Saturday, July 14, 2012

True Beauty and me

Beauty has to do with what I see and admire, it has to also do with what pleases the senses. When I look at a woman and like the sight, then  she is beautiful.
Beauty to me is what I like, whatever shape, color height, size so on, If I like it then it is beautiful. When I dress up and I am going out, if I like my outfit, and  can smile at myself  in the mirror, then I am beautiful. However, when I put on a dress with all the necessary accessories,  I look in the mirror, and do not like what I see there, then I will not feel beautiful in that  particular outfit.

Jewelries, all kinds of accessories, nice shoes, great bags and gorgeous outfits are great and can boost confidence. However, they cannot make me feel great if I do not like the person in  the mirror, or do not smile at that woman looking back at me in the mirror.

I do not really need compliments to know that I am, or to feel beautiful. Once I am confident in whatsoever  is on me before stepping out of the house, I glow, even without a word from anyone.

There were times in the past that I changed my hairstyle after a day or two, with reasons being that  no one
commented or asked about who the hair stylist is. I do not know why but it was just a kind of feeling I had that if no one says anything about your appearance or a piece of accessory, then your look is not acceptable or does not conform to the norm of society or women in general.

Changing an outfit because it did not generate or earn  compliments is something I know that I am not the only woman  guilty of. Can you remember the pair of shoe that you put away and stopped using because none of your girlfriends had even noticed it on your legs. What about changing your hair dressing salon or a particular hair stylist because every time you go there to make your hair, you come out, and walk with ears wide open to hear compliments or even whispers about it, yet you don't even catch another woman stealing glances at your hair.

We give away some dresses and shoes sometimes, not because we really do not like those items, but because no one complimented our look the day we wore them.

  My friend gave out her very good skirt suit to another student friend of hers, she looked very happy giving away the suit, we were all happy as she gave it  in my presence. The receiver of the dress felt loved and was very appreciative. After this young lady left the house, I also was getting ready to leave when she brought up a talk about giving away dresses that one really would love to continue having. At the end of this discussion, I realized that she wasn't really happy about giving out her beautiful skirt suit. She then told me that she gave it to Anna because there is no time anyone had complimented her look in that particular dress.

 She went on to say that it is one of her very few dresses that she really likes, but cannot continue to wear something that no other woman likes. LoL! I had a good time laughing at her , first, for being a great pretender by smiling and cheerfully giving away that dress, and secondly,  for believing more in other people's compliments than in herself.

 Before I left her house, I composed my own definition of true beauty. After explaining to her why I felt that she depended on others to feel beautiful, it then dawned on me too that there is one who never lies about my appearance, one who does not lie about my dresses or outfits to make me feel happy.
That special one, I then realized is the mirror on the wall. Always right and never a hypocrite.

I have told myself something, and that is ... too many compliments could just mean that something is not right. When you make your hair or put on a new attire, and the compliments are too many, pinch yourself back to life and force your mind to become suspicious. Find a way to check yourself again and you know what?
something could just be wrong. It could just be that you have ended up entertaining some people with your new style. If your reason for putting it on was not to entertain the public, then check it again. Sometimes people, especially adults, do not say the truth because they do not want to hurt your feelings, they do not want to ruin your enjoyment of the wedding, party or whatever ceremony you are attending, so they'd rather enjoy themselves by complimenting, making you feel good while they get a good laugh.

Even you have found yourself in a situation where you are not comfortable with someone's outfit but cannot tell them because you do not want a reaction that will leave you regretting or better still, because you cannot afford to see them in a bad mood.

A well dressed lady walked past my younger sister and I on our way to this small market not far from the house. She is well dressed for an event I guess, but the only thing not very OK about her outfit is the  blouse/top. She wore her top the wrong side out. We both noticed it and I actually wanted to call her and draw her attention to it, but my sister won't let me. Her reason being that we may not be able to take her home to change the top, and that once this pretty woman discovers that she is wrongly dressed, she may not be able to move an inch from where she is standing. My sister convinced me to save the lady the embarrassment and let her see it herself when she is home. I actually reasoned with my sis and let her be. Ignorance is bliss!

Back to what I was saying before, Do not depend on compliments to feel great. Do you like what you see in the mirror, then carry go!

 There is one little thing that we may all be guilty of, woomeeeeen, there are times you do not really like or let me say that  your confidence level is not 100%, You are not sure if you like what you are seeing in the mirror, but because the outfit is new, has never been used and you spent a fortune to get it. You know that if you do not put it on today, then you may never wear it again, so you try to do something that will encourage you not to change. You look for a confidence booster by asking adults  questions like... how do  I look? Don't you know that no adult will want to hurt your feelings? I can tell you that everyone will say that you look great! Be careful! follow your mirror o.

One thing I do mos of the time  is ask my girls how I look before going out. Kids can really really be BLUNT! They just say it the way they feel. They have no diplomacy at all when it comes to telling how one  looks.

Before asking them, I set my mind open for anything. They have told me before that my shoe is ugly, they have also told me that my make-up is not fine, they told me once that the dress looks too young for my age and the truth is that I felt embarrassed by them. Yes. 
After washing with my bare hands one day, using a lot of detergents 'cos I did not want to use bleach on the fabric, my fingers looked wrinkled and white. Immediately after the washing, I dressed up to go out and when I  asked the kids how  look, the youngest was the first to reply by saying that my hands look ugly like a great great grand- mother. They all laughed when she said that, and added by saying " but seriously mummy she is right" Do you know  that I was actually washing their clothes. They went on to say that they liked my dress but do not think that the shoe and dress have an agreement.

I was happy they said their truth, but not happy because the truth can be bitter to swallow a times.
Again, about women complimenting fellow women. When I like what I see, I say it, and sometimes  try to inquire to know where to  get the exact outfit. Sometimes, a woman will not want to make another feel better than herself, so, she will rather keep the compliments to herself while stealing glances. Imagine asking that kind of person about how you look, asking some one that already feels that your look is taking her shine. She will make you feel good about what is not OK, so that, you do not cart away all the good compliments.

Again, "NO COMPLIMENTS" from anyone could mean that you are above board. When you look so, so, good, it has a way of making others uncomfortable when they look at themselves.  In that case, do not expect compliments. If you liked what you saw, then keep your head up high. If you are not very sure, go into the rest room, look at the mirror again. The mirror is the woman's "best friend",

When the mirror compliments, but your friends refuse to say something about your good looks, your great outfit or your nice hand bag, then YOU JUST MIGHT BE COMPETITION. I said so!
"No compliments" could just mean that you killed it! and no one is ready to make you feel better than her.

Insecurity can make a woman begin to depend on what another person says to feel beautiful. No body is more beautiful than you, I can only compare my beauty to anyone if we are identical twins. Every other person looks good  in his/her own way. No body should even look at another human being and say that she is ugly. NO, she is not. The only problem she has is discovering what works for her, and not trying to be like another. No one is ugly, the only difference is that while one has discovered the dress styles that flaunt her best, another has not. While one has discovered the make-up tricks that make her face glow and her cheek bones rise, another hasn't. While one has discovered that wearing heels make her walk elegantly, another is yet to discover that wearing flats make her walk briskly and gracefully. So True beauty comes when a woman finds out what really works for her body type and practices that constantly. True beauty comes when we stop trying to be like our very tall friends while our heights are not the same

Do not buy that short skirt because it made your friend look sassy, it may just succeed in making you look fat and short. The wrapper on you may just be what works for your body type. When every woman will discover and practice constantly, what works for her as an individual, is when the whole world will come to the realization that every woman is actually beautiful.

Some times, you see someone in a particular dress and you shake your head, do you know that if she wore something different, styled her hair differently and used a different shade of make-up, you could have just nodded. A particular foundation or face powder that makes one woman look smooth and spotless may just make you sweaty and uncomfortable.

True beauty for me like I said, is the discovery of you and what works well for you.  Not just  the knowledge, but constant practice and letting it become a way of life.

4 comments:

  1. How true! Beautifully written, sister!

    Hi! I'm a new follower of your lovely blog.
    Have a blessed Sunday!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you Veronica. you are welcome to wives townhall connection.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Great post, nice Blog!. im ur newest follower i guess.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks Kemmy. Yes you are.

    ReplyDelete

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