Emotional Separation can come in even when partners are still living under one room. It is to be physically present but emotionally absent. Emotional Separation is Physical divorce waiting to happen! It is a situation where a couple are no longer friends but "frienemies "or competitors or permit me to say " room mates."
Emotional Separation is a situation in a family where a husband and his wife only try to get close and talk just because the children are around, once the kids, guests or other family members depart, the couple coil back into their individual lives waiting patientlyfor when a knock on the main door will bring them together, for that particular moment.
In any relationship, whether a marriage relationship or any other human relationship, once the people involved become emotionally withdrawn from each other, then there is no relationship. What is remaining is just a show that is unrealistic and cosmetic. When people begin to fake, just to make others think that "all is well" then they are truly separated because it is not about what people think, b It is about what we truly feel right inside of us. What gain is there, when people say that you are the best, and in you, it is false? There is no benefit in making people believe what is not true. Do you know why I say so? It is because we can never lie to ourselves. There is no true happiness with being deceptive. When we deceive, it tends to hurt even more. All the effort put into trying to paint a lie is always wasted, and should rather be put into a profitable thing like finding the cure for a troubled relationship.
Imagine that you have a big sore on your leg, which is kept covered with clothing. In a short while, the stench from this sore will begin to drive away even your closest people without your knowledge. However, if you are bold enough to talk with and confide in a Doctor about your problem, then the sore is already half cured. What am I saying?
What I am trying to explain with all this long talk is, that the amount of energy put into trying to hide reality, if put into finding a cure, then, that emotional separation is half cured.
9 SIGNS OF AN EMOTIONAL SEPARATION:
- You do not feel excited when you see your partner or when s/he walks in unexpectedly.
- You discuss or sit close only when other people are around you.
- You just have arguments and disagreements about almost every topic.
- You prefer to be in separate rooms even though you are together.
- It is more fun when you go out separately.
- You get irritated by his/her words and actions.
- You just wish that he keeps making trips that keep him away from home
- You truly do not want to get a job in the same town. You want a job to be the excuse that will keep you separated. "Seeing on holidays or weekends is manageable" you think to yourself.
- You have nothing to talk about if it is not about the kids, or reporting and talking about other people.All or some of these signs in a relationship is a WARNING SIGN! Sometimes, if we do not try to get a cure early enough, things can get out of hand. Yes! But again, even when you feel like there is no point trying because it is late. There can still be a cure. You only need to discover the cure. Do you even try? have you given up on trying because it seems you are the only one interested in getting the cure? Or, is it that you have tried everything and nothing seems to work?The truth I can tell you today is that there is a cure that you still need to discover so, do not give up on that relationship yet. There is one thing that I strongly believe in, and that is that the success or failure of any relationship depends mostly on us the women. You have a right to disagree, and I can tell you why I feel that way.Women are very emotional beings, we can be really committed to whatever we truly believe in. Go round the numerous worship centers in Nigeria, compare the number of women to men. Most times, it is the search for the truth about life, or the search for a solution to one life problem or the other, that brings people to worship centers. It is actually about a search for "SOMETHING" That thing could be physical or spiritual. It could even be the search for true happiness, peace and Joy. People do not leave their houses to go sit at the different worship centers just for fun, neither do they do it because they do not have something to do with their time. It is always a search that leads them there and you will agree with me that the number of women is always always more than the men. I do not know about other places and different parts of the world. What I see in my country is a case of more women actually seeking to know the truth than the men. With this, we should be convinced that women are actually the ones who most times struggle to make it work.
Although a few men actually work hard to keep it going, but women take an upper hand when it comes to seeing to it that a marriage relationship works out successfully.
As humans, we all have three basic needs in common and these are:
- JoyWhen these needs are met, there is a feeling of fulfillment, and life is sweet. At any point in time that any of these needs is not met, we feel empty and disoriented. The way you long to see that these are met is the same way your husband does. True happiness in life revolves around just loving and feeling loved. Having peace that goes beyond the physical, having a feeling of deep serenity, a feeling of an undisturbed mind, a kind of peace that overwhelms your whole being and you feel completely calm both inside and out. When happiness is long lasting in you, then you have Joy. Momentary happiness is different from a feeling of happiness that is seated right there in you and makes you glow, and clears away the-frown-and-sad-facedness.I can just go on and on, but, I'd rather go straight now to the cure.THE CURE:What truly works and does not disappoint is consistent sacrifice!Do not stop here please. Read on... SACRIFICE has never failed me and I am sure that it won't fail in your case. Nothing is impossible. If you are ready to do anything to make it work then read on. However, if you want to see it work but not with much effort from you then you can stop here.
To sacrifice the three common needs that we all have is like the most difficult thing for anyone to do. You have tried everything, but have not yet tried this one thing which is the most difficult. "Quit being needy and begin to sacrifice even more" It is a very tough decision to make, that is why I said that it is only for "the wife that is ready to give it her all to see that the emotional separation in her marriage is healed."
YOU do need need to announce your decision to anyone, your actions will definitely begin to open doors. What are those things that you expect him to do? You begin to do them cheerfully. Leave out the ones that are beyond you, but cover every area that is not beyond you;
- He does not take you out, fix a date and invite him out. Inform him politely and cheerfully ahead of time.
- He does not buy you presents, begin by looking for what you can afford, even if it is a jar of shampoo for men, or a nice pedicure set for his nails, or fancy slippers to wear around the house, or some new Pajamas, or some anti perspirant for his armpits. Start somewhere and consciously continue without asking for anything or acting like you want something in return. When you sacrifice, do not ask for anything. Just focus on doing your part.
- He is always reading newspaper or using his computer without talking to you, make yourself available by sitting close to him, without trying to interrupt or nag. Just sit and let him sense that there is a presence around him. Do not look busy because he is busy. Be available constantly, and observe for a while, you will begin to see a difference. Remember it is not automatic. Sacrifice and patience go together.
- Begin to send him text messages describing the delicacy you have prepared for him. Men love good food! That description will stick in his head and he will find an excuse to return home early.
- If the kids are all grown and gone, Try spending quality time together in a different environment, If you can afford it, why not book a weekend in a hotel for just the two of you and invite him.I will advise that you do the invitation first before the booking. This outing has a way of rejuvenating. Yes!
- Have you paid for his lunch before? or is it about him giving while you are constantly on the receiving end? Take him out for lunch this weekend or next and ensure that you foot the bills. Take him where you can afford.
- If you feel that he is too loud, then start by monitoring and controlling the tone of your voice when you speak.All those little things that you wish he does, begin to do them. Sacrifice your comfort for him, sacrifice your joy for him Sacrifice all, I mean all and like a "boomerang" You will reap the harvest in a short.while if you do not give up.Have you ever prayed? Pray about your relationship, I mean heartfelt prayer without distraction. Pour out your soul in words, communicate with your God and let him see your openness. Tell him what you cannot dare say to anybody, talk like you are discussing with your father.Start the sacrifice now! I mean right at this moment, give it your all and try your best to avoid wanting something in return. Do your best and do it constantly.Constant sacrifice is the cure for emotional separation in any relationship. Do not let ego come in your way, just begin to give it your best and do so selflessly. It is very very difficult I must warn you, but it does WORK.