Hello Aunty Eya, good evening and thank you for wives connection blog and all the good lessons I have learnt from the time I was introduced by a friend. I never knew that a day will come when I will ask for advise, today I need help with my thinking faculty. I hope am not stupid?
My mother remarried after my father passed a very long time ago and she has three kids for my step dad, we all grew up together and God has been helping me. Although my step dad didn’t sponsor me in any school, God saw me through. My mother struggled so much to see me through Secondary school and at a point, I became known as the last student to pay school fee every term. All in all I passed WAEC and God sent Scholarship my way, that was how I got a degree.
I am married now with 2 beautiful daughters and why I write this mail is because something is bugging me a bit. After my marriage, my step dad passed on and hubby and I tried our best with my 3
siblings that were still in school, by God’s grace they are all graduated now and I give God thanks for making it possible because humanly speaking, that would have been impossible considering that their dad never cared for me in any way other than shelter and food.
One of my siblings is working right now anyway, but I just found out that while hubby and I struggled to make sure they all make something good out of their lives, for her Master’s programme, we spent hundreds of thousands of Naira and made sure she went to her University of choice, now, the thing is …she completed her forms while applying for the Master’s programme chosing her younger sister (my sis too but not the same father). She chose that one as her Next Of Skin, whereas the money and everything was from me and my husband. When I saw this old photocopied application form in her room drawer, she used to live with us and the room is still like hers even though she just got a job in a different town. I found that old piece of paper and felt foolish. Why would she write our younger sis as her NOK when the sponsorship came from me and my husband. I have been thinking about a lot of things … Is it because I don’t share the same father with them or she doesn’t appreciate our efforts? Please advise.
Mydear don't allow that to bug you OK. God has blessed u n ll keep Blessing you. You know d good thing about giving? Don't expect anything in return. Just be free and watch. Don't allow dis cause any problems BTW you guys. What u share is more Dan KOK.
My dear, please don't be bothered by all that, just see it as doing it for God and forget the matter. Thank God you're in a good position now and God will spare and provide for you and hubby to take care of your own kids.
That's a no no for me. If I am your sibling, pay all your bills, I'll definitely expect and it's only fair that my hame be in that application form as the next of kin. You now look like the foolish one 2 go spent so much on a wiser step brother abi? These are the kinds of things that cause friction and sibling rivalry in fa miles. He never thought that you'd one day lay hands on that form but you need to Instead thank God for revealing this so you know she doesn't have your back and doesn't appreciate you and hubby's effort. God help you stay alive and take care of your own kids because such siblings may not remember your good work tomorrow. The heart of man is difficult to understand.
What benefits do you get by being"Next of kin"? She might have even done it innocently, without giving any thought…
I also think u need to be grateful for your step-father. Some ladies were violated by theirs… God saw u thru and are doing well.
Whatever you do, or give, to someone is a gift and the moment it leaves your hand, it is no longer yours. Whatever the person makes out of it should not bother you. Let's be grateful for all things and expect nothing! You'll save yourself plenty headache & BP.
The next of kin is mostly filled just incase of death and I feel she filled it with her younger sister in mind because she's younger than she is and God willing when all of you grow to ripe old age….then move to the other world…*you can complete the sentence* besides, by the time she gets married, she'll change it to her daughter's (just watch and see)
The thing is, I don't think you should disturb yourself about the NOK stuff and I don't think you should ask her anything either because she might feel guilty or feel that you might wish something bad on her.
I however advise that you thread carefully and still take them as your younger siblings and be the older sister to them.
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I work in a hospital where obtaining info about next of kin is the norm. I have noticed over the years that many people (even those who are educated) do not know what it means. They think it means the person born after them in the family, so they write the name of their younger sibling! Even parents filling the form for their child will write the name of an infant as the NOK. Pls find out if she knows the real meaning. I think she does not. It would have made more sense to put your mom's name, not her sister who may even be under aged. In any case, God will bless you for all you've done for your siblings.
I feel NOK should be someone younger than one. I don't think she loves you less. You are blessed
My dear dont let it bother u, like someone rightly said, it might be innocent or delibreate, no one knows her reason. but lesson i personally learnt from it is that we should only rely and depend on God alone. If we give, human nature makes it that our efforts and help towards others might or might not be appreciated or rewarded. human beings will always disappoint. invest in your children no one knows what future will come with. My own case was my bother who was struggling in all areas of life, I loved so much and helped in somany ways for years untill he stood on his feet. we were very close and the closeness influenced the the things I sacrifed for him. today he is doing very well by the grace of God with the money I used to establish bussiness for him. But today we have suddenly become enemies and hardly talk. he has forgotten how far we have come in life, all because he marrieed a wife who thinks that any family member is after his money. which is not even true. dont let it bother u. every good work will always be rewarded by God. Goodluck
Just read through this post and felt a need to comment. Well, by definition, a next of kin is a person's close living relatives. However, sometimes people choose the next of kin that think should be younger so that s/he will succeed them if anything happens. I remember I was filling a form once and my dad rejected me putting his name as my next of kin. He rather asked me to use my younger sister. I am young and single. So since then, I have always filled my sister's name on any form that requires a next of kin information until I get married at least.
Nxt of kin can be any blood relative who can stand in gap for u should incase if anytin happens to u. So for ur sista to use her younger one as nxt of kin is not wrong bcs to her u re older and d small one stil hve life ahead of her thou death dnt come by age buh she believes u re older so she used somone dt is younger,pls do not allow it bother u bcs she loves and appriciate u. Nxt of kin is totally different for sponsorship