Showing posts with label relationship tips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship tips. Show all posts

How Do I Say No Without Hurting?

Good evening Aunty Eya and all wives connection family. I have a challenge and need your advice and that of blog members.

I have been in a relationship with my fiancee for close to 8years now. NB i met him when i just finished secondary school and was seeking for admission into the university. I was really young then so he decided not to do anything sexual to me(was a virgin n still am). He has been there for me and by God's grace we are having our introduction this december and marriage next year.

I started attending my church few months before i met my fiance as i said before i was quite young and didnt show him off cos i was worried people will think that as small as i was, i was already into a man without knowing there was no sexual attachment.

To cut the story short, a brother

Is It Wrong Not To Support This Wedding?

I saw this comment by an anonymous reader and didn't know what to say so I didn't reply. Can anyone help with advise please:

Good morning everyone. My sister is getting married soon but am not happy. My sister met a young man and they started a relationship. Introduction was fixed and a wedding date. The church demanded for a HIV test and the man tested positive. 

My sister is negative. We all now kicked against the wedding. But she insisted. That nothing is going to change her mind she must marry this guy. 

We all thought maybe she has been exposed to the virus that's why she wants to marry him. 4months after she took another test still negative. 2 months after that still negative. But my sister still insists on marrying him. 

I know HIV is

She Is Five Years Older, Should I Proceed Or Withdraw?

Good morning aunty eya how's your family I have a problem I'd like you to put up on your blog for discussion I am a student and I am in a very serious and comiitted relationship.

 early last I found out this girl was five years older than I am though she doesn't look it!I battled with it for a while and then I let it slide. the issue is I love this girl so much I'd love to marry her after school but till now we have never discussed age together but we re intimate on other issues. something tells me she knows I am younger but she really doesn't Act it and of recent that feeling has come back again,though we have been through thick and thin ve got this feeling that when we officially get to talk about our ages she would leave me so am really troubled.what should I do!

Eya's Reply:
Hi, sorry

How Do I Relate With Him To Ensure Peace, Harmony?

 Dear Aunty Eya,
Thankyou very much for what your blog is doing. I cant wait to get married and having a colourful and tasteful kitchen from all the recipes. The advice on your blog is always matured, practical and effective. Also the kitchen recipes are so economical. Just saw a fresh pepper sauce and i am like wow.

 Cos i have been wondering how i will manage fresh pepper when i get married because i live fresh pepper and as my job is very demanding, i wont be able be going to the market always.My bookmarks are filled with alot of your pages.

Sorry for that long gist now the issue at hand. I am Igala lady dating

Genotype Notwithstanding, A Break Up Not An Option For Us

Good morning Mrs Eya, I read some stories on ur blog. Pls I need your help my fiancee and I are both AS, our wedding is scheduled for November this year. I read about the CVS test on your blog, pls can you enlighten more about the test cos we are both interested as a break up is not an option for us here. Thanks for your help and we are eagerly awaiting your reply.



Eya REPLIES: 

Hi, your wedding is scheduled for November, meaning you still have a chance but you say a break up is not an option? Honestly, I think it's better to break up now than live in pain and fear. What happens when...

Love alone is not enough when it concerns sickle cell kids. I know there is nothing God cannot do for you and that's why he allowed Science to discover these things, so, a stitch in time can save nine. The stress from kids who are say frequently sick  and all is enough to shake the very foundations of any marriage. The love you confess for your fiance, is it enough to take you through the storms? This is an avoidable storm by God's grace. It is stress waiting to happen except God intervenes and gives you all AA kids or you decide not to have children. The test you mentioned, is it the one where a sickle cell unborn baby is aborted before delivery date. I like to ask this question ... How many can/will you abort?


When you say a break up is not an option, is she pregnant?


If you truly love your fiance, if she is not pregnant, why not set her free from this thing waiting to happen? The test, is done abroad, is your wife-to-be going to have all her babies abroad? The decision rests on you two. 


My advise is that you both sit down and look at it again. Are you sure this love will see you through just incase?


Dear poster,

My Fiance Arrested For Molesting A Fifrteen Year Old, I Need Quick Advice

Hello  ma and Wc
I dont know if this is a proper medium for this but i have to get it out.

As I speak to you my boyfriend or should i say fiance is at the station because he had sex with a 15 year old girl.  He claims  it was a one time thing but the girl in question said they have been doing it.

 Peeps from his church are

I'm In Love With And Loved By A Divorcee, CONFUSED

I am a silent reader who has been visiting your blog for 2years now. And it has been an eye opener to married life even before venturing. 

Even scared of getting married because of so many bad and failed marriages but God will see me through.


Am dating this man, a divorcee with 3 kids for close to 2 years now and I have fallen completely in love with him regardless of his complicated life and I believe he is in love too. Whenever we are together I feel so happy and different (the feeling is natural). We rarely argue or quarrel.  Now he is very serious about settling down with me but am not certain this is what I want. Am scared and afraid. I have turned down his proposal about marriage before but he never gives up.

He is a very handsome, humble, caring, hardworking, very rich, romantic, very domesticated, funny, intelligent and a religious man who respects me and treats me like a queen. One of my problems are, he labelled his ex wife evil, wicked,not a good cook and she hated his family etc.


He told me he tried teaching her how to cook but she didn't learn. Of course the story is one sided and he said he has never laid his hands on her ever (domestic violence).

At the moment, the wife is tormenting him with the kids and its weighing him down. I haven't met any of his cute children at all.


A friend's friend told me he was constantly cheating on his ex wife with this particular girl. Even to the

My Fiance Has A Good Heart But I Am Not Proud Of His Looks

Good day aunty Eya, I am 24 years old about to go for my Nysc....I gave a boyfriend who I am not proud of his looks at all...I can't even put up his picture as my dp without getting laughed at because I'm quite beautiful and he is not good looking....

He has a very good heart though....It was my friend who encouraged me to date him about 3 yrs ago...even though I did not like him...He was the one all over me..I don't know if I should go ahead to marry him because

He saw me Through School, Has A Child, I'm Very Happy Around Him, Confusion In My Head

Hi aunty Eya and everyone.
      I am a regular reader of the blog .I am 25 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend for the past 5 years .things hasn't been the way we wanted but God has been faithful.we finished nysc 2013 and he hasn't gotten a job. I am managing a little job in lagos now.

one faithful evening when I was waiting for a bus in a bus stop I met a guy and ever since then we have been going out together and I think I have feelings for him cos am always happy when am with him.I don't want to leave my boyfriend because of this new guy cos my boyfriend has been there for me.

He saw me through school and

Marriage Plans With A Divorcee, Am I Being Too Cautious?

Hi, im a silent follower of this blog, I have an issue that I will like to share with the more Christian and mature members of this blog. 
I am currently in a relationship with a man who treats me very well,  and tells me how much he loves me all the time, iv even met his family and we have been dating for over a month. 


 Now he is a divorcee , with no kids, however I don't think I am in love with him. I keep obsessing over whether or not he really loves me cos of the effort he puts into making us work. But the presence of an ex wife,  with whom he does business, and numerous ladies , who keep calling him,  just makes me very cautious. 

I went to

In My Mid-Thirties, Educated, No Relationship, No Career, Nothing, Thinking Of Ending It All

Good day,aunty Eya.Pls,hide my identity.its going to be long,pls bear with me.
I don't no where to start from but I'll start from when I graduated from the university in 2006,so after my NYSC in 2007,I started job hunting! I couldn't get any so I went to OAU to do a course in GIS,I finished 2008.I went evrywhere in search of job to no avail.

I had interview with Leadway Assurance,Oando,Schlumberger but I wld nt b called for the job.Even the schools I applied to,I was not called.i had a dream that a mark is on me that I shld go 2MFM for deliverance,I don't no y d church was mentioned to me in the dream(dat was since 2012),I went for 3days fasting(no food,no water).A senator even wrote a letter for me for job all to no avail.

I went to see

Different Views On Tithe Payment Destroying Our Relationship, Please Help Me

Good evening A-Eya..I'm in my late 20's and also a regular reader of your blog...I have this thing going on in my relationship and I don't know whether to wait for him to come back or I should just move on...I'm in a relationship with dis guy,he is in his mid-thirties,we were friends for 2years b4 I accepted to date him 4months back,we are so much into eachother and I know he loves me so much..He has even ask that I marry him,even wanting to come introduce himself ,his parent to my own parent by december.

We've actually been talking about different doctrinal believes of churches around the world and he has been of the opinion,that tithe paying is a wrong interpretation of churches today,like tithes

Wives Stop Doing These Contd

 Don’t act like your spouse is a mind reader. Instead, be specific about
 ; your requests. One busy mom said that she used to feel overwhelmed with
 t; household chores, wishing her spouse would help her. She now realizes that
> the only way he knows her needs is when she tells him. “Most often,” she
> says, “when I simply say, ‘Honey, will you tuck the kids in tonight while I
> get the kitchen cleaned up,’ he is glad to help.” She’s discovered that a
> few words are all it takes “to change a resentment-filled, stressed-out
> night into a team-effort bonding time.” Just ask..

 12. Stop putting housework ahead of hubby. One young mom told her husband
> that she didn't want to make love one night because she had just changed thesheets and she wanted them to stay clean. What do you think that response
> said to her husband? Another woman, who puts her husband ahead of the
> housework, said: “Do not leave the unfolded laundry on your marriage bed.

13. Put an end to taking the lead because

About His Status, Will The Catholic Church Agree To Wed Us?

Hello good people, Please I need your help and
advice. I am in love with an amazing man. he is so good to me and very
mature. He is going through a divorce (according to him) his family is
abroad. My problem here is he is 16 years older than I am, I am 27 years
old and secondly I don't know if the Catholic Church will wed us cos of his
status.

He says he wants to be married to me but I am sometimes worried
whether he is being honest with me about the divorce.

 Please I will like
advice as I am so worried cos its hard for me to even
like another and honestly I am not getting any younger. Thank you so very
much

Dear Wives, Stop Doing These NOW

The simple things wife shld stop doing to their husbands:
Have you ever wondered what your words and actions say to your husband about your love for him?
It is very important for U to consider ur husband’s needs and always guard urself against the use of careless words, attitudes, and actions so that U can get the best of him. Funny yeah?
I asked some of my married friends on our group on BBM “What they think a wife should stop doing if she wants to improve her marriage" and this list is based on some of their responses.

1. Stop thinking that your way is the “right” way. If he does something differently, it does not mean that it’s wrong. When a wife insists on having her own way, she is in essence saying, “I have to be in control.”

2. Don’t put others before your husband. It's not wise when when you put your mother, a friend, or even a child before your spouse. Actually, you take a step (often unintentional) toward isolation in your marriage. If you choose, for example, to

Am I Being Selfish? Please Guide

Ok errrmmm....i'd like your opinion/advice and that of WC family on this issue bothering me.
I'd like to remain anonymous. My fiance and i had this talk recently and for the first time we couldnt agree on a particular issue.

Just this year, he rented an apartment and bought a car and about two of his friends moved in with him almost immediately and about 2 others have come visiting for about 2 weeks and left. Bottomline is, as one friend leaves another comes in. Am not so comfortable with that and i had a talk with him, asking him if this is gonna continue when we get married and he said yes!. I was shocked and told him that i would like to live a private life when am married. Am not saying i cant help people but not having people crawl all over the place.

He then explained that when he came to Lagos, the 1st person he stayed with accomodated 6 of them and when he was about getting married he told them to leave, but that about 3 of them had nowhere to go so

My Husband Is Fifty, Celebrating Big, What Is Expected Of A Wife? Tips Please

Madam Eya, please I need some tips and suggestions from the wonderful people on your blog. Apart from my wedding and Child dedication for my children,I've never really celebrated nor hosted any big event.My husband is fifty today and it would be celebrated by this weekend (Saturday).I don't want to fall my hand please help.LoL

I usually bought him birthday presents but stopped three years into our marriage cos he never gave me gifts on my special days. We have been married for ten years now.Today he is fifty, I don't know what is expected of me as a wife; Am I supposed to take charge like host and take care of expenditure? This I know is very heavy for my meagre Nurse' salary cos he is a big boy with big friends who should be there.

He is highly

Should I Let Her Come Visit?

Good day everyone. Please kindly advice me.

My name is Celine. I have a cousin sister and we are very close. We share secret and things. People call us twins because of the closeness and also we somehow resemble and are of same age only that she is my senior with 3 months.

The issue is that I got married 2013. Even before I agreed to marry the man, I used to tell her everything so on the day of introduction, she couldn't come because she was writing exams.

When the traditional marriage ceremony was fixed, I told her and luckily she was at home so I told her to collect the Ashebi cloth I bought for her from my Mum for D day. She said ok only for her to go back to the city where she stays without the cloth. when I asked her why she said she forgot. We continued talking even till on the 25 Dec. and d ceremony was on 27th Dec. but she didn't tell me anything until 26th night she then

What Are The Things To Watch Out For? Please Educate Me

LOVE IS NOT ABUSE
Good morning ma’am, I love and follow your blog religiously. Please kindly post this and as anonymous ma'am, thanks. It saddens my heart anytime I see a post from women about how their husbands disrespect them. I am not married and in my early 20’s and yet I feel their pains while I read about the problems in their marriage. From these posts it seems to me that these women love and will do anything to keep their marriages but the trend I’m seeing from the men scares me a lot.  Why would a man exchange vows with a woman and beat her up or cheat?  After the labor pains why would a man threaten a woman if she doesn’t bear a male child? Is she the creator of the baby? This is something out of her control and you’re causing depression for her!

             I am

Just Had A Big Quarrel With My Wife, Did I Go Too Far? Is My Wife A Cheat?

 I used  to be one  of those  that condemn people who share their stories online. I used to think it was silly. But it seems I am getting addicted to it. This should be my 4th mail to you. I like the idea of being able share one's issues annoymously and get advice from different individuals, although, the abuses and improper language from some of your readers can be upsetting.

Okay, I feel very guilty. I had a big quarrel with my wife, called her names, involved her folks and mine, threatened to leave her. Now i feel very crappy. I would like to annoymously share the story and get people's feel on the whole issue.

Mid last year I noticed that my wife was always on Whatsapp chatting with a guy. I didnt pay much attention to it at first, being that she is a good christian and I trust her. But i noticed that the chats became a daily afair, sometimes dragging as far as 11pm at night. I complained to her and she told me the guy was an old friend that just reconnected with her. That they had known each other for over 10 years and that he was nice and harmless. So i made further inquiries and she told me, the guy was single, in
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