Thursday, January 9, 2014

I am Glowing, No Longer The Down Trodden Wife Anymore!

From Odun, Fomer ikorodu Lady (Lolzzz)

Happy new year... may 2014 bring in so much joy and peace into your heart and home.
I am sure you are surprised to hear from me... i am still a follower of the WC.. but i just read and learn from the posts and the comments. Sometimes i still find myself wondering why i dont see Ahdaisy, Jay, etc on WC anymore.
Sorry , before you wonder who this is .. you know my name but people used to refer to me on your blog as ikorodu lady(lolzzz)
I read a post on your blog this morning .. and it took me back to those days of depression. So much has happened to me since and i felt strongly i should share with you an overview.. so you know am still very much alive and well.
You remember how i was just withering away after what my hubby then put me through after i defied everyone to marry him, gave up my former job to satisfy him literally turned myself to a doormat just to get the littlelest smile and approval from him.. it was during those periods that i stumbled on WC and just bore my soul on that platform.
I remember people writing to encourage me, asking me to stop talking about killing myself when i have got a beautiful son and so much to live for and  do something constructive with my life while suggesting what i can do to make my husband change his abusive ways.
I moved closer to God and  i remember sharing my personal testimony of how i sent an application for a job which entries for application was already closed and i got called and was instantly offered the job.My hubby wasnt moved about it and did not even bother about how things may have to adjust to suit a new job. I was left alone with having to manage how i will work from ikorodu to the island while taking 100% responsibility for the child's school runs. I came to WC again and while some people were against taking the job.. some still felt i should do all i can.. and i did.. afterall.. here i am with no single kobo to my name..my hubby has never given me allowance for anything.. sometimes he even prefer to buy foodstuff.. mine will be to cook .. so there is nowhere to scrounge money from.
I wanted to take my son to my mum's who is a retired Government educationist for a while till i settle down at my new job to see how i can work things out (he was less than 2 yrs old), but my hubby kicked against it .. and decided to change the child 's school to take him to school, but after my child broke down after one week of leaving home at 5am and coming back home at 8pm.. i couldnt take it and put the child back at the former school.. to the anger of my hubby and his parents. I decided to take the ferry to work and back so i can be the one taking my child to school. My boss (who is a female) was understanding , as sometimes i may not get to work till 9am and i have to leave on the dot of 5pm to try make it a bit early . i used all my salary to enter ferry as the fares were high and also to pay for the after school care. I wouldnt have been able to manage this if not for my mum who helped me with money till i got my first salary. I remember my mum always runing to the bank to put small monies into my acct as she was retired and could only do what she can.
I still loved my hubby but things continued to spiral down. But when my son became ill that we had to rush him to the hospital commando style for which he had  to be admitted for almost a week, his parents never made a single call to me while i was there and whenever he came to visit.. they will be calling him and they will all be talking on phone and i would just be looking silently like a stranger. There .. after a whole lot of abuses ... one beating and a lot of talk downs.. that one incident just made my mind up. I realized that i never would want my life to be like this forever and forever is a long journey. When we got back home and he started with his usual threats that he is no longer interested in the marriage..its not by force.. that i just said fine. He didnt believe it. It rained in torrents that day, but somehow that day i found this extraordinary strength to carry the stuff i could on Okada with my son and left and took the next available danfo out of the area. I went back to my parents house, but not without a sense of apprehension  and failure. I  never in my heart thought i would be a single mother. ever. I wondered how i was going to raise my son and juggle my work at he island
Two days later , my company management decided that since they have a house just recently renovated in Yaba, the company should move there. Not only that they decided to give me a 2012 Brand new Kia Picanto as an official car, also with a small increase. My boss is a lady, and i had never met the director. So it was just a case of hard work and God's favour. I also met new friends who constantly encourage me whenever i feel i failed as a wife who couldnt hold down a marriage. My hubby started talking to me again and i communicated because of my son, but when he wanted to start his usual abusive ways of talking down on me when i sometimes pick his calls late. I told myself i will not go down that lane again. I told him his and he stopped talking to me. I have sent him messages and tried calling him that he is free to see his son and that i will never stop him bonding with his son ..if he so wants , but he never responded. So there is no contact and he doesnt know how his son is doing and he is not responsible for his child's upkeep and schooling.

This is a long long piece, no doubt but it wont be complete if i dont tell you how positive i am feeling now. Yes.. i do have challenges, i sometimes dont have enough money especially when am trying to bring up my son in a qualitative style and with nothing except my salary to fall back on. But Aunty Eya.. i am glowing.. am no longer the downtrodden lady anymore. am even more prettier than before, you wont believe am 35. Infact, i fight off admirers as this is not my focus. And most importantly i have peace. I wake up every day full of hope, knowing that my tomorrow will get better. No more tears, no more worthlessness.
Thank you Aunt Eya.. for giving me your platform to have shared my pain in the first place, and i think its only fair if i can share my peace now.
Do have a lovely day ahead.
Warmest regards
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98 comments:

  1. Anonymous5:57 PM

    Happy 4 u dearie! Hugs & kisses

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  2. Anonymous6:35 PM

    I read your story, I cried and then I started smiling. My dear, you are victorious. You are the poster child for Nigerian women who leave their marriages and are better off for it and not the ones who they say stay, stay, pray, pray till you lose your sanity. I celebrate with you and I praise you for this bold step. You are more than a conqueror. The happiness you feel now is what The Lord wants you to feel. NO point being in a marriage and die there. If anyone dares tell you, you are committing sin by leaving your marriage, the person should get ready for the backlash of comments I will rain down on their heads. Women like you should be have be on talk shows, many are dying silently. You braved it, braved the wrong judgemental society of ours and you are the better for it, your son is the better for it. I pray that with this new found happiness and peace, The Lord will uphold you and give your further strength, you will not walk this journey alone, you are re-writing your own story and in His own time someone else will be brought your way and you will experience what love truly means, your son will experience the love of a positive role model and a father in his life. I don't know you but I am clapping for you right now and cheering you on and I hope that someone in a desperate situation will look at your story and it will give them courage. Eya we need more victorious stories like this, we women need to support each other and be bold. All that pray, pray, be patient, be patient which is the only advice that is dished out on this blog does is so classic 9ja. You advice to stay, pray and the minute you close your computer, you walk away but don't know the impact that advice has on the person. You haven't walked a day in there shoes. Even if they may or may not end up back together at least leave, remove yourself from the ugly situation. You never know until you try. We don't get to see enough stories like this, such a sigh of relief. You brave, brave woman. I wish you all the very best. You are a survivor and a positive role model. Don't let anyone tell you different. Ignorant people will tag you all sorts, give you names, see yourself as you see yourself and as The Lord sees you, everyone else's opinion is zero. Hold your head high, you did not fail, you only made a mistake and you are retracing your step. Bless you.

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    1. Anonymous9:11 PM

      Wow you could be my sister! This is exactly how I felt when I read this story. The thing about advice on this blog is that the majority of readers are your average Nigerian women who were brought up with the I must marry by fire by force mentality and marriage is a forever affair no matter what so if your husband beats you they tell you to stay you are not the first nor the last. My sister it's a pity they think this way I don't blame them I blame the society they live in or were raised in. But I thank God for people like you who think with an open mind if only more women can think the way you do. Poster @Ikorodu lady I thank God for your life you shall see nothing but goodness from now hence forth I pray for good health, wealth and happiness for you and your son. May God bless your mother for me and provide her with more than she needs. It is because of her support that you were able to do this and may she be an example to other mothers whose daughters are in a similar situation. Once again I thank God for your life and pray that he sends nothing but showers of blessings your way. It shall be well my sister the Lord has nothing but great things in store for you and your son.

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    2. Anonymous12:06 AM

      This is the best post i've ever seen on Wive's Town Hall Connection. Very glad she took the courage to break free. Dear poster, keep being you and keep your safety, mental health and love for your child first!

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  3. Anonymous6:39 PM

    One correction Eya, remove that wife tag abeg, she is no longer a wife but a mother and a strong woman. There's nothing wrong with no longer being called a wife if that marriage was hell. She herself called it, I am no longer that downtrodden lady. Let her be addressed as such biko. Encourage her

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  4. Anonymous6:42 PM

    Chaiii Odun. I can feel your peace. I went through the same thing for 10 years. Did a whole lot of rubbish just to make my marriage work. I felt there was something wrong with me and did not have any wish to live longer.
    Here I was, trying to hard to please a man, spent all my salary on his whims and his family; but still I was just rubbish in his eyes.
    Yes. I woke up one day and realized that I would die if I continued that way. Where I was depressed, i will not use the word that I am happy now but all I can say is that apart from worrying about where the money for the next rent and bills will come from; God has granted me peace of mind.
    I would like to take this opportunity to tell anyone reading this post that I would never advocate for divorce but at the same time, if you have not had the same experiences under the same circumstances then you can never judge the other person. Please remember that:
    1. You can not make anyone happy neither can anyone make you happy. Happiness comes from within you and until you are receptive towards it then you will never receive it.
    2. You can not force anyone to love you. Nothing can buy someones heart.
    3. In every situation try to remember the reasons that made you fall in love with your spouse in the first place after all there were others that you would have accepted but you chose this one.This will make it easier for you to fight hard for your family.
    4. When the time comes for you to make that decision whether to leave or stay, no one that is not in your shoe should impress upon you to make a decision that does not go with your heart desire. Your life is paramount.
    Thank you.

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    1. Anonymous9:15 PM

      Thank you! A lot of Nigerian women have a hard time with number 2 "you can not force someone to love you". Yes you may live under the same roof but if there is no love what is there to hold on to in times of trouble. I wish more women can realize that love comes naturally it is not forced.

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  5. Anonymous6:43 PM

    I am happy for you... I pray God makes this happiness permanent in your life. Never lose hope. Continue to have faith an remain positive. Wont God do it? Glory!!!

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  6. You are my eminado! Am not married yet, but I admire your courage. Please no matter how he begs don't go back to him! The Lord is your strength.

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  7. Wow.........Congrats my dear sister. Congratulations. When GOD decides to bless his own ehn........the blessings will be jaburata.

    One thing I encourage people about is get a word from GOD before you go into any relationship. When challenges come(cos they sure will) the word(s) you got from GOD will keep you going.

    Its my prayer that the Lord will continue to bless you and your son@poster because he has indeed turned your mourning and sorrow into Joy. He has granted you favour before your boss and he always will as far as you remain within his boundaries.

    Women are going through a whole lot. Just ensure you surround yourself with the right counsel. May GOD continue to help us.

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  8. Fyn Ijebu Chic8:47 PM

    Thank God for you..
    Last tym I read your story, I cried!
    But I am happy reading this.
    U are a GEM forget what any other person says.
    I do not know you but I Love ur spirit!
    Ur son will grow to call you bless!
    You just broke a chain of domestic violence!
    I'll share my testimony soon(not marriage tinz ooo, patience and hardwork), I am believing God for perfection.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous4:57 PM

      fyn gal waiting 4 ur testimony.

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    2. Waiting for your testimony too!
      Congrats Odun! I'm so happy you were able to take that bold step and see how the Lord has blessed you!
      Congrats again! Kisses to your little man.

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  9. Pretty9:13 PM

    I am touched. May God continue to strengthen and favour you. You deserve all the happiness and peace in this world. Keep smiling!!!

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  10. Wow... Good to hear from you sweetie
    .

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  11. Anonymous10:19 PM

    Infact I shed tears wen I read ur story.Truly,God is on ur side! God neva slept in ur case bcos I vividly rememba all u went tru den with ur husband and ow u even went to live in ur uncompleted buildling which was really far from ur place of work and even to the main road.Ur story has given me courage that while there's life,there's hope and weeping may remain for a night but rejoicing cometh in the morning. I pray that God will continue to guide you,bless u and ur kid and maybe give you d bestest(if there's a word like that) husband if your (former)husband doesn't change.God is still taking you 2high places and ur husband will see the handiwork of God in ur life! God bless u Odun,the Ikorodu lady-Amen
    ADEYANJU

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  12. Lizzy1:04 AM

    Odunayo I read your post tearfully twice as I couldn't believe you have now found PEACE.
    I thank God for your job and the courage not to leave it even when your ex-husband (ihope I can call him that now) wanted u to quit the job.
    I can see you going higher and higher. This is just the beginning of everlasting peace for you.
    Although this might be the last thing on your mind right now but please shine ur eye well so as to not make the same mistake with another man.
    Put in your best at work and you will get more than double promotion and increase in wages IjN. (Don't 4get to open a savings acc to save some of ur wages monthly for rainy day). This year is really odunayo for you. Xx

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  13. Anonymous6:36 AM

    I'm not married yet, I pray I don't have to go through this when I am but at the same time I admire your courage and sanity. God be with you and your son.

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  14. The GOOD LORD WILL STRENGTH. YOU.

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  15. Anonymous9:42 AM

    I cried reading this. Proud of u ma.

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  16. Super proud of you dear poster. You are blessed. God is with you and will never leave you. Amen.

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  17. Anonymous11:57 AM

    It is funny how all the stay and pray prayer warriors have not come to comment. Shame catch una abi. That shame will continue to catch una with the yeye advice that you give. One person don escape from the misery una dey. See am. She is the better for it now. If it was the other way around and she was still in trouble comments for don reach 55 by now with all of you crawling out of the woodwork to offer your sitdon there make you continue to pray. She don ja now and don free from bondage instead of you women to come and lift her up and celebrate her you are quiet. Even Eya Mrs advice giver no fit talk anything. Good. Her bravery don shame una into submission. Life doesn't end when you stop being Mrs. All of una abokoku. Maybe na the backlash wey the 2nd commenter promise una if anyone try talk nonsense make una sitdon dey look. Good. We need more people like that 2nd commenter on here. Never read such sense in my life coming from a Nigerian. The kind of sense you will read on bella naija. Eya maybe it is time to advertise your blog by commenting on bella naija like you did on linda ikeji. Sense has been lacking on top women matter on this blog for too long. This is 2014. Time for progressive talk

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    1. Anonymous2:33 PM

      THANK YOU THANK THANK YOU!!!!!! WELL SAID Shame don catch am well well! The advice some women give on this page takes us back to 1850 na wah! Eya is the biggest crusader for stay, pray submission and razor mouth taming sometimes I wonder why women still send her their DV stories. Infact if you are a WC reader and have never read Bellanaija I suggest you add it to your blogroll right now so much common sense over there

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    2. Anonymous2:39 PM

      Lol Eya probably was dropping her adverts on Bellanaija the same way she hounded people on LIB. The BN team must have deleted those adverts sharp sharp. Eya you sef try imagine adverts on every single LIB post for several weeks inviting people to your blog haba! Thank God you got enough readers and stopped your adverts were becoming annoying

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    3. Anonymous5:36 PM

      Exactly. I read the my husband and his mistress post and was shocked at the responses. Where are those women who were offering advice. Why didn't they come here to offer advice. Shame don catch dem well well. Abeg commenter 2 please go and talk sense on that post. Ejor. The comments don almost reach 50 and not one iota of sense. Stay, stay, pray, pray. Where are those women who dropped comments. Her case is just as bad as this Ikorodu one was. Please commenter go and talk sense to that woman before she los finish and go crazy

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    4. Anonymous6:02 PM

      STFU. It is because of people like you that we advice women to stay in their marriages. I know you are from a broken home that's why the bile in you can make a giant pot of bitter leaf soup. Stop commenting and replying yourself. Must everyone see things from your perspective? Rubbish

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    5. Anonymous6:49 PM

      anon 6:02 are you unhappy? Eyaaa here is a hug

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    6. Lizzy7:54 PM

      Anon 5.36pm no iota of sense in all the 50 comments on 'my husband and his mistress' post?
      Such issues are to be handled with serious wisdom.
      The lady in that post has no job, money, she is possibly pregnant with her 3rd child and from what happened d last time she moved out of her home to her parents they frowned against it and told her to go back.
      Now let's compare. Odun got herself a job before she left and this job has been sustaining her and her son, Odun's mother was supportive by finacially helping her and also helping her with her son.
      Where on earth do u want the lady in the other post to go with 3kids, no money, no job, no one to house her. Now is it not better for her to plan how to conveince her parents to accept her n kids or plan where she'll move to before she exits.
      Once again WISDOM is required for such issues especially when kids are involved.

      Delete
  18. Anonymous3:33 PM

    Ikorodu lady there is no day that I don't think of you,I am really proud of you.when a man is abusive there is no amount of makeup that will make you glow but when you are really happy with peace of mind you glow without rubbing any thing.God will surely provide for you to take care of your son.

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  19. Anonymous4:49 PM

    @poster Odun; I am praying for U right now. I bless the name of the Lord. Its humbling how someone U don't know can touch your heart strings. U touched mine. God be with U.

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  20. Anonymous4:55 PM

    ThanK God o. Am happy 4 u! Am nt married yet, and i dnt pray to have any useless man as hubby. I hate nonsense!

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  21. Chioma r. DURU5:05 PM

    Aunty Eya! These days u just post and dnt comment. Missing ur comment o.

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    Replies
    1. I do leave comments, just that sometimes I don't know what to say. At such times, I wait to learn from you guys comments.

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    2. Learn from you guys' comments.

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  22. Odunayo so happy for you. It's good to know you have found peace. May God continue to streghten you and give you wisdom to be a good mother. Cheers

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  23. Shuga Jay8:12 PM

    I'm proud of U.. God bless u real good..

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  24. Anonymous8:32 PM

    Anonymous 6.02pm. I was not replying to myself, I was replying the 2 other ladies who left comments under my own. Mumu. English dey worry you. For your information, my parents are still together after 40 years. Even at that dem no raise us to stay and die in a marriage. My father told my two brother in laws that if they no do again make dem return my sistera back to the house dem marry dem because him no dey give out pikin walk away. My papa no collect bride price. He announced it loud and clear at their traditional marriage, make the man and her in-laws hear well well. One single finger on any of his daughters and they wills see his red. We girls were raised to be independent, confident and strong and my sisters so far have married good men. That is not to say if the man messes up to the point their lives are in danger or any form of emotional or physical abuse they are not out of there. My parents will come pack their things by themselves. So anonymous 6.02pm, you think Odun's son is not better of from a broken home than the monster that is his father. I sorry for you. The only bile i see here is the one coming from you. It must pinch you for body say Odun is brave to do something you cannot do, all in the name of being Mrs. Keep staying there and be praying you hear. Nonsense.

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    1. Anonymous9:09 PM

      You are very bitter soul you will choke on your bile. If your sisters are anything like YOU, then your bils are not with your sisters out. of love but cos of your father's threat. Your sisters are in their husbands' house and you go about promoting divorce. To your warped brain the solution to every marital problem is divorce. I know you are in-between husbands,@ the rate you are going you will marry 14times and still die single. Yes, I said it you are looking for a perfect man abi? You will see one check under you bag of okrika husbands very well oloshi. Your parents have been together for 40yrs n your tiny brain tells you they ve never disagree. When all the women leave their husbands and become single mums, I wonder who will warn their future sils to take care of their daughters like your father warned your bils. Mumu oshi. Serial divorcee.

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    2. Anonymous9:24 PM

      Disagree is different from abuse. Don't mix the two up. I don't even know why I am responding to you sef. No I am not in between husbands. Na you be oloshi. Your husband must be abusing you. Sofry sorry en. Stay there. It is obvious you can't tell the difference between disagreements and abuse. That is how bad your brain has been rewired. You think it is just normal disagreement. Left to you Odun should have stayed in that marriage abi. Talk true. You are not happy that she left and she now has peace. Left to you, all she had with her husband was disagreement. She should have stayed and prayed. Odensin. Women should leave when abuse is involved but if they are like you who put everything under the umbrella of "disagreement". They can stay and pray. I feel sorry for your daughters because they won't even be able to run back to you like Odun did to her mum. You will be like the poor helpless girl in the 'my husband and his mistress story' who chased their daughter back into the house of a monster. You think a father like Odun's husband will announce what my father announced at my sister's trad weddings? This is the way abused women talk. I no surprise at all by your comment. I just pity your poor children who are watching their mother suffer and think it is disagreement. Or is that how you watched your dad too so they you think it is normal. Perfect man, no such exists. A man can be imperfect and not abuse his wife emotionally, physically or psychologically. Those who don't are not perfect men. Don't get it twisted.

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    3. Anonymous10:14 PM

      Ode, with your aggressiveness, am sure you were the abuser in all your failed marriages. Dundee, aggression begets aggression. No one abuses one who hasn't done or said anything. After running your mouth like oral diarrhoea and hitting your husband first you will com here and be saying nonsense . Sweetheart, am a well brought up babe from a good home, my dad didn't av to warn hubby to treat me right cos he didn't raise a FOOL. He trusts my judgement and know I won't bring home an abuser and guess what? I didn't disappoint him! I married my soul mate and 11 blissful years of marriage abuse is a non existence world in my home and it takes contact with people like you to understand why anyone should abuse their spouse. As for my daughter, am raising her the way I was raised so that she will not end up like you! She will know that is only 2 fools that will live together without having disagreement, she doesn't av to be aggressive to put her point across and we shouldn't forced our opinion on people. Finally, she should treat people (her husband inclusive) the way she expects them to treat her. There, I won't av to warn her husband not to abuse her!

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    4. Anonymous10:46 PM

      I don't know who you are but this your comment is dangerous. I am the second commenter and I just came back to this page to see if Odun left any comment. Normally I don't drag words with the people that comment on this blog because their reasoning is different from mine, but I had to comment on this one. "No one abuses one who hasn't done or said anything" is justifying abuse. No matter what, there is no justification for abuse. None at all. That sentence justifies it. People say, oh they don't support abuse (which i am sure you will come back and say) and in the next breath they make such statements.
      If The Lord treats us like that, for everything we do or say wrong, no human being will be left on the planet, because we say or do something wrong, quickly we will be punished and He will be justified, after all he created us and we did something wrong. Love your wives as Christ loved the Church. We seem to forget that and quickly chant submit, submit, submit, even in the faces of women going through abuse.
      Whether a woman runs her mouth or not, does not give any man the reason to abuse her. Even if she hits him, it doesn't justify it. A man who is truly a man should walk away. If a policeman on the street hits him, even if he did nothing to warrant it, he will walk away. Michael Adenuga has slapped many of his male employees and they are still working for him. Even married ones. What about that. Bosses have worse than oral diarrhoea and these men take it, but when it comes to their wives they become abusers.
      There is something called walk away. I don't know what you mean by disagreement. When does disagreement cross over to abuse. Where do you draw the line. Even if a woman is aggressive, the solution is not to respond with abuse. He knew she was aggressive before he married her right? Why turn her into a punching bag after marriage. You who wrote "she doesn't have to be aggressive to put her point across and we shouldn't forced our opinion on people". You sound very very aggressive. Using abusive and swear words. Is this how you would teach your daughter to respond to someone who doesn't agree with her? Imagine if your daughter in-law spoke like this to your son, would him hitting her now be justified? Like I said, I don't drag words with the women that comment on this blog, because the thinking is one and the same where abuse is involved. I just felt I should call you out on that second sentence that you made because other women going through what Odun went through will be reading this post, and on getting to that sentence you would have demoralised them back again, instead of getting strength from her testimony. Abuse me if you want, i won't descend to your level at all. People who have to resort to using curse and swear words to pass their point across show their base level of thinking.
      I don't know you Mrs but you just summed up the problem with the Nigerian society with that statement. To read Odun's story and say "No one abuses who hasn't done or said anything", you have just basically told her that she deserved everything her husband did to her. It was her fault. 11 blissful years of marriage, and that is the words of wisdom you have to share. Bravo. You should be so proud.

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    5. ANON 6:02PM WHO AM GUESSING IS ANON 9:09PM AN D 10:14PM let it out sweetie I don't know what you are going through but your lashing out here is good because at least you are venting that is a good step. Next please send us your story so we can advice you well well. Denial is the first stage of grieving in this instance grieving for a relationship that is dying. A bitter and jealous soul will never see the good in others I pray you get your deliverance soon. The guilty are always afraid by their words we shall know them your comments spoke volumes about the person you are and they kind of failed relationships you have had and are still having seek for help do not die in silence

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    6. sorry anon 10:14pm if you are a different person yours was an erroneous inclusion please accept my apologies

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    7. Odunayo, congrats on the step you have taken and the peace that you've gained. We are happy for you.
      For those women who came our here seeking the peacemakers, is there anything wrong with advising from your point of view. That is why it is called a balance of opinions. Even when you advocate an exit from a marriage, shouldn't there be an exit strategy? Always recall that it is the person that is in the situation that would know the best solution for him/her and would know the full ramification of any decision taken. So sheath your swords.
      However, I want to correct one very wrong impression that many women have. This was exemplified in a comment above. I will quote her. Whether a woman runs her mouth or not, does not give any man the reason to abuse her. Even if she hits him, it doesn't justify it. A man who is truly a man should walk away". This is absolute nonsense and if you have that mentality, you are on your own. What gives you the impression that women should have the sole monopoly on violence (physical & verbal)? Remember that men are also product of their environment and what might work with one may not necessarily work with another. Please, if that is your thought process, change it.
      Have a lovely week ahead.

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  25. Odunayo9:49 PM

    Good evening everyone..thank you every one for taking time to read my piece. i appreciate your prayers and wishes..its really nice to know that people i have never seen before have made out time to appreciate and bless God for me. Thank you so very much.am indeed very grateful..patcy..deborah..ijebu chick...adeyanju..and my other peeps.
    Please i would like to say its truly not easy to leave.. especially someone who led me to love him almost more than my life..before marriage but..it got to a level where that itself had to be pushed aside if had any hope to raise my son and be the vibrant lady God made me to be. two things pushed me... i dont want my son to be raised in an environment that will affect and scarred him for life. also everyone deserves to be happy... i do not think God want me to live my life waking up and asking why He didnt take my life in the night.. instead allowing to wake up to a man who will come and smack me to wake me... ask me to sit down and proceed to tell me each morning for at least 20mins how worthless i am..before he leaves for work and leave me there with my head bowed ...silent..with tears streaming down my face.. i cry when i wake..i cry when i sleep. if i have to talk to him.. my heart will be beating so fast.oh...those days....

    Thank God for a family who would rather have their daughter back than allow her die in a marriage. my family noticed my talks were all abt death and hopelessness.. the few times ..i cld see them as my hubby then didnt want to see them..and i have to seek approval some days before if I have to see my family... infact anytime i get to see them ..its like christmas... and its just for certain hours. They just kept telling me how much they love me...and that they dont want me to live like this. So they welcomed me back when i eventually took the bull by the horn.
    I was able to do this because my family didnt reject me... i could have done it without them but it will be a lot harder
    What i would like to say is that women in these situations would be better for it..if their families stand by them. if they reject their very own ...who will stand for them? Dying in a marriage is tough...dying alone and rejected in a marriage is hell n earth. Nobody has to live like that especially when the guy cannot be bothered whether you live or die...... i see that now....



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9:59 PM

      I bless God for you oh and I bless God for your family who are not like Anonymous 9.09pm and tell you not to divorce so you won't be a single mum. Imagine if you had stayed and prayed. Like you have not prayed enough. If they won't come and celebrate with you just know you are celebrated. Your family is amazing and that is how it should be. Yes you could have done it by yourself, which is where many women think they can't because the man has made them feel worthless. Your son is also the better for it. No child deserves to grow up in that kind of environment. Single parenting is better than two parents where one is a monster and the other is a depressed shadow of herself. If anyone thinks my comment is promoting divorce, read Odun's story and check yourself well. Count the screws in your brain. One must be missing. Odun don't worry you will also share your story of how you have found love again. This new found vibrant lady that you are will find love. Lightning does not strike twice in the same place. You are blessed and highly favoured. Say AMEN

      Delete
    2. Anonymous10:53 PM

      I came back just for you, and I am clapping for you, especially that last paragraph. Hugging you big time from here. No support group like family. If the opportunity comes to render support to a woman who is going through what you are going through, but has no family support, don't hesitate to step in. Allow The Lord to use you to stand in the gap for her. Women need to provide a chain link of support for our fellow women, be an umbrella, because many women have no family to turn to. You are a blessing to your son, he doesn't know yet how lucky he is. He will grow up to be exact opposite of what he would have been if you have stayed. Abusive husband grow up in abusive homes. You broke the chain, the "generational curse" like my friend says. I wish you all the very best in life.

      Delete
    3. Shayor@soupabowl8:47 AM

      I bless God for you Odun...This new found joy shall be permanent in Jesus name.

      Delete
  26. Anonymous11:23 PM

    there is a proverb that what the elders see sitting down on the floor, we young ones cannot see it on top of an iroko tree. Most issues we have with our marriages are always as a result of ignoring advises from our parents and been blinded by love. all these can be avoided if we just listen to our parents. thank God for your wonderful family that stood by you, others have not been so lucky. and in as much as God hates divorce, he wants us to be Happy, be in good health and florish. wishing you all the best dear!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous12:56 AM

      Yes he does but he also made provisions for divorce

      Delete
  27. Anonymous1:14 AM

    But why are some Nigerian women so hostile and aggressive though? Common civilized diplomatic discussion you can't have and then you wonder why husbands are out cheating with soft spoken diplomatic women!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mama kainye1:18 AM

      I wonder o! I just wonder

      Delete
  28. Anonymous1:42 AM

    2nd commenter, alias anon 9:11, 9:15, 11:57,2:33, 5:36, 8:32,9:24,10:46 and jkl. Nobody forced you out of your matrimonial home, so go you can not force the women in this blog to tow your line. Go back and ready the comment you made at 11:57 and you will know why I called you out. I no you are suffering from multiple personality disorder but at least you will know you comments when you see them. " Shame don catch una"(who?) 'Life doesn't end when you s stop been a Mrs, all of una abokoku' (so we should rush for mass divorce?) '.....they should get ready for backlash of comments...' ( n u wonder why you are divorced?) 'Shame go continue to catch una with una yeye advice'(insulting entire blog visitors?) I will never be able to stop to stoop to your level even if I lie flat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous10:05 AM

      OH SHUT UP FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!!!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous7:22 AM

      You shut up too, busybody!

      Delete
    3. Anonymous6:12 PM

      will you women just chill? Jesus, are these peoples's mothers? respect yourself on this blog please we are not rash abero women in mile. If you two cannot have a difference in opinion and still be civilized about it Eya ejoor, yank their comments out!

      Delete
  29. hi everyone... pls do not let this divide us.... we women should learn to support each other...yes we would disagree sometimes...but overall we should be each other 's voltron...afterall the society is not doing much for us in that area. i believe so much in the institution of marriage... before i left my hubby with this tone of finality... i had separated from him twice! but each time i went..infact one of them..he beat me black n blue..that if shld show you the picture of me taken over 10 hours after the beating..u will shout. ...my family came to carry me away.. after I felt better...i fought them and went back with my son because i believed so much that it could still work. but when it got to a stage that its going down the lane of a lifetime of depression. i had to walk away for me and my son.
    For some marriages in trouble...they could still be salvaged. the husband maybe willing to compromise and help save his marriage if he realizes that he truly loves his wife... and then for some..its best to walk away to avoid a lifetime of regret or mental or physical torture.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Anonymous10:05 AM

    I highly suggest that people read Ezra 10 when God commanded the Israelites to divorce their foreign wives. People should ask themselves why the issue of "God hates divorce" is only discussed once in the old testament there is no new reiteration of this statement in the new testament. In the new testament we are told that all things have passed away and the only command from Jesus was love your neighbour as you love yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  31. pinkyberry10:27 AM

    Awwwwww! @ Odun, thank God for you. I followed ur story and I never stoped praying for you. Thank God for his restored peace. My prayer for u is dat the Almighty will never forsake you @ his own tinme he will bring u ur own soul mate whom he has destined for u. Amen.
    @ all the annom quarelling above am so disapointed in most of ur coments, this strong woamn brought her testimony here for us to appriciate God wit her and some of u have decided to make mokery out of it. Tufia.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous10:54 AM

    Anon 10: 05, why tell her to shut up when you refuse to do same? Both of you should continue in your shameless ness and you are wives to people? SMH

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6:11 PM

      She was told to shut up because of her distasteful language and making assumptions on people she knows nothing about ranting like a lunatic with foul language very disgraceful.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous6:38 PM

      And your calling her a lunatic while complaining O̶̷̩̥̊͡ƒ her choice O̶̷̩̥̊͡ƒ words shows you are not any better.

      Delete
  33. Anonymous1:49 PM

    From the write up,I observe dat u forced yourself on dat guy,I even ad 2discuss with a man and e said mayb u forced him into marryin u and e decided 2go back to his true love by sending u away.Well,dis tym around,marry a man dat loves u more dan u love him!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous2:05 PM

      Anon1:49 you are very stupid for this comment,may what she Went through be your portion.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous3:23 PM

      Well,I will not curse you back but I wrote wat a man(I discussed with)said.I will neva go through such in d mighty name of Jesus-AMEN! Only God sees my heart.Evrybody had dier own opinion and as a lady,I undastand all wat she went tru!Odun,I mean well 4u and I pray God grant ur heart desires IJN and I am so sorry if wat I said is bad.I shld av deleted it but can't.Once again am sorry.

      Delete
  34. odunayo2:31 PM

    @anon 1.49PM... I never thot i had to reply anyone on my post..but i had to reply u..cos the moment i read ur comment..blood just rushed to my face. maybe i will send to aunty Eya all the mails my hubby sent to me before we got married..when i met him.. i had just bought a car....got a new position at my job...we met thru my job..and practically swept me off my feet with his declarations of love..how he will love me till death... and lastly wanting to marry me as soon as possible. maybe if he had not done all these things..i would not have been affected so much with how things turned out. my family said no..but insisted that it was him or no one else..reason? cos he loves me.. and there is nothing i wanted more in a marriage than that..of all things..it took almost a year before i got pregnant wit my son..so it also wasnt a case of accidental pregnancy... i was earning more than him...so tell me..anonymous..what reason wld i have to force myself on him? i had other pple who were interested in me...but i chose my hubby becos he told me..wrote me..swore it ...that he loves me.. i went back those times we separated cos he came back telling me..he wanted us back together because he loves me and can never love another. am a very confident and pretty and intelligent person..anonymous... i dont need to force myself on anyone.Like i said i needed to reply this because u dont know how it all was before it came to this..and it hurts for u to sum it all up as someone forcing herself on a man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous3:26 PM

      Odunayo people will alway talk there opinion does not matter as long you are happy and alive.who wear shoe na him know as e dey pain.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous3:31 PM

      Am anon1:49,Well, I wrote wat a man(I discussed with)said. Only God sees my heart.I discussd with a man and dats wat e said.Am very sorry Odun.I mean well 4u and I pray God grant ur heart desires IJN and I am so sorry if wat I said is bad.I was criously arguin with d man but e said I shld post wat e said.I shld av deleted it but can't.Now,4rm ur writeup,I no men av sweet mouth and can change.Once again am sorry.U r blessed

      Delete
    3. Anonymous6:13 PM

      Lol Anon 1:49 can you hear yourself you wrote what a man you discussed with said so you no get brain again? You couldn't look at it from Odun's perspective and write your own opinions on the matter anyway it's good you have apologized. Odunayo take am easy no get blood pressure for blog visitors comments. It is well with all of us.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous6:41 PM

      @Anon 6:13,pls y are u carrying anoda person's mata 4head! Wats ur problem,everyone as dier opinion and tgeres freedom of speech.Wat kind of violent woman are u sef bcos if u av sense and brain,u won't say anoda person doesn't av brain despite d fact dat av apologised.Pls,state ur opinion and I state mine,life is full of differences and we can't all head 2d same place.I know if someone as apologised,d person already knows he/she is @fault and there's supposed 2b peace after all!

      Delete
  35. Anonymous7:18 PM

    some women dnt bhave mature. Wat a pity!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Candylips7:25 PM

    At anon 10:14 please the insults are too much one would expect that with 11 years of marriage and experience and raising a daughter there are more mature ways of handling an issue especially in public. Please take it was with the name calling and insulting her sisters or her father because of the warning he gave. I'm not married yet my father says the same because the only constant thing is change and people change everyday. Especially in our generation where fewer people take responsibility and people are rushing in and out of marriage like its a norm. At Odun the poster God bless you many people make mistakes ok so forget about the mistake and focus on the getting up like a sinner does. I will also encourage you to save no matter how little it is. Skye bank has this Sfs save they do every month with interest I'm sure it will benefit you.as for your son God will guide you to raise him well. This thing will not happen to him. As for your husband and his family members..... All is well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous8:33 PM

      Carry keep commenting with different names. I set out to rattle you for the rubbish you spewed, I av succeeded in doing just that. So am done with you. Next time don't com to this blog insulting everyone that has a contrary opinion.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous8:34 PM

      *on

      Delete
    3. Anonymous1:31 PM

      English teacher.

      Delete
  37. Candylips10:54 PM

    Nawa o

    ReplyDelete
  38. Anonymous1:32 AM

    I have been waiting for someone....anyone to ask Odun if she pays her tithe. Hahahahaha. LMHO. People can be so funny! Love you odun. New beginnings darling

    ReplyDelete
  39. But really...........some people should grow up biko.
    We are here to help each other not insult and bring them down. GOD help us all.

    @Odun, a testimony you will always be. AMEN.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Candylips7:22 AM

    Nawa o

    ReplyDelete
  41. Anonymous10:16 AM

    Lol and lol...just can't help laughing at some comment. Women, na wa for una sha.... oh. The last time i checked d comments was about 22 somtin,now seventy somtin all becos of troublesome comments!
    i think we should all be happy for the victory story for Odun.Love ur courage dear.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Anonymous5:12 PM

    What is wrong with you women?

    Goodness. Am I in the market or on a blog?

    *logs out*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous2:34 PM

      pls log in . Joor o. Wc loves u o.

      Delete
  43. Anonymous9:30 PM

    hahahahahahahahaha. U are on a battle field.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Anonymous8:04 AM

    Wives with no self respect. Oya carry on with your show of shame.
    My dear Odun, I and the responsible people on the blog are truly happy for you. Please take good care of your son and please please please, DON'T let him deceive you again with his sugar coated tongue. Enjoy your freedom and Singlehood.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Aunty Eya, iit is high time u advise women on hw to to comment on this blog. Haba sum behve like 3 year old kid in my class. Abeg. Am new biko.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Anonymous5:13 PM

    That waz a bold step in d right direction. I wish I can say d same for myself.I just found out dat my hubby of 7yrs has another wife outside wit a 2year old son,just bcos i'vnt been able to give a child,nd to worsen matters,he's ever hardly at home,I'm thinking of living d county to start a new life abroad,how to make d move is my problem,I like bold women like u,men shouldn't take us for granted anymore all in d name of marriage


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7:45 PM

      It is wee. It's all about planning and a strong will. You can do IT.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous8:30 AM

      Thanks

      Delete
  47. Anonymous5:17 PM

    Pls,don't go back to him because when I narrated ur story to a man,he said I should watch out that if the man apologises that to her and sweet talk her that she will definitely go back.Pls,no matter what Odun,abeg,biko,ejoor,pls,make u no go back 2him,God will surely give u a man ti e joor ma ba ara yin da ale! Amen!
    ADEYANJU

    ReplyDelete
  48. Anonymous9:29 PM

    Na wa 4 men o. What kind of men are we having these days biko? Abeg my sister just pray and ask 4 direction.

    ReplyDelete
  49. @Adeyanju; thank you so much for the concern... i did go back twice ..only to learn some bitter truths... but i really didnt regret it cos if i didnt go back, i wld have spent my life thinking that it could have worked if i went back. but now..i know better... and i have decided to look forward only... am praying to God to give me the wisdom and resources to raise my son to be a better man and a star among his generation. In future if its His will...God will give me the man who will appreciate me because i truly deserve it. Also thank you everyone who has encouraged me on my journey.May God bless you more than you ever think possible.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. chioma. R.Duru7:17 PM

      I love u dear. U are a responsible woman. Concentrate on ur son and biz 4 nw. If u feel like remarryn u shine ur eyes.

      Delete
    2. chioma. R.Duru7:18 PM

      love u dear.

      Delete
    3. chioma. R.Duru7:18 PM

      love u dear.

      Delete
  50. Anonymous9:27 PM

    U are welcome Odun, and I say Amen 2ur prayers 4u.May God grant our heart desires,amen! Wishn u d best in life! My regards 2ur handsome son!
    ADEYANJU

    ReplyDelete
  51. meeeeeeeeeeee4:39 PM

    Thumbs up Odun!

    ReplyDelete
  52. Anonymous3:41 PM

    let me jus say i am new in ds blog.helo ikorodu lady u knw that sweet jesus hates divorce ,bt it is not ur portion in Jesus.now i want ur supplication to be thanksgiving.in the morrning sing, in the evening sing as david sang,keep reading psalms,just sing to God,sing wit tears, sing in victory,confess jesus will never leave me nor forsake me. U WILL CEE GOD IN BATTLE.dont relax yet.u can also look for pastor Sarah ogbueli dominion city,pls aunty eyah help me send ds to ikorodu lady.thanks.

    ReplyDelete

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