Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Marriage Was Not My Priority Then, What Should I Do Now?

I read your blog a lot, I noticed you  from Those Days you always invite people to your blog on Linda Ikeji blog. 
I am in my late twenties, I am Presently in Germany studying .
 -Now in 2007 I met this guy, he did not ask for friendship or anything, he just asked straight for marriage, marriage wasn’t my priority then and my idea of marriage has always been to marry my friend, I mean let friendship grow into marriage not just straight off marriage also I was so absorbed in my career and felt I wasn’t mature enough for marriage (a girl can be 21yrs and matured for marriage while a girl can be 26yr and still not matured).
-         We met again in 2010 and he still asked me to marry him, and I refused, I wanted us to be friends first so I accepted to visit him and spent the weekend, but nothing happened between us, not even kissing or touching. I refused and he respected my wishes. 

-         Finally, I was ready to travel to Germany to further my studies  late 2011  and I met this guy again and he still asked me to marry him before traveling at least a court wedding or traditional wedding and I still refused, I liked him as a person but I was not really in love .  (I was dating someone else from last 2008 -2010 but it didn’t work, I was hoping it would lead to marriage, since then, I haven’t been in a relationship).
-         While  here in Germany, I tried once in a while to say hello, like twice a year :-), to cut the long story short, while I was doing my research I needed some documents urgently from Nigeria and emailed him , but got no response, after about three months he called me back, pleading and apologizing That he was really sorry the email just somehow went unnoticed because he does not really use his Facebook account and asked if I sorted out the issue and if I still needed help.

 This singular act made me really think about this guy, gradually I realized that this could be what I have always wanted all my life and I started developing feelings for him, I struggled for about 3months with this thought but , I decided to own up and tell him my feelings, I did and he was speechless, he said he has always loved me and Has not stopped loving me, always dreamt about me being his wife  and how much he adored me and how hurt he felt when I rejected him .

-          Well, he told me while he waited and waited for me to love him back,  he met a girl and they have been dating for over 9 months now. Well, he said he has not promised her anything either like marriage or asked her to marry him and most importantly, if he loved her as much as he loved me, he could have Proposed to her long time ago and That he wants me to come home even briefly. (I still have a 3 years left here, my program is really long) I did some digging and saw the chic, she is older than me maybe 2 years and I think much prettier and classier than me (I feel kind of intimidated :-(, really cannot understand why this guy has kept on loving me).

 Well, he asked me a question if he breaks up with this "girl" what assurance does he have that I won't leave him again. I didn’t answer and didn’t feel like discussing his relationship, don’t want to get involved

-         Now readers, I really feel like a boyfriend snatcher right now,  I don’t know what to do, go home briefly or what? I really didn’t want to say anything when he talked about breaking up with the girl, I feel guilty but I have come to love this guy and guess what? I have been thinking about spending the rest of  my life with him. I am not ready to move finally to Nigeria except few weeks visit and won’t mind getting married even before am ready to move, but am wondering will this work? 

 Should I return his love advances? (We talk and mail everyday). There is no justification for breaking up with the other lady right now to my thinking. He loves me a lot and adores me so much, wants to meet my parents and sibling as soon as possible. 

 Ladies will I be doing anything wrong by going home to? What if he changes his mind out of pity for the girl?  How do I handle this?


  1. Hmmm. I'm speechless ryt nw. Jst pitying d oda girl bt finally, its his choice 2 make. I dnt evn tink u r rdy 4 him now sef. U r jst wishin 4 wht cld hv been. Gudluck wit dt

  2. Dear poster, you know what they say about not knowing the value of What you have till you lose it? I feel you were kinda keeping him as a back up plan cuz it was the moment you broke up with whom you were dating you remembered you had one suitor somewhere. My mum would tell me that if you like read cambridge, its a man that would marry you, its his name you'd adopt. Who says you can't go to school as a married woman? You know our biological clock ticks fast? Having said that, he waited for some yearS and since you kept rejecting him, he started dating someone else, now you kinda want him back. Am sorry but I don't think you know what you want. You had your opportunity and blew it, now he is happy where he is and you want to come back. Just let sleeping dogs lie and pray to God to provide your own husband for you!

  3. Anonymous7:44 AM

    Go for him, some people only get to feel this way once in a life time, he hasn't promised the other girl marriage abi?

  4. Well, U shud go back home and see what happens. There is nothing wrong there as long as he has not proposed to the girl. Me I feel when both parties are single, they shud be ready for anything...

    However, I dnt think U love this guy...(although it is better this way cos U can grow to love him) You like the idea of what he represents: a decent great guy who loves you. shikena. So I suggest you be very sure of ur feelings before U hurt him again cos this time, if it doesnt work out between you, you'll ruin him for the next girl.

  5. U sure u love dis guy or its just cause u feel u are getting old and u are still single and u need to marry?

    Its not like u even know him well enough,so he's just going to break up with someone he has been with for 9months just like that and be with you??.Hmmmmm,Men!

    Question is,how spiritual are u? Will sincerely advise you to pray about this guy and tell God to direct you on what to do.. No deceive yourself o,if u know say u no dey pray like dat, u can try a Real Man of God to guide u on what to do or probably join you in prayers or tell your mum (depending on your background sha)

    If he doesn't love d other lady enough to marry her,I think she deserves better.

  6. Anonymous9:22 AM

    Boyfriendf snatcher!that is exactly what you he will break up with a girl that did nothing to him so u can be be happy?may God 4give u.

    1. Anonymous11:25 AM

      @ 9.22am
      I really do feel like one seriously. No need to curse me please :-)


    2. miss j11:33 AM

      Painment...did she snatch ur boyfrend?lemme tell u sumtin u dnt know,its possible d present girlfrend is tired of d relationship cos d guy doesn't put in his all.he obviously loves sumone else n he's using her to kill time till d poster agrees...did dat tot cross ur mind?dnt be too hasty to judge others.
      D poster too has her faults bt she asked for advice nt to be called a boyfrend snatcher...sumtimes u dnt know hw it is till uve walked in dose same shoes

    3. Exactly how is she a boyfriend snatcher? If she's one, don't you think she will accept the guy straight up and encourage him to break it off with the girl? SMH
      Psoter,like Johnson said God really loves you. Methinks the guy loves you but my worry is your sudden feeling for this guy could be as a result of your age and the desire to get married before its too 'late' (I stand to be corrected). I suggest you pray about it, get to know him better, take things easy and allow nature follow its cause. If he's yours, it will definitely work out and the other girl will find her own man in due time.
      As long as a man has not put a ring on it and hasn't signed the dotted lines, he's still pretty much a fair game. All the best!
      God pls send me my own man who's not AS before the year runs out. AMEN!!
      AS is a biatch mehn. Dammit!!

    4. Anonymous1:43 PM

      Thanks Nekky,

      But are we not all human? when a guy shows you constant affection, you are bound to break and show him same affection. It is not about age, this is not to boast but I presently have suitors but this is different , I really feel different to be truthful. Am still praying about it. Nekky your own man will come sooner than you think.


    5. Anonymous10:04 PM

      Miss j and Nekky,e fit be you ooo! Make una no dey support anyhow o,miss j, say u dont know how it hurts until u walk in d shoes,hmmmm,whose shoes? D poster or the unsuspecting gf?...and Nekky,u say its a fair game abi,as long as he never marry u?...Make una dey try dey neutral in cases like this o.. God forbid,if such things happen to una enemy,una no go talk like dis o.. So make una free anon 9:22,na wetin dey her mind she talk so..

      Poster,u sure say when u come Nija and meet one correct dude dats crazy about u,fit ur spec and want to also marry you your sudden love for this guy will still stand?

  7. Johnson9:53 AM

    I can see that God really loves you and wants the best for you… the young man kept coming back despite your turning him down constantly.
    It takes much more than ‘love’ in deciding who to marry – you should be able to give more than 15 reasons why you want to marry this guy. This will get you thinking through what you want to get into. Ask him to do same for you – he should give you reasons why he had always wanted to marry you. Was it just a dream or he had been dreaming and had confirmations? Knowing who to marry is the first step – befriending the person is profitable!
    Take time to befriend/court this guy – you should know within few months if it’s worth it. And most important, bring God into the equation – He’s interested in successful marriages. Without Him, the foundation would be faulty!

    1. well said johnson

    2. @johnson I love ur way or reasoning wallahi!. @poster plz just go wit this. Be really sure u won't brake dis guy's hrt wen he eventually leaves his gf for u. Cuz from ur post I understood u began to think abt him wen he called bk to "Apologize". To me dis was wat won him ur love cuz u felt he is humbly to apologize., that's a virtue u know. Just be sure and seek God

  8. Anonymous9:56 AM


    1. Anonymous11:40 AM

      Third-ed--- if there is a word like this

  9. Pray to God for direction ..

  10. Hi WC family, this is off topic but pls I really love yam, but I got new yam thinking I can manage it, but its not like the normal old yam. Any tip on how I can cook new yam to taste nice, thanks.

    1. Add the yam to salted boiling water. You can add sugar instead if you want it sweet

  11. Well I think you should first ask your if you really love this guy, don't b'cos of loneliness run into marriage, there is more to marriage than wedding. Wedding is a few hour event, but marriage is a life time contract. It is good to be in a relationship with your friend and married your friend b'cos when the challenges of married comes it is the friendship that will hold you back. My advice is for you to take your time get along with this guy as a friend and get to know him better, if He is for you time will tell. Above all don't rush into marriage b'cos you may not get what you want at the long rund.
    I want to use this medium to invite you good readers of wive collection to my blog.

  12. Anonymous9:33 PM

    I fEel for his present gf.Chai! So that one will be faithful,hoping he'll marry her.then outta the blues, gbam! Chai! This life sha....

    1. Anonymous7:25 AM

      Abi o...hmmmmmm... Totally unfair

  13. Anonymous6:14 AM

    Boil the new yam, with a little quantity of water. So it doesn't get too soft when cooked. Old yam absorb water more.

  14. U do sound pretty decent and nice and one with a conscience, so it's not a case of boyfriend snatching, just like Mr Johnson and others have said, keep praying and be very sure it is this guy you really want, so you don't hurt him eventually and ruin him for the next girl...
    Do take care and remain prayerful..

  15. My dear,I was in d same situation as u are now! Tell u what,I evn accepted d proposal and called it off after he met my parents cos I met sum1 else I tot I'll last with. At some point he moved on but even d girl he started dating jst told him to find a way of getting me back cos he was totally not into her... On d other hand,I had issues with my "supposed bf" so I just like u,I started talking with him again and for once I really opened up my heart to really knw him... And guess what,he was just totally awesome and inless dan 6months he proposed and we r really happily married all thanks to God...we just sumtyms think we knw it all,but God's plan 4 us is alwaz 4 good...!!
    Just be free,open up ur heart,u dnt need to work hard to love sum1 its really effortless..ask him to do whatever his heart tells him,but be sure dat if he choses u then u've got to also make dat sacrifice 4 him..May God direct u

  16. What's with peeps calling the poster a boyfriend snatcher? Is it a guarantee that once you date a guy over 5months, he will marry you? Have you guys ever heard of rebound? This guy obviously doesn't love the present girlfriend and just hooked up with her to get poster's thoughts off his mind.
    Dear Poster, if you feel that way towards him and he has feelings for you, please, you guys shouldn't deny yourselves of having something beautiful, get to know HIM, take him seriously this time and see where this leads, if you run off, you might just end up being "the one that got away" and end up being a mistress to him when he finally gets married and that wouldn't be a good one.
    God bless you.

  17. Anonymous10:29 PM

    Dear Poster, listen to me very well.
    Number one, you must ask your self, do you really love this guy? Is it love you feel for him. Ask yourself why you love him. Can you spend your life time with him? Rate him in your mind, does he score more than 75percent? If the above answers are yes do not, I repeat DO NOT wait another moment to say yes to him. Say it right now. Call him or email him. Just tell him yes bcz he already had asked so many times. I will tell you that you are extremely lucky to find a guy who adores you and is ready to wait for you for years to say yes. If you both love each other then you know you won't be happy with any other person. As for his gf, that is for him to deal with. Don't tell him what to do. If he is matured, he would know what to do. I guess he is just waiting for you to say yes to him. Btw it aint boify snatching bcz he came to you.

    However, if you aint sure about your answer, or your answers to these questions are no, then please keep off once and for all. Don't break his heart again. Rejection don't feel good! This advice is for your own good too


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