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This Orphan Is Infecting My Marriage, What Do I Do?

Hello Eya,trust you're great. As custom please hide my details,lol.
My WC people I get small challenge and I believe I'll get the right answers here. It might be long but ejo bear with me.
Hubby is a very religious fellow, he loves God and is so passionate about helping people.


Before our wedding he told me of this girl whom he wants to help.
She's an orphan and family members rejected her, even her brothers don't care and she doesn't even know where they live.


I allowed hubby take her in before our wedding after much plea as I had said "let her stay somewhere so I can come in first coz I don't want someone living in my matrimonial home already before I come in" but obviously she had nowhere and I felt am being kind to the poor as a good christian should.


A few weeks after the honeymoon I

realized this girl was a bunch of what she can be. Lazy with capital letter. Talks back at me and can't cook without burning. Told me ogbonno soup get burnt. The worst is she even burns yam when asked to cook. I got tired of talking and started shopping and cooking my meals as she never returns your change.

And did I say she's 24 years old? Oh yes. The sad thing is, hubby itoo good and can make excuses. She'd pack my food and give her male friend( she managed to convince hubby they are just like siblings cozshe stayed with his sister). I found out and stopped that nonsense.
She was just a package of all that's not womanly aside her spirit.


She'll invite her friends to her room and watch TV while I cook. Oh Jeez I took a lot but hey I woke up and hubby said I was too harsh. I let her be and by the time she insulted him he turned and said I was too soft. Infact it was like a Nigerian movie.


The one that broke it all was the day she called me names before my
mum and a visitor simply coz I asked said she wasn't helping with her heart coz she walked out on me while I spoke to her and she exploded, talk of suppressed emotions.


My SIL simply told me that if she's the one, she would have gone and she threatened her well telling her that next time she'll be the one to help her throw her dirty bags out.


I later realized that this girl has lived with 2 different families
but she ran coz she was too lazy to do chores and talks back at her seniors and she met my Mr Do Good hubby.
Am surprised coz someone like her should have the finest character. I took her as a sister coz am an only child, but all I get is insult and gossiping me all over church.
Out of the little we have, we paid for WAEC and took all our child's savings just to send her to school, yet. Coz hubby is so lenient with her mess, she now sees me as the bad person. She pretends a lot,only carries baby when hubby is around.


I summoned courage Saturday to tell hubby I no longer want her here and he's been begging saying she has no where to go. "Be careful when trying to Affect people so that they don't Infect you"-Joyce Meyer.
She's infecting my marriage coz if hubby and I have quarreled 10times, 9 is coz of her. Hubby now sees me like I don't support his dream but you know men see things differently and this girl can pretend for Africa.


I have cried coz of her. If she goes to school January,I'll see less of her. I want her to go so she sees how people treat people. The story long abeg. If na you, wetin you go do?

39 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:39 AM

    Hmmm poster ur going thru a lot o, me I can't take all this drama o, I think u shd still b patient till she goes to school. Then make ur stand with ur hubby of what u want in ur home. Make rules for her n inform ur hubby abt them. This lady has gotten confortable n knows ur hubby will not want to send her away.
    But poster u self, dis lady na woman o not girl n u agreed to let her b in ur home b4 u got married??
    I wish u luck o, n prayer hard too .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SHEARBUTTER6:11 PM

      Dear poster you said if you and ur hussy quarrel" 10x,9 is bcos of her"So your hubby prefer seeing her happy than seeing you happy.anyways bottoms line is I will not take her in,in the first place coz if she is good her siblings wouldn't reject her,

      Delete
  2. Orphan @ 22? You accepted what you were not aware of… should have insisted to hubby that it’s better to be alone @ least for the 1st year of marriage.
    Depending on financial status, tell hubby to get you a house-help and get this your big orphan a small apartment and do FREEDOM for her – move her out of the house and leave no place for comeback! No need for too much story – you do not want her any more!

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    Replies
    1. Agatha Christi5:34 PM

      Na wa o, what kind of story is this? If your husband is bent on helping her, why not get a room for her or reconcile are with her brothers? Are there no elderly couples in your church or old widows that will be happy to av someone stay with them that you people can approach on her behalf? In fact, kai kai let her not ÇO̶̲̥̅ε̲̣̣̣ back to ur house when she goes to school. You u better be very prayerful cos this one dat she has bad mouthed you to friends and church members, if anything happen to her under you roof.... Hmm

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  3. Nne, if U ask me, this ur story became unnecessarily long! It shud have stopped at "shortly after our honeymoon, I realized she was evil, and then I kicked her out and we lived happily ever after!" Shikena.

    Marriage has enough issues without external influences...then this one... Calling her an orphan makes her pitiable. This is a grown woman who should be thinking of her own life and looking at marriage. The bible says flee from every APPEARANCE of evil, meaning, once it lookes like evil, RUN...even if turns out to be not. So talk.to ur hub and tell him how unbearable it has become for you. And pray too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous12:42 PM

      Aunty Eya am still waiting for u to post my mail regarding how to introduce bottle feeding to my 3 month old child

      Delete
    2. Anonymous9:59 PM

      exactly! I didn't get why she was calling a grown woman an orphan o

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    3. Welcome back, wat Happend? Me I miss U̶̲̥̅̊ gannn ooooo

      Delete
    4. Anonymous7:09 PM

      God bless you.

      Delete
  4. Anonymous11:57 AM

    Dt big madam orphan, orphan my foot her mates r takin care of dere parent olready... Abeg throway d ungrateful bitch if na my hubby I knw wetin I go do.

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  5. Anonymous1:41 PM

    Kai ppl dey tolerate sha. If na me she for don find her square root since. Your husband is a too goody shoes!

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  6. Anonymous3:23 PM

    Are u sure hubby isn't cabling her? Which dream does it have that the girl was even rude to him ? If that's his ministry then he shld build an orphanage and stop stressing your life. As it is, stand your ground and if she must stay, make rules and she shld keep to it 110%

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  7. Anonymous3:47 PM

    U don try, me I won't take that nonsense ooo

    ReplyDelete
  8. •Omalicha•4:28 PM

    Negetive vibes. Negetive vibes will affect your marriage. The so called orphan has it all,enough negetivity to pull down a house. I do not know how to exist with negetive vibes,so if I were you I would tell my husband straight up that I CANNOT continue to put up with the problems we have been experiencing as a result of the girls mischief.Now,After discussing matters with my hubby,we TOGETHER AS A COUPLE will HOLD a family meeting WITH HER.I will let him address her and tell her everything we have discussed,our observations,lay down her characterer for her to see,nd correct us if we are lying.my husbAnd in my presence will talk to her as the man of the house and instill rules and regulations,if there is anyone she cannot abide by she should just walk out.yes.SIMPLE,if your husband is not on your side,she will not respect you.so pls,this MEETING is important,someone will not stay under my roof,eat my food,and insult me.Not now,not when I get married.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous5:46 PM

      Gbamest comment!!!

      Delete
  9. Anonymous4:41 PM

    pls, aunty eya i need your contact to send a mail to you urgently.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Send to cuulme@gmail.com

      Delete
    2. Anonymous12:30 AM

      Aunty Eya am still waiting for u to post my mail regarding how to introduce bottle feeding to my 3 month old child

      Delete
  10. Anonymous4:44 PM

    omalicha am jealous of your wisdom o, not even married yet but u are always on point

    ReplyDelete
  11. silent reader5:35 PM

    I will just zip up Cos this story is one-sided. If i hear from the orpan and poster's hubby perhaps i'd be able to comment.....for now, I'm out!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous6:11 PM

      hahahahaha. Police woman.

      Delete
  12. Anonymous5:35 PM

    POSTER: Thank you my loved ones. I strongly refused hubby sweet talking me into agreeing yesterday.
    I'll share my testimony here soon of how she deleted from my family coz leave she must.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous1:06 PM

      I hate to play devil's advocate here but look well. Sounds like something is going on between them. If not physically it might be mentally. 24 yesr old woman who your husband prefers her wishes over your happiness? The part where you said he blames you for being soft then later says you are too hard is a dead giveaway. Ask him again. Who is she to him? Believe me there is a story fighting to be told.

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    2. your husband is probably having sex with the girl oooo, thats why he doesnt want her to go and if he sends her away, she wld open up about it.

      Delete
  13. Immaculate7:57 PM

    Pray and involve his parents and your parents too

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  14. I just feel If she's ur sis and you both are orphans you'll be left with no choice but to condole and try to change her....

    This is the same sacrifice our parents gave to us, we were not all perfect kids while growing.

    IMO, You've got just 1 choice... Change and teach her, not necessarily from an opposition stand point but try a new and friendly approach, ACCEPTANCE is mostly spoken with our body language not voice. Also check ur body language.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous11:57 AM

      Ace, sometimes i dey tire for the kind advice u dey give

      Delete
  15. Anonymous9:58 PM

    I've NEVER heard of someone taking in a 24 year old and calling them an 'orphan'. 24! We're talking about a grown woman. not a small child o. Look you and your hubby should just give her money to live elsewhere. Seriously

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  16. Anonymous11:22 AM

    @Ace, which kind teach her? Teach a 24yrs old woman what? Am surprised @ur comment. @ poster let dat girl leave ur house before she ruins ur marriage oo. U ve tolerated her enough joor. Its time to give u space in ur own house abeg.

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  17. Anonymous2:49 PM

    i think your husband is either related to her or is sleeping with her...she is far to confident and with your husband taking your savings to send her to school, that is ridiculous. she is old enough to fend for herself oh...be wise

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! My thoughts exactly. No one is that confident without a reason

      Delete
    2. Thank you! My thoughts exactly. No one is that confident without a reason

      Delete
  18. Anonymous3:49 PM

    madam, be wise. A person must not live unda ur roof for u to help her. At 24 she's still posing as a poor orphan. Dear b wise, its better u stand ur ground now and be d bad one now than later cos no matter what its obvious she cant b pleased. So wen does she intend to leave? At 40? An adult is an adult no matter what. My hubby will always say dat its beta to avoid wateva it is dat will cause u sorrows dan stay with it and try to b careful. A sinlge lady not related to u or ur hubby, stayin in ur house is a treath to u, ur home and d love ur husband have for u. Be wise

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  19. @poster. That's a grown azz adult we are talking about. Get your hubby to rent her an apartment far away from your home yo give her "Freedom" since he is do hell bent on helping. Some foods are better eaten with long spoon. Make hay while the weather is still cloudy(in your case, the sun is long gone)

    ReplyDelete
  20. @poster. That's a grown azz adult we are talking about. Get your hubby to rent her an apartment far away from your home yo give her "Freedom" since he is do hell bent on helping. Some foods are better eaten with long spoon. Make hay while the weather is still cloudy(in your case, the sun is long gone)

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  21. You are really strong. I would have murdered the fool. How could your charity case have that type of power. Did you get married just to serve her? Better stand strong and insist that she leaves your house. She is not just a girl, she is a full blown woman. Continue being lenient until one day you will come back home and meet her strolling out of your. Matrimonial room like its her domain. Someone's flesh and blood betray them, talk more of someone that you do not know from Adam. What a woman sees lying down, a man cannot see even if he climbs the tallest ladder or uses a microscope (lol). Check your husband well, because a real man no matter how good will not stand by and watch a bloody stranger insult his wife.

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  22. You are really strong. I would have murdered the fool. How could your charity case have that type of power. Did you get married just to serve her? Better stand strong and insist that she leaves your house. She is not just a girl, she is a full blown woman. Continue being lenient until one day you will come back home and meet her strolling out of your. Matrimonial room like its her domain. Someone's flesh and blood betray them, talk more of someone that you do not know from Adam. What a woman sees lying down, a man cannot see even if he climbs the tallest ladder or uses a microscope (lol). Check your husband well, because a real man no matter how good will not stand by and watch a bloody stranger insult his wife.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Full of Grace9:39 AM

    I think you were not supposed to allow her in in the 1st place. Was she sleeping on the streets before she came to your house.Anywayz, please please and please..... the bible says in all get wisdom . As a wife, wisdom is VERY VERY key and important. Rendering help to anyone requires wisdom, regardless of the gender. In my opinion, tell your husband you want her out of the house as soon as yesterday. Also involve your parent in law and have a meeting like someone here said. Please be wise o and deal with this girl NOW.

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  24. Anonymous3:30 PM

    Am so angry reading this am 25 n am married with 2kids expecting d 3 soon haba hw could u allow ur hubby take in som1 as big as that Seriously I smell a rat check ur hubby n d girl something might. be going on

    ReplyDelete

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