RELATED STORIES

Divorce Is Plain Selfishness

In recent times, it has become so easy for people to advise a wife to leave him. What happened to our African culture, a culture of perseverance, a culture of tolerance a culture of "Family living"? Within

a short period of time, the Nigerian society has "begun" to see divorce as a normal way of life. The church in Nigeria  is frantically searching  for scriptures to back up divorce. 

In churches these days, especially some Pentecostal churches ( I am one of them), it baffles me to see divorced couples still  active in the church as members, the congregation accepts their divorce status and it's like nothing is wrong. Are there shepherds in these kinds of churches?  It is normal for church members to take sides with whoever they feel is doing right between the divorced or separated couple. I visited a church in Abuja, it used to be one of my favorites. I was surprised to hear from its regular members that since its founder passed and his wife took over leadership, things have not really been the same among married couples. There are so many cases of divorce in the church. No one frowns at it, rather, people look for reasons to justify their wrong actions. If we must copy other cultures, should it be "everything"?

Too many young children growing up in dysfunctional homes, with separated parents whereas, they see that their grandparents are still married. Doesn't that bother us? You are separated or divorced, your kids live with you or your ex, when they travel home, they see grandpa and grandma as a couple. How does that make you feel?

Because we have become financially empowered does not mean we cannot submit to our husbands and because young ladies have become more attractive does not mean a man cannot remain faithful to his wife. What happened to principles? what happened to self discipline and self control? Haven't you noticed that it has become almost like a norm for a Nigerian man to cheat on his wife? His friends won't frown and the society won't frown. When the woman finds out, it is as if the only option and the only solution is a divorce. She goes to seek solace and all her friends can advise is "leave him,  He doesn't deserve you. Go look for your happiness!" What about the children?

Divorce, however you look at it is selfishness and Self centredness especially for parents who refuse to think or ponder over what effects this singular action can have on their kids. You may have all the money, you can single-handedly raise your kids, you do not need anyone to help pay their school fees, but you forget one thing. Nature has designed it that children be raised by  both parents. Single parenthood may be working for some, have they told you the pains of single parenthood? To some it may not be their fault. To some, things happened beyond their power, but to you who still has a choice and you chose to go the divorce and single parent way, I put it to you that you are selfish and self centered

There are so many problems in marriages that can be solved if handled properly. I do not see any, that is beyond repair if we truly want to. But, people chose to go the easy mile, ask for a divorce and let every other person suffer. Family members who have become emotionally attached, friends of you two are affected. The worst hit is the kids.
 If you are going through any form of challenge in your marriage right now and all you can think of is divorce, Again, I put it to you that YOU are selfish!
Monique.

hmmmmm...

Comments

  1. Nice piece Monique. the spate of divorce in our society of recent is quite alarming. sometimes d reasons given are quite weighty and considerable,anyway dats putting into consideration my sentiments,while in some cases d arguements don't hold water.
    suffice me to ask on what ground is divorce imminent or the last resort.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monique4/29/2013

      Only on grounds of domestic violence dear Bonario(wife battery I mean). Threat to life.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/29/2013

      Monique are you 13? This piece screams of "immaturity" and "naivety". Its appalling. You have a lot of learning to do.

      And no it isn't "copied" and not all grandmas and grandpas stayed together and no, not all grandmas and grandpas even got married and no, not all grandmas and grandpas are still alive. And No, this piece is a "NO".

      And no, divorcees should not hold positions in the church? Are you God? You have a bible passage to back that up? You heard of "he who is without sin should cast the first stone" No?

      Delete
    3. chubby ELLA4/29/2013

      Ok Monique,going by ur reply 2 Bonario's question asking,"on what ground is divorce imminent"? Dat means I am justified. I left based on both charges "domestic violence n threat 2 lyf".

      Delete
    4. Jazmyn4/29/2013

      @Chubby Ella, pls what really happened? Is it something you can share?

      Delete
    5. Anonymous4/29/2013

      Jazmyn, You be real amebo

      Delete
    6. Fehintoluwa4/29/2013

      The Lord hates divorce. Monique even battery isn't wriiten in the bible. What is ur basis? The only basis is adultery. As for holding positions in church, @ d lady who said is Monique God? Look up the criteria for appointing deacons in the Bible. God is not mocked. He hates divorce. A divorcee is carrying out what God hates. The ?now is, wat happens in battery, since God doesn't state dat as a ground?

      Delete
  2. I disagree with you Monique, babe,if you were married to my husband? You will support divorce 100%. He is D BADDEST.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous4/29/2013

    Monique u d best n a lot of women will disagree but I'm wit u on dis1. Even God is wit u on dis one cos he says he hates divorce

    ReplyDelete
  4. Uuuuum! The rate at which this divorce thing is going is quite alarming.
    I have a couple as family friends,the wife has filled for divorce and you need to see how her mum is supporting her. Meanwhile,the mum is still in her husband's house! Imagine the mum saying she always knew her daughter is too strong a person to live under any man.
    The reason for the divorce is so flimsy,she just can't allow the husband to touch her! The man has tried all he can,begging and all. The lady is very ok financially and she said she can't just be bothered with the whole marriage thing anymore. Marriage of under 2 years!
    May God help us all.

    ReplyDelete
  5. @Monique: there u go again generalising. Just pray u don't go through what some women are going through. Look, a woman needs her life and sanity to care for her kids, a man has a role to play and it must be taken seriously.You expect women to just suffer (both physically and otherwise) forever and even die in the process, then leave their children to one blasted step mother abi?.I tell u, staying in a horrible marriage can also be selfish! Cos if u think about the kids u don't want them to watch the abuses, hence they grow up with twisted minds. Every marriage is different and the challenges present themselves differently so STOP generalising and saying its certaily SELFISH to consider divorce. Let the creator be the judge!

    ReplyDelete
  6. @Bona, my response is...
    When the hubby has concluded plans to use his wife for blood money, divorce is imminent and the escape rout.

    My older sisters divorce reason.
    She married this guy, he was so nice and somewhat perfect, my mom had a surgery he was just all around and was like a God sent. This guy had been married but his wife he claimed died at child birth and after 2years he had to remarry.

    Ma sister before then had dated only 1 guy all her life for 8years, after he graduated from med school and my sis finished service he moved to america and smhw everytn ended.

    She met this new guy only to find out after the wedding that he was so fake and. According to her, she noticed movements, footsteps of unseen ppl in the house, even the little boy his late wife bore was always screaming and acting abnormal, and the guy was so fetish and always having to do sacrifices to appeal to the soul of his late wife.

    There was something spiritual always visiting the house, after she gave birth her life now changed she started to look pale and sick, she was practically dying, suddenly all her hair was pulling off itself, then som1 close to the guy that was in the know of his plans called her behind and told her about this guy's plans to use her for money ritual.

    That was how she packed out as fast as possible and filled for a divorce, same man informed her about how his previous wife died, the money never came cos they made a silly mistake at it, now he wants to have it done the second and final time, this privy info was from a friend & spiritualist of her said hubby.

    This story is so long that I just had to cut is short.

    All I am saying is that there are tenable reasons for divorce.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! When you hear some things,you just bow! Can u imagine the horrible man?! This is the side of divorce that gets one confused,at times,I think some people are left with no choice sha. Abi,what will this lady do?
      Wait till she dies?
      I was even thinking;if one partner is hell bent on leaving,does it mean the other person cannot hold a position in church,when he/she wasn't the one that initiated the divorce?
      It is well o.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/29/2013

      Exactly. There's someone that a similar thing happened to barely months after the marriage started. She wasn't so lucky.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous3/25/2014

      Na wa o.. so much wickedness in peoples heart .. Smh. When similar stuff happened to my sister and she packed her things an ran out, I was among those criticising her for not staying and working on her marriage. Now I know better.

      Delete
  7. Anonymous4/29/2013

    Am sure Titilayo( The slain banker) had the same view of marriage, see where it landed her. I will pick been a divorced mom over been a dead mom any day of the week!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Yeah, divorce is a s a result of selfishness in one form or the other. Some justifiable, others plain wickedness. Like my Pastor said, if you can't win the only soul God gave you to live with, sleep with, have a family with, how can you go around claiming soul winner? How do you win the others outside? How can you change strangers when you can't change your spouse?

    Divorce happens because both parties do not obey the word of God. SIMPLE! Anyhow you want to look at it, it all boils down to sin. Marriage isn't a joke. That's why I laugh when people want to marry someone who is not strong spiritually and want to manage him or her afterwards. It's a battle field cos like I always say, the devil is out to destroy families cos if he can destroy a family as a whole, it is easy to destroy the individuals.

    When my husband gets weak spiritually, I encourage him, when I start messing up, he brings me back to God. That is the way it should be. Every thing is not about 'romance'. My husband is not really the romantic type but I am always grateful to God that he gave me a man who realizes what's most important...Your soul.

    That said, me I dnt bother myself with knowing why things like this happen. Why are there so many gay people now? It's as if being gay is a 'tush' lifestyle like it is the 'in thing'.

    Why are there so many rape cases?

    Ritual cases?

    Robbery cases?

    Terrorist cases?

    Child abuse cases?

    Killing of spouse cases?

    Divorce cases?

    It all shows that this is the end time and devil is working over time to get more people to his camp. We aint seen nothing yet! In the next few years, people will see things that will make their hearts literally fail them! If you are scared of the way the world is going, in two or three years time, you will very very visibly afraid. The bible said it, and I can see it. That's why we all have to be prepared.

    Hence, I suggest we dwell more on making our ways straight and helping others find Christ and repent. If we reduce the number of unbelievers and fake believers, all these evils will reduce.

    IMHO!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @AhDaisy, I hate it when we use religion to justify everythin... This the same prophesy of FELA. Me I be Christian oh, Catholic sef! We once had a tenant who's pastor adviced dem neva to go to hospital cos they must blv in the power in the blood of Jesus, anointing oil and mantle. As he got closer to death his wife kept admininstering tasty-time, olive oil and mantle until the dey saw the red face of death b4 they disobeyed dier pastor.

      I av seen men who are not religious and keep a wonderful home, infact the religious ones are the same ppl running around the court room for divorce.... Ms. Ahdaisy, let me state clearly that even the devil was once an angel. The issues of life cannot be briefly concluded the way you just did.

      Pray that the circumstances of life, things that push ppl to their brink doesn't come knocking.

      Amen!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/29/2013

      Christianity is not a religion but a relationship with God. Just as evil is abounding,grace must abound much more. I don't get it,why do we love to listen to logical reasoning,wordly acceptance and wordly rules but when someone talks about Christianity and the bible,everyone is so resistant and tries to undermine as just RELIGION. This gospel isn't about to be stopped,no matter how much heat it causes and whoever is disturbed by it. We can't fold our hands and let evil abound and keep quiet just because we don't want people to call what we love RELIGION or make fun of us. The word of God is clear on so many things,whatever we need answers for is in the word of God. Ahdaisy is making sense so pls he who has ears should listen. GLADDENED HEART

      Delete
    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    4. My dear Ace, time And time again, we have seen people like you who believe so much in 'intelligence' and are pissed when people like us mention spirituality. I just pray that your eyes be open. It's funny how you are always quick to claim Christianity and being catholic yet you quote people like Fela, justify polygamy and are a strong supporter of 'traditional' practices. You remind me of those the bible say 'have some form of godliness but deny the power there of.

      See, I have seen things and I know for a fact that this life is not ordinary. Everything in the physical starts from the spiritual. Before a man dies physically, he had already dies in the spirit. Dnt be deceived, God is not mocked. He has given us rules to live our lives. There are spiritual principles one must follow to live a successful life. Whether you believe those principles or not, does not matter. It's like saying, “I dnt believe the law of gravity. You guys like using the law of gravity to justify why a person can fall off a tall building and be injured or die."

      Also, that a thief remained a thief till he died at 92 does not justify stealing. That is why we have the Grace of God which keeps a lot of people cos God wants their repentance.

      About the pastor and the woman who died, that one is just plain ignorance cos Jesus never condemned medicine. Even Jeremiah, a prophet of God asked “Is there no balm in Gilead, is there no physician there?". So I dnt believe such. Even my Pastor tells you, if your faith cannot carry it, take drugs cos it's God that gave doctors and pharmacists wisdom.

      So my dear Ace, I just wish I could sit with you and open your eyes to some spiritual realities. Life is very simple my dear, it people that complicate it for themselves.

      Delete
    5. @ Gladdened heart, I posted my reply before I saw your comment. You are so on point. When I saw ur comment, I thought I had typed it without knowing :-)

      My dear, it baffles me too. And it's Christians who reject the word of God most. Anyhow we want to look at it, the devil is behind all the evils in the world. Lemme post my recent status on fb

      """""Sometimes I hear people say Humans blame the devil a lot for things he did not do.

      First of all, I'll like to say that every bad thing in this world Came from the fall of Adam (championed by the devil). Also the bible says the devil is the accuser of the brethren, so anything he is accused of, he should just take it. Lastly, except you are his child, I dont see why anyone should vouch for or defend the devil, more so when last time I didn't check, The devil himself is not complaining."""""

      Delete
    6. Anonymous4/29/2013

      @ Ahdaisy, well spoken!! Hmmn Ace, i dnt want to sound rude ooh,buh when i read ur coment abt ur sis and i said God really saved her, i hope she is now closer to her God, but then it wanted to post as my google id..which i declined!!! so no back toyou, u r a catholic which i clearly understand but have come to realize that u guys are too mild to an extent(pardon my language).I was born into a presbyterian church, and this new generational churches have helped me, it has helped me pray like no other. what is christianity like some1 rightly stated, it is a relationship with God. and if we are truthful and faithful to him, he would reveal things to us thereby making us aware of things to venture into and wat not to. Everytime i ask for a spouse i ask God for that ability to figure out if the person is real or not...so once u develop that rship n stop living under religion u wud understand where i ahdaisy is coming from!! btw ahdaisy, wat church do u attend

      Delete
    7. Anonymous4/29/2013

      Madam "catholicism" has nothing to do with this. The catholic church is one of those churches strong in holding traditions. Divorce is one of them. It is against divorce, strongly.

      People are in those same presbyterian churches and are waxing strong in God. People leave churches everyday its no breaking news.

      That one didn't work for you doesn't mean it isn't working for others. That you were not praying well in one and are now doing so in another doesn't mean everyone in your new church prays well too. And doesn't mean that everyone in the other weren't praying well too. Instead of ascribing glory to church, ascribe it to God. Thank Him for making you who you are now.

      Delete
    8. Anonymous4/29/2013

      catholicism has a lot to do...most of those old churches, dnt really believe in all dis spiritual things (pray pray and all). I too ddnt know much until i started attending a diff church.
      u must be a catholic, thats y u r saying it doesnt.

      Delete
    9. Anonymous4/29/2013

      Yes, catholic and grateful for the opportunity. I don't know your church. But the catholic church I know is centred on prayer. Our Holy Mass is a prayer in itself. Pentecostals do crusades and all night vigils, we do that too. Our lent is about fasting and praying. Our advent, christmas, easter and all what not is about praying.

      Biko come first you will see prayer and run. When you stand and kneel tire :). Our Adoration is another beautiful thing. So many non-catholics join us cos they appreciate the Glory of God in His blessed sacrament. You are invited to experience this Glory :)

      We talk to God. I have been to so many new-day pentecostal churches and I laugh when they say catholics don't pray cos I have seen more prayer in my church than I saw them do. But its not a problem. I don't go about judging. It's just an observation.

      Delete
    10. Anonymous4/30/2013

      Good for you and i rest my case :)

      Delete
    11. Just one of those few times I totally agree with Ahdaisy's reply to Ace on the matter of turning everything into religion.
      People don't get it!u can't claim to be a christian &hold on to the philosiphies of the world &it teachings,it doesn't work that way.U can't encourage certain ideologies and claim christianity: u are confusing light with darkness.
      Ace Bentley wears his Catholicism like a badge of honor &yet would easily promote a certain way of life without batting an eyelid.Being a strong Catholic isn't a tom card for salvation,like a tom card if u haven't got money loaded on it,it is useless so is ur faith,don't let it be useless.1John 5:19;2Cor 4:3-6.and Phillipians 4:8 all highlight the importance of how to live our lives.
      And no I cannot call myself a true christian if I don't allow the Bible Principles in my everyday decisions.It is a way of life!

      Delete
  9. Anonymous4/29/2013

    OOoh Helen dear, i feel ur pains. But please, dont give up on him or yourself. Believe that God can still do something cos theres nothing 2 hard for HIM 2 do. I ll remember u in my prayers 2. Lots of regards. Thump up for you Monique. Am a victim but not my mums fault cos she lost him b4 i was born. It affected my growing up cos while in school neva had a father figure 2 talk about wen my friends talk abt their daddys and i also missed dat fatherly love. So parents think b4 u separate.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous4/29/2013

    Monica just sounds very childish! Just pray when it comes to marriage,you get it right.cos if you get it wrong,my dear you'll be an ambassador for divorce.
    Jane

    ReplyDelete
  11. @Ahdaisy, I think you should be really thankful for what you have. Some people start out like you and end up seeing something else.

    The number one thing is surrender your life first to Jesus, then before you get married, surrender your marriage and the person you intend to marry to God. Listen to God. What is he saying? NB: I didn't say "surrender to prophets"

    The bible talks about the woman who has found God bringing the man who hasn't found God through her actions. Some people are lucky to fall in love with someone who is "spiritual and good". But there are lots of "bad spiritual" guys. Good to lift you up spiritually but very bad deep inside and treat you like thrash. And there are "weak spiritual" guys who are darn good. Some are even atheists. But they respect you and everything about you. If you love them, you'll "PRAY" for them. Keyword "PRAY".

    I know couples, man atheist, woman, strong christian, who are counting over 30 years. Personally, don't let your spiritual life's growth be dependent on anyone else asides God's spirit. It helps to have a partner but the HOLY SPIRIT is the best partner at that and He does the best job.

    That said, one must be really careful when selecting a LIFE PARTNER, someone that will make you and not mar you and you have to stay really "PRAYERFUL". Pray without ceasing cos the bible says "be watchful because the devil roameth like a lion seeking whom to devour". God help us all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, you're right sha. I have seen case of pure wickedness that I even suggested divorce. I mean, I agree that I am lucky cos some women say that their husbands were perfect but all of a sudden he was replaced by a monster. May God help us O!

      After all is said and one, this life is a personal race. If your spouse will make you so miserable that you'll sin and go to hell, cut him or her off. Maybe not full divorce but separation. Leave. And I dnt believe divorcees should not be allowed to hold offices in church. It does not follow. It's like saying a repented robber should not preach.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/29/2013

      I have a question. Do you understand what Marriage is all about. Isn't that why Paul advised that its better you don't get married. Marriage is a convenant that makes two people one....so contrary to what we think....it is not two people that will stand there but one person. If there is judgement,you will be judged as ONE. That's y no matter how much you go to church and listen to the word of God,make sure your spouse is doing same. As for the woman,your actions will win over your husband. As for a christain husband,you are the priest of the house. Talking about Atheist and being so good,if they are so good why didn't they die for themselves...self righteousness isn't Righteousness....their righteousness is FiLth,it means nothing. Jesus Christ paid for our sins and said we should take on his cloak of Righteousness not our own. No matter how good a goat is,it can never be a sheep. A sheep is always better because no matter how it strays,the shepherd will always bring it back and teach it the right way.

      Delete
    3. Anon, biko pls pls pls abeg, no talk that thing outside o...lol.

      Salvation is very personal. Over personal sef. After death, there is nothing like marriage. That's why death is a ground for remarrying. There is no wife or husband in heaven. When the bible said, the two shall become one 'flesh', not spirit. Your spouse will answer for themselves and if they did not treat their family right, God will ask them why.

      If it's as you said, what happens if a man's wife dies and he remarries then he dies and his new wife remarried, will God judge four people as one?

      When you marry, you become one with your spouse in sex, purpose, goals, achievement, mindset, vision and personality. There has to be a merging. You no longer have separate identities as singles do, but you become one sociological and psychological entity (one soul)....not a spiritual entity. That is why people will rapture and leave their spouses behind. That is also why marriages have problems when both parties decide to have separate identities and mindset.

      So salvation is personal dear, if your spouse will make you go to hell, pls separate but you must have tried your best that even God will say “ah, my daughter, you have tried"...

      Delete
    4. Thank you Ahdaisy for the reply.

      Besides the Anon misquoted Paul. Paul was not referring to the "seriousness" of marriage when he said that. Rather of ministry, its seriousness, sexuality and marriage if they can't "hold body".

      Trying to talk non-believers down as filth does no good. You don't have to fight God's battle for Him. He has done that already. Love them as you love yourself. Some of them were once christians too. God doesn't condemn them but draws them to Himself and He came and died for them too. Isn't that why you win souls?

      Delete
    5. And as you rightly said Anon, they too are sheep. Lost sheep. At least that's what the parable of the lost sheep is about and the prodigal son. They didn't fall from the sky, God made them and Jesus, the good shepherd came to save them too.

      Delete
    6. Anonymous4/29/2013

      Ahdaisy biko nu tell us what is the difference between this your so called separation and divorce.

      Delete
    7. Jazmyn4/29/2013

      Well Anony, let me help Ahdaisy... Separation is when people are still married but agreed to live separately for some time to sort out some issues or just to remain married but not living under the same roof.

      Divorce is when there is officially no more marriage agreement between the two.
      Ahdaisy come thank me.

      Delete
    8. Jazmyn, thank you o... Hehehe...

      Delete
  12. Anonymous4/29/2013

    I think asking where our African culture of perseverance has gone to is a wrong approach,dat culture thought women a way 2 endure things to d point of death,it tot us that if ur husband doznt hit u den he doesn't luv u,dat u hv no right 2 challenge ur husband evn in matters of life n death,dat wen he wants 2 marry anoda woman u shuld nt evn frown hence u'd b a bad woman so let's jst leave dat culture out of it,I dnt bliv in an unhappy union n I think dat if two pple aren't wot dey r sopozed 2 b in marriage n dey've done evrything they both of them shuld nt live 2geda bkos like my mom alwez say,compiled anger is more deadly than a poison. Pple hav geniun reasons 4 divorce while others don't. Our family friend jst found out her hubby is gay n his partner happens 2 b his bestman on their wedding day,d guy wants her outta d house by all means n wen she insisted on staying he poured hot water on her n left her there,if nt 4 d neighbours dat heard her scream n rushed her 2 d hospital so I alwez suggest dat instead of dying b4 ur time in a marriage n as long as u hv given ur all in dat marriage pls leave,its better 2 b alive n nt b an elder in d church than die an elder n leave ur children 4 som stranger n a man who's so selfish n brutal#Ugo#

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous4/29/2013

    Monique all i can say is that you are a very ignorant cow.
    And what gives you the right to think that divorcees should be discriminated against?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monique4/29/2013

      Sorry kiky, wasn't meant to hurt you. So sorry, just wanted to relay my feelings and listen to other people's opinions without hurting anyone.#SorryKiky

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4/29/2013

      kiky, i tink u should learn how to talk to people, you are soo good at calling people names, that is not a good habit for a human let alone a grown up like you. monique, u have said it all, God hates divorce, before anyone gets married, pls lets try to involve God, divorcees arent expected to lead in the church titus 1 v 6, 1 timothy 3 v 2, if you cant lead or organize your house, how do u want to lead the church? ( 1 timothy 3 v 5) the truth is bitter. thumbs up monique.

      Delete
    3. Anonymous4/29/2013

      At Anon 4:16 pm.. lol at God hates divorce. So God likes you to remain in an unhappy situation. God likes it when there is spousal abuse and the other partner keeps on taking it in the name of it is our culture. I know God hates it when one partner becomes a dictator in the house. I also guess God also hates it when a marital residence becomes a house and not a home. I am not one for divorce but wait until you are the person that is wearing the shoe before you judge. Tell me when God said he does not like divorce and I will tell you when he said it was okay to remain in a marriage that will eventually lead to a loss of life.

      Delete
  14. And Monique, I think you only just based this article on divorce related to "women not submitting" and "men cheating". It was not general. Because divorce reasons are far more than these. Let me tell you something you don't know. You are talking of women that file for divorce cos the man is cheating and "do not think about how the children will feel concerning her actions". Do you know there are so many women dying of pains silently in their marriage just because of their children? Do you? They have sacrificed their joys so the children wouldn't know the truth of how unhappy the marriages are. For your info, a large percentage of married couples are still living in the same roof just cos of the kids. But guess what? It doesn't change anything. When your parents live together without love, kids know it. When the man treats their mom anyhow and beats her and abuses alcohol, kids know it. When the wife disrespects the daddy, kids know and are sad. Very sad.

    It's not just divorce that breaks kids up. A dysfunctional marriage and parent does way more than divorce. Do u know how many kids live with a parent but hate that parent and wish they weren't in the same house? And would gladly run with the other parent if there was a divorce?

    The selfishness is not with feelings of the kids albeit. Men and women should just prioritise their relationships. If they are happy, the kids feel it, if they are sad, the kids feel it too.

    And are u aware of the women that have contracted HIV and died cos of their cheating spouses. They decided to remain in the marriage initially cos of the kids. If you don't know.

    Don't judge people. This article is judgemental. Rather pray that God gives both men and women the grace to keep their vows.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Jay, exact you are...

      Nigerian women must be applauded for their resilience, doggedness and will power to withstand what we men bring to the table when it comes to marriage. American women are not as patient as our women, even the british and even south americans.

      I'm not by this implying that much of bulk stops in front of the men but all I am saying is that don't make life seem like mathematics "you cannot calculate life"

      Just like monique and Ahdaisy have stated... They simply have made it look like all humans must have a template on how to live and if you don't obey that template you are simply a goofy-head. I challenge them both to tell me If were they are today was what they tot of themself when they were 10years old.

      Even Jesus' disciples all left their wives to face the ministry of Jesus after his death, isn't that divorce? Abi una hear say peter carry him wife go rome where him later die.

      Delete
    2. GBAM Ace, except for the disciples part cos I dunno if they got married :-). The earth isn't all perfect and spherical. It is for some people perhaps. Good for them :-)

      When you haven't seen things, you won't know how far. That's why its best to seek knowledge instead of judging out of naivety.

      Delete
    3. Monique4/29/2013

      @ace, I'm sorry about your sister' marriage. Aunty Eya pls you can take down the post. I din't mean to hurt bloggers' feelings.

      Delete
  15. Anonymous4/29/2013

    @ Kiky...u r a senseless moron, foolish old hag like u! Must u use abussive words on monique? If u disagree jst start it wit reason instead of behaving like a useles animal. Its pple like u dat mk's Eya gate-comments. Oloshiiiiii, ozuooooo, radarad!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Monique4/29/2013

      Don't do this! I think I hurt Kiky. She has a right to express her anger.

      Delete
  16. Felicia4/29/2013

    @ Ahdais: wat would u do if u realize u married ur husband under d influence of sum spiritual force. Dat he used charm 2 make u marry him. Will u consider divorce?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/29/2013

      The anonymous insulting kiky, R u now better? Y are you calling her names? Can't people just give their opinions witout raining insults on others? Tufiakwa.. Anyway monique dnt feel bad you wer just trying to help although the post was kinda myopic you did well...

      Delete
    2. Hm...Felicia, homestly I do not know what I would do cos I really do not believe anyone can use charms on me so I dnt even know how to answer that question. Lol.

      @ Monique, pls dnt feel bad. Apart from the ones insulting themselves, we are actually having a healthy argument and we are all learning. At least I have learnt a thing or two ( lemme speak for myself). :-)

      Delete
    3. @Ahdaisy, since you don't know what to do, then u need to apologize to all that myt have felt slighted by your earlier conclusions.

      Those who are wearing the shoe are the ones who know best where it hurts.

      Delete
    4. @ Ace, I dnt have to apologize for telling them the problem and offering a solution. Anyone who doesnt want it is free to disagree. I have in no way changed my earlier stance.

      Only the person who designed the shoe knows how to fix it.

      Delete
  17. No Monique don't feel u've done something wrong,and aunty Ojay is not taking the post down.
    I believe there's something to learn from every post here,and thats why am not always quick to criticisize any post coz there maybe someone who might av benefitted from that particular view. And asides that it takes a great deal of wit tasking and courage to present an article worthy of intellectual debate.
    To me I always look at the ratio decidendi behind every post or story before I comment,so as not to throw away the baby with the bath water. And with that in view I guess u're pained just like me by the rate of divorce and people seeing it as the last resort. And to me the catechism of ur post aint out of place,but sometimes we get carried by emotions that our posts tend to bend towards a particular side of view, making it somewhat sentimental.
    I believe in giving people benefit of doubt,and I also believe in a constructive type of criticism deboid of any form of provocation and altercation. Atleast so we can disagree to agree.
    I expect more posts from u Monique.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. No offense, Atleast Ahdaisy has learnt something & Monique knows better now!

      It's a great societal topic, we must learn to understand the workings behind it and take out the lessons than point accusing fingers in a circumstance that's beyond human control.

      Delete
  18. Johnson4/29/2013

    We all have/hold different views on the subject matter… Personal views, however, is not an excuse to be abusive and attack others on their view points.
    Mi I go talk my own and it will be based on lessons from One that institutionalize marriage (not divorce). I am sure we have common views on the fact that God hates divorce (Mal 2:16). Doe that now mean that we would go to hell if we are divorced (people to those that believe there’s heaven/hell)? Maybe not… thank God for His mercies through Jesus Christ!
    I am of the opinion that it is better to be divorced and separated than to end up in hell. Some couples are living together and already in hell and they would have been better separated. For example, husband beats wife (consistently) and the wife is angry and bitter towards the husband but stays because she believes that she must not be seen to be separated from her husband… Except for God’s mercy, both the husband and wife will end up in hell. However, what effect might divorce have on their loved ones (extended families, children, friends, etc) if separated? The ripple effect might be very devastating and some might never be able to recover from it… No wonder God hates it.
    Why is divorce common this day? My view - Matthew 19:6b (KJV) “what therefore God hath joined together, LET NOT MAN put asunder”. Unfortunately most people see this as someone causing the separation. The bible said LET NOT MAN. The man here talks about attributes of the selfish man (pride, anger, hatred, jealousy, vengeance, hypocrisy, arrogance, harshness, and ignorance…).
    If we can only work on ourselves, God will provide the grace to see us through the challenges in marriage WHEN THEY COME – they will surely come! The beginning of a thing is not as important as the preparation that took place before the beginning. Before Genesis 1:1, God had conceived what he wanted and had very clear views of how He was to go about it. What are your views on marriage and divorce before you entered? What did you want for your home (your vision)? What preparations did you make (was God involved)? What sacrifices are you willing to make, etc? God will help us all…

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Johnson4/29/2013

      *** Does that now mean that we would go to hell if we are divorced (for those that believe there’s heaven/hell)?

      Delete
    2. Jazmyn4/29/2013

      @Johnson, you don't believe in heaven OR Hell?
      Please clearify!!!

      Delete
    3. Johnson4/30/2013

      @Jazmyn, I am a firm believer in Christ Jesus and I know the bible is the Word of God and is True. I believe there is Heaven and there is Hell... I also believe that hell was created for the devil and his angels. However, those that refuse the gosple of Jesus will also end up in hell...

      Delete
  19. Anonymous4/29/2013

    ACE...I think its better you don't quote the bible than quoting what is not there. If you actually want to read the bible,take your time and read it with revelation and not as if it is some literature that you quote from at random,just like you quote Fela and the rest. @JAY...Experience is not the best teacher,don't accept that. Do you know why it seems some people don't make mistake in some aspect of their lives...it is because they have realised that WISDOM is the best teacher,get Wisdom and also get understanding. There are some experiences that one never comes out of it alive,while some other pple keep having the same experience over and over again. Wisdom is the best teacher and also get understanding. GLADDENED HEART

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah. I said "seen" not "experience". God said in all our getting we should get Wisdom. So, to "see" implies to seek and get wisdom. Which is what you have said too. We are on the same page.

      Delete
    2. @Anon, I stand corrected.... Tell me where I got it wrong!

      Like I said earlier, tell me the disciple that continued his marriage after the death of Christ?
      That is divorce!

      Delete
  20. Anonymous4/29/2013

    Monique well spoken, men will always look for excuses to justify their actions. D bible frowns at divorce but men of dis days smile at it n even suggesting it at litl provocation istead of counselling. May God almighty open our heart n eyes to d effect of dis act.

    ReplyDelete
  21. #fela!

    Don't we spend 4/5 years in university learning the thinking and postulates of white men many of whom are atheist? If so, Fela is worth quoting!

    #Catholic!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4/29/2013

      All men are stubborn, eg Ace Bently.

      Delete
  22. Monique ur post was d 1st thing I read in d morning n it stayed on my mind all thru d day! 1st I must say anty eya should not take it down, it makes so much sense okay! I think d bible is clear on the issue of divorce, God hates divorce that is final, the second time the bible speaks on it is in the new testament when the pharisee wanted to trap him with a question on divorce! In matthew19:4 Jesus explains how Gods initial plan for marriage was. In matthew 19:8 he says that it was moses that later permitted divorce because of how hard mans heart was, but it was never Gods idea! That means if you decide to put God 1st n let him select ur spouse for u, dia is no way divorce will later be an option, never! Its not possible because it was not his idea and purpose for u!then Jesus went further to say that anyone who divorces his wife for sexual immorality and marries another woman commits adultery, and a divorced woman that marries another man commits adultery! Let's ask ourselves why didn't the bible say anyone that is divorced and marries another person commits fornication? Why did Jesus use adultery? To say that although mans hard heart created divorce before God it doesn't exist, that is why when you marry another person you have commited adultery because you are still married! May the holy spirit give us better understanding of what the spricture is saying! That was why in the subsequent verse they said its better to remain single than to get married, and Jesus explains different types of eunuchs! Pls let us endearvour to read the word of God n ask the holy spirit to give us understanding in the Bible you will find the answer to all lifes challenges.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous4/29/2013

    This is the reason why people pray before they go into marriage. You rush in and rush out. Monique darling u r great. I wish people like Kiky could write solutions to stop the MESS known as divorse.

    ReplyDelete
  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lemme give you a clear answer. First of all, it's impossible for someone to 'charm me.

      That said, I'll like to point out that if you are charmed into marriage, then that is not a marriage at all. It was not consensual and it was not ordained by God. It's the devil's marriage so divorce in this case is in order.

      Delete
  25. thank you sooo much for this! everyone acting like divorce is a happy thing. no, it's not! Marriage is a lot of work (so is other relationships) and it is not easy.

    except for abusive marriages .. it is possible to work things out.. I think most young couples are meeting the wrong people for advice..

    ReplyDelete
  26. let's leave the bible aside! marriage is not for kids or the lazy minded.... there are married educated and non-God believing people who are still married after a loong time.. it's work, it's forgiveness and it's accptance and moving on together ...

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous4/29/2013

    @ Anon 12.25pm and Kiky, You babes are one of the ladies that make foreigners abuse Nigeria ladies as uncultured and un-mannered. Some woman like you if married will end up in divorce if they have the kind of Bad mouth you guys possess. If you are unmarried you might wait for 10 more Decembers if you continue with your lack of etiquette. A simple advice for you learn to accommodate other peoples view and opinion without sounding offensive and resentful. #justsimpleadvice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, even 20 Decembers sef.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5/04/2013

      Surprisingly I know women who are very abusive and uncultured who have husbands that love them to bits so it has nothing to do with anything please. Your point comes across as if all single and divorced women have this status because of their behaviour. SMH!!

      Delete
  28. Anonymous4/29/2013

    @Ahdaisy@Jay. Actually Paul was talking about the seriousness of Marriage,Ministry and holding your body. Listen I never condemmed Divorced people,I didn't even talk about it because the bible is clear on that. I only commented on what Jay said about Some unbelivers who live a very good and perfect life in marriage,it still doesn't make them a sheep. For you to be a lost sheep,you need to be a sheep first by the way. Sheep in the sense that you are a believer,when you sin you become a stray or lost sheep . An unbeliever isn't even a sheep actually. Ahdaisy ,maybe you shld check the hebrew meaning of the world ONE FLESH. And you also made mention of being called to account,it means Marriage is not buisness as usual...its deeper than what we think. @Ace...you are so entitled to your opinion dear but pls there is no place that it was recorded that disciples were divorced ,stop adding to the scripture. @all Goodnight darlings.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Shayor4/29/2013

    Can't people take abt issues without bringing in d bible or religion, I am a realist and strongly bliv dt whatsoever is not morally right can neva be right in the bible, u don't not need the bible to know good from evil. D best men in d world are atheist. Is it d bible that taught dem. I know ppl on dis blog dt can quote d bible from d beginning to d end, yet let arguments arise, u'd be surprised. Der r sometins dt u don't av 2 relate with religion. If u av solid reasons for divorce, den divorce it is. Would u stay in a life threatening marriage bcos d bible says so. Ahdaisy claimed dt it is against biblical ethics to divorce but has pointed out abt 3 reasons y she can justify divorce or even seperation (biko, is der a difference?d only difference is pen n paper) So pls let's stop decieving ourselves and face reality for once. I am not an advocate for divorce, infact I'm from a broken home and I know wt we all went tru n wt we r still going tru.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Na wa ooo! I have been educated in so many ways. The answer to all is WHAT WILL JESUS DO IN THAT SITUATION.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous8/22/2013

    Okay this is coming late but I just found this site...

    I found out (for the 3rd time, i've forgiven 2 already) that dear hubby is having an affair and he's denying still even when the facts are bare. I think he needs to deal with the deep issues of his life that compel him to live a double life: he's a great person to everyone; is a leader in church, etc but he's a monster to his wife: doesn't help around d house, nags and is downright unappreciative, squanders family funds, never apologises and insists he must never be questioned about his decisions.Now, it is another woman. He says he wouldn't talk about it until he's ready.

    I want out. A separation for 6 months maybe. I have 2 kids, a toddler and a 5-month old, so I know it's a difficult situation but I'd do anything to keep my sanity, self esteem and make Heaven. This way, I sure wont. I am trying to find Godly advice before doing anything and that's why I came here. Your inputs would be deeply appreciated.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous3/25/2014

    Ok now. For those who think it is black and white: God hates divorce... what do u do if u r the one in anon 11.04's shoes or worse? I mean when u r the one feeling all the pain?? Just heard a story again of a young friend who has been in a bad marriage wIth all kinds of abuse, cheating and irresponsibility from the man. a man who does not pay hospital bills when his wife gives birth, refuse to drop them for immunisation in his car because he has a wedding to attend wit his 'boys'.... she uses all her salary to feed him, buy baby stuff while he spends his money on asoebi and whatever pleases him...Now she says she's tired of it all as she knows d marriage is the biggest mistake of her life. The man sleeps with her maids, and the current one was good enough to report his advances to d madam. What sort of life is that? Is it until he infects her with hiv, or beats her to death like Titi, or she becomes a mental case (I have seen this happen) before. Is that really what God wants for her? Yes staying married is ideal but there are situations I have seen where it's best to separate. Another friend told me that her two little sons watched their father beat her to pulp day after day for no good reason, even with 7month old pregnancy( kicked her tummy with his boots!!), and tho her own father ordered her to leave the marriage or he would disown her, she refused because she's a Christian and God hates divorce. The man was also sleeping with all the maids too until he got one pregnant, tried to abort her and d wife found out when the girl was almost dead. She had to take the girl to another hospital for treatment to save her life and return her to her parents. What gave her the courage to leave eventually was the look in her kids eyes while her hubby was beating her. They needed to get out of that disfunctional environment, she feared for their future. She is a very happy woman today with happy kids and the kids visit their dad. Funny enuf the man has not changed after more than 3yrs as her friend/neighbor informed her that d hubby has even impregnated another girl on the street too. So some of these sweeping general comments we make should be revisited. All cases are not the same. For Anon 11.04 have u discussed this with your pastors? If he's a leader in church he should be cautioned. Try that route if u can and see what happens. i pray for Gods guidance for you. My friend did and the hubby was suspended from his position, cos of d shocking revelations of his behaviour rather than be repentant he flared up telling d pastor that is he God to suspend him ?? afterall we are all sinners! And left the church. It was at this point that my friend finally left him. May God really help us.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Click on the pictures to make them bigger.
Feel free to email us with comments, suggestions, recipe ideas, or pretty much anything!
Contact Email: cuulme@gmail.com

Most comments are by other blog readers. Always seek Professional Help First.
“As an Amazon Associate I earn a little commission when you shop from links placed on this blog.”

SHARE THIS POST

RELATED

SHOP HERE