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Another Child? What Am I Supposed To Do?

Good morning Madam Eya and my people, pls I need your advice on hw to
To cope with this kind of situation. We got married almost 8 yrs ago and God
has blessed us with 2 wonderful boys. 

Recently, I
discovered my
husband has another child (girl) somewhere. What can I do or how do I cope? I Need Advice Please?

19 comments:

  1. Before or after Marryin u? But in whceva case, ders nt much u can do

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous4:27 AM

      Y ou are a bitch ivy , go ans Marty despirado

      Delete
    2. Mrs Dayo4:39 AM

      How is she a bitch??? Ivy's question is very relevant. In Africa, what can women do when they discover their their husbands had kids before or after marriage? You Ivy hater, go sidon jor.

      Delete
    3. Ogesanmola7:48 AM

      Dear anonymous, please do not desecrate the sanctity and niceness of this blog with such hateful and unkind comments. Most of us women here, really love this blog which truly helps, its essentially a clean one with lovely women (and men, i Guess LOL)

      Delete
  2. Anonymous4:40 AM

    There's not much you can do dear sis, accept the child and bring her home so he doesn't use that excuse to continue visiting her mom. #SIGH

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous4:48 AM

    My dear, please for the love of God, accept the child, so dat u have peace of mind and also make dem no think say na ur children dey enjoy pass. God bless u.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous6:11 AM

    well u can do nothing o. But u didnt knw whether its b4 he married u or after. To b sincere it hurts knw since after 8 yrs. Just ask God 4 grace to hlp u accept d child and love her. Its nt easy but u hv to mk up ur mind. Ur hubby sef. Just 4gv him and mk effort to luv him. If na woman na born outside na case.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ogesanmola7:42 AM

    Well, the basic thing to do has been said: accept the child through God's grace and strength. I'd also like to add that, this is a good time to really discuss things with your husband. Let him know truthfully and in love how you feel on the issue. As much as possible, keep a sense of objectivity (i know it may be difficult) and no matter what, do this having made a decision that your marriage will be stronger in spite of this. If need be you may both decide to speak to a truthful and trustworthy person whom you both respect.Also, please treat the child with love, realizing that he/she is only the effect of a decision two parties made and not the cause of the present problem. God bless you and i pray you have all the wisdom, patience and strength required to pass through this.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous10:22 AM

    She's his child, whether it was before your marriage or after, the deed has been done. Allow him to bring the child home if he wants,it might not be easy for you but try. Now that you know the kind of man you are married to, thread wisely with him and concentrate of taking care of your children

    ReplyDelete
  7. Johnson4:15 PM

    Before/After marriage will pose different reaction. I’m sure you know the child is innocent
    1. Before = he did not mention it in the course of courtship. Not a good sign, cos there might be more significant things he’d not disclosed to you. This could affect the trust that should exist in the home. Find out the rationale behind his action and address it. COMMUNICATION. Chose the place/time and condition that would foster good communication.
    2. After. This could be the result of different scenarios:
    - He had a one night fling and in the moment of weakness fell into adultery.
    - He’s a chronic womanizer and one of his mistresses decided to have a child for him…
    - He has a steady woman outside who is desperate to settle in as a concubine.
    - etc
    In all these, the man messed up and the implications/consequences are not good. You need to be firm in passing the message through to him… However, it is important that you save your home/marriage. Prayerfully forgive your husband and accept the child. This does not mean bringing the child home as the mother might not even agree. Accepting means acknowledging she’s your step daughter and seek for her wellbeing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lizzy5:14 PM

      Very good comment Mr Johnson.
      Poster please try and find out from your husband if this was before or after you got married.
      Ask him what he intends to do and encourage/support him to accept responsibility for his daughter.
      Establish/investigate if there is active ongoing relationship between your step daughter's mother and your husband.
      I hope he does not have more children outside that you later get to know of and he is no longer seeing other women or else this can put a huge strain on your marriage.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous9:27 PM

      Love you Johnson.

      Delete
  8. Anonymous7:14 PM

    wat wuld she do na? Whether b4 or after. Yet she shuld just find out sha incase of other secrets.. But no matter wat she shld concentrate on keeping d marriage Men na wah 4 una o.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous6:02 PM

    Thanks everyone and love u all for ur advice. It was after our marriage, the poor little girl is jst 2 yrs old. As u re all adviced, I promise to take to it. (None of our parents is aware of d matter yet) But dont u pple think I should let my parents and His parents aware of this? U kno our ladies of nowadays, she might act funny. For me to be on a safer side so that they wil nt ask me later dat when u kno, who did u inform?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous7:31 PM

      Please poster, don't ever keep it a secret from your families. If you do, you might be indirectly encouraging him to do more. You know, he might feel you will always cover his shame so he will not think twice before cheating. His parents and yours has to know. I believe that will also help in making your husband understand the gravity of what he did.
      Also find out if your hubby is still sleeping with that woman and other women. Then he should go for a thorough medical check up, before the man go bring one disease dash you. Forgive him but don't let him get away with this so easyly. Please, like the others said, try and love the child.
      Ask God to give you the wisdom and grace to go about this issue. God bless you.

      Delete
    2. Johnson8:49 PM

      Poster, you need to tell us what you know and how you knew… What discussions have you had with your husband and what were your observations. Had he actually kept this secret to everyone? Who’s the lady and how is she managing the relationship? You should not make assumptions – the more you know the better… at least that will help you to know what you’re up against.
      Should this be kept a secret between you and your husband? I don’t think so. However, be careful about how/who you share the information…

      Delete
    3. Anonymous4:10 PM

      have u taken her to hospital for dna test.u nid to b security conscious and tell ur family.

      Delete
  10. Anonymous8:07 AM

    Pretend u know nothing and move on with ur life......if d "oda" child is a girl,gud4u....no fight 4 inheritance

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous8:09 AM

    Awwn,is her mother dead?! U betta tell ur pple b4 ur action boomerangs

    ReplyDelete

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