My Fiance Is Both Serious And Not Serious

Hello Aunty Eya,
Thank you for helping wives out there to get profitable advise from your blog. I am not yet married, was planning to. I pray wives on your blog won't judge me, please. By God's grace I will soon be called a wife too. The problem I'm having now is
I'm confused. I am 27 years, My Fiance proposed in January and I accepted. We are working towards getting the wedding done this year but he sometimes acts like he is not serious.

We live in different towns, I visit more than he comes down cos he is very busy. In January, he invited me over, I came all the way to meet a locked door. I decided to wait in his friend's apartment ( This friend has an apartment on the floor above ours). 

I waited, looked out the window the whole evening and had to spend the night with that family cos it was too late to travel back. He called and kept saying he left town because circumstances were beyond his control and will try to return the same day. At a point, I couldn't reach him although he says his battery went dead. I went through hell that night. Considering that he proposed, and since he has only one key left of the main door, I feel he should have dropped the key for me just in case. 

That's not all Aunty. Last Tuesday I went down to spend Easter with him. On Thursday him and that neighbor friend of his left to see some friends in town ( His house is on the outskirts of the city). They both didn't return. His girlfriend waited with me until it was getting too late and had to leave,  while I sat all night waiting for my fiance. He came back 8am on Good Friday and said he had a flat tire and couldn't reach me because there was no coverage. I don't know what his neighbor/ friend told his own fiancee cos we haven't had time to discuss.

The event in January and last Thursday's lies are making me rethink this relationship. I want to end it now to avoid crying in the future. The problem now is, after he proposed, I allowed him to sleep with me and I think I'm pregnant. My period is 3 weeks late. I haven't even told him about it and I don't want to because of all these lies. I don't think I can go through an abortion. I can't have this baby outside wedlock and I want to end it with him. I haven't been able to sleep well since Thursday night. I am thinking too much and cannot even arrive at any solution. We courted for four months, and may be that was too short to accept a proposal.

Aunty Eya, please I beg you help me by posting this on your blog and giving me your personal reply too. Is he serious about marriage at all?

Comments

  1. Replies
    1. lol....i love ur comment. This is a difficult situation.

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    2. My dear! I don't even know what to say.

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  2. Anonymous4/02/2013

    Firstly,that a guy. Prosposed to you is not a reason for you to relax and allow yourself get pregnant. For God sake you are not forcing yourself on him. With this recent development on his change of attitude,I'm really suspecting that he is avoiding you and he actually is looking for the. Right words to end the relationship. I pray your marriage plans are answered but with his funny character,what is your chances of having a happy marraiage. Think again.

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  3. My dear, I think you should end it this relationship as fast as u can cos obviously, he isn't done with his playboy lifestyle and is seeing someone else. I mean, how can u leave another town to come and see ur *supposed* fiance only to meet a locked apartment? That's sign No 1. As for the pregnancy, atleast is still at the early stage and could easily be flushed out. That's my honest advise o

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  4. Anonymous4/02/2013

    Ds 1,hmmmmn. Prayer is the key, but wht wld u pray abt.ask God for mercy and divine direction. Let him lead u aright and grant u peace. My dear,it might be stress thats delaying your period. Drink menstrogen.

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  5. What of giving him the benefit of the doubt? He has treated you badly, true, but maybe he's not been lying? Have a heart to heart with him, state how unhappy his actions have made you, tell him you're pregnant and resolve it together. I'm not a fan of abortion, but at the end of the day, it is your body and your choice. Take care.

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  6. Anonymous4/02/2013

    My dear,go der unannounced,u'll mayb get an answer n a concrete reason 2liv,I swear relationships are HARD!sumtyms u feel sad,d next min u feel so loved n on top of d world!jus dis aftanoon had a serious fight about 1girl asking4my man's pin tru fb,n she even told him 2call her tru fb too.I saw d comments n ask her why she's asking him2call her,jokingly o tru d same fb wall post!d way d girl attcked me,she immediately replied n asked wat my business was.I was so shocked,I den pinged my oga,n asked who she is n why she had d guts 2attack me.long n short I had 2unfriend him on d fb.bcos I can't give myself hbp.me I dat I hardly go tru his profile,d girl was telling I betta stop monitoring him.n he cudnt evn place 1comment on my defence.dis is a man av bin dating 4almost 2yrs,dat we almost had a baby b4 I lost it.a man dat comes 2c me every single day afta work n dat plans everythin about him with me in mind.sum1 av taken 2mit virtually all my family members,n av met his.pls tell me how I don't av 2no why sum random girl is commanding him2call her.meanwhile he's bin going mad bout why I wud av d guts 2unfriend him?pls wetin I 4do?I shud b readin n nt talk?I jus tire!bt I think ur own case is worse dan mine,@least I av keys2his house n I go der randomly unannounced n hve neva met nythin amiss.dis ur own guy seems 2b a cronic player dat mayb jus want sex.a lot of men feel u wan 2hear lies n so dey jus tell u 2mke u cooperate!pls dig in2 d issue well b4 u go deep,according2ur story d relationship is jus 7months,early u liv d betta!

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  7. Anonymous, you shouldn't have "jokingly" asked the girl any question. That's what u did wrong and that's how u allow people to see you finish. If it was that important, you should have directed the question to your guy. People need to learn to leave other people out of their relationship and deal with their significant other, she doesn't owe you any explanation.

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    Replies
    1. Correct for 10points Madam Sting!some people set up themselves to be attacked and insulted for no sensible reason.
      Deal with your partner not the pesty girls!

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    2. Young Awesome Mum4/02/2013

      U're absolutely right madame sting

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    3. Anonymous4/02/2013

      Its d truth jare,its very unlike me,av had my man's 4nes with me wen I can check 4messages if I like n even wen girls call like deir lives depends on it I normally jus ignore,am a true bliver of wat u don't know won't hurt u.bt as I said,dis was suppose 2b very harmless esp since it wasn't in his inbox bt on his wall.wish I cud post d fb messages,u'll c wat I mean!bt I guess 1ce bitten,1ce shy 4me,I'll sharply revert back 2my old style,she's nt d1 I av issues with,except wen she bcame extremely rude.n ofcos,I gave him grief ova d incidence.lol,am nt dat cool!but my oga luvs me very very much dat 1 am very sure of,its jus dat der must b ups n downs,dats why dis lady's story got me convinced he might jus wanna use her!goin2c him n not meeting him esp since she doesn't av a key is too disrespectful4me

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  8. Sweety dis na looooonnnggg thin. Well first from all indications,ur man is a chronic player.while I would av suggested prayer and a host of other tactics to tame him,I also should say dat as human beings we shud learn to stop dictating to God.probably all these thins are hapening so that u can run as fast as ur legs will take u.

    When my husband proposed to me,he made a set of keys for me without me even asking,we exchanged passwords on all form of social media,fb,twitter,mgr.we both av access to each odas fones at all times.weneva he's out witout me den he's at work,we go evrywhere together.basically all am saying we planned our lives round each other and still do. So for u to come all d way from another city to see ur supposed fiancee and he won't even create little time to be with u shows that he dosent respect u at all.from wat u said about u lettin him sleep with u as soon as he proposed,I wanna believe ure a decent girl from a responsible home and I guess that's wat he saw.from ur tone,it seems ure also a calm sort of person too and again dats wat he saw.for him,u r a wife material bt he will continue to mess outside.if u r a xtian,I beg u on bended knees,pls don't listen to any of d piple dat will profer prayer as a solution bcos the Bible says 'wat has light got to do with darkness'it also says be not unequally yoked with sinners".

    Have u met any of the guys family members,and has he met urs? That is d proper thin wen a man proposes to u.well my dear,I wud not tell u wat to do bcos in ur heart u kno d ryt thing,but all I wil say is,wen marriage becomes unbearable,don't feel God or family has abandoned u bcos He that showed u d signs b4 u entered had His reasons.

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  9. Hmmm dis is...... I don't even know what to say.
    Quite unfortunate u got yourself in such precarious situation by getting pregnant.
    Seriously in any relationship,for u to survive u must be somewhat selfish. When I mean sellfish, I mean putting ur future first,coz u can't love another without loving yourself.
    Now u're in such situation,my dear patience ia the key,u need to give him a benefit of doubt. U've not caught him cheating on u,the points u've got hear aint weighty atall.
    U just painting a picture if what u think ia going on in ur head,which may turnout to be a mirage. Don't give him a reason to cheat,don't push him to. Coz men actually do d main damage when u accuse them falsely.
    Cheating is a conscience stuff. It takes a subdued conscience to cheat. And false accusation gives the mind a fake belief that whatever he does now is right.
    My dear just be patient and love,believing dat after this small drama all that is left will be love.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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  10. Anonymous4/02/2013

    I really don't know what to say buh I'll wait for AHDAISY to say something so i can say that exactly what i wanted to say.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/02/2013

      Lol,u are funny
      1st things 1st,a pregnancy strip is just N50,do a urine test,2ndly speak to the other girlfriend,if she has a different story from your supposed fiance,give him a break..don't call him for some time&see if he'll miss your or notice your absence.....no need to tell u what he'll do cos I'm almost certain he won't be calling again
      He only "proposed" to get access to sexing u..sorry

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    2. Lolz@ Anonymous. But this time, if you ask me, na who I go ask?

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  11. I feel you should have a discussion with him. Tell him everything that's on your mind. Don't focus on his words alone but also his reaction to all you're saying. Sometimes a person says one thing but their behaviour and reaction even while talking says another story.
    True, he might have something he's hiding from you but what if he doesn't? I always believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt until their actions prove otherwise. This doesn't mean one is a fool, but simply that you refuse to make yourself a paranoid wreck.
    And I should have said this first, please confirm whether or not you're carrying his child. Get pregnancy test strips or go to a laboratory. That's the most important issue right now.

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  12. Young Awesome Mum4/02/2013

    My dear, its quite obvious ur man is a player and isn't ready to settle down yet, when my hubby nd i got serious he gave me keys to his apartment even b4 we got engaged so i dnt see y a man dat has engaged u can't gv u a key to urself or drop d key somewhere knowin u'll be comin into town. 1st of all i think u shld talk to him abt the way u feel nd see how he's gonna react, if after u've talked things don't get better i think u shld leave him. Another issue here is the pregnancy,i really don't knw what to say abt that.

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  13. MiZOsa4/02/2013

    Oohhoo my dear the Lord is your strength. Pls u are the 1 wearing the shoe and you know were it hurts the most.U know all what u hv been going tru. So mak decisions wisely. Try visit him unexpectedly. And tell him u jst want 2 surprise him dats y u came unannounced.As 4 d pregnancy discuss it with him and see his reaction.Thanks.

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  14. Anyway, have you met his family? Has he met yours? Is he interested in your future? Do you make any plans about the future together? Have you discussed kids even if its indirectly? What does he introduce you to his friends as, wife? Girlfriend? As far as Nigerian men are concerned, they both mean the same thing. Does he say "meet my fiancĂ©" or 'na my wife be this'? Cos the latter means he is just trying to make you feel happy with yourself, meanwhile nothing o.. How did he propose? “Baby, marry me na"? Again that dnt mean sh*t!

    My husband told me some days after we met that he was going to marry me. As in he said, 'you are my wife' like two days after we met. I finally agreed to marry him 1yr 6 mnths later. I so do not believe in short courtships. Some people say it worked for them. For me, it's too risky. I also dnt believe in extra long courtships. So maybe you were a little desperate or carried away by some of his paparazzi. So now that your eye have clear small, start asking the right questions.

    It might be he did not drop the key cos there are several skeletons having a blast in his closet. Or maybe it's nothing, . But I dunno. There are some mistakes we just have live with.

    Dnt abort the child, you are old enough to take care of it. Have a talk with the dude and see where he stands before you bring up pregnancy, if you are preggers. His response will determine whether you have entered one chance or not.

    I dunno sha, I am better at advising MARRIED Women.

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    Replies
    1. Chiomz4/03/2013

      Exactly wat i wanted to say...*shines teeth

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    2. 'Baby marry me na"....this had me in stitches.

      U sef Chiomz, you are funny! Say your own jooor

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    3. oh this is the comment that caused wahala.. had to go look 4 it..loool ..

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    4. Anonymous4/03/2013

      lol,me too

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    5. ****Mufasa Said4/03/2013

      Me three!!

      ****Mufasa Said

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    6. Anonymous4/04/2013

      Me four, lmao stupid comment.

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    7. Anonymous4/04/2013

      Lol me five!

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  15. Anonymous4/03/2013

    My dear *sigh*........ If u can, jst leave him @ least 4 now, i think he got what he wntd frm u(sex), n has moved on 2 anoda "conquest". Being d playa dat he thnks he is, he may nt wnt 2 cm out plain but is givn u clues hopn dat u'd get d msg. Such guys always hv a convincing tale 2 tell. Like sm1 said, beta heed dese warning signs 2 avoid wetting ur pillow wt a ring on ur finger. No marriage is perfect but i knw a gud no of wives who wish they cld turn back time. If u leave now n ask God 4 direction, either he comes bk 2 u mo serious n full of respect 4u, or God wl give u anoda man dat wld so love u u'd wonda y!
    As 4d baby ie if u r truly pregnant, keep him/her n watch God make all things beautiful.
    - concerned married sista.

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  16. A man you want to marry must respect you o if not you are jumping into hell with your eyes wide open.men cheat but the good ones respect their wives enough to hide it well think well my dear not with your heart o but With your head cos after marriage the whole love thing will dull a bit and uyou will be left with reality.

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  17. Hmm, this is serious. Make sure you do all your background work well like asking the other girl questions, asking mallams and security men around d area relevant questions. Trust these kind of people see different things.
    Then who are his friends? What kind of people are they..in your heart I'm sure you would have observed.
    Has he met your parents? How did they perceive him? What an elder sees sitting down, u'd never see on a mountain.
    As for the baby, go for pregnancy test. If positive tell him see his reaction, then tell your mum or a close aunt.
    If negative zip up till you get married.
    God be with u.

    www.thedeevacentre.com

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  18. Tell him u r pregnant, from his answer u will know where u r standing.

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  19. the truth is dat he proposed to u so dat he cud sleep wit u. even wen there was no phone, people were still keeping appointment not to talk of now dat we have phones. i dont advise u to marry him bcos of d pregnancy. bcos u are going to regret it, have yr baby and move on wit yr life.

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  20. Anonymous4/03/2013

    Girl just pray that the pregnancy is a false alarm sent by your hormones.
    I mean it took this guy a whole night to change a flat tire??? I DEY LAUGH OH!!! Please read the hand writing on the wall and move on and please and please be careful next time just because some guy propose to you; that doesn't give him the right to sleep with you.
    You have known him for four months only, have you guys done test for HIV and STD together and not just word of mouth as in i am negative........? Genotype nko? Please we have to be careful and PRAYERFULLY follow up every marriage proposal so we don't get used and dumped by some player.

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    Replies
    1. ****Mufasa Said4/03/2013

      I agree wt you on this one!
      Men sha!! Sometimes they could be insensitve as a clueless ram!!

      ****Mufasa Said

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