|Three stone engagement ring - in yellow gold - 1791 Diamonds (Photo credit: Wikipedia)|
Am a young lady, just graduated from the university months
back, am afraid am a bit confused now and also having a failed relationship, am hurt deep within me, but eveN my family and friends don't seem to get what am goin through.
I dated my fiancé for 14months, then he proposed me, we started marriage plans, started marriage counselling in church as well, did d formal family introduction of both families January, and every other tin in progress, now my fiancé is acting strange, shouts so much @ me(though that is not new) he gives me frequent slaps and pushes me so hard, this can equate to battering. He says the am the cause of our quarrel, I take frequent calls from opposite sex, aunts Eya I broke my sim just so peace would reign. yet he doesn't see it as been enough. I try not to return his insults an just keep calm like zombie, he said he was fed up and have had it up to here..........in pains I told him I was too, he collected my diamond ring and threw it away, I left for my family house since I was only visiting as usual, it's been 2weeks now and he hasn't called yet.
Aunty what do I do? My parents are getting worried about the whole issue, asking what the problem really is, meanwhile there is a divorcée showing great interest in me and wants sumtin serious really fast, I told him about my fiancé and all the happenings lately.
Pls I beg you don't post to the blog, just your sisterly advice I seek. God bless you endlessly.
MY REPLY TO VINA
Hi Vina, I am so touched by your mail. There is no relationship without challenges. Is your fiance going through some kind of stress at the moment? What is the nature of his job? Does it leave him too tired at the end of the day?
Talking also about a woman's instinct, in all sincerity to your soul, are you suspicious of anything? Do you see things that make you feel like another woman is involved?
Sometimes, providing answers to questions have a way of taking us closer to the answers that we need. This is so touching, it is not too late, but also know that your case is still better than divorce after honeymoon. I am not saying that this is the end Linda, I am only telling you dear that whatever happens, you are better off with a broken engagement than a broken marriage.
From your description of how he treats you, do you feel sometimes like he has no respect for you? He could afford a diamond ring, and is fast at throwing it away. Is he rash in taking decisions? He may be able to give you all the comforts that money can buy, However, dear, the way he treats you, IS THAT HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED BY YOUR HUSBAND??
Vina, there is something I'd like to ask you dear, I know that you are hurting right now. there is so much pain in your voice. In all, remember to think about what YOU WANT AS A WOMAN, before thinking " what would people say?" Put *YOU* first at this moment, OK. Yes, your family is worried. Put what they think under your pillow, and for a second think about what you want and how you'd want to be treated. I do not condemn your fiance in any way, but would like you to know that after marriage, he won't treat you better than he is doing right now. He is educated, he knows that he shouldn't slap you, so, why does he slap a lady he should woo and respect? , It only gets worse after marriage sis.
For the divorcee ready to get serious with you, have you found out the reasons for his divorce? Do not rely only on what he tells you at this time. If there is any way you can do your findings, I encourage you to go ahead and do your findings first. He should not be in a hurry because right now your thinking and actions will be greatly affected by what you are going through. He should let you clear your head first Ok.
Deary, you know Aunty Eya is not a Marriage Counsellor, I am just trying to talk from experience.
If you permit me to put your mail on the blog, you will be shocked at the help you can get from responses and experiences of other women who may have faced similar situations and come out unhurt.
This mail can give you expert advice from Marriage Counsellors if put on the blog dear.
*All this will be in your past very soon OK."
**After this communication, Vina changed her mind and decides to share it on the blog in anticipation of advice from other experienced women.
What say you?
EYA: "Pls, pls, pls, I beg us all, do not let my Reply to Vina affect your judgement and comment. My Reply should not becloud your individual thoughts, otherwise, we end up going in circles and telling her the same thing over and over again.What say you?
Let your comment be what you felt after reading her mail. i.e What you thought before reading my reply to her. Thank you!"