends outside. It was God that kept me from falling for that man...I prayed myself out of that mistake because he was assisting me financially and just when I would have fallen and had sex with him...Something bad happened to him. Even with that bad stuff that happened he kept on luring me with Money because he wanted me to end up marrying him. One day I prayed this fantastic prayer,I asked God that there are single Men out there who can treat me better and still provide for me. I stopped answering his calls and his rants about his wife. Some months later,I met a single guy who treats me with respect love and gives me much more than that Married man. When I was still friends with that married man,I met all the wrong single guys but when I cut off...I started meeting single responsible and wealthy guys (I was shocked because I didn't belive they existed). Don't mind the long essay but there is something to be learnt. I asked myself today...if I had married that Married Man..who knows what my fate will become. Am I better than his wife? No. Because what she took,I wouldn't have taken it from him. I would have been a bad wife to him even though I was a good friend to him or maybe I would have ended up contracting one infection from him or something bigger. I am a woman just like his wife and I am not stupid ...he will not stop cheating even if I married him. Most of this Men made effort not to work on their marriages that's why they are on the prowl. These Men actually married women they love,it is because of their sins that they castigate these women. The more they sin the more they run away from the women they love and married because they are ashamed and can't face her...they tell lies and lies to justify their actions and when they go home to their wives...they try to make it up buying her different cars because they feel so guilty to confess and be remorseful. When sin lingers for too long,the heart becomes hardened and they start getting used to it,looking for justification. Hope my opening up will save someone from falling into this trap and destroying someones home. Sorry for the THESIS. GLADDENED HEART.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you for this post. You're one good person! If only ladies can reason like you. I have a colleague that was dating a married man at a point,immediately she stopped she met a single wonderful man who works in a fantastic place. She is married with a child today,and u need to see how she glows!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/22/2013

      Can someone pls summarize biko? Its even longer than the Brenda's!

      Delete
  16. Anonymous4/22/2013

    Make use of ur head n do d right thingh. Which kind love u dey love person husband? Tat is d price u ave to pay for ur deeds.like I said b4, use ur HEAD.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous4/22/2013

    sorry dear ur story was too long could not read all. But from d little i read u re dating a married man. Pls get a life unless u re planing to be a second wife. and FROM d look of things he doesn't want a second wife so dear get out of dat God forsaken relationship and look for how to move ahead as for d baby please dont abort it if u dont want it just give birth to d baby and give it to d motherleess babies home ok

    ReplyDelete
  18. Its obvious the bane of all these ugly stories is poverty.
    People now go into relationships and even get married for the wrong reason.
    Can't help but continue praying for things to get better in our country.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/22/2013

      Thank you Bona! Wa gbayi!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/25/2013

      U're soo funny

      Delete
  19. Life becomes difficult when a youth decides to live life without advice. It can never be easy with this kind of man who wants to have everything in skirt. You have to go back to your people, no matter what they would say. you need a place of peace to take care of yourself and the unborn child. Suicide is far from it, because you have to face the reality and take responsibility for your act. It is not late.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous4/22/2013

    I'm so sad reading dis tale bcos it hs actually become in norm recently. Lik Bona sed, it's obvious poverty is d bane of all dese similar stories. But I disagree bcos I'm 22 too, not born with a silver spoon and in fact, my struggles in life began at 12 and I hawked to supplement my mother's income. I did all sorts of menial jobs to see myself through university and today I'm a graduate. I had a lot crawling with empty promises but I had esteem to procure so I never gave up. Please single ladies in the house, I weep when I read stories like this. We need to be careful with the way we live our lives. A little mistake could tarnish our future. It's not so easy to resist pleasure but we need to put our future into consideration and not to focus solely on the now and its enjoyment. It's never to late to turn a good leaf. As 4 Brenda, my candid advice 4 u is to give out d apartment to someone else and use d proceeds to strt up sometn reasonable. You never kno what dis child wil turn out to b in future. Education is power; dnt deny ursef d knowledge. If u cnt afford to go to school, learn a trade, make ur life useful. After all, a life full of mistakes, is worth more than that spent doing nothing. Brenda, I'll be joyful in my spirit if u do d right tn. All the best!! Mary

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous4/22/2013

    To those of u advicin her to abort d baby.fear God ohhhh...
    Newayss..to d issue at hand?..
    Brenda..i dnt think u shud abort that child...give ur life to christ,pray for forgiveness,stop seein dat man,tel him u pregnant..he has a right to know..forgive ursef..see everything dat has happened to u as a lesson..learn from it...see ursef as a strong resilient woman with a bright future.ur best is yrt to come..let God restore ur peace nd give u a new name..let God have his way concernin d baby..let him decide but dnt abort it..its detrimental to ur health nd Gods will..dere is nuthin God cant do..let him turn ur ashes into beauty..abeggg dnt marry him ohhhhh..plssd u wil regret it.u deserve more..its bad enuf u caught up in dis situation..but its never too late.let God heal ur foundation..he wil make a way..just decide..it is well

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous4/23/2013

    GOD help u so u can not get ur own man married women don suffer.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous4/23/2013

    Like mother like daughter I hate it when young girls date married men are u more attractive than his wife
    My dear na big lie he loves his wife that is why he got married too her his just using ur p***y too play game
    Am 19 years and married I never dated any married man so I don't have any advice for u (may God forgive u)I never said abortion take care I wish u what u wish urself Frm mrs

    ReplyDelete
  24. Pls don't commit suicide, it will lead u straight to hell. Leave with your pregnancy, u need Jesus, U need pple that will support u. Pls let us know what u decide. You have no future with that man, the Lord will be ur strength

    ReplyDelete

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