Should I Give Him A 2nd Chance And Still Trust Him Again?

Hello, Aunty Eya I would like u to help me wit ur advice and the
ladies and women in d house. I’m a lady of 31yrs married wit two
beautiful girls, somemtimes last year my husby walked up to me and told
me he’s got something to confess to me, I asked abt it, he told me he
did sleep with a girl and ever since then he’s been having sleepless
nights, that each time he

sees me, his conscience pricks him, my whole
world crashed at d confession, cos I never for once thought he ¢øυℓd do
such a thing to me, I cried my eyeballs out, he was asking for my
forgiveness, he bought me a new gascooker to make me happy, but all what
he did then moved me not, he promised me heaven and earth he will
never do it again. My love for him depreciated, it took me months to
get over it.
Recently, on march 14 of dis year, I began to suspect smthing fishy, a
particular num kept on calling him, but he refuses to pick d call, on
d 15 I picked his phone to see the number and I quickly dialed the number with
my fone only to hear a lady’s voice. I knew I was in for it again. On
d 16 I called the num again and acted as an elder sis of my husby to d
girl in question, she chose a venue where we ¢øυℓd meet and talk as
wife to b and as a sister in law, fortunately the girl had earlier called
my husby to meet her at d same venue without my husby knwing dat I wuld
b there and unknwn to d girl who I was. I was at d venue discussing
wit d girl and discovered they were dating and have slept with each other
once. Not long after my husby showed up and I left d seat for anther,
I allowed him some minutess to settle down and I walked back to table, he felt
like d ground spliting into two and him diving into it, I left the
scene without a word. Since that sunday, he’s been crying, begging me
to forgive him, I left the house for him for a hotel room I paid just to
put myself together, he pleaded with me to go church with him, there in
d Altar of God he swore at d altar dat If he ever tries such again,
that God should bestow on him suffering that will make him beg for
food.  nøw  pls I’m confused, should I giv him d second chance and
learn to trust him again or move on with d hatred dat I had already
devloped for him and face my joy which are my children? I need ur advice
and dat of the ladies in d room. I’m Kate.

41 thoughts on “Should I Give Him A 2nd Chance And Still Trust Him Again?”

  1. Serious am not trying to sound sanctimonious,or maybe is easier for me now coz am not yet married,but seriously I don't undrrstand why some men do cheat.
    After opting to settle down with one person out of many,u still feel u're loosing,to me I don't understand,am pushed to believe there's an evil spirit behind this.
    And the easiest solution is women helping women,which presupposes women staying away from anoda woman's man.
    To ur question dear,no man is infallible, I beg u to give him the benefit of doubt,give him a second chance,and above all back it up with prayer.
    Ironically men who cheat on their wives,have more beautiful ones at home.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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  2. OMG, I almost cried at your story. My God! I dunno why some people act the way they do and my first reaction was to tell you to leave him.

    But, there is always a place for forgiveness. Some people hold on to the fact that infidelity is a ground for divorce but they neglect the many teachings from Jesus on forgiveness and love. I dnt know how long you've been married but dnt be the one to finally end your marriage.

    His swearing on the alter(which I particularly am not comfortable with) is uncalled for. I mean, except you did not get married in the church cos if you did, that is kind of what marriage vows are. In fact, Marriage vows are more serious cos there were witnesses including parents and ministers. So if he could break that one, he can break this.

    Take him back but with your eyes and ears wide open. But before then, take a break from him. Probably go to ur parents' or siblings. You need family and genuine friends around you for now. Talk to a counsellor or your Pastor about it.

    Tell ur hub to reevaluate his life and see if you and your kids are really important to him. It's not by tears. Tears can mean shock, temporary remorse and shame, not true repentance.

    Pull a Katie Holmes on him. Arrange your life in such a way that if he messes up again, before his tear glands go to work, he wudav signed divorce papers. I am saying this cos he has put a curse on himself and if he cheats again and you accept him back, you will become a part of that curse.

    Pls try and cheer up. Only God can mend a broken heart. As for trust, no dear, you can't trust him again. Stay strong for your kids. If you did not have a good source of income before, now is the time to find one.

    May God console you and give you the strength to live your life worry-free. Amen.

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  3. Kate so sorry to hear what you are going through and Bona has said it all. Please give ur hubby a 2nd chance, I know he messed up d 1st time and u probably think he'll mess up again. As much as you u are no longer in love with him but there must be something deep down in u dat still has a lil soft spot 4 him. For d love u once shared and ur kids sake, give ur marriage another chance. Seat down n have a heart to heart talk with him n ask questions such as 'y he feels d need to cheat'?, is there something u are doing or not doing as his wife dat makes him cheat?, tell him how he makes u feel when he cheats and just pour ur hearts out and have a 1:1 chat like u've never done. Lastly pray like u've neva prayed before, involve him in praying together with you.

    Bona u sound like a really nice man, I pray my single sis finds a good man like u. I pray when u eventually settle down u'll find a woman that'll make u happy 4eva IJN.

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  4. Ahdaisy has said my mind. It will be hard to trust again but you have to be careful now. It seems infidelity is a big deal for you. Tell him where you stand on his infidelity and be ready to stand by what you say. Start now to put your life in a place where you will not fall apart mentally, financially and otherwise if it happens again. The link below is to a post I wrote for women as we face infidelity.

    10 Ways to Make "The Other Woman" a Non-Issue

    And never forget to keep your body and your home healthy for your children. I hope you use protection to prevent sexual infections. All the best.

    Reply
  5. Hi Kate, I will post it to the blog so that we get expert advise from more experienced ladies OK?
    This should be posted between tomorrow and Monday. There are other mails waiting, and I will try to post as fast as possible.

    Have a good night sleep and thank God for a husband who is humble enough to beg for forgiveness unlike some who will say "if you are tired you can leave," and while you are still packing your bags, the other woman is waiting by the gate to come take over and use your kids as house helps. ( I have heard such stories and seen with my two korokoro eyes in this country) He is a good man. We all err, if God can forgive all our gossips and more terrible things we do, we really have to try to help people overcome their weaknesses and not push them further into sin.

    God bless you, I like the way your husband respects you. Try to help him too OK. It's very painful, YES!, Forgiveness is also very possible. It depends on the MIND. You have control over your mind. Do not forget that she might be begging at this time to be taken back. Your absence makes it easy for her to communicate with him. I think he is truly sorry.
    Think about your family and kids OK?
    Eya

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  6. Time caps memories with so much gray making it almost impossible to remember. You loved him once, you'll grow to love him again.. Moving out of your home isn't the right step.. Your kids deserve to be in their father's house.. I won't ask you to trust him, he has to earn that.. Just get busy and put some pep in your game(dressing and other orishirishi).. Here's one old secret, acting like you really don't need him pulls him closer(if he's domineering).. Men want to be needed. So when you start acting like he isn't d only man in the world. He feels bruised and will stop at nothing to get you back..
    Note: this sometimes work
    Chinny

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  7. Wow, anty eya I love ur reply cos its true some Men won't even act like they have Hurt you, may God bless ur home Too

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  8. Well sd anon 12:07,wn u act lyk u dnt give a damn it pulls their senses back 2gda,it'l b hard 2 trust I know,bt kip pryin abt it.

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  9. My dear,I read your story and memories flooded back in.I'm really sorry 4 what you are going thru. As rightly stated already,men with beautiful wives suprisingly cheat with women who can best be described as 'ugly and low class' compared to their wives.
    My first boyfriend who later became my fiance(thank God it ended there)did same thing countless times to me. I started dating him at sixteen then two years later I learnt he was cheating on me.As a young girl who wasn't wise I asked him why and he said it was because I was bent on keeping my virginity.I foolishly allowed him disvirgin me months later thinking that would be the end.hmm
    Two years later I visited him at the state where he was,he treated me bad then apologised and next day I went back home only to hear that he had a girl friend there.I swore never to go back but he came crying like a baby(my friends and family used to say even a woman couldn't cry like that).Everyone said I should forgive him.I did and for some years he changed.
    Years later he got a good job and I was happy,little did I know it would change him even more.I would visit and meet strange food,he would say his mum gave him.I went thru his phone and saw calls,dialled the numbers and the girls would tell me they were aware who I was(I consoled myself then foolishly).
    A point came that I started seeing clothes,shoes and all.He would cry and beg then burn the items.I later discovered a second handset and saw funny messages hmm,I was devastated and broke up with him.
    Lover boy came back begging,I had just returned from a trip to Europe where I went to try and clear my head but he said we should go to church and then swore at the altar to be good and said we should travel abroad. We got engaged then and I thought it was over.
    Cheating continued,engagement got longer and he had excuse of tribal issues,said parents refused but he was working on it.I was at an event oneday when his friend called me to say he was cheating on me with a girl he knew and that I shouldn't be deceived because if he really wanted to marry me he would have convinced them.
    I'm laughing now but I cried then but stayed because he was sweet tongued and boy,he looked innocent.I later got pregnant and was happy because he said he wanted it but to my greatest shock he said he wasn't ready.well,we went on and on,I had a miscarriage because I stressed,cried,traveled long distance to go and beg him.I had two d&c in the past so vowed not to take it off but unfortunately a miscarriage happened.
    Did I mention that I walked in on him with a girl he was sleeping with?Well,many episodes occured. Finally,I was a grown woman,I discovered he was going for seminars with other girls lodging in the best hotels.I gave him a last chance,pleaded that I had reached my limit but that very day as I left he traveled and did same.
    It was over as far as I was concerned.I was done deceiving myself with d 'first love rubbish'.When he came saying we should visit men of God,I told him to meet them alone because I knew it was just a roller coaster,same old thing after all I had done my best,plenty prayer,fasting,advise and all.
    I turned to God and a month later met my husband,after 2 months I agreed to date him,4 months later we were married and I have never had course to regret.Men can't be fully trusted o,I tell people to have that at the back of their mind so that God forbid they catch them cheating,their shock absorber(heart) can take it.When I was dating my ex, I used to say don't go thru his phone but what is marriage if I can't play with your stuvs and you mine?if there are restrictions then doubts sets in.My husband puts a lock on his phone because he is a private person and hates it when friends go thru his phone but the beautiful thing is his password for his phone,facebook,yahoo and all,he doesn't fail to give me. I guess at the end I will say maybe God knows I had given up on love and decided to show me that there was still love out there.

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  10. I turned to God and a month later met my husband,after 2 months I agreed to date him,4 months later we were married and I have never had course to regret.Men can't be fully trusted o,I tell people to have that at the back of their mind so that God forbid they catch them cheating,their shock absorber(heart) can take it.When I was dating my ex, I used to say don't go thru his phone but what is marriage if I can't play with your stuvs and you mine?if there are restrictions then doubts sets in.My husband puts a lock on his phone because he is a private person and hates it when friends go thru his phone but the beautiful thing is his password for his phone,facebook,yahoo and all,he doesn't fail to give me. I guess at the end I will say maybe God knows I had given up on love and decided to show me that there was still love out there.
    My sister,I know in your case you are married and that's why I'm so pained for you.Please be more prayerful,seek counsel from your pastor and dedicate yourself more to your kids.I know this may sound funny now but most men who cheat never stop except Jesus arrest them.It is like a drug addiction to them.You catch them once and they get a new way to go about it.The bible's stand on divorce seems to be a big NO according to my pastor Adeboye else I would have said please forgive him but move out if he does it again but right now I can only advice you to pray that God should arrest him.Sorry for the pain you are going through.I pray you find peace soon.God bless you

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  11. Aunty, you are very right. He sounds like a good man and that's also why he wss caught the second time. Some real cheats eh, under your nose, you might even become friends with the person without knowing.

    As for he husband, do you know some men cheat because of what they have been hearing from others? Especially if the have cheating friends. Some man hear so much about how good it is to sample outside, that they want to give it a try. That's why your husband's friends matter a lot. You might think your husband will not get influenced, dnt underestimate the power of words and thoughts. When your husband's friend who is also married, comes to your house with another woman, you are there shinning your teeth with them, just know that your turn is coming.

    Kate's husband respects her and asks for forgiveness. That's great. But sometimes, such peoople are known to cause the most damage. You wnt know how to leave, if he kips erring cos he begs and even buys you gift so you'll stay there, years will be passing and you'll not be happy. You'll now end up a bitter old woman with regrets.

    Anyway, her husband is not abusing her physically so she should hold on. After this one, he might change and become the best husband in the world. It happens. He'll even start advising others too.

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  12. My dear forgive him, u r even lucky he cheated & feels guilty, begging u on top sef. He loves u obviously, but foolishly cheats on u. Lots of men will cheat on u, if u confront them, they will laugh to ur face.

    Forgive him, don't live ur home 4 another woman to come & takeover. Lots of these girls r working to push us out of our matrimonial home, so they can move in. Kpele u hear.

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  13. Wow, I was touched by your story. The things women go thru for love. God actually allowed you have that cheating boyfriend so that you can appreciate your husband better.

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  14. Kindly forgive your husband, leaving your matrimonial home doesn't make u a happier woman anyway, like aunty eya said, stand for your kids and rebuild your home. God help U.

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  15. God!!! all in the name of love and marriage. God help us we women in the kinda things we go through. Dear Kate, please for the sake of God and your kids, forgive your husband and give him a second chance but as for your trust, hold on to it. let him work hard to earn it if he truly desires it. may God see you through this painful ordeal cos i can imagine the heartbreak you are going through right now. Be strong!

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  16. Rachel, I beg you to forgive him and go back. The lady in question may be acting good before you while begging him in private.
    Clinton Cheated, Hillary forgave him. I know you are not Hillary, but imagine if you were in the position of the number one First Lady in the world and your husband embarrasses you before the whole wide world. What would you have done?

    Her greatness today is as a result of that act of forgiveness. She is reaping now. Divorcing him would have marred even the chances she got in government, divorce case may have got nasty and stuff. The number of American's who love her now is as a result of her earlier actions in her marriage. Many good men have cheated once in their lives.
    The best ones obey The eleventh commandment which says: ""Thou shalt not be caught.""

    For my husband, I have neva caught nor suspected him, that doesn't mean that if he cheats on me tmw , I 'll faint, NO. I have seen too much happenings around the world in this my life and NOTHING will make me shorten my life. I will live in that house and raise my kids there. He is not abusive, has neva hit you. Go back and block them from taking over.
    If u leave and later see that he is going to marry that lady, I bet that jealousy in you will cause that love to rekindle in you by fire by force.

    Stay there and pretend like you don't care.
    I won't advise married women to be snooping on their husbands, phones, etc. Too many have died with an ailment the doctor can't diagnose because they suffered emotional breakdown while reading husby's messages.

    Trust your husband doesn't mean become his metal detector. Leave their phones alone so that you don't kill ur self when they make little mistakes. Some things are better left unknown until they die a natural death and our marriages soar on.

    Stop Picking their calls oooo, This is Africa whether we like it or not!!!!!!

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  17. men,can dey ever change? women always have stories to tell about their cheating habits especially the married ones,i ave a story too. got to knw my hubby was cheatin on me even before our marriage was a year,was goin thru his wallet and found a condom which we dont use,cried my self out dat nite hopin i could loose the seven month old pregnancy i was carrying,called and asked him bt he denied,his mum got to knw abt it nd he opened up to her nd said he was scared of admitting it to me,i moved on hoping d worst was behind me,its almost 4yrs nw,did a test somtyms last week nd discovered i ave a slight growth of staph,calld my hubby again ,explained to him and asked him wot he has to say and my hubby said nothng dats he has nothng to say,got treated nd adviced him to get treatment too,last week was goin thru his fone saw a message frm a female sayin she missed him….my story is a book on its own,bt am stil keepin my cool till dat dey i wont b able to take it again,i forgive alot bt definately cant 4get

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  18. Hmmm, my hubby neva let's me have his password when I ask he says it is called PIN meaning personal. He neva asks for mine either. If I was a bad woman, I'll cheat on my husband right in front of him. He receives my male friends well and even gets friendly with them. Neva picks my calls and neva asks for any of my passwords. Has never scrolled thru my phone.

    I don't like it that way. I like a situation where my man can play with my fone, answer my calls and make me feel free with his too. Because he doesn't check on my phone and other things, I don't have a reason to insist for his, but, it's killing me. That is not what I thot marriage is before I got married. It was a long distance courting before we got married, I neva knew dis side of him. Giving me too much freedom makes me feel like he does not really care about me.

    I can leave the kids with him and go for vigils/ events/ funerals/parties alone. When I get back, he'll jokingly ask how many suitors I got? Even if I ask to go clubbing, I think he won't say NO, what sort of a husband is this? He gives me no restrictions whatsoever, and wants his freedom too from me. I have never caught him with a girl though, Should I start cheating to see if he'd get jealous at least?

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  19. God is your strength, but sis the ealier you call ur hubby to table the better for you both. Today its only a slight show of staph, hmmmmmm ok, it could be treated, what about tommorow?
    Pls talk to you hubby now, y wait for the point when u can't take it anymore, then u opt for divorce haba! What u have to do, do quick.

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  20. This Ahdaisy, you are too wise! Thank God for your wisdom dear. Kate, you have heard her……i couldn't have put it better. Even as i read your story, my toes were curling with anger, but please don't leave him. Pray for him more. Remember that the devil loves to attack marriages. Just pray for God to give your hubby the will power to resist temptations when they come to him.

    Him swearing on that alter with those particular words is dangerous my dear. If he didn't keep the vows He made on your wedding day before God and man, what's the guarantee that he will keep this one? Next thing, he will become so wretched that he'll start begging for food all because of the words he spoke……and what's more, you will suffer it with him.

    Biko, always remind him of those words He spoke oooo! Pray with him and for him. Forgive him too. I know it's hard, but u will learn to trust him again. God will kelp you.

    *pardon my gbagauns*

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  21. Monique if he doesn't want you to have his pin, then leave him, y bother yourself? It baffles me when a boss tries to evesdrop on her maid to hear if dey discuss her when eventually they do, so what next? U beat her…….send her packing ehen …… Pls save urself the stress, the last tym I checked u said u neva caught in cheating so Y all these?
    Now u are thinking of the option of cheating, Y on planet earth would u think of it, where did u drop ur sense of being a virtous woman, have u forgotten ur vows @ the alter? Ok so u want to cheat to see how jealous he is, oya nau see road go cheat.
    You should thank God everyday, bcos there are women who don't pray for a little space of their own and here u have it all and you complain about him being care free, sometimes the problem lay blank on our face, never been satiable.
    Monique pls enjoy your marriage
    NA GOD DO AM FOR U

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  22. Sounds like my boyfriend that i'll soon leave once i find another good guy. he never touches my phone and i don't touch his either. he doesn't have password on his phone though and his iPad password is my birthday, he's not on Facebook, twitter or any other social media platform.said he will join Facebook once he gets married and use his pic and that of his wife as his profile pic. he has never received strange call in my presence and always asking me how many guys toasted me which i don't enjoy. i think he is too good to be true and i crave going through his phone to clear my doubt cos a young correct fine bobo like him must be up to sth.

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  23. men,can dey ever change? women always have stories to tell about their cheating habits especially the married ones,i ave a story too. got to knw my hubby was cheatin on me even before our marriage was a year,was goin thru his wallet and found a condom which we dont use,cried my self out dat nite hopin i could loose the seven month old pregnancy i was carrying,called and asked him bt he denied,his mum got to knw abt it nd he opened up to her nd said he was scared of admitting it to me,i moved on hoping d worst was behind me,its almost 4yrs nw,did a test somtyms last week nd discovered i ave a slight growth of staph,calld my hubby again ,explained to him and asked him wot he has to say and my hubby said nothng dats he has nothng to say,got treated nd adviced him to get treatment too,last week was goin thru his fone saw a message frm a female sayin she missed him….my story is a book on its own,bt am stil keepin my cool till dat dey i wont b able to take it again,i forgive alot bt definately cant 4get

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  24. Women!!! I don't know how God created us oooo but I no man catches his wife cheat on him and still remains faithful or married but women, we have the capacity of forgiving. Since he's remorseful and has "sworn" please forgive him for the sake of your children

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  25. That's my story too. My hub doesn't check my stuffs so I have no reason to check his, but I still do sha hehehe. Not because I think he is cheating but cos I want to know more about wat goes on with him cos he doesnt really tell me everything except I ask him. I am more concerned about what his family is doing with him. You know in-laws and their wahala. Dats why I check his phne.

    He does not even agree to help me withdraw money from my acct with my atm card. He says it is personal. He has none of my passwords and I have non of his. He doesnt password his phone anyway ad I can read his mails from there. As in, he gives me so much freedom. Initially I used to complain but now I let it go. COZ, If it aint broke, don't try to fix it.

    Sometimes my husband feels too good to be true but I thought about it. My brother's wife will probably feel the same about my brother. I have friends too whose wives will swear they are hiding something. But they are not. Not all men are evil. Some actually love you and even love God more so they can't try rubbish.

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  26. Just forgive him for the last time for the sake of your marriage and the children.right from the day we met till now that wearemarried my husband always password his fone i use to suspect him cause i see no reason why he does i had to confront him and he told him he always lock his fone cause people tend to use is fone to make free calls cause they know he works in MTN,he told me d password was my name i tried it immediately and it open.after a month i try dat same password but he has changed i didnt even bother asking him why he did that though i was hurt but i was not ready to start having tot on my head.i dont pick his call and he doesnt pick mine too.even if is the mother that calls i made up my mind that not having access to his fone or mails will not break the trust i have for him.

    i will forgive my husband if he cheat on me but it surely be to an extent

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  27. Lovely comments. My dear give him a second chance, but don't expect him to change overnight. He is a man and honestly it is not very easy for them to resist babes. Be very patient and don't have undue expectations from him. Pray for him (Delilah proof) him because the babes wey dey outside now eye no good o. Don't let them ruin what you are trying to build. Make yourself happy cos it could have been worse and always expect that it will "come to pass".

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  28. i think once in a while we shld go thru our men their phns ohh,
    infact i was so gullible abt not chking this phn thing , that i never knew oga was running thingz wt his town girl on bb. Here i was nursing a new baby of less than 2 mths old so i took his phn to make a call n said let me even chk this bb n pinging thing, cos the craze of bb just started then. lo and behold the chat flow that hit me in the face almost took me back to labour room, infact hubby was catching the fun of his life wt his phn the foolish babe was sending pix n the painful part was, my pix n dat of my kids was no where to be found in that phn. since then i have become a police man on top his phn, even when he bought a new one n passworded it, i no dull myself. pls if for any thing chk to knw where u stand in ur own home n to knw the level of ur prayers upon his life. i no chking is bad, but i dont want to be caught unawares again, n if anything i like to talk n hold on to facts not assumptions.
    As for ur crying n swearing hubby, may God help him. cos guys like dat are far frm change becos they knw what gets to u. I pray u learn to trust him again but above all forgive him, let go n let God in, u need ur peace of mind.

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  29. Monique I understand you. Let your husband be, it is his way of telling you that he trusts you, and pls don't betray the trust. If you are not comfortable with the liberties let him know, tell him areas you'll like him to show you more attention. I had to do the same with my husband too. I told him giving me too much liberty could lead me to temptation especially in a city like port harcourt where they don't have regard for married woman. I told him paying more attention to what I do will make me feel more appreciated rather than always believing that I always know what to do particularly since my line of biz involved more men than women. It worked for me .

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  30. Wow dear! Reminded me of my foolish first love o. I for suffer pass tyre if not for God's wisdom o! I took said what d f* to the first love talk. That same year I later met my husband.

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  31. The many stories of good women are countless just as the bad ones. After all we are over 7 billion in the world.
    I would be twenty this july , yet i have never thought of having a girlfriend .the reason all lines up at the back of my growing up, things i have seen and observed. When college girls watch most of these mexican films and read most of these romantic novels, they get many inconsequential ideas. They try to fall in love even though they dont know how to. They just think it is western and it is style when they live like movie stars. What i am driving at here is that the ladies let stupid things like pinkish lips, height , physique, phonetics, hardness etc. fall them . Some cant define emotion yet they just want to cry in order to have a story. That is for their part. Most guys don't have aim. And funny enough, the aimless ones are the ones closer to the oil money. They sex around at their adolecence like that was their duty on earth ,and luckily for them they also find chewing gum girls easily. The whole youth want to enjoy and flex all their life, they can go on like that for decades without being bored of fashion and gadgets. and then they bring these attitude to their adulthood and then their marriage lives. Live goes on and on and complains come and go. If you can learn how to be an introvert for a longer time of your life, you will aqcuire more knowledge than you will need. In both attitude, fashion,and how to place yourself. I am not talking of being shy, i talk when i need to, dance in the presence of anybody, sing with my bass voice , talk to people who i think are a little close to me in the level of attitude. But as a cance-gemini cusp. I combine the skills of the cancer and the intelligence of the gemini and i develop it

    Reply

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