Monday, October 31, 2016

I do everything to make him see me differently and compliment me at least. Nothing works He even says sometimes that he doesn't love me and doesn't know why he asked me to marry him, that he dated better girls before me

I am a 31 years old woman in need of help. I got married in feb after dating my husband for 4yrs. All those yrs I worked as a b/cast presenter. It wasn't payin much but I had a source of income. In 2014 I left d job for something smaller as a receptionist in a hospital. So that my salary would be constant. Problem started durin my wedding preparations.  If I ask for moni for anything he feels I am unnecessarily asking. He decided our traditional weddin clothes, he followed me around for my wedding dress just cos he doesn't want me to cheat him maybe. He gav me 200k for trad n white wedding food 100 for food n 100 for cow. Smh. He even had a little arguments with my sisters cos his sisters made sure they were in charge of drinks and picking sprayed money.i told my sisters to let them do everything cos I didn't want any arguments.  My parents were of immense help during the wedding.  Now I relocated to Abuja after d wedding, since feb I haven't been able to conceive or get a job. I have searched for jobs, applied everywhere I see, all d private schs I have been to say no vacancy.  I rely on my husband for everything even sanitary pads which as far as he is concern I shudnt need it if I had conceived.  It's hurts so so much. If I need 

money, I am drilled about what I need it for. If gas gets finished I am asked why it gets finished b4 month end. Wats hurts more is he says I am lazy. When we argue he indirectly implies dat I am lazy to make things worse, I cant conceive so I am even a burden. He threatens me always dat he will send me back to Edo to my parents. He doesn't see anything good in me. I cook, clean, wash starch and iron his clothes  i do everythin to make him see me differently n compliment me at least. Nothing works  He even says sometimes that he doesn't love me and doesnt know why he asked me to marry him that he dated better girls before me and during when we were dating . I am so heart broken. It hurts so bad in my chest. If i was told at a time that i will enter into a loveless union i won't believe it. Love making has becom so ordinary cos we now do it cos we r trying for a baby not cos we love each other. 

Pls help me. all I need is a job in Abuja, any kind of job or business ideas I can start with about 100k. I don't want my marriage to be broken. I can't tell my parents cos they told us during marriage class that we should avoid reporting to parents or involving 3rd parties when we fight. Maybe if  I have a source of income things will change.


  1. I think nothing has changed about your husband. He was like this before the wedding. He bossed, controlled,didn't seek your opinion on serious matters like the wedding arrangements, you avoided arguments, did everything to just let the wedding happen and it happened.
    If you can't find a job, please create one for yourself right now. Learn to make something with your hands; beads; clothes; hair; anything that'll help you earn something for yourself. With a hundred thousand Naira, depending on what part of Abuja you are in, there are businesses you can do especially now with OLX, Facebook etc where you can reach customers for free.

    You'll be so depressed if you continue to expect appreciation from him, and depression doesn't help ladies TTC. Go out of the house from time to time even if it's to apprentice somewhere. Just leave him and the house and go laugh somewhere during the day while trying to better yourself.
    February to October is too short for you to start getting yourself worried about babies, they'll come, just be happy and feel relaxed knowing that God makes everything beautiful in his time. If there's something you can bake or make very well, that's how supplying starts and if you re good (Outstanding I mean), what you do will advertise and sell itself and in no time you become empowered and independent.
    He'll appreciate you soon, just do something and God will surely open doors for you.

  2. Wow I feel so sad for you that you're in a loveless marriage. I feel you should take aunty Eya's advice. Learn a trade, go out more and please build a wall to avoid is words from getting to you. If possible, for a month, give yourself a break from asking him for things. I'd rather you ask your siblings for help at least for now. Don't ask him for money for any of your personal things as I feel that's what is sending insults down your way. Also, try to pray more often about this situation. May God help you.

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  3. Marriage is hardwork and no one says it will be easy...
    I can tell u that no man gets married, to a woman, on impulse - he saw something the other ladies didn't have. Don't ever think u are not good for him... In some years from now, he will count himself lucky to have chosen you, as long as you stay calm, optimistic and above all, prayerful.
    In addition to aunty Eya, u can do volunteer work in something that you love doing: the future is bright and belongs to those that are busy - not idle hands.
    The reason they tell u not to involve 3rd party during marriage counselling is because it could complicate things if u share your problem(s) with someone who whose idea of marriage is warped - most people have wrong idea of marriage! However, u should be free to share with someone u can trust his/her view on the subject...

  4. Thank you very much for posting. Thanks for your Advice. I am very grateful. Please help me thank those who who made out time to comment and to advise Me. God bless you all


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