Saturday, July 28, 2012

How to get over a Failed Relationship

According to Dalai Lama,
"When we fall in love with someone, we are essentially experiencing the love that was within us all along.The person is merely acting like a mirror, reflecting our soul back to us."
If there is  a falling in love, then we must accept that there should also be a falling apart. One thing is sure in this life, and that is , that every relationship must come to an end.If circumstances of life do not end a relationship, then death will definitely do that. Always have it in mind that no relationship will last for ever. The truth is, it is either now or later.
 When there is a break up, we should not think that our happiness is taken away because, honestly,
 no one can give you the happiness that you truly deserve.

It can only be got by complete love and acceptance of self.

A break up is one of the most depressing and painful things in life. This is because when we fall in love, it takes over us completely. If you have fallen head over heels in love at anytime of your life, you will agree with me that even the smartest of men and women do some stupid things when they are truly in love.

Falling in love goes beyond the physical, it goes right to the bones and the soul. That is why a failed relationship can really go a long way to affect the whole being. It affects you physically, and pierces right into the deepest soul, it penetrates again into the heart and just grabs the heart, and like a sharp knife, it tears it up and goes on to forcefully break it into two like a boiled egg that hits the floor

The feeling of being in love, and feeling accepted, loved and appreciated can change even a superhuman.  When that feeling is shaken, it is like a powerful storm that shakes a building right through its foundation.

I love it how when I talk about something, my mind has an automatic way of just taking me back to remember even the experiences that I have long forgotten.

While still at school, I had an opportunity of witnessing firsthand how a fail in a relationship can lead to self destruction if not handled with care.
In my first year at college, a beautiful, fair, slim and not so tall lady gains admission into a department not far from my hostel. It wasn't a very big college back then , so almost every student of a particular year got to know themselves. 

For today, I will prefer to give her another name, um.... I call her Jane. 
Jane resumes school, and while still in our first semester at college, she starts to date a  lecturer in her department. Because the place was still small and just developing, the news was all over the campus. Students enjoyed gossiping about Jane, it was our hottest topic back then.

They dated first, second semester, and then we move to 200 level and fresh students come in. New students resumed before returning students and apparently, when we resumed back on campus for our first  semester year two, Jane senses that her date lecturer has become a little bit too friendly with a new student.  Their frequent arguments made her suspicious of the fact that he is looking for a reason to break up with her and be with the new "beauty with brains."
All of a sudden, just a week to our mid-term break, we return from our campus fellowship on a Sunday morning to hear that Jane is on admission at the Saint John's Hospital not very far from campus, so, I was among the first students who rushed to see her at the hospital. 
What I saw shook me to my marrows, maybe, that is one reason why I can't seem to forget that incident. Jane was lying down, with her left hand covered in white bandages, and kind of suspended so that she could not move it. She looked kind of sedated and could not really recognize us, so , we just sympathizes with her and returned back to school.

At school, the story seeped in through her friends who could not help but tell their other friends and everyone got to know what led to her being on admission at the hospital.

Apparently, they had a fight or call it a disagreement, and Jane decides to avoid her date for a few days. this Sunday morning is when she makes up her mind to forgive him and go for a reconciliation, or a talk, or just say to sort out their differences. She gets to his house, he is not in at that moment so she heads into his bedroom to see if he is still sleeping. He is not at the bedroom either, but there is someone still sleeping and this lady is the new student she has suspected all this while. 

Jane heads into the kitchen, picks up a knife and the story had it back then that she attempted to slit her wrist, but may be, could not go as far as harming her body that much, so, to further prove her love for him, she stabs her hand between the shoulder and the elbow. Until we left school, that scar was still noticeable every time she wore a short sleeve.

He meets her bleeding and screaming,  "I will kill myself before you embarrass me in this little town." She was rushed to the hospital by him. Although their relationship continued for the three years that I spent there, however,  we met again after some years. We bumped into ourselves in a supermarket, and she is carrying this cute chubby 5 month old baby boy, walking beside her is this tall and muscular dark looking man, her husband. ( NOT THE LECTURER). We chat a little and she whispers to me that the lecturer is  also married to a different lady. 
The fear of a breakup made her do something not very wise, I can say. If not properly handled, a break up can lead to self destruction.

No one should see a break up as a rejection. Try to look at it as a failed relationship rather than  a rejection. 
So much pain is experienced when love is lost, it is a part of the human nature. It is natural and very OK to feel intense pain. There is nothing wrong with wetting the pillow with tears over a failed relationship.

Sorry, I always tell you my blog readers that I am not patient with reading long blog posts, so I guess there are people like me who prefer it short. I also get bored typing long posts. I am not a fast typist. Can we break this post and take the conclusion to the next post please. 

Before I move on, I will like to begin that post here, by saying that;
 you try as much as possible not to be in denial, especially if he broke up with you. Do not try to pin yourself down expecting that he may change his mind and come back. I have some great books that you need to read, written by world renowned authors, and I will recommend them on the next post.


  1. Hello,
    There is one relationship that can last forever if we enter into it. It is a relationship with Jesus Christ, the Son of God. It is a relationship which surpasses all other relationships.

    1. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Anonymous4:23 PM

    Hello Joy, I totally agree with Brenda. Let us also remember that feeling rejected is a term you use to label yourself. if you see yourself as not good enough, that you have accepted it. If a relationship ends, don't bottle it inside, let the pain go and give yourself the chance to heal. it isn't easy but always remember that you're good enough for someone else AND please always cherish yourself.



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