Tuesday, January 7, 2014

My Husband And His Mistress, HELP!

Hello Madam Eya good day, pls hide my id.
my story is a long one but I need u and WC readers to be patient enough.
I met my husband when I was in secondary school and he, a fresh graduate, then I was 17yrs old. We dated for 4yrs b4 we tied d knot and right now we ar already 4yrs into the marriage so we have been together for 8yrs.
During the period I met my husband, I asked him if he is into another relationship he told me that his last relationship ended bcos the girl cheated on him. As I was young and naive I believed him, meanwhile, in the course of our relationship I received an anonymous msg warning me to leave her boyfriend alone. I confronted my husband then my bf he denied knowledge of a secret affair.
Some years later I was already an undergraduate one thing led to another I got pregnant which hastened the plan of our marriage. Our plan is to get married d coming year but the pregnancy changed the plan. 

Within one year of our marriage, my husband started seeing his ex. D same person he said that cheated on
him what I didn't know but I found out later from my in-law is that my husband was dating the lady the same time he was dating me that the lady didn't cheat as posed by my husband but dat my hubby broke up with the lady wen he's abt getting married to me.
I have passed through a lot of emotional stress since I got married to him. I have prayed, cried bt no way.
U might want to know how I knew he is into his ex.

In d ist yr of my marriage my husband travelled abroad and returned wt lots of gifts for the family fast forward some months later I checked his fb account and saw ds ex pic wt d same cloth he got 4 me wen he travelled I was so angry I called his attention to dt he accepted buying d cloth and apologised  dt he won't get involve wt d lady again. Right then I tot abt divorce bt I brushed it aside and decided to hang on. Cheating continues though and d worse is dt I am ashamed to confide in someone so I kept it to myself.
3yrs later I got pregnant again it became worse. Thru out d 9months I ws emotionally down, his cheating nature wt ds lady affected me so much I almost lost my baby but wt God's intervention.  He pays d lady's rent, he sponsored d biz dt ds lady is currently running and b4 he could sponsor mine it took me so much pleas.

2 months after putting to bed my husband threw me and d kids out , he sent me packing. The reason is cos I picked his call which hapns to b d lady's call. Immediately no time wasting he threw my bags outside. I returned to his house some months  later after my parents pleaded and I did same. My parents on their side scolded me and made me bliv dt i did wrong which I accepted but is it enough  reason 2 send a woman wt a new born baby packing? Since I returned home I became quiet like a mouse bcos he told my parents dt I disrespect him and what does he mean by dat? Any time we quarrel and I try to voice out my feelings he tags it disrespect. Nothing brings quarrel btw us than his involvement with his ex and u can imagine d way I wil feel wen such issue comes up.

I have been minding my business like my parents asked me to until recently when he brought this lady for our family re-union, ds hapnd during the holiday.  He did this wt out thinking of how I will react.  He brought d lady lodged her in a hotel closed to our village every morning he leaves the house wt out saying where he's heading to I never knew d lady is the reason until I saw her close to my husband house and even wt my husband mind u she's not from d same town wt my husband.
I became so sad I cried, I prayed I cursed I ws devastated. D beginning of last year ws rough for me because of this lady and now d ending of d yr is same too. I began to wonder y does my husband wants to make my life miserable.  After what I passed tru in d hands of my parents cos I got pregnant 4 him y I ws still in school and cos of my age then, I was almost disowned by them or is it my peer group especially in my school then who spared nothing in reminding me dat I got pregnant out of wedlock b4 I finally got wedded in the church wt 8 months pregnancy.

Wt his behaviour to me from day one of ds marriage I always feel dt I trapped him into ds marriage but what do u expect from someone whose fiancee is to travel abroad dt wkend 4 his job and return after some months,  I couldn't travel to see him b4 his trip cos sch ws on break and am back home no good reason 2 leave the house ds made him to come over to where I reside wt my parents to see me. Unfortunately I ws in my ovulation, he comes wt condom so I didn't bother getting one, wen is time for action it hapnd dt he has none and there was a heavy  rainfall so we couldn't  go out to get one. In as much as we did the withdrawal method it didnt prevent d sperm from dropping inside me. I didn't know then what I know now I could av saved myself from al ds troubles if I had known abt postinor 2 but as God would have it I am a mother of two now and I love d child so much. Pls my dear husband I didn't trap u. U lied ur way into my life, used my teenage age and now u ar using my youthful age too. As I ws younger then y shud I drag a man wt a lady old enof to b my aunty? Sometimes I regret my involvement wt u. It's cos I taught that as u older u ar wiser than the boys of my age dat ask me out I didn't know until now dt truly al men ar d same.
Last November I took in, my husband said I av to abort it dt he can't deal wt my drama during pregnancy and I accepted, what kind of a man does dt? I did it, cos me I can't deal wt his too I am still recovering from my 2nd pregnancy emotional problems he subjected me to.
I have missed my period again ds Jan. Personally I wud lik to keep ds baby but his attitude is my prblm cos truly I want a way out of his life.  Since he can't stop his affair with ds lady I really want us separated 4 now.

I am tired, I av don everything humanly possible to make ds marriage work bt no way.  Every time he is on cal or chatting with her and if anything got me engaged wt my phone he wil b restless until I drop my phone. He has mandated me to off my phone ones it's 11pm  ds i gladly do to avoid prblm. He discusses nothing wt me but tells d oda lady his plans. I am lik a puppet to him . shouts and order me around never satisfied with my effort. He act as he likes no one can talk to him d only I one I know is his dad bt unfortunately he is late. He wil leav the house wt out saying where he's going and wen he gets to his destination he wil cal and say he is in so and so place and dnt expect him til some days later. My husband has no time but d lil he has during his vac he spends wt his mistress. He travels wt her but he hardly take his family out.

Let me end it here cos if I continue space no go dey.
Pls I really need a way out of ds situation a genuine one. No one shud cuss me out cos I don try and I am already emotional now. 

58 comments:

  1. Wow!!! This is so touching. My dear, what I will advise u is to give ur husband some space. With everything u've narrated here, it seems (he believes) that u trapped him into this marriage. Thank God u've prayed and begged him but to no avail, just give him some space to recognise ur value in his life. If he didn't come back begging, just know that it wasn't meant to be. U are stil young, if u've finished school, look for something to do to earn money no matter how small. Ur husband has enslaved u and doesn't care at all. Run now before he gives u Std or hiv plsss

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Go to MFM n cry bto God....God would give that lady bigger problems and she would 4get ur husband.

      4 d time being....close ur legs from him but dont abort ur baby again.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous2:07 PM

    Your parents no try for U, what do they mean by U shd mind ur biz, till U lose ur sanity???
    Its either U realise U r one of his concubines n take d treatment meted out to U which def wont lead U to a ryt ending or U put him in ur history books. 4yrs of misery is enough, a life spent in misery is a NO NO.
    Indeed U know U shd move on....but....all the buts come to ur mind, no matter wat anyone says its ur life, u make ur choices, u live with them!!!
    Make d ones that would keep ur head balanced in many yrs to come!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous2:38 PM

    D above commentors have said it all. He feels u trapped him. Pls separate frm him. If he wants u back den he should amend his ways if not move on with ur life. Ur too young 4 dis kinda ish biko nne. Get ur self busy. Get something doing be it a job or handwork. As 4 dat other lady who is getting herself entangled in such drama, goodluck to her. Karma is a bitch , baby! God is strength dear

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  4. Anonymous2:47 PM

    Aww poster. I feel for you. Sorry about ur situation. Its so touching.... Depressing..I wish single ladies will learn from ds experience..
    .From wat u hv explained I doubt any one but God can change ur husband.
    U made a mistake from d onset n u still making more along the way. U cant continue sleepn wit a cheating husbnd witout protection my sister. Frm my experience as a Dr, I hv seen for myself (not just reading about)dt most women wit Stds wch includes Hiv n Aids, get the disease from their husbands.
    Now, u need to pray to God constantly about ur husband while u also work on you n protect urself.
    Do not have unprotected sex wit him anymore. If he gets angry n makes it an issue, ignore his rantings. Afterall sex or no sex he'll still cheat, but atleast u r keepn urself alive to take care of ur kids. Dont even exchange words with him, tell him why u hv decided to go that way and be firm in saying it n without disrespect.
    Then I'd also advice that while still praying for him, stay off his cheating bizness, leave him to his conscience. Cook for him, be d normal dutiful wife(except d unprotected sex ofcourse), smile, love him. Get urself busy n leave d rest to God..God will arrest him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally seconded!
      A million likes!!!

      Delete
    2. Totally seconded!
      A million likes!!!

      Delete
    3. I totally agree.
      Poster u certainly cannot leave yet coz u might be pregnant and it sounds like your parents won't accept you judging fromwhat happened in the past.
      You need roughly 2-3years to plan your exit bcoz by then your will have delivered and your baby will be about 2yrs old. Within this time please get something doing to raise funds and save every penny u have for your exit. Who knows maybe God will change him before that time so please don't stop praying.
      Carry on with your usual wife/mother duties apart from sex. For the sake of your kids and your life please Stop having sex with him protected or not as this won't stop him cheating and u may get a deadly disease.
      I won't be surprised if your husband has secretly married his mistress and theyhave kids together.
      Visit your parents and have woman to woman/heart to heart discussion with her pouring out your heart and conclude by telling her you want to leave. She should really understand what you are going tru and passthe message across to your father. I praythey accept you back into their home with open arms.
      If your parents agree to accept you back into their home then leave ASAP not 2-3yrs time.
      In the mean time avoid quarelling withhim, just concentrate on planning your exit and keep talking to your to convince your dad to accept you and your kidsback. One day your huband will be touched by God, see things differently n come crawling to your parents pleading to have you back.

      Delete
    4. My dear, I feel truly moved by ur ordeal.marriage is not easy and it takes only the strong to wade through it((trust me I no). As for your parents, don't blame them, they are only trying to help u hold on to ur home as any right thinking parent should do, its just unfortunate that ur husby is not a rational person, my sincere advise is that u make up ur mind on what ur next line of action will be, cos nobody can decide that for u, and if its to leave him, plan ur exit well cos I'm sure with this ur husby's behaviour he wont bother with his kids after u guys move out, so u need a steady source of income to enable u cater for them, u can enlist ur siblings help to help convince ur parents of ur reasons 4 opting out of the marriage, but if u decide to weather it out, u need to develop a thick skin, cos hes enjoying tormenting u and everytime he sees u react, he nos he's winning, I dont think u should give him d satisfaction, if he does not tell u why he's going don't ask or react, if hes chooses 2 be outside 4 even a year, dont bother or react, dont call and if he's calling dont pick up until after 2 or 3 times so he nos u dont sit around waiting on his calls.take ur kids out on weekends, make good responsible friends maybe from church, dont report him 2 anybody cos dats making him relevant. And most importantly, go 2 d hospital 4 family planning, its not fair 2 be bringing dis innocent kids into a home where things are tenee, trust me, children sense tension and it affects dem.pray for peace in ur home, develop a hobby and I'm sure sooner or later ur husband God willing, will realise his mistakes.abuse of any kind is terrible, but Phycological abuse is worse and it should be resisted.God bless u

      Delete
  5. Fyn Ijebu Chic2:54 PM

    Mehn! Ur matter heavy for mouth oooo!
    Sister, I have 2 advice for u, u r free to pick one or none
    #1, Pls go back to God, He is ever faithful, loving. You've gotten it all wrong from the beginning.
    He will forgive and forget ur past and erase ur tears.
    After u are in gud terms with God, abeg fire prayer ooo, u know the mfm type
    Example:
    Every Strange woman/ ex girlfriend sharing my husband with me, what are u waiting for? DIE #mfm mode#


    #2, accept ur fate and leave ur husband. But plan ur exit well. Make sure u leave with ur children oo and for the time being use protection. Na wa for u sef, u no dey fear STD. U know ur husband is cheating on u big tym and u sleep with him without protection.
    Get enough money to rent a space, set up ursef. Take ur children and leave his cheating ass.
    I am too angry with u to go further. U are within my age bracket and u are living such a life of pain.
    Dat ur husband sef is a devil in disguise. He can arrange ur death if u aint careful.
    #dats my alter ego talking
    Single ladies, hope uare learning?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous3:01 PM

    Pls get sometin to do.. N leave dis man alone pls if u die as a result of his ill treament ur kids will b left to suffer.. 4get him n tk good care of ur kids also never cease praying

    ReplyDelete
  7. Blossom3:49 PM

    It's not so easy to leave especially when your parents are not in support. However if you are financially empowered you can leave and damm the consequences. Poster I know what it feels like to feel trapped in a relationship. God give you the grace you need.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Kai, God is punnishing that ur husband already oooooooo..... Ahnahn! Very heartless! N dt idiot of a mistress shld continue that way oo..Karma is posing for her in a corner... Sorry luv, u'll b delivered of this mighty drama/trauma

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  9. I second Anon 2:47 PM comments.

    First I would like to say sorry dear for your situation. It really pains me when a man washes his own hands and plans his own downfall. You did not trap him into any marriage dear. He just wants to eat his cake and have it. But be rest assured that the loser in this case is the woman that will not go and find her own man. She should be ashamed that a man she was going out with left her and married another yet she continued in a relationship with him.

    My utmost concern right now is that he will give you STDs so please be firm when it comes to your health. Don't let him touch you till he uses protection and if he gets violent about it then it's time to give him some space.

    Just dedicate your time to discovering other things that will make you happy. Try not to see him as your sole source of happiness because you will just be causing yourself more heartbreak. He will eventually come back to his senses. Take this time to discover your children and tap into the joys that children bring to us, OK? Play house with them, sing, read with them, cook with them when it is safe to do so. He has seen you in your saddest state yet he did not change. Maybe it's time to start being happy or at least seem happy. If he gets a kick from seeing that his action pains you, maybe he will stop when he sees that you no longer feel it.

    A way out? I always have this belief that people can change even with words of mouth alone. It all depends on who is talking to them about it. So find someone that he respects who you will talk to about this so that the person can speak with him to find out why he treats you this way.

    Personally, I would tell his close friends that I am not fine when they ask me how I am in his presence:
    Hubby's friend: How are you Flo?
    Me: I am not fine o, hubby is mistreating me o.
    Hubby's friend: (looks at me like I am joking)
    Me: I am serious o, there's this woman that he has vowed that she must come between us. Pls help me ask him what I have done to him so that I can ask him for forgiveness.
    Hubby: (Jaw on the floor) :D

    My dear I will say the above in the most relaxed and natural manner. If he sends me packing because of the above, I will go to my parents' house rest assured that I have gotten the word out there on why he sent me away. If his friends know me as a good wife to him, they will be working on my case and men listen to their friends more than anybody else.

    Leaving right now may seem like the surefire way to end your grief but it is not always the case. You need to ask yourself so many questions before you decide on that:
    - For how long can I continue to take this treatment?
    - Will I truly feel happy once I leave? Yes, some people feel more depressed after leaving.
    - Do I have the strength to leave him and never come back to him? The more you leave, come back, leave, come back, the worse it gets.

    I'm here if you need someone to talk to, OK? Take care of yourself especially if missing your period this month means you are pregnant. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7:26 PM

      What makes you think his friends don't know about it? Some many even be the ones telling him to carry on!

      Delete
  10. Anonymous4:29 PM

    Poster, so sorry about your situation. U need to empower yourself and separate from him if u can. That man doesn't need u, he needed a woman not a girl so why did he marry u in the first place it's sad. U should have just had d baby and dam d aftermath. Well, it's been done I will be praying for u on any decision u take.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous4:31 PM

    Poster, so sorry about your situation. U need to empower yourself and separate from him if u can. That man doesn't need u, he needed a woman not a girl so why did he marry u in the first place it's sad. U should have just had d baby and dam d aftermath. Well, it's been done I will be praying for u on any decision u take.

    ReplyDelete
  12. My dear poster, please go back to the drawing board. It is a new year and it's a year of opportunities. Have you saved up any money? Can you get a job with your certificate? Do you have a business?
    Judging from your story you shouldn't be more than twenty-three years and if you ask me, you are to young to go through all this stress. There's no use crying over split milk, your husband is into another woman because he doesn't know the asset he has at home, so I suggest that you settle down and think, make decisions of your own and keep to it.
    I am not yet married but I hope my advice meets well with you.
    From today, mind your business and take good care of yourself and children. It is obvious that you have tried so hard to win his love and he hasn't budged. Don't give yourself high-blood-pressure for nothing, God created you in His own image and likeness and you are specially and wonderfully made, please treat yourself as such. Concentrate on whatever business you're doing and on your kids too, they are too little to grow up in such negative environment so it's your job to teach them the positive side of life. Leave your husband alone, the Bible says 'The stone that was once rejected became the corner stone' and that is going to be your portion. Don't let anything your husband does disturb you one bit...block your mind to his insults, threats and womanizing. Take time to heal internally, mentally and physically and take care of yourself, look good, stay young and vibrant, please pray too and ask God for the strength to become the new you; a woman with dignity, pride and a woman of value. Ask God for forgiveness for the child you aborted and if you are pregnant, please don't remove the foetus. Pick up a diary and write down things you hope to achieve and things you intend to let go of, write down a list of good stuffs you want to get for yourself and kids and get yourself a good daily devotional book for spiritual nourishment.
    Remember, God is forever faithful, he never abandons his children.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I have an advice 4 u. U should be prepared to save ursef. U r a young lady n no doubt beautiful u shldnt allow a man treat u as his rag in d name of marriage. So as others have said, stop unprotected sex. Pray 4 ur husband and d stranger quite loudly 2 his hearing I mst add. Uproot ursef frm ur ongoing pity party. Giv ursef a tym bracket 2 save all u can. U said u hv a business, b prepared to move it sef incase he decides 2 lock it Up or somtin wen u leave, bcos u do have to leave. But nt unprepared. Durin ur saving period, look good, act like u r ontop of d world. Dnt b der crawlin to him as u hv obviously been doin. U r his wife. Wen u r rdy 2 leave, jst leave. Let him knnw dt he is free 2 bring ha in if he wishes, but as 4 u, u hv beta tins 2 do wit ur life. U r def too young 2 b playin 2nd fiddle 2 an old hag in ur husband's house. B rdy 2 stand up 2 ur parents too. Wen he comes beggin whc he eventually wld, u knw hw 2 take it up frm der.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous4:51 PM

    If you don't have a job, get one or something to fetch you little money and FOCUS on your kids. Any man who cheats on his wife is not worth any trouble. Make him realize that you can be happy without him

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous4:59 PM

    i agree with fine ijebu N0 2 advice. pls leave him but dont leave your children with him cuz they will suffer, and if you remain in that marriage you can die from heart attack and you will still live your children to suffer. just dont leave in a rush, try to gather more money from him and while you do so just pretend to love him, please him so that he does not notice any fowl play cuz i sense he may not allow you go with your kids and you have to go with them and in order to go with them you have to secretly do your thing. it happen to my cousins too just that she had only one son but no Job but she gathered all she could and left with the son. even her parent didnt know where she was until after some month that is after promising her that they wont bring the husband there. you can Email me (pinkyglory57@yahoo.com) am a married woman and am feeling bad right now, you are really in pain my dear sister. i hope u finish your studies so as to get something doing, yeah, in the mail you said he esteblished you, that is good at least you are empowered. pls pls pls this world is so short to suffer this much. and as for the pregnancy go and flush it please

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  16. Anonymous5:11 PM

    pls keep the baby, the last commenter

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous5:52 PM

    Dear Poster, I am really sorry about you situation and I greatly sympathize with you. I cannot begin to imagine the level of pain you're going through. I want you to know and believe in one thing and one thing only.... THINGS WILL GET BETTER, YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. God has not abandoned you and he is still alive.
    First and foremost, you need to accept the reality of what's going on. You can't cry over it forever, you can't bear it forever and you certainly can't pray it away (Although I believe and acknowledge that God is able of everything). Take all the time you need to get yourself together, cry, wail, pray and beat yourself up. Once you've accepted, please EMPOWER yourself. You have two beautiful young children and one possibly on the way and parents who don't want to accept the reality. Empower yourself, start saving money when you can, find a job, improve your business and be very particular about your finances. Have enough money saved up at least for a two-year survival (school fees, feeding, house rent and all). If you cannot move in with your parents, find an affordable place for you and your kids, find a car, and leave the stupid man alone. Move on with your life. Like the saying goes "you never know what you have until its gone', my dear you will become a testament to that statement, separate yourself from so-called friends who don't understand your plight. Become a STRONG woman, men love weak women with no opportunities, show him, with or without him, YOU CAN SURVIVE. He will get to know your strength and worth and he will value you more. Not only for him but do it for your babies and your own sanity. What will you gain by sitting down, crying and being mute? Nothing! EMPOWER yourself, love yourself and honor your life and you babies life. You deserve it...

    ReplyDelete
  18. married but feeling single5:52 PM

    What about the pregnancy?
    Leaving would mean taking responsibility all alone. Is that possible. Anothet pregnancy just means there is nothing you can do for now. SORRY

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anon 4.59 I disagree with you regarding flushing the pregnancy. No matter the circumstance murdering 'your own' child shouldn't be a option.

    @Poster, You are definitely going through a lot and it takes the Grace of GOD to remain strong when faced with challenges.

    To the single ladies out there, keeping yourself for your husband IN MARRIAGE is still the best. A man who marries you because you are pregnant might love you genuinely and on the other hand he might be saying 'I DO' out of pity or compulsion.
    Sex outside marriage shouldn't be a do or die thing. Just relax and enjoy it in marriage.

    My advise........the experienced wives said it all. You have a choice to make but whatever you decide to do,PLS don't stop PRAYING. GOD intervention and Grace.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anon 4.59 I disagree with you regarding flushing the pregnancy. No matter the circumstance murdering 'your own' child shouldn't be a option.

    @Poster, You are definitely going through a lot and it takes the Grace of GOD to remain strong when faced with challenges.

    To the single ladies out there, keeping yourself for your husband IN MARRIAGE is still the best. A man who marries you because you are pregnant might love you genuinely and on the other hand he might be saying 'I DO' out of pity or compulsion.
    Sex outside marriage shouldn't be a do or die thing. Just relax and enjoy it in marriage.

    My advise........the experienced wives said it all. You have a choice to make but whatever you decide to do,PLS don't stop PRAYING. GOD intervention and Grace.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous6:45 PM

    My dear go and buy prayer rain. Its a prayer book by mfm. U will see prayers that match ur case. I hv used it and it works with faith. Learn to make urself happy and busy.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Anonymous6:45 PM

    Enuf advice,I luv u all here,poster God will continue to see u tru jesus neva look away frm d tears of a mother,pls feel free to pick frm any advice here,dey are all super,dey ve said all,pls do take care of urself n ur lovely kids.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous7:56 PM

    I really get tired of posts like this. What exactly is she still looking for in this marriage? He clearly does not want to be married to her anymore and has done his best to chase her away. Is she waiting for him to give her AIDS? I'm just confused

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous10:09 PM

      my dear. She stil love d man o. Am confused as u are 2. D best thing is to leave dat man 4 sum time and seek divine intervention. Biko!

      Delete
  24. Anonymous8:47 PM

    My dear poster your story brought me to tears and I pray God comforts you. I believe the man feels you trapped him into marriage. whats done has been done but for the sake of your kids and your sanity pls leave this man be and go and pray. Ask God to take control of your life if it is that he would provide another husband for you so be it, if it is that he would touch your husbands heart so be it for all you know God may have someone better in store for you so why waste prayers on trying to get your husband back in other words what I am trying to say is regardless of what you want pray that Gods will is done in your life and make him number 1 in your life. Gods love is like no other and you know he would not treat you the way your husband has treated you.

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  25. Anonymous9:32 PM

    Some women do surprise me,from d beginning of d marriage dis man was treating u like s**t n u born no 2,abort no 3 now u r pregnant.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous9:57 PM

      Romantic ijebu chic! I love ur comment. Are u nt also single. Lol. As 4 me no sex b4 marriage ni. And most importantly. I wil ask God 4 direction. Thank God am learning o

      Delete
    2. Anonymous10:16 PM

      annon 932pm. I hope u are nt a murderer.

      Delete
  26. Anonymous9:56 PM

    @ poster I have one question for you....DO U LOVE your husband and want to remain in the marriage?if yes abeg sharply go and do 5 days deliverance in MFM and focus your whole mind/attention on the other woman while looking up to Jesus. I bet you fire will burn that woman literally. It is obvious your husband is under demonic bondage oh!
    If you don't love him, abeg just do what will make you and your kids happy they should be your greatest concern now. God's grace and mercy be upon your family

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous10:04 PM

      i like u madam. U no fit shout.

      Delete
  27. Anonymous10:14 PM

    Poster. Biko. Leave dat bingo of urs 4 like 6mnths and sought ur self out with God. U wil concentrate more and pray more. Ask God to intervene. Also keep urself bizi with a job or business.

    ReplyDelete
  28. •Omalicha•10:26 PM

    I will not stay under the same roof with someone who despises me,ignores me,disrespects me,cheats on me,Abuses me emotionally,belittles me,uses me as he pleases,and still calls me his wife. You know why? We will all die..but never let someone help you get to your grave faster. You have done this for 8years.she still hasn't left your husband,obviously she won't.she has taken over the role of his wife and you are just his baby mama. They can live happily ever after,but please PUT your life back on track. Find a way to save money and start something. If you have to sell expensive jewelry do it! If you have to inflate price of things in the markey do it! But please don't kill yourself because of A man.she will just gladly attend your burial.trust me,you MUST RISE ABOVE THIS SITUATION!!

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous12:19 PM

      I just love ur comment omal. I can't deal mehn! Iphy

      Delete
  29. This is just so sad and sometimes I wonder why some men do this.

    Yes, he clearly feels you trapped him into marriage but that's a whole lot of bs. There's no such thing as being 'trapped' into anything, you both had consensual sex and it resulted in pregnancy. Simple.

    What I can tell though is that he was clearly in a committed relationship with this mistress and started cheating on her with you and that's why they still have this unhealthy and sick relationship.

    Poster, here's what I'll advice:
    1. Your kids. They are your priority now. Take great care of them, try not to neglect them, raise them to be godly children, teach them well cause now you have to take up the role of their father too. God will give you the strength for this. You didn't mention if you have a help, if not, try to get one or get your mum to help out.

    2. You mentioned that he started some form of business for you, that's a major plus cause at least you don't have to totally rely on him for money. Please throw your energy into it, give it all you can and make it flourish.

    3. Take good care of yourself, eat healthy for the baby. Don't let his straying make you lose yourself. Fix up your hair, don't just look good, look smoking hot! Let him see what he's missing!. Yes, you can look good while pregnant, its just a bit of an effort but its well worth it.

    4. Please always confide in someone... Preferably your mum. Let her see things from your point of view. You really need someone you can talk to at this point, don't just keep it all inside.

    5. Pray, pray and pray. God always listens!
    All the very best!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Anonymous8:49 AM

    Why do men feel trapped by pregnancy? You had sex,both enjoyed it and someone gets pregnant and you're crying foul?I empathize with the Poster cos the same happened to me.I was naive and very ignorant about emergency contraceptives. In my own case,i didn't go on with the pregnancy and didn't marry the man for which i'm forever grateful. Just do your best to make yourself happy, stop sleeping with him cos of STD,and empower yourself. Personally I think he's under a spell cos this behavior and your parents reaction is strange. Take heart, it's obvious you're devastated but just remember your children. You have a lot to be thankful for and stay alive for. God bless you

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous8:51 AM

    Why do men feel trapped by pregnancy? You had sex,both enjoyed it and someone gets pregnant and you're crying foul?I empathize with the Poster cos the same happened to me.I was naive and very ignorant about emergency contraceptives. In my own case,i didn't go on with the pregnancy and didn't marry the man for which i'm forever grateful. Just do your best to make yourself happy, stop sleeping with him cos of STD,and empower yourself. Personally I think he's under a spell cos this behavior and your parents reaction is strange. Take heart, it's obvious you're devastated but just remember your children. You have a lot to be thankful for and stay alive for. God bless you

    ReplyDelete
  32. Thanks Mrs B. You said a lot... For those of you asking her to leave her he, do you know how traumatising single mom of 3 can be... Especially when her family are not in support of her leaving her husband...
    My dear stay put in your home and try as much as possible to ignore that mistress. It is not going to be easy..
    As for your protection, call for a family meeting and give them all the evidence of his cheating, and demand for the use of condom to protect your interest.. Cos I know some family see it as a tarboo... After delivery pls do a family planing in case condom fails..
    I feel for you, because this is a difficult task... So you need more grace... You need more of Jesus my dear.. Only Him can console you and help you achieve this impossible task... You will sail thru. Hold on to Jesus.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7:55 PM

      You cannot force a man to love you stay there in a miserable loveless marriage at 23?

      Delete
  33. Anonymous12:46 PM

    dear. Pasty. It is nt dat she wil dirvoce him. But she shuld seperate 4 sum time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4:38 PM

      After the separation, WHAT NEXT?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous1:20 PM

      come back to him if she has seen changes. This means if her hubby would apologise and become remorseful.

      Delete
  34. Goodmrn Anty Eya n my fellow W.C members.Compliments of the season to you all n pray this year would be better off the previous ones for us all IJN. In response to a sister's story I just read,I'll tell her somethng first.Alws knw that marriage has a Vice Chancellor(God) n He alone can settle d scores for u.Am a christian and will ask u to do yourself a favour,NEVER thing divorce as an option.Go2ur plc of worship,make sure ur a constant tither. And when u bcom one,ur problm bcms a walk over.Our good God said in Mal3:8 that when u bring in ur tithe,He will rebuke every devourer for ur sake. Havin promised Him u'l be a faithful tither this year,stick to it,but also NEVER fail to remind him of His word.Use that as ur spiritual weapon.If u don't get a tangible result after 3months,then knw that God hs ceased to be God. This tip ws used by a woman in ur shoes and at d end of d day she won d battle,n God is a duplicator of testimonies.You are married and must stay married.U myt not knw d kind of hold that lady has got on ur hubby so u must not let d devil win.Plz stop praying empty prayers n GIVE GOD A REASON WHY HE SHOULD INTERVENE ON YOUR BEHALF. It is well with u.God has promised total peace for us all this year n is committed to fulfilling it.Work with this knowledge if u really need a breakthru.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous2:32 PM

      1gazillion likes!!!

      Delete
  35. Anonymous5:21 PM

    the only suggestion I have for you is to PRAY for her to get married FAST!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous8:05 PM

    Tithe? You think she is experiencing this because she dosent pay her tithe? Are you joking? NO WONDER women are suffering! choi!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Anonymous4:32 PM

    d LOrd s ur strength.please dont leave but just as anon 2 47 has said,dont sleep with hm without protection.mysister u have all d power to get ur hubby back n it is in ur tongue.let metell u somthing,everytime me n hubby use tohave issues ill b saying ill leave ,ill b using negative words.when God reminded me of mypower,i stopped.now nomatter wat happns,i confess positive words,i talk back to d devil n he cowers in shame n now d spark has returned to my marriage.keep praying n confessing positively,even tho u might nt b feeling like dt,just confess positively.say to ur self,myhusband i will marry u,u will marry me,we will grow old together,i disengage u frm dt strange woman.sister take authority over ur husband.it works like magic bc its d word of God..may God give u strength..

    ReplyDelete
  38. Anonymous7:54 PM

    She is his true and only love. He will never leave her nor stop loving her. You have two options agree to be a co wife or up and leave the ball is in your court little girl

    ReplyDelete
  39. Pls poster. Leave that man to be. Leave that house with your kids. Yes it's not easy but pls try

    ReplyDelete
  40. Anonymous9:07 AM

    It is well

    ReplyDelete
  41. Anonymous3:20 PM

    I will advice u to watch dis nigerian film " mr and mrs" there are lessons to be learnt from dat film and again no what u want as a woman and as a mother no child deserves to watch dis drama.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Anonymous4:13 PM

    dear,i feel ur pain,am in dis mess too.so while readn ur story,i cried cos i thot i was d oly one.got married at 18.was in my yr 1,first sem.it was an arranged marriage.got preg n had my first at 19.n by 21.i had d sec.n preg for d 3rd nw at 24.6yrs of marriage n i live lyk a strange in my own hus.my parents want my out my i hv three kids n i knw my fam cant take care of us cos dad is out of employmt n mum is hv a hard tym payn d bills.at tyms i just get d nid to wake up at nyt n drive a knife into his hart but all i do is cry instead.i hv prayd,fastd n gone to men of God wu kip sayn dis is my home n my hubby dat i shd be patient.am so scared of him dat before we hv a discussn i hv to tink ova d words before i speak.i hv tried ignoring his affairs(cos dere are so many of dem i stoppd countn) n it seem lyk its gvn him d powa to do more cos i aint doing a tin abt it.dere r weeks i dnt hv 200 to buy airtym.wat hurt me most is on dailly basis i get toassters but smtin abt me just want to join his silly lifestyle.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Anonymous5:24 PM

    pls in case he refuses condoms... Arm urself with female condoms. God will help u dear. So touching

    ReplyDelete

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