Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Falling For A Divorcee With Kids, What Can I Do? I Need Advice

Anonymous2:53 PM
Eya gdafternoon pls I have an issue I want u to help me post bt I dnt knw how to send it to ur mail so pls just help me post this.I am 35 plus and single.I hv had several relationships proposal bt most of them want sex before marriage and I hv already made up my mind not to hv sex again b4 marriage for over 10 yrs now.Presently there r 2 men asking for my hand in marriage.One is abroad,a divorcee from a
white woman wt kids and the second isn't married yet.I knew d divorcee abt 2yrs ago and I told him I cant marry him cos he's divorced wt kids,he came to Nigeria last year and ever since I just found myself loving him more by the day.He plans to come back,do the marriage and take me with him cos he said he doesn't want to leave me behind after marriage.
The issue now is that I love d one that has kids more than the other guy.I never wanted to marry someone who already has a child and moreso a divorcee although is a white woman bt I just find myself loving him by the day and he is in love with me too.i hvnt been able to tell my family abt him and I dnt knw if they will agree to wed me in church since he is a divorcee bt wat I feel for him now is so strong.Pls I need advice pls no insults pls.

41 comments:

  1. mrs C.5:25 PM

    Ask yourself these questions. 1) Am I in love with him because of the prospect of living abroad? 2.) Am I ready to be a step mother? 3) Am I in love because of the gifts he bought for me and how he has showered me with money this period? 4) Is his character NOT WORDS that of a man I will be happy with? 5) If I have a child exactly like him will I be happy? After all this,do proper investigation of what he does abroad and the cause of divorce, not what he told you. Don't rush cos you think you're old cos you're not.Marrying a divorcée isn't bad,you just have to be very cautious and wise. God bless

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    1. Anonymous10:22 AM

      loving this comment

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. Oh Dear, Love can get us into webs that we can't untie ourselves from for a long time.

    1. Why did he divorce the other White Woman?.
    2. What is his background has he been divorced before?.
    3. Are ready to take care and train the Children as you would do your own?*anticipate trouble from those children will be able to bear the hurt*
    4. Have you prayed about it?
    It can be LOVE for sure but what will happen after the Level of love begin to reduce, when issues arise. What will you hold onto, his character, moral values etc??
    Check his basis for divorce so you won't be the next...With God you'll make the right choice.

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  4. Anonymous6:08 PM

    The truth is that guy may not even be divorced. That's usually the story they tell and it's possible you will stay back here in Nigeria giving birth to his kids.

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    1. Jayne7:43 PM

      So Correct!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    2. Gbam! Home n abroad wives. U being home base. My dear abroad marriage no dey reign again. Most of these men liv u behind n u keep waiting 4 d day u will join him there. If d 2nd suitor is 70% ok, go 4 that one. Obodo oyibo shld not be d reason u are in love. At 35 u shld make d right decision. Open eye n look deep into d 2nd suitor. If u really think d divorcee is truthful then go wit ur heart then. But check am well!

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    3. So on point. You'll most likely b left behind after d wedding with promises to come 4 u soon and that 'soon' will never come.
      I'm pretty sure he aint divorced his wife abroad. Invesigate further and be more than convienced with authentic evidence before u say 'I DO'. Its better you wait and make d right choice rather than settling for trouble because you are over 35. God will direct you to make the right decision.

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    4. Why are some of you so sceptical about guys abroad? I live abroad but currently in Nigeria in search of a wife. In my case, I want to move back home. Not right away, but in a few years.

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    5. So @ JJ you are back home searching for a wife. Will u take d wife back with u? This one u r saying u have plans to move back home, I suspect u too want to marry n liv d poor woman behind.

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    6. Anonymous2:33 PM

      Dear poster u need to seek the face of God in dis matter. You need remove the idol in your hrt and seek his direction. Ur marriage has a role to play in your destiny fufillment¤ ensure you a defined communication line with God and ask him to guide• It is bad to buy a house of the paint •

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    7. @Makz, I don't plan to take her back with me because it will only complicate things. Since I'm moving back in a few years, why bring her only to tell her we have to leave. If she has a career and job in Nigeria, it would be best if she continued with what she has instead of taking her to a new country, where she would definitely have to undergo some form of training only for me to tell her we have home. I'm not God and don't feel it would be fair to do that to someone. Since, I do not want to put someone in that. position, I won't take them with me.

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    8. @Makz, to add to my earlier post, I'm seeking a woman who is happy with their career in Nigeria and only seeks s husband. As I am transitioning, I don't see the problem. If I was seeking s stay-at-home wife, then I will definitely take them with me.

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    9. Duchess12:17 PM

      Jj, then wait till you are ready to relocate before marrying. Haba! How can you marry and leave your wife in another country all by herself? Make una dey fear God sometimes fa! Career woman ko, rich woman ni

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    10. @ JJ you r definitely speaking like d guy u are. I doubt any married woman wants to sleep alone at night. As a married woman, I look fwd to that time I spend wit my hubby. Not communicating thru phones or skpe. So my advice to you is since u r still searching for a wife, just put it on hold, since u will be relocating in a few yrs. 6 months to ur coming back to Nigeria u can begin the search.

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    11. Jj I suggest u wait until u hv moved bak oficially to marry. Cos dis ur gist about comin in a few yrs, 8yrs fit b few in ur eyes. You reason am na.

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  5. Anonymous7:36 PM

    Follow your heart but make sure you see the divorce certificate. You did not indicate where he resides abroad but in most western countries a quick search in their judicial records will reveal if the divorce certificate is real or not some have these cases available for online searches as well so do your research or if you have someone where he resides who can do a physical search for you do so. I am assuming the mother has custody of the children and he as the father has visitation rights but you must treat those children as you would your own. If all goes well and you end up married to him try and get to know their mother so that you do not cross boundaries when it comes to issues to do with her children. As someone who is not particularly keen on birthing her own children i wish I was in your shoes right now. And before people come after me yes there are some women who do not feel the desire to carry a pregnancy if it happens that's fine but I really have no particular desire to get pregnant and all. I have no problems adopting in the future though.

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  6. Anonymous10:00 PM

    Pray and follow your heart. In another news, I have a testimony kegels works like magic been doing it for a month now and when hubby came back from village on monday hmm, it was so tight that for the first time in my life we had to use vaseline and hubby has been moving around with a sheepish grin since then, yesterday 4 times and he is forcing the kids to sleep now so that we get down to it again*coversface* thanks all, wives connection rocks!

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    Replies
    1. Enjoyment galore. Wink

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    2. Anonymous4:48 PM

      Hahahaha...

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  7. Anonymous8:23 AM

    There's no point praying about it cos marrying a divorcee is so wrong. keep believing & trusting God your own husband will come.

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    1. Anonymous10:23 AM

      Chei Nigeria how far? See how your people are backward! So divorcees should not marry again abi? These are the statements that make women stay in abusive marriages, hang on to cheating husbands with multiple known mistresses and children littered all over who will bring them HIV, single women will abandon the divorced man they know and love and marry a man they barely know and live in misery because some fool told them marrying a divorcee is wrong or that getting divorced is wrong. Nne or Nna please expose yourself biko travel out, watch international programs on DSTV, that you commented on this issue means you have internet please make very good of search engines stop being so myopic and bush abeg this is 2013 not 1903 and even then people still married divorcees and people got divorced even my African culture allows a calabash to be broken to signify the end of a marriage.

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    2. YES I AGREE WIT U,DIVORCE IS WRONG AND GOD FROWNS AT IT BUT ONLY IF IT BOTHERS ON WIFE BATTERING AND INTENSE ABUSE THEN ITS OKAY OR SEPARATE FOR A SHORT WHILE FOR COUNSELING, ANYTHING ASIDE THAT CAN BE WORKED UPON WITH PRAYER AND PATIENCE

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  8. I hope you are not interested in the man's wealth or location. If not, follow your heart and pray to God to lead you right.

    http://funmikemmy.blogspot.com

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  9. Anonymous10:08 AM

    Y nt study d oda 1 & C if u‘l fall in luv wit hm as 4 me marryn a divorcee outside d country is hell;my dear look b4 u leap well well,its well.

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  10. Anonymous10:20 AM

    Thank u all for ur advice.I am the poster.It is nt the money or cos he lives abroad afterall he was abroad when he first mentioned it abt 2yrs ago and I declined and he gave me some money at a time wen he came to Nigeria and I politely refused so its nt money or abroad.I just found myself loving him since he came probably cos we spent some time together(nt sex pls) and since then we talk everyday.He wants to begin processing my documents so that we can both go together when he comes for the marriage bt he needs my consent on the marriage proposal cos I havnt said YES.He said he doesn't want to put me under pressure bt at least he cant be left waiting for a reply forever. The thought of telling him I wont marry him hurts me,cos I will definitely miss him.I dnt knw if they will agree to wed me in church cos he's divorced and what will ppl say when they find out I am marrying a divorcee,bt honestly I love this man

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    1. Anonymous10:37 AM

      Why are you worried what people will say? Do they own your life? Infact my prayer for you is that you marry this man. If you truly genuinely and honestly love him then say yes. But make sure you confirm that his divorce actually went through and that the certificate is genuine. I don't know your denomination but the church should be able to can marry you. If they pretend to be holier than God and refuse then my dear waka to the nearest registry and get your certificate there and hold your church ceremony abroad when you get there. If you are Catholic or Anglican I know they have laws concerning divorcees and remarriages and rules to be followed before they can perform a second marriage ceremony for the divorced person so you have to talk to your priest about that. After all is it not the same certificate issued by the registry that is issued by some LICENSED churches eg the Catholic and Anglican churches and a few pentecostal ones that you will he will need to file for you documents? So if they give you church wahala waka to the nearest registry and get your marriage certificate. You are old enough to know what you want and go after it stop thinking what society will say does society feed you, do they clothe you, pay your rent will society marry you. Get you big girl panties on and do what you need to do. Infact marry this man so you get out this 15th century thinking mode and expose yourself to other cultures and way of doing things.

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  11. I don't. Advocate marrying a divorcee. But everyone has their life to live. Just know that love is a choice, what ever u r feeling right. Now will fade when reality slaps u in the face!White women can. Drag serious baby mama issue, and how.would u cope if u r going thru all these in a country where u know no one... Anyway make an informed choice. So whatever happens in future u will know no one made u do it. Wishing u all the best

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  12. Anonymous11:29 AM

    In life there are no guarantees
    both men could disappoint you, both men could make you very happy
    you can have a happy marriage in Nigeria, you can have a happy marriage abroad
    you can have a miserable marriage in Nigeria, you can have a miserable marriage abroad
    Follow your heart but take your brain with you
    In life there are no guarantees
    we choose our own paths
    opportunity comes but once.
    In life there are no guarantees
    Time waits for no man
    Wisdom they say is for the wise
    In life there are no guarantees
    Change is constant
    The fear of the unknown is real
    In life there are no guarantees

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  13. Anonymous1:11 PM

    Pls forget abroad marriage ooo, iam a victim but tnk God am out. Marry the naija guy even if he is poor both of u shuld manage

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  14. Anonymous1:20 PM

    What evidence is available to show that he is divorced? Being married, he’s definitely more experienced in handling woman matter and knows the right things to do/say to make you fall heads-over-heels. Will he continue that way after marriage? Only God can tell.
    Poster, find out why he’s divorced and leaving the kids behind – not from him… If possible, get the ex contact and chat her up innocently. You might be surprised what will play out. Note, it takes more than having feelings to have a successful home… Your other guy, has he proposed?

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  15. Anonymous2:37 PM

    why do u say "even though she's white"....does it make any difference?

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    Replies
    1. Mumy Kay3:05 PM

      Thanks, was abt to ask same question. My only advise is to look b4 you leep.

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  16. Anonymous4:11 PM

    i understand how u feeel n can never judge you for it.let me ask u this:will u sacrifice ur eternal life for marriage.the Bible has clearly stated her stance on divorce n marriageso frm dt point of view,ill say think again n askGod to give u d grace n strength to do d ryt thing.thank u

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  17. Yoshie2:44 AM

    Sorry to digress, please is there a post on kegels. Really interested.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous3:45 PM

      Ya love, google wives connection/ kegels the two posts will ÇO̶̲̥̅ε̲̣̣̣ up

      Delete
  18. Anonymous8:10 AM

    Oh pls the bible also gave grounds for divorce and remarriage, read ur bible well and don't misquote

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous7:25 AM

      where???which ground? Mtcheeww..

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    2. Yes, when one party is involved in adultery or extramarital affairs. its in the bible research it.

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  19. Anonymous2:51 PM

    May God help u to make the right choice

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  20. @ Anonymous 7:25AM

    When one party commits adultery or is involved in extramarital affairs.

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