My Less Expensive But Classy Nigerian Wedding

Well, there is no wedding video here. This is not about my wedding video, LOL!  It is about what I consider Less Expensive But Classy when it comes to Nigerian Wedding. It is also about what is “acceptable wedding” in the Nigerian Society.
In the past, Nigerian weddings were less stressful and cheaper. Then people wedded according to what obtained in their tribes. Then, the Aso-ebi was more of a Yoruba thing. The only weddings where people attended  in uniformed dresses were  those by The Yorubas. A bride and groom from another part of the country focused on what obtains in their tribes and just did that. 
Again the Aso-ebi was only used during the Church (white) Wedding. The Traditional Marriage Ceremony was usually conducted without friends of the bride and groom making Uniform dresses. The highlight is just the bride and groom who attend dressed in their traditional attires. The bride picked her ‘colors’ for just the Church Wedding alone. For the Registry and Tradition, guests were free to wear what ever they chose. 
The trend has really shifted, and shifted even more in our twenty first centuryNigeria, which is a
good thing because “change must come”. Right  Now, the term ‘Aso ebi’ is a general Nigerian word. I do not know what happens in the North, but for other parts of the country, Every couple choses an Asoebi, regardless of your tribe or Geopolitical zone. It is no longer a Yoruba thing. There is now Aso-Ebi in weddings of Nigerians  from The South-South, South-East and South-West. 
Aside from the use of Aso-Ebi in Nigeria, There is another trend, which is, Every couple Performing three types of Wedding. A Nigerian who is planning a wedding, does not just plan a one day wedding. Here, it is not a one day affair.It has to be planned to take two or even three days before the ceremonies are completed. A typical Nigerian wedding takes the form of:

  1. The Traditional Marriage performed in the bride Parents’ home. In some tribes, this must be done in  the brides village, in her Family Compound. Here, the Groom or his Parents  pay the bride-Price to the Family of his wife to be. A lot of items are presented to the bride’s family. The kinsmen are given whatever they ask for. In some tribes, a list of what is required by the bride’s family is handed over to the groom, whose responsibility it is to provide every item in that list, on the day of the Marriage Ceremony. The major thing required  by tradition is the Bride-Price. In some cultures, it is called the engagement Ceremony, as the Church Wedding is seen as the real deal.
  2. The Registry Marriage is performed after the Traditional Marriage. In many cases, this one is not very elaborate. On this day, the couple, their witnesses who may be their parents and sometimes a few friends drive to the Registry, sign the necessary documents and head back home. Sometimes there is no Refreshments after this, and  people are not very particular as they look forward to the soon-coming-elaborate-Wedding-Reception. I think that The Registry  Marriage may have been forgotten by now, if not for that powerful Certificate that comes with it.* I always wear a funny smile every time I see this “Paper” being handed over to the woman exclusively* (Why not the groom??) ha ha ha… For many couples, The Traditional marriage is usually fixed for Wednesday, The Registry  comes up on Thursday while Friday is left free To accommodate the Bachelors and Spinsters’ Night.  
  3. The Church Wedding by the Christians OR The Islamic Wedding by the Muslims.This is the one some people call The main the main. The Church wedding is the Highlight of all  three. This is the day every one has been looking forward to. The day of all days. It is a day full of activities. This is when the actual Carnival takes place. We all know what happens on this day, do I still need to talk about it. The day of ” I Better Pass My Friend dressing.” The day of all  assorted orishi rishi Aso-Ebis,  the day of great fun and excitement, the day for wearing dancing shoes, the day for all the bottom box and bottom wardrobe outfits. The Church Wedding can take the whole day. Especially when the Sermon is very long. On this day, it feels like a Carnival of some sort, it feels like no one is ready to leave.  It’s on this kind of day that I had My Great Fall
There is something quite different that I look forward to. The day I see this happen, is the day  I will smile to myself and feel like I have seen My Less Expensive But Classy Nigerian Wedding. I have not seen it before. Some couples may have done it, but as far as I am concerned, I have not witnessed it.
This Nigerian wedding I am talking about is the one that can successfully complete all three types in just one day. The one where the Bride and Groom will have just one day on the Invitation Cards. One day that takes everything from The Traditional African Wedding to the final White Wedding Reception. I used to know it only as the Church wedding not until recently that I learnt the other name ( white wedding) This name sef, me I no understand… Is it telling us that this is not a black man’s wedding? OR Is it called  White wedding because the bride wears  a White Wedding Dress???. Anyway, let me leave that matter for another day. 
Organizing and Spending on these three can be very expensive and stressful. In other cultures outside this country, Couples do just one thing and they are married. They perform just what is obtained there. I am wondering why it is different here. Why must couples do all three to be accepted as “Properly Married” Each one of the three types is Independent. None is a part, or a continuation of the other. So, why do we (Nigerians) have to do the Tradition, Church and Court before the Society can accept our union. In Schools, students are taught the three/four types of marriages in Nigeria. They are taught this topic in such a way that they begin to feel like anyone who does just one out of the three is not yet married. 
I have witnessed a wedding, where the couple just did the African Traditional Marriage, Invite their Pastor to the Registry where he prays for (blesses) the Marriage  and  off they go for The  Reception. Do you think that the only correct and acceptable thing here is having to do all three or four types of Wedding?

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60 thoughts on “My Less Expensive But Classy Nigerian Wedding”

  1. Hi Eya,
    It is strange how vastly different weddings can be in different country. The traditional church wedding here, used to be called sometimes a 'white wedding', was where the bride wore a white wedding dress, and that used to be the only colour dress you would see. Now people still get married in church in white dresses, but also other colours. I got married in a registry offece 46 years ago in a green suit and with my hair quite red. I don't think it matters what you are dressed in myself.

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  2. mmm this trend is killing some new couples with debt
    I often avoid 'carnival weddings' because I just feel like one of soooo many. I often choose to send the couple a present later. I no fit shout

    Regarding the one day affair…it makes sense but most parents wont like it because they often like the ceremony to be big – so their friends can take part

    Reply
    • Truth be told, you can do just one. Some choose Trad alone, while some others choose the Court Alone and yet other may choose the one done in a religious center. In each option, the is a marriage and is recognized by law, though whichever option you choose, it must be registered under law.

      Reply
    • Truth be told, you can do just one. Some choose Trad alone, while some others choose the Court Alone and yet other may choose the one done in a religious center. In each option, the is a marriage and is recognized by law, though whichever option you choose, it must be registered under law.

      Reply
  3. Nna thou shalt go bankrupt in the name of weddings in Nigeria though. Like I always say, I definitely live under a rock because I was blissfully unaware of the registry affair but at the rate we are going, the odds of you seeing a 'my less expensive but classy nigerian wedding' hmm…

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  4. I don't support going into debt for a wedding, but the truth is that as our taste differs so does our pockets. If people can manage the costs within their budget while doing what will make themselves and majority of their family and friends happy, that will be great.

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  5. Thank you for adding this here. It ought to have come in the post, so I do not look biased. Anyway, still in the learning process.
    Thank you Myne.

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  6. Do you know that Your marriage is older than this blog owner? Congratulations! Yes, these days I see beautiful wedding dresses in colors other than white.

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  7. Some new couples just have no option because they really have to make their parents happy.Parents want to show off to all their friends on this particular day.

    "Regarding the one day affair…it makes sense but most parents wont like it because they often like the ceremony to be big – so their friends can take part" – You make sense wella.

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  8. D rate of divorce cases leaves one with more than a 2nd thought on engaging in eloborate wedding ceremony.It scares me d amount mum and my sisters budget for ashoebi in anoda person's wedding. Leaves me wondering and panicking d bill dey'll give me when d time comes.
    Talk of d traditional wedding,my custom mandates some requirements to be met before d union can be blessed traditionally,and unlucky me,whose Dad as a traditional ruler have seen to d meeting of dis requirements by odas,I guess d whole village will be waiting with a long list of requirements when my time comes.
    Finally d Registry marriage,d mention of it alone scares me,feels like giving my wife confidence and reason to divorce me at will,I wish I can skip dat when my time comes,anyway I'll try and persuade her when d time comes. I prefer going to my priest when dispute arises than going to a lawyer who is bent on enforcing d law even though d heaven falls.
    To my future wife,I pray we don't expend our kids school fees on our elaborate wedding.

    ~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA3310

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  9. Hi Bonario, I no fit laugh, Not to worry, family helps with the financial burden. Just get ready for assorted asoebis. No fear o, payback time will surely come. ha ha ha. If the list is too long, come to my village. There, no list is required OK.

    The Registry is good Bonario. The Registry doesn't mean that you must go to the lawyer. Check out Brenda's comments above. She did it at the Registry 46 years ago. So, no fear. Umm Future wifey, hope you have heard!

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  10. Omo this new wedding trend isn't funny sha. When I read a comment on Myne's where someone said she used 7M,ma lips made a perfect 'O'.

    I want a weekday wedding. I don't know how am gonna achieve that when the time comes.

    I love love love the 'one-day fits-all' kinda wedding. The one I attended tho was just the trad and church same day.
    But,if its a thursday(like I want)I can have all three. Hahaha. With an evening reception!

    Ehen,why is the certificate given specifically to the woman?? Iv always wondered.

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  11. It's only if you have money you can plan a carnival-like event for wedding. Most ladies have their dream wedding all planned out but on the d-day it's money that decides

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  12. MY COLLEAGUE WENT TO THE REGISTRY ON THURSDAY….HAD HER TRADITIONAL ON SATURDAY FROM 8AM IN THE MORNING WITH JUST FAMILY MEMBERS…CHURCH WEDDING WAS AT 10AM AND RECEPTION FOLLOWED. SHIKENA…NO STRESS…

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  13. A weekday wedding is possible and Yes, you can have all three and crown it all with just one reception. #saving tinz. I love evening receptions, I love the lighting and the feel.

    I think the Marriage Certificate is given to the woman because we are very good at keeping important documents like that in a SAFE PLACE *wink*

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  14. I think it all depends on the people and their pockets,but I believe moderation in all things is wisdom. Thanks for coming by TESHUVA, do have a super blessed day!
    Love

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  15. I think a lot of couples go all the way because they are in some sort of secret competition to exceed what a friend, a colleague, or relative did. I do not believe in killing one's self just to have different carnivals in the name of getting married, while no thought has been spared to the actual day to day business of being in a marriage that is meant to last forever. I do not think there is anything wrong in doing all-traditional, church wedding, registry, but if the finances are not really there, please tone down the extravagance and do not go into years of paying back debts that were accumulated at the wedding. If we learn to be more real, and feel less pressured to impress others, I think this society would be a better place for everyone!

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  16. I got married on a Friday evening in September, 2002, and it was fun. We had to fight to have that day and time approved for us, but we were insistent, and we got what we wanted. It was simply unforgettable!

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  17. I have seen quite a number of quiet weddings with the extravagance only for the church wedding. Traditional wedding was more of a blessing/ritual with only close kith and kin invited.
    I know I cant do a carnival wedding. I just cant.

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  18. I have read all the comments and, No one has touched on whether it is possible to just do one, instead of all the three types of Marriages in Nigeria.

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  19. In Nigeria, we know how to take things that shouldn't be too important so seriously.

    I hardly buy Aso Ebi, and people ask who will buy mine when I am getting married. I say I will not sell, anyone that does not like it can jump inside the river. ANYONE.

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  20. @Ugochi
    @Unyime
    @Ginger
    @ilola, all protocols observed. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Yes one's pocket is the determining factor too. Trying hard to impress is one human nature that only God can save us from.
    Dear @ilola please buy a few from very close friends o. One thing you may not know is that even when you refuse to point at a particular aso ebi, your family may chose on your behalf.

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  21. serious topic oh!

    I have seen a very few weddings that stuck to their guests lists, warnings not to come without an invitation and bouncers! and they had beautiful beautiful small but beautiful weddings (people that will get offended will get over it)

    I am even considering destination wedding sef lol and def not in Nigeria, I think getting married back home is really expensive ..

    also, I could care-less about the trad but it depends on my future hubby too (since its both our decisions). I am not in for large crowds hence I picture my wedding to be strictly by IV but if my parents or his disagree they MUST pay for their own ideas.. shikena! (ermm I had to let it out)

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  22. Yes Debby I agree with you, but not when their pockets can carry o. You know pocket sizes are different. The pain comes when we try to over scratch the small pocket.

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  23. I think weddings are expensive all over this our planet o. It depends on how you want it. It's good you let it out. In Nigeria the Trad is very special you know. Something like honoring your family kind of.

    Abi, are you in any way trying to save him from paying their Bride Price? They will fight you o. Just kidding sha. After the marriage, you know that you are gone, so, let them enjoy that one Bride Price. It means nothing anyway, but some people see it as your final honor to the family.

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  24. My families are muslims but i pratise christinanty and i want get married a christain, how do i do the marriage ceremony?

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  25. eya,wedding has become a big affair that if you dont throw a big party you would be regarded as being poor.i m from an average home,i work with a salary of 100k,while my bofriend earns 260k every month we are planning on getting dis year both trying to analize how much would be needed for a wedding.

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  26. You can never please every body. Even if you make it a society wedding, some people will still look for reasons to call your wedding crap.

    Try not to delay your wedding because of funds. Plan a wedding that will still leave something in your pockets.

    Listen to the man. Do not try to pressurize him into struggling to please your girl friends. Happiness is more important than all o. Do what is convenient for you and HIM.
    In your shoes, I will keep a straight face and do what will not drain my husband and I.
    Block your ears to what you think people will feel. They ain't going to live with you and him.

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  27. Hi
    Pls I need some advice on how to plan my wedding. I wanna do both church and traditional weddings the same day but trad wedding as d reception. So can someone pls talk me trough on how I can do dat. Thanks

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  28. Princess, I think it is very possible. Very wise arrangement. You don't have to spend on a wedding reception. However, that also means getting out of your wedding dress and into the traditional attire on the very same day.

    A trado first in the morning with an evening wedding would have been great, but, that will cost you more except if the reception holds at the church premises.
    If you don't mind changing from your wedding dress and into the native attire, then it's very OK.

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  29. Is this white wedding of a thing a must?Cant one just go to the registry and come back to do the tradittional then receiption.this whole tripple thing is making it a burden and making guys to prefer a stressless girlfriend relationship to marriage,becos of the tripple party situation that is involved.when u do all this whole extravagant thing,you might not know but it keeps the young men watching at a thinking corner.pls lets make this things simple so that the level of spinsters will reduce.

    Reply
    • It depends on individuals. It's not a "MUST" You can invite your pastor to the registry to bless the rings and join you two in prayers before your few witnesses, that's after the payment of bride price if you are African. You are MARRIED.

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  30. Marriage to me is very cheap,we just happen to be the ones killing our self over it. in my place you marry off a woman with #20-1000 if them collect 10,000 nia b say the family won show dem self,and note you will still collect change because(they no dey pay bride price finish)they believed bride price is never fully paid,and also you can do it quietly or celebrate it and call the marriage registrar of that community,case close all u have to produce is drinks,yam,oil,salt,and a few. As for me oo i'll love my parents to accept my quite traditional and court wedding while i give them their its my turn church wedding (why becos my mom has attended so much weddings and print so-verniers that ours can't be as quite as we want).. ahahahaha our parents eh,It is well

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  31. Well…planning a wedding is on individual bases. I can't have a wedding and end up puting my guy in dept. How expensive a wedding is depends on the bride, up to 80% if not more.
    As for me, a quiet bride payment gathering with only immediate family and then a white wedding, with a brief reception.

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  32. Eya could you please help me out I need to plan my wedding for Dec. With a budget of 500k. I'm confused on what needs to be done

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  33. I've never been a fan of huge weddings. A registry wedding in the morning and a traditional wedding in the evening with a pastor's blessing. Less stressful, more intimate, more pocket friendly.

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  34. I need an advice please, how can I plan both my Church and traditional wedding with N400,000 I am getting married to a yoruba lady from the western Nigeria. I will want the both traditional and. Church. Wedding to take Place on the same day.

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  35. So I have to start thinking of planning my wedding. I'm getting married to an American and he's also white. He's super excited about a traditional wedding. I just want to know if we can fuse both traditional and western i.e. the white wedding together?

    Reply

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