Monday, June 12, 2017

Should I let my Nigerian daughter attend prom?

Image result for prom

Hello Aunty Eya, please help me ask blog readers in your group. This question has been bothering me ever since my daughter informed us that she wants to attend prom. We told her outrightly that prom is not a Nigerian culture and she has been crying and begging that all her friends will be there. This prom thing, I understand you have to attend with a boy who
supposedly is your boyfriend and my daughter is just 17. The whole event ends very late at night. What should I do? Hubby says we should let her attend seeing that in a few months time she'll soon leave the house for University. Please I like to hear other people's opinion. Is it ok to let a 17 year old Nigerian girl attend prom? Please help me with answers.

This is a mail I got some days back and posted on Facebook. The comments are enlightening, so I'll share them below.

16 comments:

  1. Usually they have chaperones to watch them and you could also be her personal chaperone

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    Replies
    1. chaperone my foot! abeg madam teach your girl the decent african way

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    2. my bro if u dnt allow it and let her forget do u knw wat she wud do wen she has d freedom of uni? besides its not her fault to want it d school added it to their activities so if you dnt want it why enrol ur child there

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    3. Terrible advise...the prom is not 4the parent to attend/chaperone

      Delete
  2. Esther BawaJune 12, 2017

    Where are you based? If you are outside Nigeria, I will advise you to sit down and talk to her. Let her understand you are letting her attend it based on trust. If you have a good relationship with her before now, use it and if not, build one. She's leaving for college, you won't be there watching her every move. Not all who attend prom are bad. I have seen over four Nigerians that struggled here with the issue of prom but they counseled the children and they all did great. There are non Africans who are decent and also Africans who are worst and terrible like the devil himself

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  3. Owoniyi FrancisJune 12, 2017

    Why would you allow her to go? Remember what the Bible says that you should train your child in the way she should go and when he is matured, he will not depart from it.
    I guess the girl is still in secondary school right? Allowing her to go to such places means you are exposing/endangering her life. Life has no duplicate, if you failed in your responsibility as a mother, you will pay the prize when she becomes a wayward grown up lady in the future. She too will curse you and the day she was born. Never you over pamper your children. Let them know that your YES IS YES and nobody can change my mum's mind. Just think about it because I do not think this issue needs to be dwell on too much. Take your stand.
    Listen madam, your husband that says you should allow her to go, if its result to pathetic story, he (the man) will tell you he didn't know where you brought her pregnancy. HE WILL DENNY YOU. Its well in Jesus name

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  4. Okoro VincentJune 12, 2017

    Stick to ur no,she should not go period....what an elder sees sitting,a child can not standing. God bless ur home!

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  5. Esther AdeJune 12, 2017

    There's nothing unholy about attending a prom. Its a big thing for high school students here,in USA. Just educate her on sex education and outline the,boundaries you would not want her to cross. If possible, demand to meet the fellow male student with whom she will be attending the prom and have a talk with the guy.

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    Replies
    1. Uzo OmirinJune 12, 2017

      Thank you my sister, everybody is just sounding as if she won't have a bf again.

      Delete
  6. Grace EshunJune 12, 2017

    Am from Ghana. My niece 17 years old went for prom without a boyfriend. You dont have to have a boy friend to go to prom. Speak to the school counselor and air your concerns.

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  7. Vera OkosiJune 12, 2017

    There's nothing wrong in attending a prom if you have raised her to believe in herself, stand by her word and not go with the crowd. Yes, a lot of things happen on prom night, some girls loose their virginities, some with their consent, some without their consent, some get marriage proposal or promise ring but if you know you have raised her well, then you have nothing to fear. just have a chat with her reminding her that no matter what others do there, she should remmember the child of who she is and that she should not allow a few hours of supposed pleasure ruin her entire life of purpose. This is one of the reasons its not such good practice to be too strict with girl-children so they will not be lured into wanting to misbehave with a little free time. Prom is the highlight of their entire time in high school. No one loves to miss it. She could become resentful if u refuse. Tell her that you really love her and wants nothing bad to happen to her. Tell her you want to trust her ability to stand out from the crowd. You guys could also agree dat she meets her date there, you could drop her there by 10 (it usually starts around then), and pick her by 12 or 1am, you and her dad. It doesnt matter if her friends think she's still daddy or mummy's girl. You guys won't go in with her and she will promise to step out to meet you at exactly the time you guys agree. Let her bring her date to see you guys at home too before the date, a dinner with the family. Let ur hubby have a chat with him about keeping her safe. That should be ok.

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    Replies
    1. Vera OkosiJune 12, 2017

      That's if she has a date to go with. Ask her. Am not even sure if its wise to go without a date especially if her friends all have one except she's a self contented confident girl.

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  8. Osumah MagdaleneJune 12, 2017

    at 17 u should have taught her how to handle herself around boys. She will soon go to university and how will she handle "October rush" or whatever they call it. Older boys in 300 levels and above watch out for the venerable ones.i let my 15 year old daughter go to d prom as a date to a friend's son. I gave her tips on what to look out for and what to do. She came back with shocking tale of what she saw dat day. We discussed it and now she is even more equipped for her own prom. We can't shield these children for ever. The world is too wicked now. Give them the skills they need now b4 u release them out there.

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  9. Some of the commentators are either stuck in the stone age or have no idea of what prom is....
    Prom pretty much is a wrap up (dinner) party for graduating seniors....
    You do not have to go with a date but many do....i wish i went solo bc my father decreed i could only go with a fellow Nigerian which I did but looking back i would have had the same fun or more solo.......at my prom we ate and danced...teachers as chaperones were in attendance....no parent, please do not think to chaperone, your presence is not needed...
    There was no alcohol served bc you can't serve minors.....its a well planned executed dinner dance

    Now will sexing, boozing, and drugging happen? Sure I guess, that wasnt my thing so i didn't see that and am not aware that happened during my prom.....but these same things can happen under ones nose....prom or not....

    So please, relax a bit, don't be the unfair dictorial african parent denying your child what the fellow students are doing....if you trained your child right they will be alright, this is not about unnecesrily exposing them to dangers unseen....some african parents go over the top and deny your children the right to be amongst their classmates and experience similar activities ...at the end fellow africans dont claim them bc they feel they don't belong and then Americans don't claim them because thry feel they don't belong. .....smh

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  10. Momoh ZainabJune 12, 2017

    If you are in nigeria then you must know that the kind of school you sent your child to has a different culture. Allow her attend prom..its not always your boyfriend that takes you to prom, its just a boy that is your friend. Rather than trying to stop her from attending, advice her to comport herself. Trust her, i am sure you raised her well. Remind her all you taught her about sex and boys(or you didnt?) its not too late to give her a pep talk. Dont attend with her. The schools have chaperones that looks after them. you can go pick her up when they are done. Now go get her a beautiful dress and help her plan her look for that day.

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  11. Ruth OmonJune 12, 2017

    Let her go but tell her you trust and believe in her that is why you can let her go. She will have that at the back of her mind.

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I read every comment and would love to hear your thoughts.
Email: cuulme@gmail.com
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