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My Humble Self, He Keeps Thinking I'm Cheating

Hiya Aunty,
How are you? Thanks for having this wonderful blog whereby pple can express themselves openly.
I remain anonymous please and I am writing this to let my fellow blog followers understand what some pple/ladies actually go thru in their marriage.
I got married @ the age of 27 and am blessed with 2 kids, a boy and a girl.
When I got married to my hubby, I actually thought he was the best I can ever get but another part of me knew I didn't love him enough to get

married to him or rather my mind wasn't made up.
I got pregnant for him and that was one of the major reasoN I got married. I had had previous d n c's from my past relationship so I was scared and didn't want to go thru another one.
The bottom line is am not in love with my hubby again and we both know it. Am sick and tired of the relationship. He's agressive and doesn't give me a chance to express my anger or rather am too scared to express my anger so I won't get hit. I really can't afford to get an apartment for myself and I don't want my kids to go thru what I went thru cos I am a product of a broken home.
My hubby doesn't give me money and I use the d little amount I receive to buy food etc in the house and he brings that his long mouth to eat as well.
He so uncertain about himself cos he keeps thinking am cheating which I never thought of doing until recently.
I met this guy who's been there for me. I have not had sex with him but I know it's possible we do that and no regrets if we do any way.
I take him more as a confidant and I know am falling in love with him cos he's always there.
I stand a chance to be corrected in my ways both really, my mind is made up as to what to do.
Maybe if i can tell you my story one on one, you will understand why I need help from someone else.
I need to be happy, am to happy where I am. I take care of my kids, all he does Is pay schl fees which we might split 50/50 at times or buy cocopops once I a while.
Am tired of writting cos I don't even do it well.
You can post it on your blog if its worth publishing but pls don't write my name.
Regards y'all


Sent from my iPad

Comments

  1. What does she want? I don't understand the purpose of this mail. Seems like there's nothing to look forward to in marriage, too much wahala and too little happiness. What's d point?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hmmm you don talk am ohhh all these stories are just compounding one's fear of marriage but i Think I understand what she wants which is happiness a loveless marriage would def feel empty i think..

      Delete
    2. Yeah, I was just wondering what she wanted from the blog readers since she said her mind is already made up. I am really curious to know how many women in Nigeria are truly happy to be married.

      Delete
  2. Stories like dis leaves me scared of marriage.
    Its obvious u both weren't meant to be,u both just HAPPENED.
    Am only concerned about d innocent kids who may endup being hurt,due to the type of family they belong u sound selfish from the onset getting married to him coz u were pregnant. U entered into this union with insincerity of purpose. Annd dats onething with nature,U CAN'T EAT UR CAKE AND HAVE IT.
    My dear this is a cross u must carry,not for urself but for ur children.
    And as for the man u falling in love with,he can care all he wants,but he shouldn't go down there. Coz there's no justification for that here. I won't blame ur husband if he baths u both with acid in the act.
    What u need do now is sacrifice,u've enjoyed alot,now is for u to bend down and give ur kids d most lovely place to call their home.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

    ReplyDelete
  3. kendra3/26/2013

    U made the mistake from the beginning! U can't marry someone just bcos u got pregnant for them. Haven't u heard of the saying that say "babies won't make him stay"? What keeps marriage going is love,understanding and prayers. All other things are added when this 3 things are available.

    I'm not going to ask u to leave ur husband but I'm going to tell u not to sleep with anyone who isn't ur hubby. U wouldn't want to hear in the nearest future that ur daughter did that,that's how ur relative wouldn't want to hear that..

    I suggest u sit ur husband down and have a heart to heart talk with him,know where u both stand in ur marriage. Tell him the love u having for him is going away or isn't there anymore bcos of his behavious,bare ur mind open to him and let him do same to u. Then agree to make it work for the sake of the children. U can start by doing things u haven't done in a long time or something new. Its only a woman that can make her home or break it.. But instead of u to cheat on ur hubby,I suggest u leave the marriage bearing in mind that God didn't approve of it cos u didn't catch him cheating on u which is the only ground for divorce

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous3/26/2013

    Abeg enough of this sad stories... Go and see a counsellor... Mteeeews. Aunty Eya give us food jare..

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous3/26/2013

    Many women are making mistakes in marriages,if u really know from d debt of ur heart dat u don't love a man, pls don't have unprocted sex with him, now look at what is happening! A marriage without love and mostly understanding is hell. Even d affair u are having with d new guy is a sin not until both of u have sex bcos u are a married woman,pls don't back dat man he is d father of ur children. And do not let what happen to ur parent happen in ur marriage bcos dat is what is known as 'generational corse' pls pray for him n consider ur innocent kids so u won't extend dat to them.seek 4 a counsellor pls my dear.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous3/26/2013

    You have two choices, one easy and one not-so-easy - (1) learn to love the one you married and (2) hit the road.

    Nothing beats a union based on true love, the more true love you sow the more you reap. Same applies to everything you sow into your union.

    Best of luck.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous3/26/2013

    Eya, I know that you are using your blogs as a good forum to help women with their problems but... I came here for food and not all this long things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kendra3/27/2013

      Women matters, Parenting tips, Relationship, Inspiration, Gossip, Fashion, Entertainment, Nigerian Cooking Tips and Nigerian Food Recipes, that's the whole idea for the blog. So allow her do her job please while u either open the post that concerns u or u read all post... The blog name itself is called wives connection

      Delete
    2. Anonymous3/28/2013

      Please tell her oh, thanks..

      Delete
  8. Anonymous3/26/2013

    Did she tell you that this blog is strictly for food?!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous3/27/2013

    She gave us that impression. I came here too to follow pictorial steps on how to make one food or d other. I was lured from another blog. Pls stop posting all this Biko. The lady got married cus she was preg, no fault of ours o! In this day and age, u trap a man with preg??? Na u go hear am. Don't be a learner! Already the foundation is faulty. People get married for diff reasons, just make sure urs is right, let us stop making the single ones think thus us what we all see in marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kendra3/27/2013

      As u can see the name of the blog "wives connection" so I don't even know what single people are doing here... If u are tired of the stories,please endevour not to open the post concerning the stories of women who need advice.. Wait until she uploads something for food before opening

      Some people just go around saying rubbish

      Delete
    2. Kendra stop being a bully!be tolerant of different opinion and divergent views-that is a mark of a good listener &a leader!i also feel these sob stories are just a tad too much!i opened this blog because she was inviting us to come see how to cook good healthy food,never once was it mentioned that people who decided to go into marriage on a wrong foundation would flood here with their marital woes.

      Ladies be ensure u are emotionally,physically and spiritually matured before you go into marriage,dont be giving the guys the milk for free,let them work for it.

      Now Eya could we please return to our cooking tips?i misss those posts...

      Delete
    3. kendra3/27/2013

      I'm not been a bully@abena,but if the blog discription say women problem,parenting tips.relationship inspiration and all why would she decide not to post stories? So its either u open the stories concerning what u looking for or u read all u see. No one was forced to open any post

      Delete
    4. @ Kendra, pls stop answering them. I dunno why people will just be making a case out of nothing. Aunty Eya's blog description clearly states the essence of the blog. The name alone says it all. Why cant ppl tolerate other people. These people asking for help clearly are hurt and need help. Yes, some of them are in their situation because of ignorance or carelessness but they need help! If you can help, help. If you can't help, scroll away and wait for aunty Eya to post meals, or better still, post your own meals let others learn.

      Abena, you sound so selfish and insensitive. I have been quietly reqding all ur comments. Forget all ur talk about confidence, self-esteem and Christianity. I dnt see 'arrogant confidence', all I see is arrogance! I can smell your selfishness all the way across the internet. I am not hating on you, just trying to help you. I wonder if someone like you can even preach the gospel to the lost. Your holiness is rubbish if you dnt have love. I can tell you dnt know what having the Love of God means. Go and research what the fruits of the Spirit are and tell me which particular one any of your comments have ever expressed. Sweetheart, review your Christianity and come back and thank me later.

      Delete
    5. All u ppl,it af do (in pidgin). Seriously,all these sorry tales are a tad bit too much. Bonario is even getting scared of marriage,let ppl talk abt loving homes and forgiveness instead of all these hurt and sorrow. Faith comes by hearing and reading, if all singles read on this blog are tales of woes; how many of them would be encouraged to get married. Theres a limit to the things you should read and know cs those stuffs stick to a part of your subconscious. Ok,i af talk plenty. Lemme go eat noodles with sausages and fried fish. Temi

      Delete
    6. It's sounding too much cos there are not many meals posted. People should send in recipes so that it will be more interesting. There is a limit to different ways Aunty Eya can cook meals. Abi she never try? I saw people saying they have made ice-cream. Pictures, I no see. Not fair o...

      Delete
    7. These tales of woe are good o. Cos maybe some people will read and see that you cant marry for the wrong reasons and expect bliss. People also need to see that surrendering to God and obeying Him is what will keep u out of trouble. God says,don't commit fornication. You say,"whatever", and commit fornication. When u start reaping the fruits of disobedience and sin, you cry woe. I'm not judging o, only God should do that,but I'm just saying, if only would live like God wants us to, all these katakata would be avoided. Talking to myself too.

      Delete
    8. Anonymous3/27/2013

      My dear scalet, pls dnt advice godly here else dey will insult u, check previous posts. Many ladies can never take to sound advice. If u advice in a godly way, u wud be mocked n peeps wud paint you a pharisee... In my own view, its not the best to advice some ladies cos dey won't take to it bt wud do wat pleases dem and latter regret. I don talk finish.

      Delete
    9. Tangerine3/27/2013

      Chinazor, is this you?

      Delete
    10. Tangerine3/27/2013

      Chinazor, is this you?

      Delete
    11. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    12. Lool! No dear, not me.

      Delete
  10. Anonymous3/27/2013

    *think this is

    ReplyDelete
  11. At the risk of sounding sanctimonious, I have to say this.

    You have already married your hubby, so you have no choice but to stay and work it out okay? Divorce is out of it 'cos the good book says that God hates divorce. The mistake you made was getting preggers in the first place....I don't know if you did it to trap him or if it just happened, but the thing is that pregnancy before marriage may or may not end up well.

    Now that you are in it, I suggest that you should stay in it and work on your marriage. You can still develop love for him you know. Both of you should try stuff, talk, see a counsellor....anything that will make it work, and work it will. Consider your kids too, please don't let them be products of a broken home when you could have worked on having a normal family for them to grow up in.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous3/27/2013

    ONCE U GET MARRIED, WHOEVER U GET MARRIED TO IS THE ONE. DIVORCE SHOULDNT BE AN OPTION. THERE'S REALLY NOTHING NEW IN ALL U SAID YOU'RE ALREADY MARRIED TO THIS MAN AND LIKE U SAID, U DONT WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO BE PRODUCTS OF A BROKEN HOME... U MUST WORK HARD.. MARRIAGE REQUIRES WORK! GUD MARRIAGES DONT JUST HAPPEN. DONT GIVE UP AT THE FIRST SIGN OF TROUBLE. THAT GUY URE ALREADY THINKING IS YOUR BESTFRIEND.. WOT MAKES U THINK IF U END UP WITH HIM THAT HE WUDNT CHANGE..I'M SURE UR HUSBAND WAS ALSO NICE TO U IN D BEGINNING OF UR RELATIONSHIP. STAY IN UR HOME AND FIGHT FOR IT.. PRAY!!!! IT WORKS. WHILE U PRAY FOR A HAPPY HOME, ALSO BACK IT UP WITH ACTION.. CORRECT UR HUSBAND IN LOVE.. BE A GUD WIFE! LOVE HIM INTO PLEASING YOU. ALSO PRAY THAT GOD SHUD SOFTEN HIS HEART. BE SUBMISSIVE, DONT CHALLENGE UR HUSBAND.. IF U DECIDE U WANT A HAPPY HOME, U MUST MAKE IT WORK.. ALSO ASK URSELF IF THERE ARE THINGS URE NOT DOING RIGHT. ONCE U GET MARRIED, WHOEVER U GET MARRIED TO IS THE RIGHT PERSON...... A WOMAN IS THE HOME MAKER.. MAKE UR HOME DEAR, U'D SMILE AFTERWARDS.. TNKS.. AMA

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous3/27/2013

    I am still single and am getting scared with these stories i read from here. Is this what married people go thru? But i still have this to say,no marriage is made from heaven. U have to work out ur marriage with prayers and changing ur own attitude. It is always beta when we look inwards. U will be surprised that the best friend u are talking about now will turn out to be d same when u marry him. Cheers and peace to ur home.And for u haters this blog is all round not for food alone. Let people express themselves,its a free world.Wondering why am here as a single lady when its wives connection....

    ReplyDelete
  14. I dnt really get the point of this post but if you cheat on your husband, it's a sin. Women please go back to the basics. Study the bible, give your life to Christ if you havnt, pray without ceasing, Fast, listen to the word of God, seek God with all your heart and you'll stop contemplating clear evil. In my opinion, your husband is right, you are already cheating. Sex or not sex.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous3/27/2013

    Cheating is just not about sex, your cheating already,Cox your mind,attenrion and affection is channeled to another man aside your hubby. Ma dear am not in your shoe so I won't kw how and where it hurts. But every marriage has their problems. Believe me its up to the woman to fix her home(the virtuous woman). Ʊ are not putting any effort into doing that. Giving up is not it now. Find ways to make your home better. Change your attitude,respect your hubby(Ʊ calling him names is enough reason to hit Ʊ) and u might fall in love. Not forgetting the power of a praying woman. That man your lovin outside is a ‎​​no go area. Allow God heal u and heal your home.
    Vicky

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous3/27/2013

    Some stories are just silly! Smh

    My dear sit yourself down and determine to make the best out of your marriage, because you caused this. Try to make yourself happy and pray to God to fill your marriage with love.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous3/27/2013

    You are the only one who can make yourself happy. Your happiness should not be dependent on any individual, be it parents, siblings, spouse or kids. I believe that you were not forced into marriage. You should have opted to be a single parent from the start. The grass always seems greener on the other side but believe me when I say it isn't so. I see marriage is as a mathematical sum which must be solved. No one likes failing, so work on it. The kids are yours as well, do all you can for them. In one of the paster don't know his name, but he has a dollar in it somewhere, said be good to your husband that's your business, don't concern yourself with him not reciprocating...that's his business. It is normal human nature, one day he'll turn around. This guy here helping out may seem like a saviour but when you get to know him, you will ask yourself if you were blind before. You may sleep with this guy and your husband will never know but you will and the guilt is not worth it plus he may be a disappointment in that regard(bed). Hang in there and try to be independent, start a petty trade or something if you haven't. An idle mind is destructive. That's my 2 cents

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous3/27/2013

    Darling,all you need now is to sit your husband down,discuss with him and then use prayers to back it up.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Cyndrella3/27/2013

    Can we learn Tomato cancasse with braised rice garnished with minced vegetable?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dear Anon,
    Sorry to remind you but you stated you didn't love him enough to get married to him. I think how you feel about him stems from this.
    Sorry to burst your bubble dear but you really shouldn't cheat on your husband. We don't accept it from men and we shouldn't do it either.
    Marriage is a lot of work but if you pray to God and play your part you'd be good. You own your home, woman! Pray the spark back into your marriage, pray about your hubby and talk to him too.
    And to everyone who's scared of marriage, you really don't have to be. I remember telling God exactly what I wanted in a husband and he gave me even more than I asked. True, we have our differences and there'll be minor issues but once God is your rock, you'll be fine! Pray, pray and pray.
    No one's perfect but you both can be perfect for each other

    ReplyDelete
  21. Cyndrella3/27/2013

    What most people fail to realize is that cheating on your spouse has a serious spiritual implication on the whole family.It means you are sharing the other persons KARMA.As you are seeing that guy you are only enjoying physical pleasure but killing yourself spiritually and exposing your family to unwanted KARMA.Will you be proud to tell your daughter about the other Man?.What would you advice the young ones when you are opportuned to give a talk on marriage and raising a family.

    You should appreciate ur hubby and engage him with some talks so that you can iron things out.Pray about it for God to help you love him unconditionally.Please dont hurt your children,you are in it already and you need to make it work.Love your family and dont make him see you as a regret to his life.

    Please discard the other Man and put more love in all that you do,you no, love is reciprocative.The other Man can never love you like he do to his wife and will never respect you for all i care, he can only pretend to be nice to you in order to get you layed.Men are that bad.please respect your body for your husband and children,try and make your marriage work.

    Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Wow! Please dear, try and have a good communication skill with ur husband and bottling up things just makes it worse. You have made the mistake already so its now up to you to make it right. You already know how it feels to be part of a broken home and i believe you wont want that for ur children. So please try and pray and be willing at all times and avoiding temptations is also key.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous3/28/2013

    What struck me about her post was the low self-esteem reeking all over it. She felt her husband was the "best she could ever get", she's "too scare to express her anger", and she's not "good at writing".
    How can someone love another person when she doesn't love herself? How can she value her marriage or the husband she has, when she doesn't value herself?
    Also, there are obviously financial issues here, as the husband doesn't give her money for food, yet brings his "long mouth" (ℓ☺ℓ) to eat what she cooks from the little she receives. And the school fees are being split 50:50.
    I'm not married, so I'll leave the married women and Aunty Eya to reply her on these issues. Instead of treating just the apparent 'cheating', please look at the foundation and discover and root out the cause of her unhappiness.
    My marriage MUST be wonderful! All these stories ehn.....!

    DrLily.

    ReplyDelete
  24. she's worded!3/28/2013

    Live with it o. U don enter am. You wil try to fall in love with the man again. Be a virtuous woman, and win the heart of ur husband, and let him win yours. I think love is a choice. You are married and should be more responsible. Gone are d days of jumping from man to man. You are a mother! Please think well. Lol@ long mouth. Above all, pray for your family. The devil is seriously attacking homes dis days.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Tangerine3/28/2013

    Love is a decision. Decide to love your hubby and work on it.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous4/06/2013

    My dear. There is one truth... You are a product of a broken home. Do you want to end up, a broken woman as well? Despite the fact dt u dnt love your hubby, you must try 2 show care 4 d kids sake. Try hard nd work @ your marriage, your side boyfriend can't be with you thru thick and thin...just give him a small dose of panic and he will scamper off. A lot of men nowadays derive pleasure in another man's property, beware.
    And you sounded like you know you will get involved wit this new guy. Pls don't get carried away.
    Adaeze Ibechukwu

    ReplyDelete
  27. Lisa R5/19/2013

    I get zero attention I feel trapped love if i get attention in any way. The sex life is terrible and I keep looking at younger men

    ReplyDelete

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