|Photo of a female lying on a bed, listening to the radio. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)|
I am writing you because your blog has made me develop strong confidence in you and other women who read that blog. I am suffering so much depression, I want to be happy, I want my laughter to come from my heart, but this seems impossible. For the past one year, I have been so depressed that even
when I sit in church and praises are going on, I stand up and dance because everyone is dancing. The dance steps are forced, I try to act dance.
I have been married for 21 years, I married early,I had challenges initially, conception was almost an impossibility. It took my husband and I four years to be able to get pregnant. During those periods, my In-laws made my home a living hell for me. They come in unannounced and call me " a man married to their son" The Single Ladies in the family were my worst nightmare, they were willing and ready to give their brother a wife, who according to them, will give him a child within one year of marriage.
To the glory of God, I got pregnant without even knowing when, gave birth to my daughter, and just one year after that, I gave birth to my twin sons. Raising these three babies all at once was not easy but God saw us through. They are all in Secondary School Right now.
Eya, my purpose of writing is not to tell you about my family history, it is not to tell you and your blog readers about my three children. It is because life has become very sour for me. I need to talk, I tried too many times to talk with my husband, but he seems too busy and occupied with his job to listen to me. Even when he sits down and I am talking, I have a feeling his thoughts are very far away, I have to repeat myself too many times to make him understand what I am going through.
I hear that boys are difficult to raise. I have always felt like daughters are the sweetest when it comes to raising kids. However, what I am going through in the hands of my very first child is so different.
For all the years I waited to get Esther, all I get is rebellion, headaches and no respect whatsoever. If I had relented in anyway when it comes to Godly upbringing, I would have blamed myself. If I had been lazy with child discipline, I would have blamed myself. If I had failed as a responsible parent in anyway, I would have blamed myself. I left my Great Bank Job then, because I needed time to raise my children properly. I forgot about my good pay and was ready to manage with what ever little my stingy husband gave me. ( When I say Stingy, I do not mean that he is not a giver, My hubby is ready to give as much as possible to other people but not to me). I managed with the very tiny their Father always gave me, hoping that one day these children will grow up and things will change for me. My hopes are being dashed by what I go through in the hands of my girl.
Esther will prefer to lie down and sleep, or listen to music, or watch TV, rather than cook something to eat when she is hungry. Hates to do chores, hates to wash even her own dishes after eating. Cleaning the house can take her a whole day or even more. Washing pots is a no, no, no.
She talks back at me, at the slightest provocation, my daughter is ready to talk back even pointing her tiny fingers at me. I used to flog her I won't lie. Right now, at 17 years, she is too old to be flogged. I can't hit a 17 year old, I can only talk, when I try to correct her on anything, she begins to list things that she feels I too am doing that are wrong and as such I am not perfect.
She, eats and sends her younger ones to clear her plates, when they refuse, it is hell for them, when I try to intervene, she turns her anger to me.
It is as if I have no right to talk to my own child. When I raise my voice at her, she just walks out on me. When I try to ignore her and just live like she doesn't exist around me, I feel guilt as a mother.
My girl looks gentle and respectful outwardly. Every one thinks she is an epitome of a great child to have. No one really knows what I go through at home with a teenage daughter who hates to be corrected.
I tried my best to just bear it and pray and hope that things change. I tried to bring my husband in, but, he just doesn't have that time to listen to me. He behaves as if he sees nothing wrong. He tries his best to be friendly with the children. He neither shouts at nor scolds them. He sees nothing wrong with a child being naughty.
Right now, I am the bad one in the family. My children, especially Esther, feels like their Father is good, while their Mother is wicked or mean, just a bad woman.
I fear that my boys mat begin to copy their sister's character. I want her to be far from my son's so that she does not corrupt their good character. I wish I can send her to a home or any town far away so that I can have some peace in my life. While my sons can cook any meal they want to, they cook and even share with their lazy sister. I do not want them to change. I need advise from other women on your blog, please Eya,
Sister Eya, please, I beg you to post this for me. I don't know how to handle the situation in my family anymore, I am tired and need any kind of advise that I can get. If there is anything I am doing wrong, that is making my own teenage daughter to be this disrespectful, I want to learn and to change. I need help please!!!
Thank you Eya