In marriage, what you sow is exactly what you reap. This may not be true all the time, and may not be true for all marriages. In African marriages, the husband remains the head of the family. The wife and children are his. Every husband prays to have a good wife by his side, some of us women do not know the qualities of a good wife. Many of us do not even realize that we are created with these qualities inside of us, we do not need to download or install them from anywhere. All we need do is activate that part of our being and see our marriages being rejuvenated.
In African Marriage, during the marriage ceremony, elderly women, friends and family of the bride are called in toadvise the bride to be. One thing in common is the advice to be a good wife, to honor the husband. The people who volunteer to advise do not fail to remind the woman that her husband (the groom) is the head, and that she should submit herself to him, cook good meals for him and ensure that he is happy in life.
I strongly believe that to be a good wife is to make the man happy. The man's life should not turn into an unhappy one after marriage. If a rather happy and bubbly man suddenly or say gradually becomes depressed and unhappy after marriage, it doesn't speak well of his wife. Below are a few tips to guide us as we continue in our marital journey and the quest for happy marriages.
- Be Supportive of Your Husband: In case you do not agree with him at any time, respectfully let him know. Support your husband at good and not so good times. Cheerfully go along with him through thick and thin. Even when you do not approve of his behavior or action in public, do not try to correct him in public. Be patient with him and wait till you get home before registering your approval in a polite manner.
Try to avoid the temptation to gossip your husband to your friends. You just cannot be more loyal to friends than the one you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. Women sometimes just enjoy talking about their husbands and it is not wrong to talk about him but, do not let the discussion degenerate to a point where you start saying things about him to friends.
Always know that most people who say things about their husbands do not say the truth and cannot own up later. You may be doing better than him in business or financially, that does not make you the head of your household and it doesn't mean that your husband submits to you.
Be supportive of his projects and make him feel like he actually has some one watching his back rather than feel like he is living with his enemy.
- Be Pleasant To Him: We should always treat our husbands the way we would love to be treated. If you do not like how he treats you, then take a close look at how you treat him. How do you welcome him home? is it with a smile or a kind of face that reminds him that you had an argument before he left the house. Do you look neat and presentable? Do you smile when your eyes meet or you turn your head and walk away.
Listen to him talk, especially after a hard day's job, the best you can do for a man is to give him a listening ear.As a result of stress from work, what your husband is saying may not make sense to you. Anyhow, just make him feel like someone is listening.
Watch the tone of your voice when you talk with your husband because sometimes it is not what is said that is the problem, but how it is said. The way and manner in which a wife says the word sorry can mean that she is sorry or mean that she doesn't care much. The tone of your voice conveys the message.
- Treat Him With Respect: Those who give respect will surely get respect. Treat him with respect where ever you are. You may be age mates, that does not mean you treat him with contempt. Make him feel proud both at home and in public.
Make him feel like he is important to you. Always try hard to boost his ego and not deflate it. Most of us women treat our bosses with much more respect than we can give our husbands, it shouldn't be.
If the respect you give to your boss is greater than what you give your husband, then sit back and think of what you want for your marriage. Not that we start answering "sir" to our husbands like we do to our bosses, but treating them like we value them, like they mean a lot to us.
Women, we can really talk, but any woman who has respect for her husband will not pour venom from her mouth at him at every opportunity or annoyance.
In African culture, even talking back at your husband when you are angry is seen as a form of disrespect. It is advised that the woman keeps quiet and talks or explains at a time when tempers have cooled.
- Communicate With Him: Do not take any major decision that affects your family without consulting with him. Be honest with him and do not try to keep secrets from him, I sincerely do not mean that you start telling your husband that you committed ten abortions before meeting him.
There is nothing wrong with telling him everything, however, study his temperament before you start pouring out some things and use your God given wisdom to know how to choose words. What is wrong with telling him that you had may relationships before meeting him rather just talk carelessly. Communicate wisely.
Careless talk or unwise Communication should not be the cause of your separation or divorce. Communicate with his feelings and emotions at heart. Do not let your communication be the cause of your husbands heartbreak. Always make yourself available for discussions, not whenever he remembers something he wants to share with you, you are far away in the kitchen, your room or minding your own business. Find time to sit with him even if there is nothing to talk about. Sit there and you will just remember something or a topic will just crop up that will lead to other topics of discussion.
Do not call him names. Do not make your arguments or fights a matter of public discussion. Settle the matter and try as much as possible to forget the past.
Do not keep reminding your.husband of his faults. Do not complain about him to other people. You may not know this, but I tell you, there is no perfect marriage anywhere on this planet. No two marriages can be the same. Every marriage has it's challenges, and the couples you really love are those who have taken time to work on their marriages on a daily basis to just see that they succeed.
I always say that successful marriages are made. They just do not happen automatically. It is possible to build your marriage to your heart desire. Do not forget the place of communication in your marriage. Do not push him to go look outside for confidants.
- A man needs his space: Do not prevent your husband from going to hang out with his friends. Marriage doesn't mean that he throws away his friends.
Marriage does not make him a lesser ,man. Give him some personal space sometimes. There are times a man just wants to keep his brain busy, to be quiet and meditate.
Ensure that you give him some space when you sense that he needs some quiet moments. Learn to trust and do not begin to imagine things whenever your husband is with his friends. Trust is very important. Do not make him look like a weak man before his friends. Even if he does all of your chores for you, it is not proper to start sending him on errands When his friends come visiting.
Do not try to occupy their whole time in your home. Excuse yourself for some minutes as if you are very busy in the room and leave them alone. Let his friends feel free, and at home when they come visiting. Give them their "Boy's Time Out" and you won't regret it.
- Sexual Intimacy: Make your husband happy in bed. Do not deprive him of that happiness so that you do not push him to look for it somewhere private. Make him happy in bed.
Do not wait for him to do all that is to be done. Be active in bed. You are not just an immovable object. Make him happy and satisfied. Introduce new things in your bedroom. If you do not know how to make your husband happy in the bedroom. Then there are some videos that you need to watch.
They are not videos that I can recommend for anyone especially family people. If you still need some lecture on how to keep your husband happy in the bedroom, then you should know where to get some help when you go to shop for your Videos. Watch with him and please remember to discard after you have learnt some tips, especially if you have kids around the house.
Watch, memorize some scenes to use with him, then destroy them immediately. I hope you understand me! Always try to give people what they have never gotten and cannot get elsewhere, and they will come asking for more.
- A Clean Home: Maintain a clean and welcoming home. How do you feel when you come back tired and then enter an untidy house. Keep your home clean and tidy.
The children's toys should not be every where on the floor, Their books should not occupy sitting spaces on the seats. The bed should not be a mountain of used clothing. It should not be a kind of bed that one has to push some things aside before lying down.
Treat your husband like a king and he will most definitely treat you like a queen. How do you prepare the house when you are expecting an important guest? Do that when you are expecting your man home.
Finally, fellow wives, take special care of your appearance. Be hygienic. Smell good at all times, even if it means using anti perspirant three times a day or more. Use hand sanitizers after cooking because sometimes even after bathing, that tiny smell of onion, smoked fish, crayfish or dinner will still linger. Hand sanitizers have a way of leaving the hands smelling fresh and healthy. Do not let your hair smell bad especially during hot weather. Wash and change hairstyles often.
Dip your fingers in your hair while in the bathroom, smell it and if it doesn't smell good then know that you have been stuffing your husband with that smell every night.
No one is perfect. We can all try our best all the time to build happy marriages. An unhappy husband will leave his wife unhappy. To be happy in our marriages, let us try to make our husbands happy men. In case you feel like your marriage has gone beyond repair, there is a book I will Strongly recommend for you. It does wonders if only you follow the instructions. This book is: Winning Your Husband Back Before It's Too Late. By Gary Smalley and another great book: The DNA Of Relationship By same Author. When you read these books by this marriage expert, meditate on them and try to follow instructions. You will practically see the change you wish for in your marriage. I read his books a lot and can recommend them anytime because following his directives has not failed me, not at all.
Be happy, it is possible to create happiness for yourself. No mortal man can give you the happiness that you so deserve, and desire to have. Don't get into the habit of over seriousness and a frowning face. Look cheerful because your face is the mirror to your soul and every body reads you through that face. Try your possible best to maintain a good relationship with him, Ok?
Cook good meals for him. Make your meals better and healthier than what he eats at work during break time. Do not let him form a habit of eating out just because he cannot enjoy what you cook. If you need to learn a few Nigerian Meal recipes, then GO HERE