Infertility Is Affecting My Marriage, Please Advise

Good morning madam Eya. I am a reader of your blog I leave comments mostly as anonymous. I sent you a mail about 3months ago but I never saw it posted but all the same that does not stop me from giving advice on my comments to other posts. 

Madam Eya I beg you in the name of God to  advice  me on what to do about my problem am going to be shared with you and the entire WC. Its been a year since I got married and I have not been able to conceive. If I tell you my marriage is suffering you will not believe me. Initially like about 5months ago my husband was not complaining, he even told me on several occassions that it does'nt even matter if its going to take us for 2yrs for us to start making babies but out of pressure from families and a particular friend of his things have changed. Few years ago when I started my menstruation (I was 15 now am 23) I am always irregular, well it did'nt matters to me then but I complained to my mother and she always promises to take me to see a doctor which she never did. 

I think all of that is taking its turn on my fertility now cos whenever I visits a doctor since my TTC they refer to
it as irregular menstruation.they' ve put me on drugs like fertility blend and clomid but to no avail. My sisters who are married with kids (both gave birth exactly 9months after wedding) have tried to make me see reason to be patient and that infertility does not exist in our family, but I always ask myself why me? I sincerely need advice and great tips with trying to conceive . 

Of cos its easy for people to tell me to take it easy but I bet no one knows how it feels with me when my husband now see s*x as a routine for me to get pregnant, when also my husband's families always welcome new borns every other 2 to 3mths cos its a very very large extented family and they mingle well.

when ever I turned out for their naming ceremonies I will have to put up my best pretence not to notice the numerous eyes staring and asking why is my belly not potruding(their questionable eyes says it all). We've been on tests and doctors confirm my husband is perfectly OK and on my side lies the problem. Please help me .

39 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:44 AM

    hi poster. I hv a frnd dat had tried for 7 months bcuz she has irregular menstruation. she finally took in dis month, I tink this irregularity is making u miss ur ovulation period. u shud hv sex very close to ur period and immediately after. jt give it a shot dis time around.

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  2. Anonymous12:10 PM

    Hw cn it be possible wen u dn't even knw wen d nxt period is going 2 come! Am having d same problem bt thank God 4 d hubby he gave 2 me! Bt I ve d faith dt God wil do it 4 us ds month! Am praying 4u 2 @poster!

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  3. I had d same problem, sometimes my period won't stop until I go to the hospital for treatment. Got pregnant after 1yr of trying . Waz placed on clomid and metfomin for 3 cycles + I held on to God. Hang in there poster, u will concieve soon.

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  4. Dear poster, it is well with you in Jesus Name, Amen.
    Do you have a chart where you write your period dates, so as to establish a pattern(if there is)?
    The doctor you paid visits to, is he/she a gynecologist? If no, please see an Ob/Gyn asap.
    Pay attention as well to what you eat. After reading George Malkmus' Hallelujah Diet I realized how much what we eat can affect fertility and our whole being. Be at your best weight. Use this chart to know if you're at range www.brianmac.co.uk/idealw.htm
    Be patient with yourself, surround yourself with books on dealing with infertility crisis and great minds.
    Don't blame yourself(it never helped a thing).
    Always always pray. Never relent in protecting your home from weeds. Build a strong fence against evil friends and love on your husband.
    Make sure you have sex often, it doesn't matter if he feels its a ritual. What you feel about it determines your expression and over time with prayer and love, he will key in.
    God be with you sis

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous9:16 PM

      Sis Debbie, i am single but each time i read ur comments here, i feel like av met u before, i know i will meet u somethere cos i av so much i want to learn from u. U are truly a virtous woman

      Delete
  5. Mrs Kay1:18 PM

    I also have the same problem,irregular menses n all dt.I got introduced to a product that am currently taking and am already seeing results.It will regulate ur period and u can easily calculate ur ovulation period. Its fertilaid for women.u can google it n c results urself.Above all u ve to put ur mind at ease n just try to forget everything around u.best of luck.

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  6. Anonymous2:03 PM

    I had same problem and I was placed on glucophage and clomid. After taking clomid for each cycle, I went for tracking to see if I wld ovulate. After 3mnths, I was pregnant with twins. To the glory of God, they're over 3today and despite this challenge, I took in naturally with my third child who is also 8mths now. Relax, be prayerful and pls see a CONSULTANT GYNAE. They know better and u can even mention these drugs to him if they will be of any help

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  7. Yoshie2:57 PM

    Yes Poster, you should do a scan to ascertain that you are even ovulating. That gives you an idea.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous3:02 PM

    Dear Poster
    I know how you feel. When I was 16 my period stopped coming I was in the U.S then and the Gyne gave me birth control pills to regulate my period. My period came but after stopping the BC pills it stopped coming and for many years I would only see it 3 times a year at most, then all of a sudden it started coming again though I prayed about it but I really wasn't worried. 6 months to my wedding it stopped again only to show up 2 days to my wedding so i finally went to see a Gyne here in Nig she put me on clomid to induce ovulation and some other drug that starts with a P to regulate my period. I took this for 6 months, during the 6 month period, I lost 10kg and started eating the right things I cut out sugar and processed food from my diet and my period started coming regularly and I started ovulating on my own and 3 months later I got pregnant with my twin boys. The thing is Nigerian doctors dont really educate their patients the hospital I went to was Lagoon in V.I and they didn't tell me about how weight loss can help or how change of diet can help I found out all of this on my own. So my advice to you is keep calm, don't let anyone pressure you, PRAY and stay healthy

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  9. Anonymous3:29 PM

    thank u all my God sent sisters I am the POSTER. its a great privilege that people I have never met could take their time to share my problem. @sis Debbie ofcos I will never relent on prayers, I' ve always love all of your hints on WC I will sure visit the website, pls I will also request u to highlight me more on the actual foods that can inhibit fertility @njay & anon 2:03 pls could u share more light on the metfomin and glucophage medication i.e are they taken with clomid? @anon 3:02 thank u , I thought I was d only one having this kind of problem with our country's doctors they don't even stay attentively , they are just lyk "u are not the only one with this problem go and take care of your irregularities" they really do pisses me off. coming to d weight loss thing my immediate seniors is is far more slimmer than I am but never had problem with conceiving.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous4:13 PM

      Am anonymous 2.03. Telling you how I used those drugs isn't a problem. The problem is to ascertain the root cause. Mine is PCOS which most of our docs don't even know! I went online to do an extensive research but of course, the doctor still played his role. Yours might be PCOS or just Anovulation. Blood tests and Pelvic Scan need to be done. The drugs are used for both but the dosage and therapy do differ. If ure in Lagos, I used Havana Specialist in Akerele,S/lere. Its well!

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5:05 PM

      Dear Poster this is Anon 3:02, the weight loss thing differs from person to person o, before I lost weight I was a U.K 10 now after the weight loss I am a U.K 8 so its not like I was fat before besides Obese people have kids everyday what I am trying to emphasize is a healthy lifestyle so cut out sugars and processed food, limit your carbs and eat more of protein and veggies , also you need to stop worrying, what I had was also PCOS. In terms of getting good doctors I was finally referred to a specialist hospital called Mother and Child, it is in Ikeja, he is the only Gyne I have visited in Lagos that seems to know what he is doing. Regardless the most important thing is to keep calm and pray do not put your mind on it and its important you get someone to talk to your husband so that he isnt mounting pressure and he can tell his family to back off!!! My husband didn't ask me any questions for even a minute I was the one worrying and he was the one saying that he knows God would do it and I should be calm. This is the website of the hospital http://www.motherandchildhospital.com/

      Delete
  10. Anonymous3:33 PM

    I pray you get pregnant soon by Gods grace. I just did a test today and found out i am pregnant. We only decided to be trying since june n i have seen my hubby 3 times since june because he is doing his MBA. I pray the God that did mine will do yours in Jesus Name AMEN!

    Bisola

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Congratulations!

      Dear Poster,

      Dont worry, God will fix it soon..Just make sure u follow up on your drugs and pray without season

      Delete
  11. Anonymous4:10 PM

    Pls, get ovulation test kit amd track it. That would be the best time for you to meet with your husband . Also, prayer is the key. Pray until something happen! Pray against anyone that wants to cause chaos in your marriage and alk will be well. Be of good courage

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  12. Anonymous5:42 PM

    am nt married yet. I thank God. Am learning evryday. Esp advice on relationshp. Marriage and sex. God bless all these sistas. Mama Ijebu, Debbie, and evry one. AUNT Eya. U are great.

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  13. Anonymous5:46 PM

    Its well wit us oo,am also in need of advise too,mine is dt i ovulate well but hve not taken in for more dan 1 and half yr of tryin,me and my hubby hve been to hospital and we re both ok jst dt my hormone is a little unbalance according to my gyno,i knw i ovulate bcs i hve been doin ovulation tracking.still beliving on God but any advise ll be appriciated too.tnx and Luv u all bcs Wc is a wonderful to place to clearn new tins

    ReplyDelete
  14. •Omalicha•7:01 PM

    Calm down,by this time next year,u will be a mother.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen on her behalf. Stay strong poster, God is in control.

      Delete
  15. Anonymous7:49 PM

    @anon5:05, I also ve same prob plz hw can I get to mother and child hosp at ikeja. I believe God is in control nd wil ansa our prayer sooner dan we expect. Amen

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  16. Anonymous8:00 PM

    POSTER: AMEEN to all d prayers may GOD in his infinite mercy continue to answer everyone's desire. Madam Eya GOD will continue to bless you and your good work. I am so grateful to you all.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous8:01 PM

    www.nairaland.com/318334/trying-conceive-child-ttc/534

    check out the ttc thread on nairaland

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous8:07 PM

    POSTER: AMEEN to all d prayers may GOD in his infinite mercy continue to answer everyone's desire. Madam Eya GOD will continue to bless you and your good work. I am so grateful to you all.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous8:07 PM

    POSTER: AMEEN to all d prayers may GOD in his infinite mercy continue to answer everyone's desire. Madam Eya GOD will continue to bless you and your good work. I am so grateful to you all.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous8:54 PM

    Just found out I'm pregnant after trying for 7mnths. Sending baby dust to u all waiting on the Lord. Abeg my sisters its God dat gives children don't ever forget that.Mich

    ReplyDelete
  21. Dear poster, God will open your reproductive organs and bless you very soon in Jesus name.
    Have you done a lap and dye test to ensure your tubes are not blocked? Also ask a gyn to send you for a scan or blood test to check if you have PCOS as what you have described sounds like it.
    A test to ascertain if you actually ovulate should be done and if you don't ovulate or ovulation is not regular then the gyn needs to put you on clomid to help you ovulate.
    Comit your husband and the pressure his family is putting on you into God's hands and he will answer you speedily.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Aunty Eya plz direct the poster to a post that was here a few months ago on TTC and pcos. Lots of very useful info on there as well.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Immaculate10:12 PM

    My dear just relax your mind and focus on some other things, I bet you , you will not know when you will take in, I have a friend that has the same problem, but today God has answered her and I believe God will answer you too in Jesus Name Amen

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous11:13 PM

    medical issues aside one year is too short to worry about being pregnant you should also get someone to talk to your husband so he can stop stressing you about it the more you are stressed the harder it will be to conceive hormones and all in the meantime consider the advice that has been offered here and medical ones from your doctor it shall be well. Stop comparing yourself to your sister you are an individual uniquely made even twin sister conceive at different times calm down take it easy

    ReplyDelete
  25. Some foods that inhibit fertility:
    SOY. Soyamilk or soyabeans. anything soy coz they contain compounds that mimic estrogen in your body

    GMO. Genetically modified organisms. To cut short, anything processed or fruits/plants that are grown with insect resistant and fast-growth chemicals.
    Personally I'll suggest you cut out diary from your diet as they are the most GMO products out there.

    PESTICIDES. They affect both male and female, causing hormonal imbalance. Be careful when using them. I prefer using mosquito net in our room and wearing a long socks while in the living room instead of spraying insecticide

    SUGAR. Terrible stuff I tell you. Sugar and diary were the hidden culprit behind the 4years terrible face acne I had that God through shearbutter/coconut oil delivered me from. I have trained my taste bud to take pap or soak garri without it and am so used to it. If you can't, replace with Honey or Date fruit(hausa mallams sell it in barrowam its called dabinu)

    PLASTIC: plastic bottled waters or drinks,hmmm. Lemme paste something I found "The thin plastic bottle that the water is in
    leaches chemicals called xenohormones into the
    water . These xenohormones mimic estrogen in the
    body, causing there to be too much estrogen and not
    enough of the other important hormones (in men
    typically not enough testosterone to oppose the
    estrogen and in women not enough progesterone to
    oppose the estrogen.). This in turn causes hormonal
    imbalance and fertility issues. While there are many
    toxins and pollutants that are xenohormones, bottled
    water seems to be one that everyone is exposing
    themselves to, purposefully, on a daily basis.".
    Cook your moi moi with leaves instead of nylon or plastic plates. Have a flask and drink atleast 4liters of water everyday. It even helps clear ones system.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous10:21 AM

      Please am having this very stubborn and persistent pimples. I have used almost e erything for it but it has refused to go. What can i do? It is causing me low self esteem. Tank u

      Delete
    2. Drastically cut out sugar and milk from your diet. Replace milk with hausa groundnut (juice with a juicer or blend and squeeze out water with muslin cloth). Mineral is bad for you,please

      Delete
    3. Anonymous2:23 PM

      Please is that for me? Because i drink coke a lot a d lots of milk taking tea. Thanks poster but i already used skineal but it did not work. I think i will just stop all these sugary things and see. Thank you debbie.

      Delete
  26. Anonymous12:15 PM

    POSTER: Thank u all so much .@sis Debbie thnx a lot. I cut out on sugar a LNG time ago since I started my period @15 cos it makes d bleeding heavy as 4d dabino I know a lot of it cos I am hausa and married to a Nigerlite. I'll simply ground it and make into a powder form tnx a lot. @ anon 10:21 have u tried using skineal? it works wonder on pimples and acne

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous10:06 PM

    Learn the billings method. Have you read Love and Life: Billings Method of Natural Family Planning, by Leone Mcsweeney? It helps u track ur ovulation and so much more. I am very irregular too but i never had any problems conceiving all thanks to the knowledge i got from that book. If the irregularity s the only problem, then its not much of a problem, ok? If u hav any problems understanding it, i can help u out. Above all, hang in there sis. God has been doing it for ages. He will DEFINITELY do it for you.

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  28. Anonymous7:45 PM

    POSTER: thanks alot

    ReplyDelete
  29. The good lord will visit u soon. Build ur hope and alwyz hav a relaxed mind.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Anonymous2:31 PM

    I'm an addicted reader of this blog since last year 2013. I've been terribly blessed by d recipes; advices and marriage tips. WC is now my companion wen I nid advice.

    I've been married since 2006 but no child yet. Had series of miscarriages and recently ectopic pregnancy. A year after evacuation I started having heavy menstrual flow with pains. I was diagnosed by a gyn/obs doc to have fibroid which was operated on last year due to its position on d uterus.

    WC family I'm overwhelmed with dis infertility issue though my husband is not stressing me but my mother in law is. As a woman I feel incomplete wen I'm among women and children. I've prayed and I'm not giving up but I need candid advice on wat next to do.

    Pls help an overwhelmed sis. I'm in my mid-thirty

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous9:15 PM

    That's quite the story! I think it helps to know that whatever happens there is always a plan for us. Sometimes we just don't agree on the plan or the timing of when things might happen. Your story reminds me of another one that I read here http://www.reallifeanswers.org/family/infertility-family/how-do-i-cope-with-infertility Maybe you can find some answers for your situation from how this couple dealt with it.

    ReplyDelete

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