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My Great Fiance, Now Changed Husband


Hello Aunty Eya,
How are you and fam? Aunty Eya plus I need to talk. Right now I don't know if I need
advise or just need to talk to someone to release some tension.
I met my husband in 2011, we dated for one year and got married last year. During our dating and courtship days, he was the best thing that ever happened to my life. He made me feel I was dreaming. My fiance opened car doors for me, pulled out the dining chair for me to sit and did those little important things that the average Nigerian man won't do.

That respect and good treatment really contributed to making me  jilt my then domineering boyfriend and marry him. 
Just one year into our marriage and my husband is a complete stranger. He has stopped all those great gestures and acts like The Lord of the House. He acts like he expects me to adore the ground on which he walks. I regret leaving my boyfriend then for him. 

My boyfriend never opened car doors nor carried my bag but he won't have been this domineering, My boyfriend's controlling attitude made me leave him for my now husband. Right now my husband is more of a control freak than I ever thought. He is worse. When I remember something great and want to discuss with him, that is when he will look very busy online or look like my talk is preventing him from watching an important Television programme. When I am not in the mood for a talk is when he brings up discussions and there is always that temptation to pay him back in his own coin. 
Why can't he just care about my feelings for once?

I love my husband dearly and do not want us to be like this. I made a vow that for better for worse I do, but right now the worse attitude is what I can't take for ever, with the way he has changed, I think it's better to just remain in a relationship and continue to earn respect than get married and watch your great friend change into a monster.
Thanks.

Comments

  1. Go to God. Pray for him. You can only change his attitude on bended knees. All other stunts you might want to try may not work.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Never pay him back, and the prayer is not just to change him, but to make you a more understanding person too.

    Questions - Have you discussed this issue with him? As he was pulling chairs for you, what were you doing for him, or did you become selfish? You say he is controlling, apart from ignoring some of your chats, how exactly?

    If it is just that and stopping car door opening, then overcome him with love. Show him now how much you love him by caring about the things he does - chat with him about things he likes to talk about, watch the shows with him that he likes, touch him, pet him, sex him.

    Also, be your own person, and have your on stuff you do and are passionate about.

    All the best.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed! Very well said Myne! Best advice I've read on this blog.

      Delete
  3. This life na wa oooo...

    Controlling and Domineering
    *Rme, what is the difference, lemme check ma lexicon...

    Controlling - Authoritative
    Domineering - Overbearing

    Well sister here's the laboratory test result.
    Both men are carrying two different strains of the same virus.

    Plz, just assume you miSsed nothin from not marrying ur ex, cos if he was authoritative during courtship he would have been the german reich (the furor) during marriage.

    The harboring of regrets can drive you crazy and also the marriage.
    You av just 1 solution... Just as you serenaded us with his sweet pre-marriage style, remind him and tell him what he now represents to you, let's see if he'll change... In marriage pple just hate rational dialogue, they prefer logical and ego-laden dialogue.

    Nuff'Said
    Good Night Africa!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous4/18/2013

    Dearie all I can say is the same thing happened to me...My husband changed so much that I wished I never got married.At a point felt it would have been better to remain single because I was going tru hell..Much worse than what you're going thru..
    Then one day I decided to turn to God and I prayed like I have never done before..Lo and behold God touched my hubby's heart and he has done A NEW LEAF..Infact he acts better than before I married him..I give God all the praise..My advice to you is Pray Pray Pray ..God will not let you down..He never does

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous4/18/2013

    * he has turned a new leaf

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous4/18/2013

    most marriages are lyk dat in the first two years.he's only tryin to show u he's d lord of d house.nevertheless,pray for him,talk to him abt his new attitude,and check urself too cos there might b sometin u're doin dat is puttin him off too. Who knows,u might av changed without knowin it.gud luck.
    olat

    ReplyDelete
  7. Take it to the Lord in prayers, Myne has said it all.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Just one question, have you really sat him down to talk about ur feelings?
    How his actions make u feel?
    And how u r and will always be his wife, but u his actions make u feel less loved?
    Communication works

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous4/19/2013

    Welcome to the club!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous4/19/2013

    Marriage is not something u jst jump into,u have to pray and knw the will of God before u marry. The fact dt he was caring,opening doors for u & so on is not enof for u to jst agree to marry him, bt nw dt u're married,all u need to do is to pray for him.It is well.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous4/20/2013

    Very well said, @ Ace. I suggest in addition dt in annoying issues like dis, have it @ d back of ur mind that u'r more concerned wit ur r/ship workin and not new pay-back strategies. Focus on possible solutions lik communicating with him, taking it to God in prayer and not d problem or issue itself. I hp it wrks 4 u...it did work 4 me. All d best!!

    ReplyDelete

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