Should I Tell My Mother In-Law That Her Son Is The Problem

English: Pregnant woman at a WIC clinic in Vir...
 Pregnant woman at  clinic  (vertically mirrored image). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
 Dear eya I thank u for giving me this opportunity I also want everybody too advice me.
    I have been married for a year and nine month with one miscarriage that lead too D&C it was very painful but GOD knows best.
     My husband is a very busy man that thinks money is everything he travel almost everyday. because of his business he sells cloth and has shop in ghana and nigeria.
     When I had my miscarriage
I thought I will get pregnant right away but things became worse everyday.  my husband made love too me just one's in a month how will I get pregnant my mother~in~law keep asking what are u waiting for and I feel so bad.

        The one that make me go gaga for 3 month now my husband has not made love too me when I ask him he says when he comes home the feeling of sex is not just in his mind that he thinks his ex~girlfriends are behind it.
     But I love my husband so much and he loves me also I married at the age of 18 and now am 19 plus he gives me money and everything throughout dis year we have not meet as husband and wife and I need a baby so bad my mother~in~law keep calling asking how far and that makes me feel bad

       My husband is the first son his younger brother just welcome a baby boy from his girlfriend and my husband provide for them
       My customer we had a miscarriage d same month will soon give birth next month and she keep asking what is the problem I will just smile and say nothing.
       I don't know if i should leave my husband  or stay but he keep encouraging me for my support and prayers over him I love my husband [am so sorry for my english am not dat good ]
   SHOULD I TELL MY MOTHER~ IN~LAW THAT HER SON IS THE PROBLEM
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

MY REPLY TO LINDA

It's OK dear, I will post it to the blog and by God's grace, someone will give you the reply  you really need. 
Eya

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Comments

  1. No. Do not tell her yet. My hub and I have this pact not to let anything that happens between us get out. So just wait cos he might not like it. On the other hand, you have to tell him straight up what you want and ask him to change. Also tell him that you will tell his mum, if he keeps behaving that way.

    19 is kinda young. How old is he? Just exercise a little patience and make sure your bond is strong enough to withstand children. If he finds it hard to make love to you now, what will happen when you have a kid or kids? And trust me, a sexless marriage will hit the rocks hard and fast especially as you are still young.

    Try and spice up marriage. It takes two to tango but at least try ur best and see if it works. Keep your room neat, arrange it like a luxurious hotel room. Change the lights bulbs to coloured, change the sheets to something sexy like red silk, smell nice, look good, work out, dress well even if you're not going anywhere, wear a little makeup, use scented candles, air freshers, cook something new and nice for him like one of Aunt Eya's recipes, keep treats for him by the bed side like chocolate and cream liquor, offer to give him a full body massage (both of you naked, or just him naked and you in sexy lingerie), use scented massage oil, play romantic songs, and tell him straight up, 'Honey, let's get busy' (or whateva way you two talk about sex) and take charge. Dnt wait for him to start. ;-)

    My hub always comes home tired but after all my stunts, I end up being the one tired...if you get what I mean..phew! #fans self

    If all these dnt work, then know that you have a reason to be worried.

    In all, pray for him. Sometimes there are a lot of battles going on that we do not sense with our physical senses. Although that story about his exes sounds like crap to me...except there is someone he is comparing sex with you with.

    It is well with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mizOsa3/07/2013

      U are good joor.Learnt so much 4m what u wrote.U said it all.thanks

      Delete
    2. chai!!!@stunts..you really spoke well if she can put all that to practise things would def change.. Ahdaisy Never thought you were married ohh..

      Delete
    3. Anonymous3/20/2013

      In addition to what has been said try and be going with him on some of his trips. This should help both of you spend more time together and make love more often.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous3/07/2013

    God bless you real good for the advice you gave her,the tips are so on point am trying them out this weekend*winks*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Try it, It works like magic! If your hub permits alcohol, for the treat, give him something like Baileys i.e something strong enough to make him relax but not strong enough to knock him out or make him drunk. And take charge! Lolz

      Delete
  3. Anonymous3/07/2013

    Got so many things to say, will start from somewhere

    1. Being 19, u r still very much fertile. So I don't think u have a problem except for the fact that u r anxious.

    2. Do u know about ur monthly cycle, secretions, fertile period and all? If u do, having sex once a month is enough to get u pregnant (I don't mean knowing that on d 14th day u ovulate, nope! Not that. The exact secretion that u ll see and know that u r very fertile. And if possibly know when the sex ll result to a male/female child). If u don't pls let us know, I ll be willingly to put u through.

    3. If u ask hime verbally @ 9t and he's not in the mood. Rest it or better still, don't ask again. Advance him again in the morning, men are usually more active sex-wise in the morning. #justnature.

    4. Don't tell ur mother-in-law anytg abt the situation. Infact, next time she asks, tell her to "keep praying and God will do everytg in his time". It works better when no 3rd person is brought in.

    5. This is fundamental, I just didn't want to start wt it, so as not to delude you wt ur quest. Anxiety can actually mk u infertile. In sm women, it as much as ceases ovulation. So keep busy wt other tgs and be genuinely happy.

    6. Why exactly do keep counting those that have been blessed wt children? It sounds bad, coverting and almost envious to me. Wld u like them to start counting ur hubby's progress?

    7. Talk to ur hubby. - about his mother's call -how u want a child -if u can adopt(this might actually jolt him up)

    8. I know u have a biz, bt wld u mind going bk 2school? It wld widen ur perspective on life.

    9. Pray. I usually don't advise prayers as if God wld cm down and impregnant U(no blasphemy intended). Just that as much as u work, u shld pray and as much as u pray, u shld work.

    Luchi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/07/2013

      Hi ladies,recent study shows that having secretions doesn't neccessarily mean you are ovulating.Please dear,the only way is to do a cervical test which is done in labs.At times the problem may be hormones but from what the lady in question has told us,she in my opinion has no need to worry as regards fertility issues.Prof Orhue of ubth gave a lecture recently and he says you should not suspect infertility until one year of regular sex and my dear do you know regular sex means 3 to 4days in a week?(Btw I sometimes go more than that because sex also makes some couple closer.I totally agree with 'AhDaisy's suggestions,try them out because these days even ovulation predition kits are sometimes inaccurate.In all,follow it up with prayer but remember that prayer without work is dead.On a final note,stop been anxious,anxiety destroys.Take it that at the right time,babies will start coming in and then your worry will be the best family planning pills to use.lol

      Delete
  4. Anonymous3/07/2013

    @ Luchi, thank you for your advice to Linda.

    Kindly expantiate on point number 2. What secretions to look out for and all that. Some of us are waiting on God as well...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For lack of space, i ll summarize. Hope it really makes sense
      Important body facts
      1. From the first day of one menses to the first day of another menses is called a cycle and the days vary in each woman (it will help if u keep a diary of what happens on each day, eg feelings, secretions)
      2. An egg dies about 12 hrs after release
      3. After urinating and u wipe, u ll notice that sth u r dry and other times u r not so dry and other times very wet (different from wetness that comes from sex)
      4. Sperms only survive when the environment is wet, else they die off
      5. The mucus after urinating are of 2 main types - paplike and eggwhite. Pap just like its name is like pap, while the eggwhite stretches and is slippery sth. These emissions are signs that ur egg is about to be released.
      6. It is actually hard to know the exact time or day a woman releases. U wld only know it has been released if after seeing the eggwhite, u now start feeling and seeing dryness again. but if u record and monitor ur body for 2/3 months u wld know.
      7> Anytime, u have sex during ur mucus days and even about 3 days after u stop seeing ur eggwhite, u will take in.

      PS: The technicality is kind of much and i couldnt expound on all if i wanted, so pls read up on Billings mtd and how it works.

      Delete
  5. @ Luchi, can you please explain a little more to us on how or when to *do it* so that we get a baby boy or girl? I have two boys and cannot imagine a future with only daughters-in-law as girls. I want to see if the next pregnancy can give me a beautiful baby girl cos my husband is very handsome.

    My kpako Doctor tells me that sex pre selection is God's work, but I read a book that says it is possible to select the sex of our babies. Please help a sister in need. Thanks dearie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bc u want a particular sex, it is easier to explain, though it shld be read in addition to my reply above

      1. The sperm is made of X and Y chromosome while the eggs are just XX. So the males are made of XY and females XX. To get a male, u need the man's Y chromosome.
      2. The technical part is that the Y runs fast and dies young in the woman's body, while the X is slow and lasts longer.
      3. Having known ur potential day of ovulation via the method above, If u r need of a boy I ll suggest u meet ur husband starting from 2 days after ovulation, if it doesnt work, a day after ovulation. Why? Bc, the egg has been released and the fasting swimming Y will get there early. Finally on the ovulation day proper. And keep on the action.
      4. As u r in need of a girl, have sex during the pap days and avoid it till ovulation is over. Try for at least 2 periods. Why? So that the slow X can wait till the egg is released. If after 2 months it doesnt work, pls move the date. Try maybe on the ist day u notice eggwhite and then avoid, then move slower to the ovulation each month. Why do we avoid, bc if u keep trying when the egg is released the Y will be there rearing its fast head up.

      PS: Does it work? Yes it does, I used it. Good luck all, may God bless us with our heart desires

      Delete
  6. Triple O3/07/2013

    @ jayde nd luchi,may God bless you for the advices given to linda,am sure its gonna work for her and so many of us here too...thanks a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Samsung Galaxy S33/07/2013

    Thanks Luchi, I also read Billings Method Book in my University Days and I still think the book is a great asset for every young woman. It taught me even the unteachables when it comes to love and sex in marriage. #SweetMemories.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous3/07/2013

    Luchi you've done well explaining.. I'll tell you straight up that Billings method helped me a great deal... A good knowledge of how to differentiate each vaginal discharge is a must for every grown woman..
    Chinny

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/07/2013

      No longer relied on because these days some women without mucus do ovulate while those with mucus don't actually ovulate.my advice is please meet a good gynacologist who attends seminars home and abroad regularly because they tend to be more up to date.the human body is changing and a lot of new research are been made.I was amazed at the new discoveries my doc told me about last month.

      Delete
  9. Chacha3/07/2013

    nice one here. learnt something new. thanks y'all.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous3/07/2013

    Hi ladies,recent study shows that having secretions doesn't neccessarily mean you are ovulating.Please dear,the only way is to do a cervical test which is done in labs.At times the problem may be hormones but from what the lady in question has told us,she in my opinion has no need to worry as regards fertility issues.Prof Orhue of ubth gave a lecture recently and he says you should not suspect infertility until one year of regular sex and my dear do you know regular sex means 3 to 4days in a week?(Btw I sometimes go more than that because sex also makes some couple closer.I totally agree with 'AhDaisy's suggestions,try them out because these days even ovulation predition kits are sometimes inaccurate.In all,follow it up with prayer but remember that prayer without work is dead.On a final note,stop been anxious,anxiety destroys.Take it that at the right time,babies will start coming in and then your worry will be the best family planning pills to use.lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello dear,

      For what I explained above, I was assuming as in all researches 95% normality or confidence interval as it is called. Meaning that 95% of the population is usually normal or tends to normality. It therefore means that 95% of women who have CHANGES in their mucus secretion release eggs. The other 5% can have problems starting from
      - Lack of ovulation
      - Lack of even menses and so on
      For my work which is mostly with rural and urban slum women, I have found this method awesome. Bc, most of them unlike us cant access ovulation kit or even family planning pills etc.

      Another reason why I did explain to the lady in question and us all, is that i believe is it important to the simple things b4 complicating things with the hardness of life. For me life as it were is hard already. Take the case of malaria, the most effective prevention would be to keep ur environment clean and once clean prevent entrance. But no, some prefer malaria prophylaxis to this.

      Even with all the technics, development and methods available, the first thing i believe every lady should know is ur mucus and cycle timing. So that when u use pills and implants and it changes u would know (Yes, of course these things will alter ur cycle a little). As u draw close to menopause, the changes will also let itself known to u. Plus, if u ever had ur husband record and monitor ur body signs with u, u ll understand how amazing it is. Infact sth, he will know when ur mood swing is a result of cycle. And u ll also be able to talk about sex more easily than u imagined.

      Btw, like an older citizen i know wld say, when the young people grow up, they think everything on earth is new. Virtually nothing is new. So while trying to adopt new things we shld never discard the old ways that work for us. We are doing it with food and exercise and we are beginning to see the consequences - diabetes among others.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous3/08/2013

      @Luchi,am only trying 2 share info and not argue.The summary of my point would be please dear pay a visit to the department of human reproduction research @UBTH.I'm only sharing what I found out from there and also from other doctors.Amazingly more than 5% as u mentioned are not able to use the method u spoke about.They said over 30% of women who live in the city hav fertility issues.I am not saying your method doesn't work in normal cases but only trying to explain that because of the remaining 'abnormal' cases,it may not be the best prescribed method and so regular sex may be it so that one year after regular sex if a lady fails to get pregnant then fertility problems can be suspected.Another point is that not every woman has regular ovulation and just when we see the mucus we assume we are ovulating but at times it maybe false.Women in rural areas tend to conceive more easily when compared to some in urban areas.I'm yet to find out why but some people say it may be because they take more of healthy natural foods unlike those in the city who take processed foods.Cancer for example is more common in the city than in the village.Prof Orhue as I mentioned earlier gave a recent lecture at the main auditorium and he mentioned that the materials will be available for those interested.At the lady who was sounding insultive,this is an educative blog,for sharing ideals,intelligent people learn everyday not insulting people.I learnt a lot from what I read and I see absolutely nothing wrong in discussing ideals I discovered from medical practitioners.You really should show maturity when talking to people.That said,please visit any teaching hospital and ask about the points I made.Have a nice day all

      Delete
  11. New lessons learnt tnks to Luchi and romantic jayed.

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  13. Luchi,Ahdaisy thanks so much i learnt somethings today..

    ReplyDelete
  14. Shayor3/07/2013

    Luchi n Ahdaisy!!! Women of the day award goes to u! I av actually learnt more dan enuff from d both of u today! God bless u both! Lotsa luv!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous3/08/2013

    Abeg all of una enter house go cook,una dey form doctor for here as if those dat went to school for it are dead and not in hospitals.Busy bodies,Daisy,Shallie,annonymous,4hayor and Lucie b4 una cause war for here because una nor sabi discuss and I nor go comment put because I nor want busy body comment,make una enter house.Nor press spoil for this blog oNice one though,you guys are making me want more of aunty eya's page

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol..but we are only saying we learnt from their advice na,,no vex ohhh biko..

      http://aomosale.blogspot.co.uk/

      Delete
  16. Anonymous3/08/2013

    My dear, there is nothing wrong in sharing different opinions or even arguing. Infact, it opens one's mind up to other perspective that U never thought of. That is how the world develops and strives. It's primarily in our universities and schools that teachers don't allow students to have different opinions. Most, not all shaa.

    That said, even if 30% are infertile, 70 is still a large number. But believe me, one 70 becomes the new normal, the body system research will have to be restudied bc almost all things have to fall within 95% normality. Na science talk am oooo

    I very much agree that urban women are much more infertile, seen it plenty times. Just like urban dwellers are more prone to NCDs like kidney failure, diabetes etc. Why? The hypothesis is the change in livelihood - food (high calorie dense foods), little or no exercise (we have cars, don't farm, don't trek), pollution (noise, air even water). Then u bring in the factor of age at marriage, except the North, what is average age of marriage in the urban vs the rural areas? These things count.

    And last anonymous, U see dear, if u leave health just to the doctors alone
    - hospitals no go dey enter person
    - plenty pple go die b4 doctors get chance look our face.
    And I also enjoy cooking wt Eya's recipes, though I never told her that after my flat akara episode, my Isi ewu was delicious (I was so proud I cld do it @hm). Nevertheless, my akara has refused to be round.

    Mine is do the simple things that will make life easy 4 U and in the case of childbearing, if it fails and u have the money head straight to IVF clinics.

    Luchi

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  17. Anonymous3/08/2013

    @Luchi,thanks a lot.Very well said and by the way,I learnt new stuvs from you too.remain blessed

    ReplyDelete
  18. Not trying to sound petty but that's my opinion: I just couldn't get past the terrible tenses in her letter,It nearly resurrected my migraine.
    My dear my advice to u is please go get an education,it would really help u in the long run,18years u should have been in school developing yourself,it is soo important.
    Nobody can rob u of that and it would be very helpful to u when u start popping the kids.
    U owe it to your kids to be the best especially in personal development.
    Thank u.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3/10/2013

      Abena sorry to say but u're a very big idiot..

      Delete
    2. And u think u are any better?why do people assume that they have the right to insult on the internet when in real life they don't even measure up?
      Are u a christian or moslem?either way u are a disappointment to ur faith,shame!Grow up and write maturely.
      @D: thanks.u are really perspective.My advice is always considered harsh bcos I do tough love,no room for molly cuddling,straight up and u know it counts!

      Delete
  19. Actually Abena made a point, just that she was harsh. The importance of a good education cannot be overemphasized. Not every woman is lucky enough to marry a man who provides for his wife and kids. Besides anything can happen tomorrow. So Linda please complete ur education, for ur sake and that of ur unborn children. It is well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mrs T.O4/16/2014

      I TOTALLY AGREE WITH D, IN THIS AGE AND TIME,AT 19? UNEDUCATED? THAT'S NOT TOO GOOD, NO ONE IS PRAYING FOR BAD, BUT TIME WILL COME WHEN WAT UR HUSSY GIVES U WONT BE ENOUGH FOR YOU, NOW THAT THE MONEY IS FLOWING, PLS GO TO SCHOOL SO YOU WILL BE A ROLE MODEL FOR UR KIDS COS THEY LL SURELY COME

      Delete

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