Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Toke Makinwa writes about when she had to call Anita for account details to send money to Maje's son

In her book 'On Becoming' Toke Makinwa also talked about how they (she and her enstranged husband Maje) set new rules while trying to work out their marriage. The new rules were that Toke will have to be the connection in terms of communication between Maje and Anita when she needs anything for her son.

"New rules were set in place: anything Anita needed, she had to
come through me. She was not to contact Maje, or he contact her.

One time Anita called Maje to say she needed money for the baby.
But because of the new rules I was the one who got to communicate
with her. I kept asking Maje for her account details but he wouldn’t
give them to me so I called Anita. 
“What’s your account details,” I said, dispensing with any
pleasantries. “I have to send you some money.” 
“Keep your money,” she said. 
“I am not doing it for you,” I said. “Left to me, this money would
buy shoes or designer bags. I don’t really care about your situation.
I’m doing it for my husband. You don’t want to deal with me but you
should have thought about the fact that you’re having a baby by a
married man. How did you think this was going to play out?” 
And she went, “Oh, right now you probably think you’re superior
to me.” 
“I actually don’t feel superior to you. I feel sorry for you because
you fell for the oldest trick in the book. At your age, you’re older than
I am, a man told you he was going to leave his wife. So he came to you
and told you he wasn’t happy and he was leaving me and you bought
it, hook, line, sinker. That’s on you, that’s not on me. You can’t be
mad at me for reaching out to pay my husband’s son’s monthly fees.
You didn’t do anything special; he already has a son. I now have Maje
by his balls, and if I wanted him to forget you for the next five years he
would forget you and only deal with you away from my eyes and the
eyes of the press.” 
“Hmm,” she said. “Typical Maje, telling you what you want to
hear. My child was not a mistake, my child was planned.” 
“No, he wasn’t planned—” 
“He was.” 
And then I remembered the press release and said, “Woman to
woman, what sort of woman writes a press release with a guy to leave
his wife.” 
“Correction, he wrote it. All I did was vet it.” 
“Okay. So you vetted a press release written by a man with which
he was going to publicly humiliate his wife and send that to the press.
What happened to quietly separating from his wife? If you really want
this man so bad then he must get a divorce and it doesn’t have to be
public. Why would you address it to Pulse TV?” 
That conversation was one of the points where I realised that if I
stayed married to Maje, this was what my life would be about—forget
what I’d said to Anita about having Maje by the balls. As if it wasn’t
bad enough that he had committed adultery, there was a constant
reminder in the form of Anita and her son who would never go away.
It was a battle, and I was exhausted from wounds that were yet to


  1. You did well by walking away. Not struggling to be loved. Am sure toke will get a better person.

  2. Toke congratulations for valuing yourself and walking away. You don't need all that drama. Make can have Anita. You would have been miserable and lost your self esteem. Once you let a man set that type of presidence in a relationship then that is the bed you will lie in for the rest of your life.

  3. Nigerians will always say stay in a bad marriage, but those giving advice are not passing through hell with you everyday. You are left alone to face humiliation, anger and becoming a shell of yourself. Better to walk away early than let things escalate and you become trapped.


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